Trying To Conceive #1 Only Vent Thread

[SurfNinja]

I turned 40 in October and have been TTC since September. I've wanted kids for a long time but was never with the right person. Then I met the right person but he already had 3 kids and did not want another. The issue almost ended our relationship. He still does not "want" another but is willing to "try" because he loves me and does not want to lose me. He has joint custody so his oldest is with us 5 days a week and the 2 younger ones 4 days a week. He is a great dad and the girls are great but I am not their mom and never will be. We get along well but they don't think of me like that. They were 9, 12 and 14 when I first met them. I have three younger sisters and all have children. I want a baby so bad. It's literally an obsession. I did get pregnant back in February but had a miscarriage at 6 weeks. I was told to wait at least 2 cycles to try again but read literature that it is ok to start trying after 1 so I did. I got my period last week so it did not work. I've been tracking my cycles but I don't really involve him with it because it's still not something he wants and when we discuss it he gets frustrated and irritated and angry and we usually end up fighting. So I just figure out when the good times are and initiate like it's natural. The whole time I am stressing out he won't want to. Ever since he first agreed to try we have had less sex than before. The month I got pregnant we had sex 3 times during my fertility window. Two of the three times he initiated which was great. This last cycle we also had sex three times, he initiated once. I usually have a 29 day cycle but can go anywhere from 28 - 32 in the time I have been tracking. My next period is due 6/17 but I don't plan to take a test until the end of the week if I don't get it just to be sure. I'm so stressed out with the waiting. I'm obsession over every little sign. I'm super anxious. I just want to see that positive test so badly. I'm going to be really upset if I'm not because he is going to see his parents for 2 weeks at the end of the month into July and his time away is when I will be fertile again so I will have to wait another 2 mo0nths just to try again and I just feel like at my age I am running out of time. He was fine when I told him I was pregnant the first time but not supportive when I had the miscarriage. I was upset when I got my period this past month and when he asked me why and I told him it ended up blowing up into this big fight. He just does not get it and wants me to get over it. I know part of it is him not liking that I am hurting and not being able to help and he is not someone who can easily show emotion so he tends to get angry and frustrated when things are not going well but even though I can understand that it is really hard to deal with when you can’t get support with the most difficult and painful thing in your life from the one person who is supposed to be there for you for everything. I know if I do get pregnant he will love the baby and be a great father but I also know he would rather not have another. It just sucks. I also have a cousin I am very close to who has two children ages 12 and 9 and recently found out she is expecting triplets! I am happy for her but at the same time I can’t help being jealous. She has 2 kids, was not trying and now get’s not just one more baby but three…. I have a friend at work who is 29 and just went off the pill. I’m going to be devastated if she gets pregnant before me. I know these thoughts and feelings are wrong and I would never vocalize them to my cousin / friend but I just feel like everywhere I turn I get to see people with babies and children and getting pregnant and I’m scared I am never going to have that and if I don’t how am I ever going to get over it? I’m sorry for going on for so long. I just don’t really have anyone else who understands or can relate and it’s usually just bottled up inside of me. Maybe this month will be positive…. Have to keep thinking it is still possible.

Okay but seriously, why are you trying to have a baby with someone who doesn't want to have a baby with you and has vocally, repeatedly told you this fact? If he sees another child as something he's doing for you, maybe you need to look into your other options. You should never compromise on what you want for anyone.

 

[SurfNinja]

When I was in college and young and stupid, I conceived a child. Because I was young and stupid, I didn't realize this fact until I was in the middle of MC. It was fairly early on and the gentleman involved and I took it in stride and continued with our lives.

Five years later and that young gentleman is married with two beautiful daughters of his own, and I am sitting over here wondering what the hell is wrong with me because I haven't managed to fall pregnant. Another ex-boyfriend just celebrated the birth of his first son and I'm freaking out. Because these guys (among others, I had a healthy college experience) are clearly functional and, despite tons of carelessness, I fell pregnant once and then MC and never had another blip on the radar. At the time it seemed like a blessing. "Oh no, I was so dumb, I cannot have a baby right now." Now that my DH and I are trying to have a child, I get so involved in obsessing over why none of those careless moments resulted in pregnancy and they just add to the mounting evidence that I am incapable of having a baby.

