Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[DBZ34]

No problem. I'm glad something in there was helpful.

I totally didn't realize I was on the vent thread, though. lol! I thought I was over on the TTC #1 thread, which is why I unloaded all the advice. Sorry....

 

[Jenn95]

Venting.

So annoyed today! I have been ttc #1 for over 2 years now, going on 3 years! I just want a little bundle of joy soo badly! I am tired of walking down the street seeing moms with their babies and praying it was me. The thing that makes me most upset is something that happened recently!

A friend that I have known since kindergarten I recently found out is pregnant. We have always been close but the past 4 months or so she has been pulling away and not really talking to me. I thought I did something, made her upset or mad maybe. But I gave her, her space. Come to find, yesterday another friend of mine I invited over to hang out, and my friend (who is pregnant) came up. She said to me "Yeah life is crazy, and I can't believe Macy is pregnant". I instantly starting crying. Not because I'm not a mom. Not because I'm jealous. Not because I wish it was me instead. But because a friend I have known for 15 years didn't feel like she cloud tell me she's pregnant. I spoke to her today. She said she feels sorry for all the issues I have had ttc and that she ended up being pregnant on her second cycle. I was so upset. This is my best friend, and she didn't tel me because she felt pity for me and that I wasn't going to be excited, but upset of her news. She's a great woman and will be an AMAZING mom! I'm so extremely happy for her but so sad that she felt she couldn't tell me.

Sometimes I feel so alienated... Like I'm so different... Like something is very wrong with me. Why can't I get pregnant? Maybe I'm not meant to be a mommy Anyway, I'm sorry for blabbering but I really needed to get that off my chest!

I'm wishing all of you ladies luck on your current cycle or cycles to come to all!!

 

[Erin6714]

Hi Jenn- first of all, I'm new to this particular thread. You'll find me on the TTC #1 Buddies thread asking questions and sharing new experiences, usually new bodily functions lol, but I digress. I was reading your last post, and though I haven't been ttc as long as you have (only 5 months) I think that I understand but in a slightly different way.

Two of my best friends got pregnant on accident, unmarried and unplanned and they are both very understanding when I discuss my issues about ttc, but I find myself thinking. "No, you DON'T understand anything. I AM married. You don't know what it's like to know that you're ready, to know that it's time for this to happen to you and not have any control over something you want so badly" It makes me want to talk to someone else about these things. They may have had it forced upon them unexpectedly and had to struggle to get ready and be single moms now, but THEY GET TO BE MOMS. In a way I feel alienated too...but I feel like I alienate myself sometimes. I love them both and one of them, I'm the Godmother to her daughter now and I love my Goddaughter to pieces, but sometimes it's hard to listen to them talk about their babies. Sometimes I get so angry at the situation, not them, that I distance myself so they won't think that I AM angry at them. I know that it must have really hurt when you realized your best friend couldn't share something so important....but bottom line is it's such a touchy situation and as women we know how emotional we can get it about it and I'm sure she just didn't want to rub it in your face.

With me and my best friend of 11 years (my goddaughter's mother) this is the first thing I've felt uncomfortable talking about to her and its because its THAT important. Its THAT big of a deal and your friend just knows that. You're not a bad friend and you didn't do anything wrong to make your friend distance herself. I hope you were able to talk it out and maybe get on the same page about things.
I worry that if I continue to have troubles it could become too painful to be around some of my closest friends, watching them raise their babies and have 2nd babies, and it kills me that I feel that way.

 

[Jenn95]

Hi Jenn- first of all, I'm new to this particular thread. You'll find me on the TTC #1 Buddies thread asking questions and sharing new experiences, usually new bodily functions lol, but I digress. I was reading your last post, and though I haven't been ttc as long as you have (only 5 months) I think that I understand but in a slightly different way.

