TTC #1 Hopeful and Obsessed! lol

[StarGazerRose]

So ... yeah my little brown spot was just like brown creamy cm ...one stupid spot. I know it means nothing, but I normally have stuff follow it.
And ... because that's all I had, and nothing this morning... I miserably tested ... I really shouldn't have ... I'm at the point of "what's the point" ...
Another BFN .... I think tests hate me as much as I hated them in school!

So welcome to the pissed off world of emotional Rose! ....
Still have my f'ing "ice pick" headache...and now it's in TWO spots ... isnt that just freaking awesome?

I tried to reason with myself this morning, saying that I give up, that i should be happy i dno't have kids to ruin my happy little no worry life! ... and then on the ride to work... i was beating myself up cause I know i wouldn't be happy if I didn't have kids, I've wanted them my whole life! since I knew about kids! I mean most women dream about their weddings, I dreamed about being a mom ...
And I don't want to adopt, I mean I thinks is awesome for those who can do it, but I want my own baby ... I know I would love the child no matter what, but it's not the same, I just can't wrap my head about me NOT going through all the stuff I'm supposed to...

I'm gonna go crawl under a rock today. I'll either be there or in the bathroom.
I think I'll throw myself into work and see how far I can get without distractions...

I might pop in to read people's posts, but unless I have something major to say, I'm just gonna be in my own world.

 

[greenarcher]

Star - what kind of tests are you using? I think the fact that you spotted and it stopped is really promising!

I've... still got hope for this month. I don't know why, I'm just going to be disappointed when af gets here.

 

[BelleNuit]

The end of the TWW sucks ladies, I'm glad we're in this together.

Puma girl, how have you been? You must be coming up to another Ov soon??

 

[greenarcher]

Amen, it's nice to be synced with someone!

Food aversion and nausea now this morning too. Will someone tell my body that it's not pregnant and should stop trolling me?

 

[StarGazerRose]

Totally just feel my insides ripping out of me... I'm pretty sure she's here guys ...
I don't feel bad about it if she's here. Mean, my chances were pretty slim since it was my first time Oing in forever, and since I don't know about hubby's boys. I just have no luck, so I'm not too shocked i'm not pregnant... It's just these hormones!!! I hate them!

My co-worker just said i have "Baby Rage" since everything is pissing me off.

 

[BelleNuit]

Food aversions and nausea are totally part of PMS, which sucks! Lol I always have that same problem in the TWW

Star sorry to hear your having some strong cramps. Now that you are Oing you are more likely to have success down the line. If it makes you feel any better I O every month, have normal hormones and my DH had a fantastic SA, and we are still on our 13th cycle trying! (Of course we don't know about my tubes, but I've never had an STI so there shouldn't be scar tissue or any reason for them to be blocked) Even with everything perfectly lined up fertile couples only have a 20% chance each cycle. So you are definitely still in the running! I'm sorry this cycle didn't work out for you. I'll keep my FX that next cycle will be the lucky one!

At least now you know what kind of PMS symptoms you get, so they won't fool you next time around!

 

[greenarcher]

The thing is, I never get most PMS symptoms. Boobs never sore, only cramping shortly before af starts. I can get moody, but that's about it.

Hmmm maybe I haven't been paying enough attention to my body.

Cramping all day today, mild to moderate, but still nothing when checking cp. Cervix feels open now

Belle, still no spotting? What time do you normally start?

Star - baby rage is totally a thing. And it's dangerous

 

[StarGazerRose]

Right... I'm a bitch and I hurt >,< haha

I think that while we can't dtd right now, I think that I'll have DH go get his boys checked. He's normally really hot, and wears boxers, so i hope that his normal temp isn't too high for the brewing stage for his friends to work right. I really hope he comes back fine, I don't know how i would handle having both of dealing with issues. He's even worse than me about taking pills, and a diet change will be freakin hard as shit for him since he doesn't like anything!