I spent so much time worrying about getting unexpectedly pregnant and now I'm wondering why I can't conceive. As my best friend's mother is fond of saying, "Well, life's a bitch and then you die."

 

[Impatientone]

offically been ttc#1 for a year!!!!!!!!!! is this ever going to happen?

& to all the people i keep hearing say 'i conceived in the first month, go die. i'm sick of hearing it!

Lol agreed or hearing people whine about not being able to get pregnant when they already have 2 or more kids! Stop complaining- you already HAVE what you want so badly!

 

[MissyLissy]

offically been ttc#1 for a year!!!!!!!!!! is this ever going to happen?

& to all the people i keep hearing say 'i conceived in the first month, go die. i'm sick of hearing it!

Lol agreed or hearing people whine about not being able to get pregnant when they already have 2 or more kids! Stop complaining- you already HAVE what you want so badly!

At this point in my life I have zero patience or sympathy for secondary infertility. I'm sure it's upsetting and difficult, but at least they have one (or two, or three, whatever the case may be.) I'd give just about anything for ONE blessing right about now. Seriously, having trouble concieving has really managed my family planning expectations. I used to want 3 and i just knew i needed a daughter. Please. All I want is the chance to be a mommy now, girl or boy I don't care. And if all I'm ever blessed with is one, then at least i will have my baby. Anything that I am blessed with after that will be icing on the cake.

 

[VP1228]

offically been ttc#1 for a year!!!!!!!!!! is this ever going to happen?

& to all the people i keep hearing say 'i conceived in the first month, go die. i'm sick of hearing it!

Lol agreed or hearing people whine about not being able to get pregnant when they already have 2 or more kids! Stop complaining- you already HAVE what you want so badly!

At this point in my life I have zero patience or sympathy for secondary infertility. I'm sure it's upsetting and difficult, but at least they have one (or two, or three, whatever the case may be.) I'd give just about anything for ONE blessing right about now. Seriously, having trouble concieving has really managed my family planning expectations. I used to want 3 and i just knew i needed a daughter. Please. All I want is the chance to be a mommy now, girl or boy I don't care. And if all I'm ever blessed with is one, then at least i will have my baby. Anything that I am blessed with after that will be icing on the cake.

Yep I agree if I am only blessed with one baby of my own I will adopt after that just so my baby doesn't have to be an only child like I am

 

[oneKnight]

When I was in college and young and stupid, I conceived a child. Because I was young and stupid, I didn't realize this fact until I was in the middle of MC. It was fairly early on and the gentleman involved and I took it in stride and continued with our lives.

Five years later and that young gentleman is married with two beautiful daughters of his own, and I am sitting over here wondering what the hell is wrong with me because I haven't managed to fall pregnant. Another ex-boyfriend just celebrated the birth of his first son and I'm freaking out. Because these guys (among others, I had a healthy college experience) are clearly functional and, despite tons of carelessness, I fell pregnant once and then MC and never had another blip on the radar. At the time it seemed like a blessing. "Oh no, I was so dumb, I cannot have a baby right now." Now that my DH and I are trying to have a child, I get so involved in obsessing over why none of those careless moments resulted in pregnancy and they just add to the mounting evidence that I am incapable of having a baby.

I spent so much time worrying about getting unexpectedly pregnant and now I'm wondering why I can't conceive. As my best friend's mother is fond of saying, "Well, life's a bitch and then you die."

I had an ex boyfriend who had 11+ kids. 5 live with him, two of his died (one was a twin that didn't make it, another was due to an accident during pregnancy) plus he was a sperm doner for his best friend and has 6 other living kids that way...even he couldn't knock me up. If that wasn't enough, the ink was barely dry on our divorce papers before my ex husband (of almost 6 years) knocked up his girlfriend. Apparently there was nothing wrong with his sperm for the duration of our marriage...
Gotta figure out wth is wrong with me!! I have "textbook" cycles so it would *seem* all is well, but obviously not.
I remember one of those period talk books when I was about 13 it said that your period was a good thing because it meant your girly parts were working properly.
Um no, when you've been TTC for 6 years your period means everything is NOT working properly.

