TTC #1 11dpo would like a buddy??

[QueSeraSera]

Boo for the cheap tests being so off! I always splurge on the more expensive digital ones because even if I get a bfn at least I know its more accurate. I think the fear of evaps and such would keep me constantly second guessing. I really hope that your issue is the cheap tests and that really they're meant to be bfps! I can't wait to find out what the better test has to say! Hopefully with your next post I'll be congratulating you on your bfp!!!

The trip is good so far! I love spending time with my parents and it is awesome to see how excited they are to spend time with Audrey. She loves them and has been nothing but smiles all day. The time change is rough though and were heading to bed at 8pm lol. But I'm so happy to be here spending some time with family

Can't wait to hear another update from you!

 

[MummyP2b]

hi there traveler.
How is/was the holiday?
What else did you get up to?
OK, so I've been a little out of touch... trying to sort my head out.
Here's what's going on.....

I've had 3 faint positives and 3 negatives (last week) I booked a doctors appointment for Friday morning to see what was going on as i was 8 days late (on friday). I started bleeding on friday morning just before the doctors appt. I took a urine sample in to him just in case. I had tested that morning and found a faint positive. when he tested it it was negative (but then doctors dont really study them like us women do).

So he said that no matter how faint a test is it's a positive. I even took a picture of the test and showed him which he agreed was a positive. Which was great news.... this means I am pregnant. He worked out I was 5+1 so today I should be 5+4 wks!

BUT..... because of the bleeding he wasn't sure if I'm miscarrying or just 'bleeding'. It's too early for a scan as they wouldn't be able to see anything.

Basically I need to wait until thursday to re test and if it's negative I have lost it, and if it's positive.... well... thats obvious. but I may be sent for a scan because of the bleeding.

I was heavy on friday and saturday and then it went down yesterday and even less today. It has been a 'light period' for me. So here's hoping!

I don't know if it makes any difference or if I'm just saying it cos it might make me feel better, but I've had very few (hardly any, maybe 2 or 3) small clots, but the rest has been more mucus with blood. (sorry for the details)

So I'm not sure what is going on. My boobs dont hurt even though I still have blue veins on my nipples and they have been slightly or very erect for the past week. I'm feeing sick quite a bit but this could be down to nerves and mixed emotions.

Not too sure what's going on. Half of me thinks I'm kidding myself and the tests were fake, But I keep reminding myself what the doc said.

I am having a really down day today. Am taking tomorrow off work to sort myself out (told them I have been sick and not keeping anything down) I feel really sick, I just want to know whether I am growing our llittle baby or not. As if the wait wasn't hard enough r long enough any way!!

x

 

[MummyP2b]

Here are 2 tests i took.
The first was done a week last friday and the 2nd was done wednesday.

 

[QueSeraSera]

oh wow! you have been going through a lot in the past week! i had been without internet in the travels but finally got somewhere i have it consistantly for awhile and wanted to check in on you! it seems like it is very good news that the doctor says that even a faint + is still a +! and there have been stories of women having their period throughout a pregnancy, so it could be that the bleeding isnt a bad thing at all. i never had any with audrey, but ive heard of it. i know what you mean though...its one of those things you just want to know already! i really really hope you get good news and we can celebrate your BFP!!! be sure to let me know what happens and i am keeping my fingers crossed for the best news! its so exciting that you most likely have a little bean in there starting to grow big and strong!!

travelling has been good and audrey and i have enjoyed seeing all the family. we arent back home until this coming sunday. it has been a long trip, but so enjoyable! i still havent had an AF...10 weeks as of tomorrow. i think it is just the nursing keeping it away, but i sure with it was the fault of a BFP! lol. not getting my hopes up though, as no symptoms at all. ive just been trying not to think about it and focus on audrey and the various parts of the family weve been visiting!

i cant wait to find out more about your news! sending so many good thoughts your way!!

 

[MummyP2b]

Of course I will keep you updated. I will be testing again tomorrow morning. I'm really not ready to find out the truth if its going to be bad news. But I can't keep on with this depressive behaviour I seem to be carrying on. I dont feel pregnant. I don't have sore boobs any more just twinges every now and then.

