TTC #1 Hopeful and Obsessed! lol

[sil]

Ahhh green it's killing me. I'm waiting with such anticipation over here. Good luck! I hope things go whichever way you are wishing them to

 

[BelleNuit]

My goodness Green this has me on the edge oh my seat!!

I'm betting my opk will be positive today, been having lots of ewcm. Didn't even take EPO this month so I think I don't need to worry about taking that anymore.

DH had been pretty remorseful. I'm probably too hard on him but it seems like it takes a huge blow up to snap him back to reality. He asked if we could still keep trying this month, which I of course agreed to. I still feel like we don't have a chance though

 

[BelleNuit]

OPK was negative today, which is actually surprising to me. Last time I had a negative OPK at CD 11 was in the summer when I O'd 2 days later than normal.

I'm wondering if stress maybe delayed my ovulation considering the awful fight we had last night. In all likelihood I'll probably still O on CD 13, but might happen as late as Sunday or Monday. I've been temping the last couple days just to confirm my O date as I hate not knowing for sure during the TWW what to expect. We have so little control over this whole process. This gives me a little control back without going over the top with it all

I'm actually relieved that my OPK was negative tonight as DH and I are still fighting. He's terribly moody (weed withdrawal) and he's angry with me for yelling and losing my mind yesterday. I have no interest in BDing tonight anyway. And in my defense I've just reached my wits end. I can't take this anymore.

Mnelson how are things on your end??

Green have you done any more tests?

 

[greenarcher]

I can definitely see stress causing delayed o. I'm sorry things are still tense between you :/ I hope things improve.

Bfn this morning

 

[mnelson815]

Oh good Green. At least this wasn't one of the months you were actively TTC because that wondfo false positive would have made me have a mental breakdown.

O'ing later seems like it could be a good thing for your Belle! Hopefully it stays away a bit longer to give the egg a little more time to develop! I feel you on the not wanting to BD after all of that. I hate when fights end up during my fertile window. It's not what I would love to be doing at the moment... but don't also really want to wait another whole month knowing this month likely didn't work? Ugh, its annyoing. At least you got one in before hand so you don't have to worry about making sure it happens or anything, just going with how you feel!

As for me... still spotting..UGH! I am so sick of spotting. Seriously. I usually spot until CD7, like that is nothing new. But I am just thinking that for half my cycle these last two months, I think I am spotting or bleeding for more than half of it. I love when my RE's aren't concerned about it though.... Annoying. Hopefully today is that last day. I also went to my GP yesterday to do a quick urine test as I thought I might have has a UTI ( I didn't), and when there I was testing and they said there was some blood in it (well.. I am still spotting, so really no shocker there), so now they want to send it off for more tests and do an ultrasound of my bladder to as my lovely GP put it "Check for tumors or anything". Seriously... I have such bad health related anxiety that I dont think its necessary to use the word tumor with me until we are pretty sure that is what it is. I also had an ultrasound of it Jan 2016 with my regular pelvic one they did and everything was fine then and a urine test before my HSG in August which showed everything was normal, no blood. But yet, here I sit, googling bladder cancer as my lovely GP knows my issues yet still says tumors to me on the regular.

UGGGGGGGGGGGGGGH.

 

[BelleNuit]

mnelson I can't believe they actually said they were going to check for tumors!!! Thats ridiculous. Its obvious the blood is coming from the fact that you are still spotting! UGH doctors annoy me sometimes!! Your RE probably isn't concerned about the spotting because it'll likely be fixed after your surgery! Thats my hope anyway! When I went off of birth control (like 6-7 years ago) I ended up spotting for 2-3 months just about steady. I'd get an AF and then still spot all in between. It was awful, so I can definitely empathize with you!

DH and I still managed to BD last night. As angry as he is and as angry as I am we both still want a baby. UGH, hate how it comes down to that lol. If my OPK is positive today we'll BD today, otherwise we'll wait for tomorrow.

My last 2 cycles have been CD 13 O's which have been great! I seem to be moving away from that early CD 12 O. Maybe the acupuncture is helping! A girl can hope lol

I agree Green I would have lost my mind if I saw that positive while actively TTC. That is SO much worse than a BFN.

 

[greenarcher]

Lots of brown spotting today. Af is on her way, should be here in a few hours. Didn't bother testing this morning. I'm not pregnant.

 

[OhHappyZ]

Congrats Z on your good news It was only a matter of time
Z can I rub your head or something so I can get some of that lucky baby dust too?? LOL

Yeah Z, I could really use some pregnancy hormones thrown this direction if you get a chance!

Of course, rub away!! Can you braid it while you're back there? I've been too tired to brush or style it lol

Funny thing is that this cycle I did everything wrong. I was in AZ during the first 5 days after O, and was with all my family for Thanksgiving, so I drank some coffee, I drank wine and mead, I didn't eat pineapple or brazil nuts, I didn't check my cm or cp, and I didn't symptom spot. But I did have a ton of fun, and my brain didn't even have time to think about ttc. Maybe something about that was my lucky charm? Or it's because DH was taking maca (and had the bessssst sex drive omg), or because I was doing castor oil packs. Ever since I started the castor oil packs last cycle, my O day has come earlier and earlier by a day which is awesome because my cycle was 32 days. I totally recommend COP. If nothing else, it's time to yourself to relax.

 

[BelleNuit]

That's great Z, glad "relaxing" did the trick for you. I've been thinking about castor oil packs.