I feel the same about secondary infertility Missy Lissy. Even about people who "had inferility" for a year, but are now holding a baby in their arms, but they "understand". You can't understand when you're holding a baby in your arms. You are no longer worried about "what if I can't ever?"

 

[tamithomas]

What is up with tv shows and everyone in the stories getting bfp lately? Falling skies, da vinci's demons, csi.

The one in Castle is my most hated one when the writers of the show tease with maybe they'll finally expose the troubles of infertility and I was really getting invested into. I felt like finally we will be heard but nope, when they go for a SA before getting the results back the girlfriend is bfp. faaaaaaaaaack. I officially can't escape bfp's anymore. It's so annoying.

Shows are supposed to be decompressing, not have your problems follow you everywhere.

 

[AlyCon]

I'm never going to be a mom

 

[VP1228]

I don't feel I will ever be a mom either or get married or have a father figure in my imaginary kids life (saying that because I will never have my own kids)

 

[Jett55]

What is up with tv shows and everyone in the stories getting bfp lately? Falling skies, da vinci's demons, csi.

The one in Castle is my most hated one when the writers of the show tease with maybe they'll finally expose the troubles of infertility and I was really getting invested into. I felt like finally we will be heard but nope, when they go for a SA before getting the results back the girlfriend is bfp. faaaaaaaaaack. I officially can't escape bfp's anymore. It's so annoying.

Shows are supposed to be decompressing, not have your problems follow you everywhere.

Thanks for the heads up on castle dh & I just started watching it were on the 3rd season glad to know to expect that...

 

[SurfNinja]

When I was in college and young and stupid, I conceived a child. Because I was young and stupid, I didn't realize this fact until I was in the middle of MC. It was fairly early on and the gentleman involved and I took it in stride and continued with our lives.

Five years later and that young gentleman is married with two beautiful daughters of his own, and I am sitting over here wondering what the hell is wrong with me because I haven't managed to fall pregnant. Another ex-boyfriend just celebrated the birth of his first son and I'm freaking out. Because these guys (among others, I had a healthy college experience) are clearly functional and, despite tons of carelessness, I fell pregnant once and then MC and never had another blip on the radar. At the time it seemed like a blessing. "Oh no, I was so dumb, I cannot have a baby right now." Now that my DH and I are trying to have a child, I get so involved in obsessing over why none of those careless moments resulted in pregnancy and they just add to the mounting evidence that I am incapable of having a baby.

I spent so much time worrying about getting unexpectedly pregnant and now I'm wondering why I can't conceive. As my best friend's mother is fond of saying, "Well, life's a bitch and then you die."

I had an ex boyfriend who had 11+ kids. 5 live with him, two of his died (one was a twin that didn't make it, another was due to an accident during pregnancy) plus he was a sperm doner for his best friend and has 6 other living kids that way...even he couldn't knock me up. If that wasn't enough, the ink was barely dry on our divorce papers before my ex husband (of almost 6 years) knocked up his girlfriend. Apparently there was nothing wrong with his sperm for the duration of our marriage...
Gotta figure out wth is wrong with me!! I have "textbook" cycles so it would *seem* all is well, but obviously not.
I remember one of those period talk books when I was about 13 it said that your period was a good thing because it meant your girly parts were working properly.
Um no, when you've been TTC for 6 years your period means everything is NOT working properly.

Exactly! My DH is beating himself up about it, saying it's probably him because his parents had problems conceiving while my parents busted out five kids like it was nothing. I keep telling him that's because I inherited the fertility problems of the women in my father's family, not my mother's incredible ability to procreate. But he keeps trying to make it his fault, and were I comfortable with the idea of discussing my ex-boyfriends' families at length, I could make him see that secretly I'm the broken one. It doesn't help that when my brother and sister-in-law decided to expand their family, it took one month of TTC because they're both healthy Celtic breeding stock and I'm just sitting over here like, "Oh, fantastic." My elder sister is in the same boat as I am, so at least I'm not the only one cursing the tricks of genetics to give us the wombs of our aunts instead of our mother.