I'm taking it easy today at work. I'm trying to figure out something on my file, so I'm trying to learn some more VBA ...
Urgh I need a job where I don't feel bad about wanting to learn this stuff.

Archer: I heard that if you have signs you don't normally, that it's probably a Good sign!!!

 

[StarGazerRose]

Star - baby rage is totally a thing. And it's dangerous

Yeah cause i'd probably punch some one right now if they say they are expecting -- well maybe not the woman who says it cause i don't wanna hurt the baby, but the wall next to them is fair game!
Or I might just start bursting out with tears ... yeah I think I'll probably do my fake smile as tears stream down my face....

 

[BelleNuit]

Well I started spotting so I'm out. It's faint but there, just like always

 

[greenarcher]

Damn, sorry Belle. Please still let us know how Friday's test goes

 

[BelleNuit]

I will. But I'm not expecting anything other then that BFN well, at least this is the last cycle trying on our own.

Feeling pretty disappointed. It's not like I had much hope anyway, but it still sucks. I'm facing cycle 14 with nothing obviously wrong.

I wonder if they will put me on clomid or something. It's hard to know what to do when nothing is wrong.

 

[StarGazerRose]

I think my body hates me ... so I'm freak sore -- legs feel like a pulled muscle, front and back of leg. Cramping like something fierce. Head still has an "ice pick" in one spot (urgh so annoying, every so often it's like some one is twisting it)
And yet, after going to the bathroom more than I normally should, mainly to check cause i feel like i'm peeing myself... My liner is STILL dry, and no spots on it. But when I wipe it's pinky brown ...
What the hell man?! ... Urgh ...

I just need a clear answer body... Just tell me already!!!

On another note:
I messaged my doctor today asking for a new prescription for my letrozol so if it does start, my day 3 will be over the weekend, and i need to be able to take it.

 

[sil]

How is everyone doing this morning? Any more tests? I hope the witch has stayed away for everyone.

No news here. Cd18 and still no positive opk.

 

[BelleNuit]

Spotting is bright red and heavier this AM, it's just a matter of time. I'll likely have to get the HSG between Wednesday and Friday next week. Hopefully they have enough availability to accommodate those days. Cycle day 11 is too close to ovulation for me and the rest of the days the could do the HSG fall on the weekend

 

[sil]

I'm sorry belle I hope they can fit you in for your hsg

 

[StarGazerRose]

Bitchy like yesterday and I should have brought a box of tissues cause the water works could start any minute

Only "spotting" when I pee ... I had 1 more DOT on my liner last night before bed, but I might as well be a dry duck.
Cramping every minute isn't helping matters!
I wish it would just come and be done with this bs!

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks Sil. I'm pretty disappointed. I give up believing it will happen for us naturally

 

[OhHappyZ]

Belle honestly, wether it happens from sex, pills, a syringe or from a test tube, you will carry a baby and that baby will be yours. Don't lose hope honey.

I'm still spotting over here, waiting for it to get heavier.

So this month I plan on vitamin d, grapefruit juice (the more I drink it, the more tolerable it becomes), pineapple core, preseed.

Does anyone know if claritin d has a negative effect on swimmers? I read one slim article that says it helps but I don't know. DH takes it, along with a daily, zinc, and folic acid.

I'm just seriously wondering what more we can do to up our odds. I never expected to take this long since we are healthy and still within child bearing age. Ugh.

 

[BelleNuit]

I know what you mean Z, I never expected it to take this long either, especially since all of our testing so far has shown good results!

It just bothers me that somehow there is this stigma that natural conception is somehow better than "artificial" conception Natural birth is better than using drugs or painkillers, and breast feeding is better than using formula. I'm not even a mother and already I'm failing. I can't even fucking naturally conceive The most natural thing your body can do and mine just won't.... for no friggen reason.

And if one more person tells me that I "should just adopt" I will completely LOSE IT.

Z, I don't know what to tell you to increase your odds. I've literally tried everything and nothing has worked.