The bleeding had stopped all together, yesterday I didn't even have a towel down below or the night before. Which was good. Was glad to see the back of it but today I seem to be having some more red stuff. I also had one rather large brown clot. Probably around about the size of a flat satsuma. Which has put me back on a downer again. Just not feeling positive.

I'm back at work today but I really am not up for chatting with people.
I went to this one playgroup this morning... Maybe it was a bad idea cos it was swamped with kids and babies! And having to put on a brave face.

I really really hope that the little bean has stuck and it's just embedding some more which is why I'm having the bleed but some how I'm not convinced. I'm hoping I'll be nicely surprised tomorrow when I test.... I'm trying to decide which test to use. I have a tesco digital which are supposed to be accurate and good. I have a hospital one and I also have a cheap hcg strip which I'm not going to use.

I have had a urine test done last week when I went to the doctors but it's still not back yet. I really want it to be able to tell me the levels of my hcg. I found a website that told me what the levels should be between. But I dong know if they'll have that on the results sheet or not. I don't want them to just say say.... "it's negative!" that would upset me.

So last night I updated my ticker. It did make me feel better after doing it. I guess there's no harm right now as I don't know what's going on. The closest ive got to being pregnant.

So I guess tomorrow will be the moment of truth.

Do you know if you have a chemical pregnancy can you start trying straight away it do you have to wait a little first. Or have people had successful pregnancies after. These are a few of the questions that are driving me insane.

I'm really looking forward to hearing all about your holiday. so glad to hear you're having a good time.

 

[MummyP2b]

Negative test.....
Miscarried. Chemical Pregnancy which ever it's called. I've had a tough night with trying to put a brave face on I ended up breaking down in tears... Luckily my mum was there to help me out.
Hopefully it won't take too long before I'm back to my normal self! I am tired of being upset! Had a whole week of it!

Anyway! Back to square one and just taking it easy now!
How's the holiday??
xx

 

[QueSeraSera]

oh my gosh hun! i am really sorry about your loss. i was back in the land of no internet for a few days there and just now saw your messages. i am so sorry about what you must be going through right now. i am very glad that your mom has been there to help you through it though.

i am not sure what doctors recommend but i do know that you can get pregnant right away after a MC. my brothers ex gf (the mother of my niece) was 2 months gone, miscarried, and got pregnant the very next month, carried that baby for 4 months, miscarried, and got pregnant the next month with my niece. the cause of her MCs were likely that she didnt quit smoking...at least thats what the doctor said. but she was able to get pregnant straight away both times, so it can be done.

how is your hubby taking it? i have heard that sometimes the men get so affected that they dont want to try anymore...i hope this doesnt happen to you. its tough to get your mind around, but MCs are way more common than we would like to admit. i am fairly certain that i had one years ago before i met my husband, but i never tested, so i cant be positive. but it doesnt mean theres anything wrong or that the next time will end the same. i am sending you massive hugs and the best sort of baby dust for a sticky bean next time you guys decide to try!!

 

[MummyP2b]

Hi,
Thank you for you lovely message!!
I am much better now. I had a hideous week last week having to deal with that and work. I took a day off but had to go straight back as I didn't want to keep letting them down and because I didn't want to tell them about MCing I had to say I was ill. So only took the day.... We are back to square one now and starting all over.

How was your trip? Good to be back or not really?

We are still trying. My hubby wasn't to struck on trying this month but only cos he didn't want a christmas baby but then this happened and it made us both realise how much it really means to us to have a baby (more than we thought was ever possible) and so we now don't care when our baby is born! Whenever we have a baby will be the best thing that could ever happen to us. And if we have a christmas baby, it'd be the best christmas gift we could ever have wished for!!!! fingers are crossed.

So the Bding is still on, but just taking a more relaxed look at it this month. I know that if it doesnt happen this month I'm not going to be too down about it as i know my body might need a little rest or that maybe we weren't meant to have a christmas baby. So I am being patient this month. And hoping that's the way to do it!!