Two of my best friends got pregnant on accident, unmarried and unplanned and they are both very understanding when I discuss my issues about ttc, but I find myself thinking. "No, you DON'T understand anything. I AM married. You don't know what it's like to know that you're ready, to know that it's time for this to happen to you and not have any control over something you want so badly" It makes me want to talk to someone else about these things. They may have had it forced upon them unexpectedly and had to struggle to get ready and be single moms now, but THEY GET TO BE MOMS. In a way I feel alienated too...but I feel like I alienate myself sometimes. I love them both and one of them, I'm the Godmother to her daughter now and I love my Goddaughter to pieces, but sometimes it's hard to listen to them talk about their babies. Sometimes I get so angry at the situation, not them, that I distance myself so they won't think that I AM angry at them. I know that it must have really hurt when you realized your best friend couldn't share something so important....but bottom line is it's such a touchy situation and as women we know how emotional we can get it about it and I'm sure she just didn't want to rub it in your face.

With me and my best friend of 11 years (my goddaughter's mother) this is the first thing I've felt uncomfortable talking about to her and its because its THAT important. Its THAT big of a deal and your friend just knows that. You're not a bad friend and you didn't do anything wrong to make your friend distance herself. I hope you were able to talk it out and maybe get on the same page about things.
I worry that if I continue to have troubles it could become too painful to be around some of my closest friends, watching them raise their babies and have 2nd babies, and it kills me that I feel that way.

Thanks so much Erin! I always find comfort in the ladies on this site. I know that I'm not the only one who has fertility issues... it just feels like it because no one in my life (friends, family etc) have fertility issues. So just like you said.. No, they DON'T understand what it's like! I wish I could get pregnant "by accident"... but the sad thing is myself, you, other ladies on here can't even get pregnant when we TRY! We can all eat the right things, exercise, take vitamins, etc.. and yet we still have trouble. I'm happy for my friends and family members that have children... but sometimes I find my self asking.. "why? why can't I have a baby?" and I feel guilty feeling that way...but its so hard to see on Facebook every other day pictures of their babies and how their growing. I just want the same thing so badly. I can only pray it will happen one day. This is cycle 35 now.. and I am 2dpo. This cycle I started clomid for the first time ever and an HCG trigger shot. So I am praying hard that it works this cycle. If I could have just one baby my life would be complete! I would be the happiest woman on the planet! I'm hoping you and I get our BFP's soon!

 

[BookGeek]

I'm back for another vent. I have very regular cycles; twenty-six days every single time. And then, suddenly, I was two days late. Then four. Then five! But when I woke up on the sixth day, AF had arrived with a vengeance. The only silver lining that that I had a doctor's appointment that evening to discuss my fertility problems, and being able to tell them everything helped with moving forward now that I've been trying for an entire year with no success.

While I'm dealing with all of this privately, a new lady started work in my office. She is eight months pregnant. So while I'm tentatively optimistic as each days goes by without AF, I look at her and think maybe we'll be friends for shared experiences. But now I look at her and am just reminded of how I'm not pregnant and it just seems to make my cramps and general moodiness even worse.

It's enough to hard to come to work every day and pretend that everything is fine without trying to get to know the new woman in the office and be forcibly reminded of what I don't have.

 

[Mary J]

Hi everyone

I'm new to babyandbump but it looks so lovely and welcoming that I just had to join!!

I've been really really struggling this month ttc #1... It's the first month that we've made a really good go at it! BDing every 2-3 days all month from the day AF finished

I deliberately haven't been using OPKs this month because I found they would make me stress more with their hard to read results and I can't afford digitals sadly.
So I just thought we'd make a really good go of it naturally, try and take it easy.

However, I am know CD23 of 28/29/30, suspected 8/9/10 DPO going from cm and feelings only...
I am still getting bfns. I have got this idea in my head that I haven't ovulated this month even though my CP said otherwise!

I have mild PCOS but always have regular periods now so doctors said it shouldn't affect my ttc too much... I used to be underweight but I am now at a normal weight and have been having regular periods every month ever since.

anyway - I haven't had any AF signs, I normally would by now at least have lower backache... but I haven't had anything! Boobs are larger and definitely more sore than usual and I'm feeling emotionally drained today - doubt this has anything to do with it though.

