TTC #1 Hopeful and Obsessed! lol

[BelleNuit]

Glad to hear your pregnancy is progressing!

It's been over a year ttc for me (16 cycles) and no pregnancies. All of our testing came back normal so we were diagnosed with unexplained infertility. I've been treating it with acupuncture and TCM (Chinese herbs), but will be starting femara towards the end of January if nothing. Will look at IUI in spring and IVF in another year. Never thought I would still be here trying. Glad you had better luck than me

 

[BabyC4Me]

Belle , things will work out...you are writing your own story right now. So you cant compare circumstances and outcomes...just keep your faith hun....im sure you are tired of hearing this bull from pregnant ppl but im just trying to be supportive.

Are you ready for the holidays?

New year...fresh start!

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks for the support. There are no guarantees in life so I guess we will see.

Yes looking forward to the holidays but also dreading all the unwanted questions from family about "when are you going to start trying" aside from our parents no one knows about the infertility and we've already been dealing with a lot of callous/thoughtless questions from "well-meaning" family. Just gets tiresome after awhile. Hard to take the new year seriously when I'm in the same spot as I was a year ago LOL

C'est la vie.

 

[mnelson815]

I either have two avenues when people ask me. I either say nothing and ignore the question or I tell them straight up. I found it really is the only thing that helps people lay off. I just started saying things like "no luck so far" or when people ask are you pregnant when you're not drinking "nope, but I wish". I get sometimes you want to be private but I found people are usually asking with no ill intent and when they find out it's a bit of a sore subject, they stop bothering you about it.
In my experience that's what I have found to be the most useful. I don't go telling the whole world I'm infertile but if you wanna poke, I'll let you know it's not all rainbows and butterflies over here.

 

[BelleNuit]

Thanks mnelson, I'm thinking of going that route over christmas. I have a large family (dad was the youngest of 11), and of course my aunts are all quite nosy. I wasn't too worried about it except that a couple weeks ago one of my aunts just KEPT BRINGING IT UP. I didn't want to say anything at the time because it was my dads bday and he had work friends there, so I had to just sit and take it. I ended up leaving and crying in the bathroom. Since then I've been a little terrified of what to expect over christmas. I think your route of giving them a little info so they get the point to lay off could work. I'm also considering telling my one aunt who wouldn't leave me alone about it just how inappropriate and hurtful that was the other night. Her and I have a fairly close relationship and I was frankly shocked by how rude she was over the whole thing. I'll let her know if she brings it up again at christmas.

 

[mnelson815]

Glad you're feeling like you have some options in how you want to deal with things. All us ladies struggling know how you feel, and even though probably unintentional outsiders can make it worse. I think having an honest conversation with her sounds like it could really benefit you both!
Hopefully the holidays aren't as hard for you as his party!

 

[BelleNuit]

Ya I'm just really upset by the whole thing and probably will be until I talk to her about it. I'm kinda hoping she'll just apologize to me. Her whole thing was "don't wait too long" so my fear if I tell her we're struggling with infertility is that she will say "told you so". Which is unjustified. I was 26 when we started trying.

I hate all of this, it makes me so sad

 

[mnelson815]

I think that is pretty odd she was saying you wouldn't want to "wait to long" considering you were so young! I mean, maybe if you were 33 and just got married I guess I could see why someone might say that, even though it is still ridiculous of people to comment such things. So weird.

AFM, I am finally feeling a little more human again after a terrible cold/flu for the past week. If it had happened in my tww I would feel a little more pumped, hoping my immune system would be off worrying about that and an egg would just be chilling by itself trying to implant, but I think I o'd yesterday so I dont think it is going to be helping me too much. Now here I am back in the tww. All I hope is that I dont have a whole damn week of spotting again. Ugh.

 

[BelleNuit]

I'll keep my fingers crossed for no spotting for you. Spotting like that is pretty awful! Were you taking femara this cycle? I'm glad that you've gotten over your cold too.. its been a really awful cold and flu season so far.. I still have a stuffed nose from that cold I had weeks ago!!

I agree, it was odd that she was so focused on age... my family is ridiculous. My grandpa asked if we had any "news" when we went to visit him this weekend (was pretty much the first thing he asked). We said we got a puppy, and he said "that doesn't count in my books" and then laughed. I know he means well, but its still hurts in the moment.

 

[mnelson815]

No femara for me this cycle. When we had our appt with our RE and we discussed the surgery and everything he told me to stop taking it. Before they do anything like IUI or IVF they want you to be off meds for a couple months, so I think we was trying to have us prepped for that. I was okay with it because I was worried it was contributing to the spotting since I hadn't spotted that early since my first few cycles of trying. Here is hoping it doesn't start up again, because if it does it will probably be on Christmas eve or day, which will just put me in a lovely mood. I do think I responded really well to Femara though, so it makes me excited for my response to fertility drugs in the future. I read my ultrasound report from that last cycle and I had 19 follicles, they measured the 4 biggest on each side and they were around 17mm and 16mm at day 10, and I didn't ovulate until day 15 I believe, so they probably grew a bit more from there.

I know, I get asked quite often when I am not drinking wine if I am pregnant. Every time I say no, and every time my DH's father's girlfriend asks. I am like... what aren't you getting here? Annoying, but oh well. Most of my close family knows a lot about where we stand, so we don't typically get asked much. I am lucky for that.

You are strong, and you can do it! Just don't let it drag you down!! Easier said than done, but I know this will happen for you, it is just the waiting that is killer right now.