Hubby was upset too but he was very supportive. Made him realise how much it means to him and how much it means to me too! It has made us stronger (once again) and more determined (but in a relaxed baby making way)

How did Audrey find the the holiday? All those cuddles!!!

 

[QueSeraSera]

i am so glad that you are doing better. i dont blame you for not wanting to tell your work about what happened, but is unfortunate that you only could take the one day off and then had to jump right back into it. maybe, in a way, it was good though cause i have always found that keeping busy helps to keep your mind off of things.

its good that you have a supportive husband! nobody ever wants to go through that, but it makes it better when you have strong people who love you to help you through! i thought the same thing about getting PG this month...the christmas thing. i would prefer not to have a baby born around christmas either, but any child is a gift despite when their birthday is! one of my really good friends has her bday on 27 december and she loves that its that close to christmas.

i hope that the relaxed approach works for you guys and you get a sticky bean soon! keeping all my fingers and toes crossed for you both!

the trip was great...everyone so enjoyed seeing audrey. some of the family hadnt met her yet and so they were very excited. she did really well with the travelling, though the flights are a bit more difficult on your own, i must admit. she absolutely loved vegas for all the lights and movement. colorado and wyoming were a bit cold, but she didnt seem to mind. overall it was a great trip. we missed DH though a lot and so she has very much been a daddys girl the past couple of days its good to be back home for that reason, but it was hard to leave my folks...i know they wish they could be closer and see her more often. i think they are going to try to come out to hawaii in june so they dont have to wait too long to see her again.

so its been 11 weeks since my last bleed....boo! so DH convinced me to take a test this morning...negative. so i am starting to think that i am just not ovulating. its tough because she is up to about 60% formula and 40% breastmilk (as my milk supply continues to dwindle despite all my best efforts) and for most people that would bring back AF and ovulation, but it doesnt seem to have worked for me. DH sort of wants me to quit BFing so that we can have a better chance of getting PG, but im not sure im ready to give it up yet... he did look really disappointed this morning when i told him it was negative though, and to be honest i was a bit disappointed too, even though i was pretty sure i wasnt pregnant. so...maybe this month will be THE month for both of us!!

 

[MummyP2b]

I hope this is THE month for us both! I want to see a BFP for us both that sticks!!!
Hopefully it'll work for the both of us.

Have you thought about seeing the doctor about your AF or lack of? I'm not too sure about BF vs AF but 11 weeks is a looooooong time!!

That really is a shame though about your negative test. I hope that turns into a BFP very soon! Christmas babies for the both of us!!!

I loved Las Vegas when I went when I was a kid! We went to watch the light show one night, I remember it really clearly. I loved it! I hope that one day I'll get to go to the states again.

What's Hawaii like? I always imagined it to be nice beaches and hula! I would love to go one day. We talked about going there on the honeymoon but we got married in the summer and what with 'hurricane seasons' and all, it wasn't the best idea. And it was expensive!

It's really funny cos, I told my auntie about the MC and she is really dragging out the 'sympothy'. I really don't need it, I still think about it but I don't get upset about it like I did last week. She sent me and hubby a card today that says (in a nutshell) that she is always there for us. I'll try and take a picture of it and upload it. It is sweet of her but really quite over the top. not really helping me move on but she has to deal with it in her own way. Its a long story but she is anorexic and has very mild mental health issues. she goes in and out of depression, bless her but she is lovely.

