Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[mrs unicorn]

we're on cycle #2 TTC and I am in such a bad mood today. I've been tracking af since coming off the pill 5 cycles ago, and have O'd on cd13 each time. This cycle we were away on O day and I didn't sleep so temp was out and couldn't do opks at the right time. Now I have no idea if i O'd at the right time - I def have as I've had my O cramps. I know it's only our second cycle but man this is hard. I am constantly thinking about it. I just want to be like 'well the window has passed so whatever will be will be' but I can't!! It's so hard having to behave like you are pregnant just incase, but also trying not to obsess about it. I can't just forget! Just want it to happen quickly coz I cannot bear the thought of being like this for months on end. Sorry it's so negative, I always try to be positive on here but needed to vent today. x

 

[ABmommy]

Mrs. Unicorn don't apologize for venting. That's what this is here for and I know we've all felt the same frustration at one point or another. I'm sorry you weren't able to temp or use opks at the right time. Were you able to get in bd'ing around your suspected O day? It's ok to have a bad day just try to stay positive! You aren't out until the witch shows.

 

[mrs unicorn]

Thank you, ABmommy. Actually had a few tears reading that don't know whats wrong with me, I'm not normally this emotional! It's stupid, it's only our 2nd cycle and I'm not actually out just yet. We did bd around my suspected o day, but if I o'd late the last time would have been 2 days before. Slim chance it might be close enough I guess.

How are you doing? Noticed that our cycles are similar, and I'm planning on testing around the same day. x

 

[ABmommy]

It's not stupid it's normal!! Last month I cried over getting the wrong cheese with my pizza delivery.... Emotions can be crazy, I understand. Sperm can live up to 5 days so you still have a chance.

AFM I'm trying my best to keep my mind off of it. Trying to not symptom spot I'm only 2dpo so have a far way to wait until I test.

 

[Elfgirl87]

I just need to vent for a minute. My husband and I have been trying for sometime to have a baby. I had a chemical back in July and can't seem to get my body to O again. Meanwhile, his brother and his wife just had a baby. The baby is three months old and she's pregnant again! They live in a horrible place and can't really afford to kids. I broke down crying when I found out. I couldn't help it. I want a baby now lol. I'm waiting to see if I finally O this month. My friend at work just got pregnant too. Right after being on bc for six years. Life isn't fair sometimes. Why can't the people that really want babies have them?

 

[lesondemavie]

Ok time for a PMS-fueled rant about PMS. My anxiety flared up today, so I called DH just to hear his voice. He told me to maybe take a walk to get some fresh air, and I started tearing up. Life is good. Work is good. There's no reason for anxiety or crying...but this happens during my tww every time. It makes me feel so silly and weak. I was on bcp for 2 years with almost no withdrawal bleeding, zero PMS, and zero cramps. Since going off, it's all back full force and I hate it! Every cycle that goes by, I cringe just thinking about having to go through it all over again...and then that fear that it's just not going to happen and I'm going through all of this for nothing creeps in. Hopefully I get a BFP or at least just get used to this rollercoaster again soon. *sigh* at least it's temporary...time for some yoga and a warm cup of tea.

 

[mrs unicorn]

I just need to vent for a minute. My husband and I have been trying for sometime to have a baby. I had a chemical back in July and can't seem to get my body to O again. Meanwhile, his brother and his wife just had a baby. The baby is three months old and she's pregnant again! They live in a horrible place and can't really afford to kids. I broke down crying when I found out. I couldn't help it. I want a baby now lol. I'm waiting to see if I finally O this month. My friend at work just got pregnant too. Right after being on bc for six years. Life isn't fair sometimes. Why can't the people that really want babies have them?

