TTC 1st child 35+ (Please spoiler any PG news/announcements).

[vickyd]

Oh dear - I hadn't realised how over emotional I was at the moment until I saw this new forum & burst into tears!!
Thank you for starting a TTC#1 thread too - I know its hard for everyone if they're finding it difficult to conceive but when I read posts from people saying they are trying for #4 I can't helping the little voice inside that says 'would it be too much for me to have just 1?'

I completely feel the same way!! It's hard to empathize with someone (as harsh as that sounds) who's struggling with #3, #4, whatever. I've always wanted 2 and the other day I felt this overwhelming sense of hopelessness thinking that I'll never have 2 because I'm too tired of trying for one.

Ditto Maxx!!! Thats why i sooooo want to have twins!!!! really i feel sooo exhausted i dont think ill have the stamina, or mental health to go for number 2!!! Its a pity though cause i always wanted to have 2 kids within 2 years so that they may have a really close relationship like i have with my sis...

 

[maxxiandniko]

Hi everyone. I will be 36 next month and have been TTC for one month. Its funny, you are on the pill to stop getting pregnant so I thought hey, Ill come off it and get pregnant straight away. Looking at your posts, it doesnt work that way Very bad pains in tummy today, not sure what they are. Came off pill on 21 May and had a 3 day bleed. Didnt know if it was withdrawal or actual AF but doctor said its the same thing. Anyway, no AF since. No spotting or anything either. Good to know that there are more over 35s out there TTC especially TTC number 1 xx

I totally hear you! I came off of the pill last summer but only at the urging of my ob. My plan was to be married for 1 year before coming off, conceiving 3 months after (because as you know that's statistically what happens to most women and why on earth would I be any different!) and giving birth 9 months later around the time of my 2 year wedding anniversary. I proudly told my ob of my plan and was disappointed when she asked what if anything was going to be different in 6 months that would make not going off the pill a good option. She also said that it's better to know early on if I'm going to have a problem. Since I didn't have a good answer I agreed to do it. I was so frustrated because I wanted to do things my way according to my plan (which of course would work!) that I considered staying on the pill and not telling her. Ha ha ha. Joke's on me. One mc and one chemical pregnancy later I'm glad I listened to her. Funny how you never, ever think you'll have a problem getting pregnant and then you do and you just have to laugh at how naive you were!

 

[maxxiandniko]

Oh dear - I hadn't realised how over emotional I was at the moment until I saw this new forum & burst into tears!!
Thank you for starting a TTC#1 thread too - I know its hard for everyone if they're finding it difficult to conceive but when I read posts from people saying they are trying for #4 I can't helping the little voice inside that says 'would it be too much for me to have just 1?'

I completely feel the same way!! It's hard to empathize with someone (as harsh as that sounds) who's struggling with #3, #4, whatever. I've always wanted 2 and the other day I felt this overwhelming sense of hopelessness thinking that I'll never have 2 because I'm too tired of trying for one.

Ditto Maxx!!! Thats why i sooooo want to have twins!!!! really i feel sooo exhausted i dont think ill have the stamina, or mental health to go for number 2!!! Its a pity though cause i always wanted to have 2 kids within 2 years so that they may have a really close relationship like i have with my sis...

I'd love to have twins too. Makes me want to do fertility treatments and the worst part is that I'm not a candidate for those treatments at the moment! Imagine being upset that I can't do fertility treatments! I'm just getting so tired of the process that if I'm lucky enough to have that may be it for me.

 

[caroleb73]

Oh dear - I hadn't realised how over emotional I was at the moment until I saw this new forum & burst into tears!!
Thank you for starting a TTC#1 thread too - I know its hard for everyone if they're finding it difficult to conceive but when I read posts from people saying they are trying for #4 I can't helping the little voice inside that says 'would it be too much for me to have just 1?'

I completely share your feelings, I know it would be hard for anyone who really wanted a baby but if you already have at least one then I think they are blessed. I always wanted 2 kids but after all the trouble I am having just trying to conceive I would be over the moon with just 1 healthy baby.

I get emotional when I hear of my friends pregnant yet again and although I am really happy for them there is a voice inside of me saying why can't that be me. I then feel guilty for thinking this but can't seem to help it.

We have to remain positive and keep trying everything we can to reach our goal.

Sending you big hugs

 

[Kiki09]

Hi, a bit late but can I join?? I am almost 39, TTC No 1, have had 2 mc's...

finding this journey a struggle at the mo as all but 1 of the girls who started out on this journey with me on here now either have a baby or is pregnant, which I think is fantastic for them and I am really happy for them, it just brings home that I am still trying and failing...

 

[vickyd]

Hey Kiki

I share your feelings of failure hun....I havent been on the forum that long but all of my friends who started ttc the same time as me are now baptising their children and im still at square 1, consumed with fear that ill get pregnant only to loose the baby again...
Its so hard sometimes to even get through the day but we have to be strong and optimistic, i mean how much bad luck can 1 person have right?????