 

[QueSeraSera]

i think this month i am going to try some ovulation tests to see if i am even ovulating. though, since i have no cycle to speak of, i am not sure how i would know when to use them...so i dont know. im not sure the doctor would see me since i am BFing and technically that can keep AF away. so...i dont really know what to do. this morning i had the slightest tinge of pink for the first two visits to the toilet and i thought "oh so shes finally returning" but nothing since...so annoying! and when i have something like that i always convince myself that its implatation spotting or ovulation spotting..lol. i think thats wishful thinking.

oh yes, vegas is great! my parents have home there and so we went there a lot when we were growing up, and now they live there so we have taken the kids a few times. last visit audrey was too young to notice anything really. DH and i got married there too. i just love that city. hawaii is great...the beaches and the shopping and the pineapple, its all amazing. but it is much better to visit here than to live here, in my opinion. its very expensive here, housing is through the roof, childcare is practically impossible to get, and the cost of food, gas, etc...its worse than anywhere else in the states i think. but, for a visit, its a great place. especially for a honeymoon or a babymoon...its so romantic if you go to maui or kauai as theyre less populated and more laid back.

yea sometimes its hard when people give you so much sympathy...its just like "im moving on on my own and you bringing it up isnt helping" but it sounds like your aunts case is unique since she has issues with depression and such. hopefully though you wont have too many people bringing it up to you. any MC is horrible and hard, but your attitutde, looking forward to a sticky bean soon, is the best for your overall mental health.

did i tell you that i am going to be a stay at home mom as of next friday? our daycare provider quit and we just cant find anything that is financially feasible to replace her. i found one place but it was on the other side of the island, so that doesnt really work. so our only option right now is for me to stay home with her. i am sad about quitting my job and putting my career on hold, but at the same time i am excited about getting to spend the time with audrey. so we will see how it goes! lol.

 

[MummyP2b]

Ooooh! That's really great the you will be a stay at home mummy!! I want to be one of those!! Like you say, You'll be able to watch audrey grow and teach her everything you know. Shame I don't live in Hawaii... I'm a nanny. Not really enjoying my job(s) at the mo, I have 2 jobs and in one family, the parents are hard to deal with and in the other family the kids are a handful!!!

I have this plan when we have our baby. (positive thinking) I would like to apply to return to university to qualify to become a midwife (my dream job). I'll go to uni, study for 3 years and then when I qualify I can get a great job in something I have always wanted to do and then we can continue our parenthood journey. Hopefully it will work this way.

If I got pregnant this cycle, the baby would be due around christmas time which means I can apply in the january to go to university and start the course in September at which point the little one will be 9/10 months old which is only a few months off the time you get for maternity leave anyway. (And the first term is all paper work and short days). And then hey presto!! Away I go to a good career with a fairly well paid job.

Keep me posted with your 'pink stuff'. Have you had any more of it? Hopefully something happens for you. One of the following: AF shows so you know where you are in your cycle. or You get a BFP and that infact was just implantation bleed!! Fingers crossed its the bfp!!

 

[QueSeraSera]

you want to come move on over?! i actually thought about having my cousin who is a nanny come out and help, but we cant afford to pay her enough to get her own place, as housing is astronomical here, and we dont have room for her at ours. but it is good that i am going to get the chance to have a more hands-on experience raising audrey and teaching her all i know, at least for this very impressionable phase. plus, missing the milestones while im at work has sucked big time.

thats too bad about the families you work with...sounds like it could be stressful! i thought about doing homecare for some extra money and some company for audrey, but we would have to get rid of our dogs so we decided thats not worth it. so its just gonna be the two of us during the day. hopefully i can find some way to make a little money for a buffer for our finances.

its sounds like your plan for parenthood and college is perfect! hopefully it will work out for you! i planned my pregnancy around college so that i could finish my thesis before she was born and it all worked out perfectly! hopefully the same happens for you. it would be great to be a midwife...i couldnt do it because of all of the blood, but if youre able, im sure it would be an awesome and rewarding profession

no more pink stuff...who knows what it was. so annoying. i was thinking "oh ill just get a clear blue fertility monitor to see if im even ovulating" but then i checked and those tests dont work if you havent had two regular periods. so now i dont know if im even ovulating and i really have no way to find out until AF shows up...bleh! maybe ill just get a BFP...that would be nice. i dont mind not having AF if im still ovulating, but if its keeping me from ovulating then i just wishes shed show up! it would be nice to catch the first egg because that would mean that my last proper AF was december 2009! lol.