I also just have this feeling that this month isn't our month as I assumed that if it was, I would have some intuition that so many people that get their bfp's seems to have! I just feel like I'm out because I don't have it at all.

Please someone giveme back some hope? I'm feeling so frustrated and down in the dumps today about it all after ANOTHER BFN this morning!

 

[lesondemavie]

It's not true that we all have intuition! My BFP cycle I was certain I was out. I had BFNs 7-9 DPO and on 10 DPO my temp dropped so I didn't even bother. I cried my eyes out, bought a book and a new thermometer and more opks, and I wrote my first entry in my journal. I decided to test that afternoon just to be sure I could drink, and to my shock there were two lines! You are never out until the witch gets you

Fx to you

 

[Mary J]

It's not true that we all have intuition! My BFP cycle I was certain I was out. I had BFNs 7-9 DPO and on 10 DPO my temp dropped so I didn't even bother. I cried my eyes out, bought a book and a new thermometer and more opks, and I wrote my first entry in my journal. I decided to test that afternoon just to be sure I could drink, and to my shock there were two lines! You are never out until the witch gets you

Fx to you

That's really helped, thank you so much!! I ran out of FR today too, I did just have to test with CB plus and ic's that we all know can be bad news...

I've got more coming Monday, maybe I'll be able to get some sort of answer then!

Thank you for your help though xxx

 

[Rein]

I just need to vent here. I'm afraid I may not be ovulating!

I went off of BC around October and we started sort of "trying" in November. As of yet, nothing has come of it. My AF for the past few months has been brown blood. I get cramping, but bright red blood only trickles only when I go use the washroom.

I bought 3 ovulation test kits from Dollarama (I don't want to spend money on the more expensive ones, at least not right now!), and I'm in my supposedly most "fertile" part of my cycle (I think this is day #4 or today is supposedly my most "fertile" day) , but those ovulation tests keep saying that I'm not! I know that it's possible that I'm ovulating much later in my cycle, but I can't help but fear that I'll never see those two bright sticks saying that I am.

My friend got pregnant almost one month into trying and after being on BC. It seems so unfair sometimes.

To top it off, I have OCD and bad anxiety. I didn't even sleep last night. So I have to worry that my anxiety maybe affecting my cycle!

 

[yaga]

Hi to all the wonderful women out there !!!

I am new to this forum and this is my first post.

This is my first month TTC actively. Though we had unprotected BD for the past 3months but we never did during the fertile window. So this is my first month TTC.

The TWW has been very stressful for me, especially the past 3-4 days I have not even spoken with my DH , other than a Yes or No. The stressful part is that Im not able to vent out my feelings to anyone and thats killing me.

I dont want my DH getting involved until I get a BFP, bcoz i dont want him to be disappointed/irritated. Im sure you ladies understand my position.

Coming to my symptoms...From 7DPO, im having mild cramps, big BBs, sharp pain in the BBs that keeps coming and going, very painful left leg (from thigh to toe). Sometimes it pains down there, could be due to excessive wiping as well. Im not feeling very tired, but everyone says i look exhausted. 13DPO today, and AF expected tomorrow. Some of the symptoms have disappeared since yesterday, so Im little worried abt the same.

I havent taken any test till now, waiting for AF to be delayed.

It feels so good after writing this post.

Thanks in advance ladies, and hoping to find new friends here.

 

[bteague0421]

Hello ladies,
Going to start off by saying sorry for the longgg post.
This is my first post. Hoping to find some answers. My husband and I have been TTC for about 3 years now. I was first diagnosed with Thyroid issues which I do still have. Here in the last year I was told that I have PCOS. Which was confirmed when I started fertility treatment back in September. Ive been told that my body does not ovulate hince why i seeked treatment.