 

[caroleb73]

Hey guys I am now 3 DPO and driving myself insane already. I so hate this part as every day I just want to know if we have hit the jackpot this month and actually got pregnant. I know that all my friends with kids or single and happy would not understand and think I am completely crazy. Feeling really yukky as well which I am sure is down to the progesterone that I am taking. Headaches, cramps, nausea and no energy.

Also a friends husband asked me today if I was pregnant yet, was poilte and said no. His response was to make a joke and ask what was taking us so long. I know he doesn't mean to upset me but really hey if I was pregnant everyone would know about it and comments like that just make me feel more down and like there is something wrong with me.

Sorry to rant but just finding it really hard today and feel like bursting into tears

 

[vickyd]

Carole sorry to hear youre having such a bad day hun....The 2ww is a real killer on the nerves isnt it? Im either 10, 8 or 6 dpo (LOL with the accuracy!) and slowly loosing it!!!
Thought i had some symptoms last night but all gone today.....

Your friend is like many out there who find this question innocent enough and cannot begin to realise how hurt we feel after. I used to get upset but now ive taken it as a lesson and never ask anything personal of anyone. You just dont know what problems people may be having in their life.

 

[twinkle1975]

Hello Ladies,

Just need to vent a little before I explode! DH & I both had tests last month - neither of which had great results but I'm going for another blood test & DH is taking loads of different vitamins, maca etc. So we'd talked & decided to BD every other day to give his spermies chance to recover in between. Yesterday I told DH that I was shattered & asked if he could come home early from badminton so we'd get chance to dtd before I fell asleep. Anyway he didn't come home til his usual time by which point I was really tired & extremely p'd off with him & totally not in the mood for anything. So there was crying from me & sorrys from him until he finally said he didn't feel there was any point trying until he'd lost some weight as he thinks that will make his swimmers less lazy. Argh! A) why didn't he tell me that before & B) there's always a chance every month & wasting a month just because you don't think it'll happen is insane!!

Sorry rant over!

 

[heart tree]

Hi ladies, I haven't been online for a while but did read all of your posts. I wish I could respond to them all. I relate to all of you!!

Since I can't because I have to get to work, I'll respond to the last post. Twinkle, first of all, you never need to apologize for a rant! Rant away! Your story is rantable! Not sure that is a word, but I just made it one.

Husbands don't get it all the time. A lot of them try to get it, but it is just different for them. No matter how often we tell them about our biological clocks, they don't have the same mind set. Watching you cry might have made him feel like he wasn't performing to his best ability. It might have been a reminder to him that he hasn't given you a baby yet and that felt overwhelming for him. Maybe by telling you he wanted to lose weight, he was trying to gain a little control over the situation for himself to feel more like a man. I'm guessing he wasn't thinking about it like you were. He wasn't looking at it as a waste of a month if he didn't try this month. He might be looking at it as a waste of a month if he does try. Maybe there is some performance anxiety for him and he is terrified of failing. It's so hard to get into our men's heads. Imagine how hard it is for them to get into ours. I'm sometimes amazed my husband continues to stay married to me. He's had to become a mind reader when it comes to ttc. Actually, he should win a medal, since he's become so good at it. Don't get me wrong, he still says and does things that make me rant too.

Is there a way to talk about this with your husband when you are both in a calm mood? It might be good to encourage him to talk about his thought process behind this idea of losing weight and not trying anymore this month. If he is adamant about this plan, you both need to come to a compromise that works for both of you. It won't work if one of you is resentful. I hope you can work it out and of course I hope you can keep trying this month.

 

[pluto]

Hey guys I am now 3 DPO and driving myself insane already. I so hate this part as every day I just want to know if we
Also a friends husband asked me today if I was pregnant yet, was poilte and said no. His response was to make a joke and ask what was taking us so long. I know he doesn't mean to upset me but really hey if I was pregnant everyone would know about it and comments like that just make me feel more down and like there is something wrong with me.

I know exactly what you mean, I have been asked so many times over the last few months are you going to have children and when r u going to get pregnant (like I have a choice) and it is so upsetting....we went on holiday in feb and one of Dh friendas said at a dinner of about 10people in front of everybody, that he bet I would come back pregnant. Needless to say, I didn't...its worse cause all my friends seem to get pregnant so quickly. my best friend got pregnant within a couple of weeks of coming off the pill so I really don't think she would understand what it is like.

 

[twinkle1975]

Wow people were right Heart Tree is REALLY wise! Thank you thank you thank you! xxx

 

[rottpaw]

Hi all!

I'm new and just posted over on the intro page, but saw this thread and LOVE the idea of this group. Hugs to all, and I can't wait to make some new friends who are on this same journey!

I am 35, hubby is 41. Hubby and I have been TTC for a year and a half... long story short, after the fertility workup it now appears our issue relates to egg supply (AMH 0.3, Day 3 FSH borderline, Day 3 follicle counts low (3 and 4). I know it is not impossible, but we are pretty bummed by this news.