It is so hard when people around you have the thing you want the most! Take for example my facebook this morning - one birth, one upload of 12 week scan and someone complaining about their 3 month old not sleeping enough. And it's like that every day. We are still early on in our TTC journey but I've been ready for some time. I try to tell myself 'you have know idea of the ins and outs of their TTC journey' It could have been more difficult than you think. No one I know got preggars straight away, infact everyone is very cagey about how long it actually took. All we get is 'didn't take too long' and that's fine it's their business, but if we are told 6-12 months is normal it could well have taken them that long! Allow yourself to get angry and upset though, come on here and have a chat or a rant. Tomorrow will be better

 

[mrs unicorn]

Ok time for a PMS-fueled rant about PMS. My anxiety flared up today, so I called DH just to hear his voice. He told me to maybe take a walk to get some fresh air, and I started tearing up. Life is good. Work is good. There's no reason for anxiety or crying...but this happens during my tww every time. It makes me feel so silly and weak. I was on bcp for 2 years with almost no withdrawal bleeding, zero PMS, and zero cramps. Since going off, it's all back full force and I hate it! Every cycle that goes by, I cringe just thinking about having to go through it all over again...and then that fear that it's just not going to happen and I'm going through all of this for nothing creeps in. Hopefully I get a BFP or at least just get used to this rollercoaster again soon. *sigh* at least it's temporary...time for some yoga and a warm cup of tea.

Hi leson, hope you are feeling better today. It's easy to get bogged down with it all. I go through the same thing each month and beat myself up about it. Like you said, life is good so why am I getting so upset. Blame the hormones not yourself!! At least you are continuing yoga, since TTC I've given up all kinds of exercise which I know is bad, but I just can't be bothered, too emotionally exhausted, even though I know it'll make me feel 'better'.

 

[Elfgirl87]

I just need to vent for a minute. My husband and I have been trying for sometime to have a baby. I had a chemical back in July and can't seem to get my body to O again. Meanwhile, his brother and his wife just had a baby. The baby is three months old and she's pregnant again! They live in a horrible place and can't really afford to kids. I broke down crying when I found out. I couldn't help it. I want a baby now lol. I'm waiting to see if I finally O this month. My friend at work just got pregnant too. Right after being on bc for six years. Life isn't fair sometimes. Why can't the people that really want babies have them?

It is so hard when people around you have the thing you want the most! Take for example my facebook this morning - one birth, one upload of 12 week scan and someone complaining about their 3 month old not sleeping enough. And it's like that every day. We are still early on in our TTC journey but I've been ready for some time. I try to tell myself 'you have know idea of the ins and outs of their TTC journey' It could have been more difficult than you think. No one I know got preggars straight away, infact everyone is very cagey about how long it actually took. All we get is 'didn't take too long' and that's fine it's their business, but if we are told 6-12 months is normal it could well have taken them that long! Allow yourself to get angry and upset though, come on here and have a chat or a rant. Tomorrow will be better

You're right and I see baby pictures every day on facebook too so I honestly try not to go on too often right now haha. Here's the kicker about my husband's brother though. He and his wife were using protection apparently and she still got pregnant! And with a three month old baby. I can't vent to my husband cuz it's his brother but I'm glad I can come here! I know it might take time to get conceive, I just of course want it to happen now!

 

[mrs unicorn]

I just need to vent for a minute. My husband and I have been trying for sometime to have a baby. I had a chemical back in July and can't seem to get my body to O again. Meanwhile, his brother and his wife just had a baby. The baby is three months old and she's pregnant again! They live in a horrible place and can't really afford to kids. I broke down crying when I found out. I couldn't help it. I want a baby now lol. I'm waiting to see if I finally O this month. My friend at work just got pregnant too. Right after being on bc for six years. Life isn't fair sometimes. Why can't the people that really want babies have them?