 

[sil]

Belle, I feel for you. It must be so frustrating having everyone bring it up when you are trying so hard. Mnelson has some good advice. Sometimes it's best to just put it out there and ask people to stop asking so you get some space to breathe and don't feel like you have to hide anything either.

Mnelson, good luck this cycle! Hopefully the tww flies by for you. I hope you are feeling better now

 

[BelleNuit]

Started spotting I think I'm 10 dpo. DH says if I start femara now that I'm admitting that weed doesn't have an effect on sperm. He's such an idiot.

I'm just tired of all of this and want to do whatever I possibly can to make it end. I don't even believe femara will help. It just feels so futile to do nothing.

I think we are going to take a cycle off this next cycle. I need to get my MMR vaccine updated anyway and since its a live vaccine you can't be pregnant when you get it.

I'm like ugly crying I knew I was out this cycle from the beginning anyway, but it still sucks. I wasn't even checking for spotting and wasn't prepared for it.

 

[sil]

 

[mnelson815]

Definite hugs for you Belle. I feel like I can somewhat relate to how you feel, even though it hasn't been as long for trying for us as it has been you, I know that exact feeling every time you see spotting and the impossibility of acting like it doesn't affect you.
I think a cycle off is a really good idea. I had a lot better mental health during the few months in the summer we took off. I had to get my MMR booster as well, and that month was one of the best months for me. So relaxing and fun because I knew there was NO way I would be pregnant so there was no small part of me still holding on and hoping. It was very freeing for once, and I think after 15 cycles, I think you deserve that.

As for Femara - I honestly thing you need to give it a shot. I know you plan to, but I am just saying that it did help with some aspects of my cycle, and you at least feel like you are being proactive about doing something since it can get frustrating month after month trying to figure out why nothing is working! I know you have done a lot of research and it doesn't seem to do much for unexplained, but I think anything that might give you an increased chance, might give you some hope and positivity put back into this. And for what DH said about the weed - I wish I had a huge eye rolling emoji for you right now. Ugh.

Try to enjoy the holidays, have lots of wine and fun times with family & friends, and hopefully next year we both cannot partake as we will be pregnant with our own little ones.

Keep your head up!

 

[BelleNuit]

Thank you for your note mnelson. You have such a way of putting things that I always end up feeling better. Believe it or not I'm actually looking forward to taking a break

 

[BelleNuit]

Happy holidays everyone.

Spotting is still just mixed in with cm, but its a bit darker today. I'm guessing I must be 12 dpo, so AF due on Monday. Spotting will likely be heavier by the afternoon as per my usual pattern.

As long as I can get in for my MMR immunization booster next week (or the week after) we will be taking a break for the next cycle. Still planning to start femara at the end of January.

 

[GoldenRatio]

Hey Belle,

I was just checking to see how u ladies doing n saw the post about weed. I know I told u this several times before but I will tell again, my husband was smoking everyday and we still got pregnant. I blamed weed first months n made him stop for two months but then he started again. I always thought it's the weed that's affecting fertility but clomid did the trick for us.

My brother smokes everyday too n his friend ,yet their wives got pregnant first couple months of trying.

I think u should just let him smoke n not ruin ur relationship over it. I'm sure meds will give u the extra boost that u need.

 

[BelleNuit]

Golden it is great that you got pregnant despite your husband smoking weed but that does not mean it will work that way for everyone. Weed changes the way sperm move on a physiological level. It can cause hyperexcitation too early (so they burn out) and it can impair their ability to capacitate. If someone has a greater number of receptors physiologically on their sperm then weed will have a greater physiological affect on them.

Frankly take a cue. If you have told me the same thing multiple times and I continue to disagree with you then there is clearly a reason why and your opinion on the matter (or on the state of my relationship) means little to me.

Not to mention for unexplained infertility meds don't always help! It increases your chances from 1-4% per cycle to a whopping to 5%!!!!! Sorry for not losing my mind over a 1% increase which isn't even statistically significant.

We want to put our best foot forward for fertility treatments and frankly a big part of that is a clean lifestyle, of which weed plays no part.

 

[BelleNuit]

Woke up to AF and cramps today, so much for my Christmas miracle lol. My spotting was way less than normal this cycle, it never progressed past tan cm. So I'll count that as a good thing.

 

[greenarcher]

Started spotting I think I'm 10 dpo. DH says if I start femara now that I'm admitting that weed doesn't have an effect on sperm. He's such an idiot.

Belle, this makes me so mad. Your OH needs to grow the fuck up. I'm sorry AF got you on christmas day, what a bitch. I hope you're having a good holiday anyways, and your family isn't harassing you too much. I can't believe your aunt thinks 26 is too late to have kids! Jesus christ, auntie, this is the twenty-first century! Girls aren't getting married at 16 to have kids in their teens anymore!

Mnelson, glad to see your surgery was scheduled! Hopefully between now and then you'll get pregnant and you'll have to cancel When is AF due for you? I see you're about 7-8 DPO?

It's really good to see how you ladies are doing, even if the news isn't positive. Husband has moved out as planned. Took both cats (with my blessing), but now the house feels so empty. We'll talk every now and then, and he keeps asking me if I want to get back together, and I say I don't know. Then he accuses me of stringing him along, and I just say I don't know!

I know certain aspects of his personality are toxic to me in particular, but I just don't know if I'll be happy even if he's not in my life. Happiness seems pretty unobtainable at times. I'm seeing a therapist now. I hope it goes well and I get something out of it.

Love you ladies.