Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[Sunnyleah]

Really need advice!! So DH and I have been having some issues, mainly about him going out with his friends and I want him to spend more time at home. So anyways tonight we got invited by our friends/ neighbors to come to their house for dinner. I'm really close with the wife but sometimes it's hard to be around them because they have a toddler and she is also pregnant. On several occasions we have gone over there and DH will leave early and ditch me to go out with his friends which is extremely rude and inconsiderate. (Btw they live right across the yard so we walk there, didn't want you to think DH took the car and stranded me). Anywho so tonight they invite us and of course DH would rather go out to a club with all his single buddies than spend time with another family or just stay home with me. So here's the part I need advice on

I tell him "you're a family man now and you need to spend more time with your family!" Then he says

"We're not even a real family!"

So of course the first thing I say is "Why because we don't have kids we're not a real family?" And he was just silent he didn't say anything.

So I stormed out of the room and locked myself in the spare room (which just made it worse because I wish it was a nursery instead) and he runs after me and says he meant we didn't feel like a family because he works a lot so we don't see each other enough. But he's home for lunch everyday and he's off work and home for good by 6!! There's no way that's what he meant!!

So I'm pissed off because here I am taking Metformin and dealing with side effects and on this emotional roller coaster because I feel guilty that I'm "the problem" and he goes and says that to me!

Do you ladies think I'm over reacting? I don't feel like I am but there's always a small chance that I'm just not getting it so..

I would be quite upset with that. I actually have friends who have chosen to not have children and it frustrates them so much when people imply that they are not a family. I believe that if you live together as a couple then you are family. Any group of people that love each other and take care of each are a family. Perhaps let him know that you miss him? Maybe this is his way of distressing about TTC , he might feel helpless? Such a tough time.

Hang in there! But defiantly not overreacting. It affects you the way it does and so own your feelings

 

[tamithomas]

Really need advice!! So DH and I have been having some issues, mainly about him going out with his friends and I want him to spend more time at home. So anyways tonight we got invited by our friends/ neighbors to come to their house for dinner. I'm really close with the wife but sometimes it's hard to be around them because they have a toddler and she is also pregnant. On several occasions we have gone over there and DH will leave early and ditch me to go out with his friends which is extremely rude and inconsiderate. (Btw they live right across the yard so we walk there, didn't want you to think DH took the car and stranded me). Anywho so tonight they invite us and of course DH would rather go out to a club with all his single buddies than spend time with another family or just stay home with me. So here's the part I need advice on

I tell him "you're a family man now and you need to spend more time with your family!" Then he says

"We're not even a real family!"

So of course the first thing I say is "Why because we don't have kids we're not a real family?" And he was just silent he didn't say anything.

So I stormed out of the room and locked myself in the spare room (which just made it worse because I wish it was a nursery instead) and he runs after me and says he meant we didn't feel like a family because he works a lot so we don't see each other enough. But he's home for lunch everyday and he's off work and home for good by 6!! There's no way that's what he meant!!

So I'm pissed off because here I am taking Metformin and dealing with side effects and on this emotional roller coaster because I feel guilty that I'm "the problem" and he goes and says that to me!

Do you ladies think I'm over reacting? I don't feel like I am but there's always a small chance that I'm just not getting it so..

Absolutely not. I'd be ticked off as well if my Husband said that. Hope it was just one of those heat of the moments things that we're all guilty of then anything.

Maybe it's just his way of coping? Men deal with things in the strangest ways as in his getting out is his way to numb to pain of not having a kid yet? I don't think he means that it's your fault nor should he blame you. The best would be to sit down and talk about it with him. GL

 

[AnnaSaRa]

Dear AF cramps,
It's bad enough that you are putting me through this awful pain and constantly reminding me that I am not pregnant this month... but honestly you are also preventing me from doing my work out today. Thanks a lot you b*tch!!

~ Anna

 

[Limm]

I feel bad for complaining because I'm only in my first month of trying, but already I feel like crap because I have no one to talk to about this new thing I'm doing in my life that might take forever.