It is so hard when people around you have the thing you want the most! Take for example my facebook this morning - one birth, one upload of 12 week scan and someone complaining about their 3 month old not sleeping enough. And it's like that every day. We are still early on in our TTC journey but I've been ready for some time. I try to tell myself 'you have know idea of the ins and outs of their TTC journey' It could have been more difficult than you think. No one I know got preggars straight away, infact everyone is very cagey about how long it actually took. All we get is 'didn't take too long' and that's fine it's their business, but if we are told 6-12 months is normal it could well have taken them that long! Allow yourself to get angry and upset though, come on here and have a chat or a rant. Tomorrow will be better

You're right and I see baby pictures every day on facebook too so I honestly try not to go on too often right now haha. Here's the kicker about my husband's brother though. He and his wife were using protection apparently and she still got pregnant! And with a three month old baby. I can't vent to my husband cuz it's his brother but I'm glad I can come here! I know it might take time to get conceive, I just of course want it to happen now!

What?! How does that even happen, it baffles me?! I sometimes wish we had had an 'accident' then I wouldn't have ever had to endure a TWW. Why was I so good at remembering my pill for 14 years?! Haha!

 

[BookGeek]

I am so pleased to have found this forum, and this thread specifically! I'm starting to feel like I'm running off the rails over here, going crazy with my inability to get pregnant, and I feel guilty that my poor DH has to bear the brunt of my venting.

We are coming up on our six year wedding anniversary, and due to our jobs we have only been able to actually been TTC since this past spring. We are now past ovulation in cycle 9, and I think I'm making myself sick with wondering what next week will bring.

My sister got married over the summer, and as much as I wanted to get pregnant quickly, I also didn't want to say anything if I got pregnant before she got married, because I knew she was sensitive to the fact that one of her other bridal party women was. Then I hoped I'd be pregnant to be able to tell DH for his birthday in the summer. Then I hoped the same thing for my Dad's birthday. Then I looked forward to being able to tell people when I hosted Thanksgiving and had both sides of the family all together. But every single month has brought a BFN and I've cried with the arrival of AF. I've been wanting to have a baby and be a mother for years, and this is the first year I've really been able to try, and I feel like every single lesson taught in high school health and at church has lied to me. It's not easy. It won't just happen. And even when everything lines up the way it's supposed to, there's no guarantee.

Spending time with my friends who have kids is hard. My goddaughter is almost three and I love her to bits, but I haven't been able to bring myself to make the four hour drive to visit her and her parents (who are very dear friends) since this summer because she now has a twin brother and sister that I'm afraid to meet. Other friends tell me stories of how they decided to get pregnant so they went off BC and boom, two months later they were. I hate hearing them tell me it wasn't supposed to happen and they were only changing brands of BC or had just decided to stop trying because of a change in job status. I especially hate the ones who tell me how it took three whole months the second time when the first one was on the first try. I hate most that my best friend just told me she's now 16 weeks along when she only told me in July that she was thinking of trying with her boyfriend and she smoked and drank heavily but was able to make it happen so quickly while I'm sitting over here in the corner eating healthy and keeping fit and desperately wanting it to happen for me too.

I spend the two weeks every month between ovulation and AF being hyper aware of how tired I am, how hungry I am, whether I'm breaking out more or less than normal, not having a glass of wine in the evening after a long day at work. I talked to my primary care physician during my annual check-up back in October, and she said since I'm only 29 (and therefore not over 30) that I could talk to her again once I had been trying unsuccessfully for over a year. That leaves me almost four more months before she's willing to talk to me about it again and just that thought it enough to make me want to cry.

Most of all, as disappointing as it is for me personally every month, what I hate most is the look of disappointment on my husband's face every time he asks and I have to tell him no. I know what there are lots of people who have been trying for longer than I have, and that my personal story is nothing new, but that doesn't stop it from hurting any less.

Wow, that ended up being a lot longer than I meant it to be. I'm sorry if that was especially and annoyingly excessive.

 

[ABmommy]

I'm on my phone so can't respond to everyone's posts right now but will try to get on my laptop later to do so.

I just want to say one thing right now - DO NOT say sorry for venting. That's what this thread is here for. We're here to support each other, lift each other up when one is down. We're internet friends and what else are friends for? Keep your heads up ladies.