So about 1 month ago I started taking Clomid 50mg, the first round did not work. I was really down in the dumps, the nurse upped my dose to 100mg of Clomid. Went back 2 days after I finished my pills and I still had no result. She told me to come back two days from then, so I did and I had 1 follicle that averaged 18mm which she was happy about. So that night I did my Ovdriel shot. 36 hrs later Friday 3/18/16 my hubby went in and gave sperm had it washed and prepped. Which his count was great 40million where injected into me. Right after the IUI i cramped BAD really bad but i never had cramps.

But being new to this I am not sure what to expect. I want to think I will be pregnant BUT I am so used to getting a BFN that I feel it will continue to be that way. People all around are getting pregnant and it is just so sad to not be able to reach that excitement.

I am now 5dpiui and some of the symptoms I am having are:
Mild cramping
Bloated tummy
Gassy
Extremely tired the past 3 days.
I have a milky discharge (which I have never had)
Is this cause from the IUI, or implantation?
PLEASE SHARE.

 

[bteague0421]

ALL PRAYERS ARE WELCOMED!
This 2WW is hard.

 

[BlueStar89]

This thread seems to be exactly what I need at the moment, really struggling to find someone to talk to about how I'm feeling and what I'm going through.

I'm just coming to the end of my sixth cycle of TTC. My hormones are all over the place, I feel like a teenager again: spots, achy growing boobs, backache & very sweaty. On three of the six cycles, I've had spotting approx 10 DPO - this spotting however doesn't stop and turns into mega AF. Longer and heavier than normal. My thoughts are that it is a fertilised egg trying to implant but my womb not having it! Doctor says that this is a 'glitch' and won't refer me until this has happened another couple of times - however it breaks my heart every single time.

I've only really spoken to DH and one friend about this but neither understand. DH doesn't really do feelings and doesn't understand how much I want children. Friend only has to look at her DH and she's pregnant - 3 children, each happened in first month of trying (and first BD I believe!!)

I know it's only been six cycles (and there are many on here that have been trying longer) but I'm starting to wonder just how much I want children. The emotional and hormonal roller coaster each month is starting to get too much....last night I had a fever with stomach cramps along with the usual aches and pains.

Thank you for taking the time to read this, sometimes I just need to rant!

 

[lesondemavie]

BlueStar I was right where you are feeling those same things on my 6th cycle of trying back in December. That's when I started my journal here. It's been therapeutic to write out what I can't say. You are not alone

 

[BlueStar89]

Thank you - so far I've tried to keep everything natural and not making a big deal out of it, but this cycle I've decided to register here and purchased a book!

 

[lesondemavie]

Haha I bought a book on my 6th cycle of trying too . Funny how we all go through such similar things.

 

[KBP]

Hi ladies

I can relate! I've been ttc for almost a year and I can say that at 6 months I was already becoming very anxious about being pregnant.

It's especially hard when it seems like everyone you know is pregnant. It's very discouraging. My husband and I were sure to make sure all our ducks were in a row before ttc, and now that our world is ready to welcome a baby, it's just not happening.

I work at managing my stress by working out, working on house projects, doing fun things with my husband and dog, but honestly that only can help so much-at the end of the day I know the only thing that will relieve my stress is being pregnant, and yes-that will bring on different stress but I welcome all of it! I so badly want to start a family.

My Cd21 test for progesterone was low, my doctor doesn't think I ovulated, however I think I was tested too early. (I got a positive OPK only 4 days prior)

Had blood work done today that will test my hormone levels, and then if that's normal I'll redo the progesterone test next month. If my levels show no ovulation again, my doctor will start me on clomid or something similar.

 

[KBP]

And I also got a book at six months ttc, it's called "an impatients woman's guide to getting pregnant"

It was good!

 

[lesondemavie]

And I also got a book at six months ttc, it's called "an impatients woman's guide to getting pregnant"

It was good!

That's the book I bought too

 

[BlueStar89]

And I also got a book at six months ttc, it's called "an impatients woman's guide to getting pregnant"

It was good!

That's the book I bought too

And me.....only I bought it just before the Easter bank holiday weekend which really delayed the post!!