After having an HSG last week (everything was normal, thank God), we TTC for the month and now are in the 2WW. I've heard the HSG can "help" clear things out (if there were unseen problems). But I am also wondering if anyone knows of any cases where that helped even when there were no known issues revealed by the test. Grasping at straws, I guess! And I am thankful all was normal there. The test was no fun, but at least it's over.

So anyway, I'll be reading through the posts and look forward to getting to know you ladies!

Happy almost Friday!

 

[doogie1970]

Hi,
Have only just discovered this site and it has already made me feel better as I now dont feel so alone. I am 40 and ttc my 1st. Every time I hear about another family member or friend getting pregnant I cant help but feel that stab of jealousy, although I am also happy for them Dont feel it will ever happen for me.
It does not help that BF works away Monday to friday so we only have the 3 days a week together ggggrrrrrr.

 

[vickyd]

Wow people were right Heart Tree is REALLY wise! Thank you thank you thank you! xxx

She is isnt she???? I have already nominated her as the groups therapist in another thread

Rotpaw welcome to our group hun! i dont know anything about hsg so no words of wisdom from me!!

doogie i know the feeling all too well!!! Hopefully very soon we will have our bfp and then our healthy babies, and well get back to our old selves again!!!

 

[heart tree]

Thanks for the vote of confidence Vicky and twinkle! Now, if only I could convince my body to cooperate with me!

Rotpaw, welcome, welcome. I also don't have experience with hsg, but have been toying with the idea of asking for it. If you find out anything, let us know!

Doogie, welcome as well. You are not alone. I feel the same way you do with jealousy. Like another poster, I think HappyAuntie, I have some pretty deep, dark thoughts when I find out a friend is pregnant. I realize they are just thoughts and normal ones at that. Jealousy is very normal. You can be happy for your friends, but want what they have at the same time. To be honest, sometimes I'm not even happy for them. I certainly don't share that with them, but I feel ok expressing my honest feelings on this site. I hope everyone feels ok with expressing themselves honestly here!

I pray that in a years time none of us will be on this forum anymore because we'll all have babies or ones on the way.

 

[doogie1970]

Thanks for the welcome Heart Tree. I also pray that we all get our wish and conceive. Somedays I feel if one more person asks me if I have children and if not why not I will scream. So glad i found this site gives me an outlet to all the emotions i feel.
Every month I go over the ovulation calendar and try but every month that same empty feeling when once again its a bfn. Thanks again for making me feel welcome.

 

[vickyd]

Hearty it wont be years, it will be months or maybe a year!!! We have to believe it hun or we will go completely loony!!!
The worst part of jealousy is when you start to think that so and so isnt deserving of a baby...I share these thought with DH quite often ( a mistake i know!) and he always says who are you to judge who is deserving? He's right i know, but what he doesnt know and will never know is the emptiness and hopelessness i feel when another friend announces her pregnancy. Just today an aquaintance of mine posted as a status on facebook " when i write my dotage, i will look back at my thirties as my childbearing years" This is her 3d baby in 4 years!! I mean come on how can you not gag at something like that?????? GRRRRRR

 

[doogie1970]

Hi Vicky, I know that feeling oh so well I have a friend who has just had a baby boy and two friends on Facebook have also announced there joy. Cant help feeling so jealous of them and thinking why cant it be me. I just look back on my life and think I probably wasted those years thinking I had plenty of time for a baby and now that I am ready and happy in my life I cant conceive one.

 

[SydneyB]

Doogie just been reading a few of your posts - feeling exactly the same!! People just assume don't they that you must not want children - how wrong could they be - if only I had the courage and knew I would not cry I would shout at them "I'M TRYING!!!!!!!!"

I can understand totally with your frustration at only having 3 days a week with your husband - My husband has been working away since the 24th May and I will only see him again on the 26th July. (He's not in the army or anything so at least I know he will come home). This used to keep our relationship fresh and exciting but since our miscarriage I have realized that I really do want a baby much more than I thought I did and I'm now starting to really resent him being away. Change of job is not an option . All I can hope is his next contract is in the UK so at least he will get to come home more. He just doesn't see the impact of the months going by without us even having the possibility of trying let alone the fact that it takes longer the older you are to get pregnant. He seems to think we have all the time in the world (Yes I have told him we don't). I'm starting to think its just never going to happen because we are never together enough!!!!! How do you TTC when you are on your own most of the time. There is a ray of hope (and a lot of jealousy) that some of his friends partners - same ages and same jobs - have recently had babies or announced they are pregnant - if they can do it why can't we.

This week alone I have had to deal with my friends sister giving birth, relative giving birth, Stacy on Eastenders giving birth (only those in the UK will understand this) and EVERYWHERE I turn there are pregnant ladies around me - I must see at least 10 a day!!!!!!!!