 

[lesondemavie]

UPDATE: Feeling much better now. I looked back at my charts and I get a spike in anxiety and a mood swing 3 dpo, and then I'm back to normal by 4 or 5 dpo. It's like clockwork every cycle!! I researched it and I guess that 3 dpo is right around when estradiol reaches its lowest levels. Estradiol is responsible for higher concentrations of feel good neurotransmitters (NTs) like dopamine and serotonin, so when it dips so do these NTs which can in turn affect mood and anxiety. Estradiol starts to rebound and return to moderate levels around 4-5 dpo. Right on track with my mood. I still hate the feeling, but at least now I can expect it and know that it won't last long .

I'm extra geeking out here, but the loads of creamy CM around 5 dpo always gets me thinking that I might have early signs even though it's probably too early. It's been driving me nuts since I've had nothing but BFNs. I always dry up a bit 1-3 dpo and then rebound around 4-5 dpo. Looking at it, I thought it was odd that it followed my newly found mood pattern. Turns out estradiol is also responsible for changes in CM. Low levels = scant or sticky CM, Mod levels = creamy, High levels = ewcm. It all matches up and I love it!

Bright side of all these BFNs is I feel like I know my body better than ever. Cheers to hopefully a BFP, but if not at least learning something new each cycle.

See you all again when I have my next mini-meltdown around 3 dpo next time ...if I don't get a BFP that is...

 

[mrs unicorn]

UPDATE: Feeling much better now. I looked back at my charts and I get a spike in anxiety and a mood swing 3 dpo, and then I'm back to normal by 4 or 5 dpo. It's like clockwork every cycle!! I researched it and I guess that 3 dpo is right around when estradiol reaches its lowest levels. Estradiol is responsible for higher concentrations of feel good neurotransmitters (NTs) like dopamine and serotonin, so when it dips so do these NTs which can in turn affect mood and anxiety. Estradiol starts to rebound and return to moderate levels around 4-5 dpo. Right on track with my mood. I still hate the feeling, but at least now I can expect it and know that it won't last long .

I'm extra geeking out here, but the loads of creamy CM around 5 dpo always gets me thinking that I might have early signs even though it's probably too early. It's been driving me nuts since I've had nothing but BFNs. I always dry up a bit 1-3 dpo and then rebound around 4-5 dpo. Looking at it, I thought it was odd that it followed my newly found mood pattern. Turns out estradiol is also responsible for changes in CM. Low levels = scant or sticky CM, Mod levels = creamy, High levels = ewcm. It all matches up and I love it!

Bright side of all these BFNs is I feel like I know my body better than ever. Cheers to hopefully a BFP, but if not at least learning something new each cycle.

See you all again when I have my next mini-meltdown around 3 dpo next time ...if I don't get a BFP that is...

I love that! I've just gone back through my moods by DPO and I tend to have low moods at 3/4 DPO - I only tend to put moods in if I'm really anxious/low/teary or super happy and energised!) am going to try and keep an eye on cm from now on to see it if matches!

 

[BookGeek]

So I got up the courage to visit my goddaughter and her new baby brother and sister this weekend. I'm really glad I did! They're a sweet little pair of peanuts! What I'm here to vent about now is the text I received from an aunt as a result of a picture of me holding them and sitting with my goddaughter. She asked for my address before bringing up the picture and saying "how natural" I looked with babies in my arms and asked "when are you going to start". I'm not exactly advertising to various extended family members all the details of TTC, but hearing the comments that insinuate I'm not trying or that I'm hiding a pregnancy from them. ::sigh::

 

[DBZ34]

So I got up the courage to visit my goddaughter and her new baby brother and sister this weekend. I'm really glad I did! They're a sweet little pair of peanuts! What I'm here to vent about now is the text I received from an aunt as a result of a picture of me holding them and sitting with my goddaughter. She asked for my address before bringing up the picture and saying "how natural" I looked with babies in my arms and asked "when are you going to start". I'm not exactly advertising to various extended family members all the details of TTC, but hearing the comments that insinuate I'm not trying or that I'm hiding a pregnancy from them. ::sigh::

I feel you on the comments....