Sorry to hear AF is on its way Green, it always sucks when it comes

I'm in a super angry/destructive mood right now. I haven't felt this angry during a cycle since August when I downed a massive amount of whiskey and went at DH's boxing bag like a woman possessed. I'm in the mood for doing something impulsive and stupid. But I'll probably just get drunk and pick a fight with DH

UGH

 

[BelleNuit]

Hmm CD 15 and still no temp shift despite the pos OPK on CD 12. What is my body doing???

 

[mnelson815]

Do you think you maybe had a fallback rise? I know its your first time temping in a while, so maybe with the changing seasons and everything it is throwing your temps off a bit? I know when we got this cold weather, my temp hasn't been reliable because you are either colder from that, or the extra bedding and heat in the house causes a change as well.

If you are worried about O, would you do a progesterone draw? Or just write off this month if you are thinking anovulatory?

 

[BelleNuit]

Last time I had an anov cycle I ended up getting AF on CD 17, so if it's anov the cycle should end in the next couple days.

I still have a bit of a cold so that might be throwing things off as well.

I'll just keep temping and BDing EOD and see how that goes. I have O'd on CD 15 before so it's not unheard of for me, and I have been under stress so possible O got delayed

But if it ends up no clear temp shift this cycle I will do femara and temp next cycle

 

[BelleNuit]

Well I got the clear temp rise I was looking for! So it's possible I didn't O until yesterday. We would have totally missed our most fertile days if we had relied on OPKs. I think I'm going to switch from the digital OPKs to the standard ones. I think the digitals are giving me an earlier result for the LH surge. My fertility clinic actually said that you shoukdnt use digital OPKs when doing IUIs and I think it's for this reason.

 

[mnelson815]

I typically test with both because I am a psychopath haha.
Which digital were you using? Last cycle I used the CB advanced that detects estrogen as well, and I though that was a more appropriate reading than just the regular LH.

It could also be one of those flukey things where the LH surges, and the eggs doesn't quite make it out so it goes again the next day?

Good luck this cycle! Glad you guys kept bding!!

 

[BelleNuit]

I was using clear blue digital OPKs (not the advanced). On my last few cycles I O'd 2 days after my pos OPK, but this cycle was 3 days. Maybe stress delayed it a bit. Who knows, I'm just glad I O'd and that we continued BDing. If I hadn't been temping we would have stopped BDing at CD 12 and I would have been excited when the end of my TWW came with no AF, and then would have been devastated when AF arrived 2 days later due to not counting the right O date.

I think I will continue to temp the fertile week to confirm O from now on, and then not worry about it the rest of the time.

 

[greenarcher]

Belle - That's a good plan, temping to confirm O. Then you can be assured, but not freak out over temp fluctuations after O. Weather and stress can both throw things off, so it doesnt surprise me that your cycle was a little wonky.

Happy - what exactly are castor oil packs?

Mnelson - any word on your pathology report? Any cancellations yet?

AFM, a nice, strong AF, no doubts that it might be too light. Very glad I don't have to worry about that anymore. I'm back on birth control now.

Husband is in a psychiatric facility for making a suicide attempt. He checks out today, and then plans to move in with his parents. It was a really really rough weekend. I hope he gets better.

 

[mnelson815]

Omg, Green I am so sorry to hear that! That must have been a very emotional and stressful weekend! I am happy he was getting some help, even if it wasn't in the healthiest ways to get there.

A castor oil pack is when you get organic cold pressed castor oil and a sheet of unbleached flannel. You soak the flannel in the oil, then place the sheet on your lower abdomen and then place a sheet of plastic (saran wrap, plastic grocery bag, etc.) over top of the pack. Then you use a hot water bottle or heating pack and lay it on top of the plastic. The plastic is just to keep the castor oil from getting on your heating source since its super annoying to remove and can stain. Then you just chill out for at least half an hour to one hour. They have tons of benefits - you can read all about them online. I do not do mine nearly enough as I need to.

AFM - No pathology because I haven't had them removed yet. They will be removed with the septum resection which is now looking like March Annoying. I did add myself to the cancellation list however, so here is hoping!

 

[BelleNuit]

Green as someone who works in mental health that is the one thing that frustrates me the most, that people pretty much have to attempt suicide or homicide before they can get help. It's so reactionary. I so hope that your husband gets the help he needs. I also want to remind you to take care of yourself. You are going through something incredibly stressful right now and may benefit from counselling yourself!

 

[BelleNuit]

Green I want to share what happened to me, not to take away from what is going on for you, but to let you know that you're not alone.

While the circumstances were different my brother also attempted suicide a couple years ago. He ended up in a medically induced coma for a couple months in the ICU as a result. I remember thinking at the time that I wish I could have done things differently and that maybe if I had been more attentive, or a better sister, or if I saw the signs that I could have prevented this from happening. Especially because I work in mental health. My brother survived and got the help he needed but I still needed to grieve what happened.

It is so common for survivors to feel guilt when someone close to them attempts suicide. Your divorce coupled with this incident means that you are going through a complex grieving process even if it doesn't seem like that yet (denial/shock is the first stage). No matter what, whatever happens and whatever happened it is not your fault. Everyone will seem to look to provide your ex-husband with support right now, just remember that you need support to and that this is okay.

We're always here for you even if your not ttc anymore

 

[BabyC4Me]

Hi ladies! Its been ages since I have been on my thread here!

How is everyone doing?

Hope all is well or at least on the road to recovery...

I am 27 weeks preggo today! Keeping you ladies in my thoughts!