Happily married and yet when I have mentioned the mere idea of us starting a family to friends they decide to insult my intelligence by telling me what I would need to do (uh, yes I have been doing research, thanks! If I was really unsure on something I would've asked!) or tell me I should be doing other things first (travelling the whole world, etc.)

Whatever happened to being happy for people? You could say they're just being friends, but these are people who are either much closer to my husband or have barely been around as it is.

The funny thing is that most of these people have children themselves! And when I talk about having my own brood they talk to me about it as if it was the worst thing they ever did.

It's starting to sink in that, despite having a loving husband, I'm going to be alone in all of this.

 

[CakeCottage]

Limm I wouldn't worry about what other people think, unfortunately people feel the need in life to tell others what they should be doing instead of concentrating on their own lives! You do have people on here to support you when it's needed xx

 

[wellsk]

Oh Limm! You're situation is just like mine (although I've been trying a little a little while longer )
It is your own life and you have to make your own decisions. And if you're happy, ready and stable then there's nothing wrong with starting a family!
They might not understand your situation or think of themselves in that position.

I don't really have anyone outside of BnB who understands my position, including my family too! Sigh!

 

[CakeCottage]

But we love ya K!!! X

 

[wellsk]

I know I love you all too!

 

[Limm]

I wouldn't say we're exactly "stable" at the moment (both recently became jobless and having to live with my parents. Our town has a major lack of jobs on offer and the hubby isn't keen on moving) but my folks are being supportive. We're welcome here for as long as we need, but would much prefer our own home!

Urgh - that all sounds terrible, doesn't it??

 

[wellsk]

Hmmm, it's not ideal. But I guess there are worser situations! At least your child would have a loving home. And grandparents can help with babysitting.
How old are you and your DH?

 

[Limm]

I'm 24 and hubby is 22.

We're a rare breed 'round here as most people start having kids at 16. It's become the norm. O__O

 

[wellsk]

Ah right yeah, it's similar round by me too! I'm 22 and DH is 29.
Welcome to BnB!

 

[awifey]

Dh and I are both 29 TTC #1. Funny thing, I'm younger than when my mom had her first kid, me. . My dad was the age I am now...

 

[wellsk]

My parents started TTC when my mum was 25 (3 years old than I am now), but did not get pregnant until she was 33.
She often tells me I'm too young to have children, however if she had gotten pregnant straight away she wouldn't have been much older. Ridiculous!

 

[cntrygrl]

Lol, My mum was done having 3 kids at 23. We''re a year and 9 months apart. Here I am at 31 trying to have my first.

 

[CakeCottage]

My mum had me a month before her 19th birthday And my brother at 21!! X

 

[Nazz4]

My parents had their first kid at 24 and 25, they had some MCs beforehand so they had been trying a couple/few years. They didn't finish having kids until they were 36 and 37 (they had 4). Crazyness.

 

[AlyCon]

Today DH stopped with all the BS and lies and admitted he said we weren't a real family because we don't have children. My feelings are still hurt but I'm glad he was honest. I don't think he said it to be cruel or spiteful. I think it just slipped out and he feels really bad about it. But it's one of those things that can't be unsaid or unheard. So even though I can forgive him I don't think I will ever forget that he said that.

 

[AlyCon]

I guess I'll join in the convo! My mom turned 24 a month after I was born. I'm the youngest of 4. So yea she got an early start! I can see why she's so aggressive about wanting me to wait to TCC. But bottom line is my situation is drastically different than hers and I've already made my decision. Can't really blame her for feeling the way she does though..

 

[Limm]

Been thinking too much about it all today. Last month I was two weeks late and I thought I was pregnant, so I did HPTs and had a blood test taken at the GP, all of which came back negative. The day after AF arrived, but only stuck around for two days. My periods always last five days.
With that in mind, I have also read about some women's hCG levels being so low that they aren't picked up on tests, so I'm starting to think that maybe I could be preggers, despite a BFN today. I know I am building myself up for disappointment and heartache and yet I can't seem to stop myself.
Stupid crazy brain!!!!