I have an aunt that used to tell me I looked pregnant or "had a glow about me" and that was before we even started TTC. When I denied it, she would ask if we were trying or planning on trying soon (which was totally not her business, so I never really answered). It went on for years. It only stung worse when we were TTC and weren't pregnant.

After I told my mom about my struggles, she spread it to the family (and some random people I don't know but apparently had assisted conception experiences) and my aunt stopped saying stupid crap to me. Which I am ever thankful for. Not that I wanted everyone to know my TTC struggles, but it's nice not having them make comments about babies to me.

Sorry you have to deal with the comment though. It sucks, no matter where you are in your TTC journey.

 

[cat973]

I've been stalking these ttc threads since March. I always said to myself that I'd post as soon as I got my (grr starting to hate this term) BFP so I could reassure everyone else that 'it will eventually happen'. Ah how the universe loves to hear our plans...

I know that compared to many women I haven't been trying that long. I do. But I just don't see, after nine consecutive months, how next time is going to be any different. Surely if it was going to happen and it could happen it would have one of the nine times we tried already? Why wouldn't it have happened if it could?

My OH is pretty useless on this stuff too. He doesn't like being 'pressured' so if we get to BD once after the OPK turns positive, it's a good cycle. He also flat out refuses to consider having a sperm test to check if everything's ok as 'it's just not possible that it's not okay'. Seriously.

I. Just. Hate. My. Body. I can ovulate anywhere between day 15 and 20, so go through packs of ovulation sticks and I spot for days before AF ('maybe it's implantation bleeding this time and not normal spotting! Oh my temperature's really high! Oh how exciting! Oh...wait...no...never mind'). I have had every 'symptom' known to man - from the most obvious - ovary twinges, cramps, sore breasts - to the most ridiculous such as dry lips or tingling teeth (little experiment for anyone who's not tried this - think of any physical ailment, no matter how obscure, and type it into Google followed by 'pregnancy symptom'. I guarantee that you will find multiple threads on sites like this with women swearing that they had this symptom in their BFP month).

This month I did everything I could to thin out my CM before ov as I never get EWCM and I'm a bit worried about it. I drank my weight in water, took lots of Evening Primrose Oil and that Mucinex stuff the TTCers on the American boards are always talking about. And still, up until 24 hours before ovulation I was dry and sticky. Then on what I now know was the day OF ovulation, I had a sudden gush of watery fertile CM that lasted about 3-4 hours while I was at work. But it was gone by the time I got home and OH wasn't up for it anyway because we'd done it the night before and he was feeling the 'pressure'. Seriously. I get 4 hours max of ferile CM in an entire month? How exactly am I supposed to work with that? How much more effort can I make? I am trying EVERYTHING.

Sigh. I hate my body and I hate this process. I hate it. It's making me really unhappy.

 

[Elfgirl87]

I've been stalking these ttc threads since March. I always said to myself that I'd post as soon as I got my (grr starting to hate this term) BFP so I could reassure everyone else that 'it will eventually happen'. Ah how the universe loves to hear our plans...

I know that compared to many women I haven't been trying that long. I do. But I just don't see, after nine consecutive months, how next time is going to be any different. Surely if it was going to happen and it could happen it would have one of the nine times we tried already? Why wouldn't it have happened if it could?

My OH is pretty useless on this stuff too. He doesn't like being 'pressured' so if we get to BD once after the OPK turns positive, it's a good cycle. He also flat out refuses to consider having a sperm test to check if everything's ok as 'it's just not possible that it's not okay'. Seriously.

I. Just. Hate. My. Body. I can ovulate anywhere between day 15 and 20, so go through packs of ovulation sticks and I spot for days before AF ('maybe it's implantation bleeding this time and not normal spotting! Oh my temperature's really high! Oh how exciting! Oh...wait...no...never mind'). I have had every 'symptom' known to man - from the most obvious - ovary twinges, cramps, sore breasts - to the most ridiculous such as dry lips or tingling teeth (little experiment for anyone who's not tried this - think of any physical ailment, no matter how obscure, and type it into Google followed by 'pregnancy symptom'. I guarantee that you will find multiple threads on sites like this with women swearing that they had this symptom in their BFP month).