 

[VP1228]

I was holding my cousin's baby today and I felt so complete because it felt like he was my baby. But my grandmother made me come back to reality when she told my cousin "she just loves babies, people that love babies so much are the ones that can't have them." I wanted to cry but I hold it in with all my heart and soul. It hurts that everyone is so insensitive to my fertility issues. I want a baby so bad that I am willing to go through drastic measures (surgerys, meds, injections, whatever else there is) to have a baby.

 

[Pebblesss]

I feel the same exact way people really don't understand how emotional this situation can make a woman I don't even sit around with the ladies and listen to birth stories my favorite tv station is tlc & I can't watch it anymore because baby story & bringing home baby were my favorite shows but now I can't handle the emotional impact they bring upon me now

 

[VP1228]

I feel the same exact way people really don't understand how emotional this situation can make a woman I don't even sit around with the ladies and listen to birth stories my favorite tv station is tlc & I can't watch it anymore because baby story & bringing home baby were my favorite shows but now I can't handle the emotional impact they bring upon me now

I know what you mean, I tried to watch the show "I'm having their baby" on Oxygen and I cried when the signed the paper to give their baby away. Only because they could not afford another baby or was not ready to have a baby. I mean what happened to taking birth control if your gonna have unprotected sex or some kind of preventative method. It is hard enough that we can't get pregnant but they can get pregnant and give it away. I am sorry if this sounds crazy but if I ever get pregnant and deliver the baby and end up pregnant again right after the baby is born there is no doubt in my mind that I will keep that baby too. Babies are a blessing regardless of the situation. They are the most innocent beings on this earth and I will never take that for granted. I would rather work hard to take care of two kids than to keep one and give the other away or abort. My mind would not let me do that because it is taking a lot of blood, pain, sweat, tears, and a laparoscopy to get the BFP. I may even need more just to get the BFP!

 

[tamithomas]

What is up with tv shows and everyone in the stories getting bfp lately? Falling skies, da vinci's demons, csi.

The one in Castle is my most hated one when the writers of the show tease with maybe they'll finally expose the troubles of infertility and I was really getting invested into. I felt like finally we will be heard but nope, when they go for a SA before getting the results back the girlfriend is bfp. faaaaaaaaaack. I officially can't escape bfp's anymore. It's so annoying.

Shows are supposed to be decompressing, not have your problems follow you everywhere.

Thanks for the heads up on castle dh & I just started watching it were on the 3rd season glad to know to expect that...

apologies for the spoiler but, at least you don't have to get your hopes up lol. I was crushed the way the ttc journey ends so abruptly in the show. It really felt like a smack in the face for ttc'ers and infertility struggling couples alike.

 

[Jett55]

It's all good I'm actually glad u said that so I don't have to worry about bawling when watchin the episode I know what to expect so I can just get mad & yell at the tv lol

 

[AlyCon]

I agree tami! Especially in movies when they get their BFP right at the end when they least expect it. I mean of course it's nice to see the happily ever after but for once I'd like to see a movie end with the couple making an appt with the fertility specialist or meeting with the adoption agency for the first time so it's not necessarily a happy ending but there's hope.

 

[AJnJJ2008]

I agree tami! Especially in movies when they get their BFP right at the end when they least expect it. I mean of course it's nice to see the happily ever after but for once I'd like to see a movie end with the couple making an appt with the fertility specialist or meeting with the adoption agency for the first time so it's not necessarily a happy ending but there's hope.

Sex and the City has this! I know it's old, but it pretty much shows every which way of having/not having a baby. It's got an accident, choosing to have no children, infertility and adoption.

 

[AlyCon]

That's one of the things I liked about that show! They could have just had four fabulous carefree childless women strutting around New York but instead they decided to make it more realistic with the addition of children/fertility issues. It really does make a difference in how other women relate to the characters.

Well it's Father's Day and DH said to me first thing this morning that he's upset that he's not a father I know it's ok for him to be upset but he was so insensitive to me about Mother's Day so I didn't even respond to him. We've been having so many issues lately I'm seriously considering putting a hold on TTC for a while.. It just breaks my heart things can't ever work out for those that actually want children.

 

[VP1228]

My DF hasn't said anything to me yet about how he feels about today. I guess since we know what is causing my infertility that he is just trying to comfort me and not make me upset.