This month I did everything I could to thin out my CM before ov as I never get EWCM and I'm a bit worried about it. I drank my weight in water, took lots of Evening Primrose Oil and that Mucinex stuff the TTCers on the American boards are always talking about. And still, up until 24 hours before ovulation I was dry and sticky. Then on what I now know was the day OF ovulation, I had a sudden gush of watery fertile CM that lasted about 3-4 hours while I was at work. But it was gone by the time I got home and OH wasn't up for it anyway because we'd done it the night before and he was feeling the 'pressure'. Seriously. I get 4 hours max of ferile CM in an entire month? How exactly am I supposed to work with that? How much more effort can I make? I am trying EVERYTHING.

Sigh. I hate my body and I hate this process. I hate it. It's making me really unhappy.

I completely understand! It's so frustrating when you see signs and think this is your month but then AF comes. My DH and I have been trying for about a year too and it's so frustrating when each cycle comes and goes. I've nailed down too that I have long cycles and sometimes don't even ovulate. Bodies are frustrating! How can people who drink, smoke, do drugs, and are unhealthy get pregnant easily and we healthy people who want babies can't? It's truly not fair. I wish you the best and maybe this cycle you'll get your little bean! I'm still trying to figure out if I did O at all lol.

 

[DBZ34]

I've been stalking these ttc threads since March. I always said to myself that I'd post as soon as I got my (grr starting to hate this term) BFP so I could reassure everyone else that 'it will eventually happen'. Ah how the universe loves to hear our plans...

I know that compared to many women I haven't been trying that long. I do. But I just don't see, after nine consecutive months, how next time is going to be any different. Surely if it was going to happen and it could happen it would have one of the nine times we tried already? Why wouldn't it have happened if it could?

My OH is pretty useless on this stuff too. He doesn't like being 'pressured' so if we get to BD once after the OPK turns positive, it's a good cycle. He also flat out refuses to consider having a sperm test to check if everything's ok as 'it's just not possible that it's not okay'. Seriously.

I. Just. Hate. My. Body. I can ovulate anywhere between day 15 and 20, so go through packs of ovulation sticks and I spot for days before AF ('maybe it's implantation bleeding this time and not normal spotting! Oh my temperature's really high! Oh how exciting! Oh...wait...no...never mind'). I have had every 'symptom' known to man - from the most obvious - ovary twinges, cramps, sore breasts - to the most ridiculous such as dry lips or tingling teeth (little experiment for anyone who's not tried this - think of any physical ailment, no matter how obscure, and type it into Google followed by 'pregnancy symptom'. I guarantee that you will find multiple threads on sites like this with women swearing that they had this symptom in their BFP month).

This month I did everything I could to thin out my CM before ov as I never get EWCM and I'm a bit worried about it. I drank my weight in water, took lots of Evening Primrose Oil and that Mucinex stuff the TTCers on the American boards are always talking about. And still, up until 24 hours before ovulation I was dry and sticky. Then on what I now know was the day OF ovulation, I had a sudden gush of watery fertile CM that lasted about 3-4 hours while I was at work. But it was gone by the time I got home and OH wasn't up for it anyway because we'd done it the night before and he was feeling the 'pressure'. Seriously. I get 4 hours max of ferile CM in an entire month? How exactly am I supposed to work with that? How much more effort can I make? I am trying EVERYTHING.

Sigh. I hate my body and I hate this process. I hate it. It's making me really unhappy.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. TTC is SUPER stressful, no matter how long you've been at it, and if you factor in a DH who isn't up for BDing when it's needed, that just makes it that much harder.

Good luck!!

(Edited because....well, it's the vent thread.)

 

[cat973]

Thanks for all the suggestions, that's really kind of you. Thought I knew everything by now, but never heard of the cinnamon thing! Will give it a go