TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!
- Thread starter mumoffive
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glowstar 0 hun im so sorry to hear your news and no u dont have to wait the three months if you dont want to as you are so fertile the month after the m/c hun i was told to wait three months in 1989 after losing my little boy at 5 and half months but i concieved and carried perfectly to full term the month after with my oldest daughter and fell again when my oldest was 8 months old with my 2nd daughter. It all depends on how you feel and how your body is and how it adjusts apparantly but you will be fine and am siure in a months time we will see you post again with a big fat strong +.
Good luck hun and have a good holiday xxx
Good luck hun and have a good holiday xxx
Dear Glowie
I am so sorry that things have ended this way. Sam is right, you are so strong that this will not break you. Re: bleeding. Pip is right, it is so different each time. The mc I had at 6 weeks, so closest to your time, was a day and night of cramping, culminating with passing a really large clot and then the pain eased, reduced bleeding for only a couple of days. I hope it gives you comfort to hear that I was 39 and only 1 cycle - 7 weeks later - I was pregnant with my DS (and pneumomia - remember?!). I pray you are pregnant just as quickly and that pneumonia is not a prerequisite.
Focus now, if you can, on your upcoming hols. It will be perfect timing to have the chance to be together without the pressures of day to day life and to heal your body and your hearts xxxxx
I am so sorry that things have ended this way. Sam is right, you are so strong that this will not break you. Re: bleeding. Pip is right, it is so different each time. The mc I had at 6 weeks, so closest to your time, was a day and night of cramping, culminating with passing a really large clot and then the pain eased, reduced bleeding for only a couple of days. I hope it gives you comfort to hear that I was 39 and only 1 cycle - 7 weeks later - I was pregnant with my DS (and pneumomia - remember?!). I pray you are pregnant just as quickly and that pneumonia is not a prerequisite.
Focus now, if you can, on your upcoming hols. It will be perfect timing to have the chance to be together without the pressures of day to day life and to heal your body and your hearts xxxxx
Think I mentioned that my DH was reluctantly going to Dr to ask for SA. Appointment was this morning and DS and I went along for the ride. I took along the report from the nasty gynae/obstetrician I saw just before I discovered I was pregnant last Summer (so didn't need her - ha!), and had highlighted all the various avenues she had detailed for us to explore. GP was kind, but I could tell she was thinking ,'You haven't a bloody hope'. She has been really supportive throughout our endeavours the best part of last year, was delighted when we announced the pregnancy to her and caring after the mc. HOWEVER, today I felt like she wanted to say, 'Give it up' and it seemed like DH was trying to get her onside to say that this whole project is madness. I felt for the first time that he is feeling the strain and would be happier to stop than to live under this pressure. He detailed my wide spectrum of emotions at the different stages of the month and despite the fact it was an accurate picture, I sounded like a nutter. He told her, and I know it is so, that I am obsessed, think of little else from morning till night and that it is putting our relationship under strain. He acknowledged that he doesn't know how I'll step off the treadmill and I haven't a bloody clue how I'd manage it. She agreed with him that even another pregnancy is more likely to end in failure than it is in success. Obviously I cried for most of the appointment and, while I know he spoke the truth and felt emboldened to say his piece in front of the Dr when he might not have said it at home, I felt betrayed by him. She asked if I would consider egg donation and I said no. She told me that even though I continue to menstruate my egg quality is massively reduced. These are all things I know but I can't help hoping I can prove her wrong. I told DH on way home that it DOES happen, women of 43 DO get pregnant, stay pregnant and give birth to healthy babies! Positive reinforcement needed here please! She said that most of the procedures suggested by the specialist last year are not relevant now that I have had mc, thus proving that getting pregnant is not being prevented by previous C-section scarring/lesions etc. She offered a day 2 FSH blood test which I had today but said that anything else would have to be paid for, starting price approx £1000. Great news when I've paid taxes and NI for the past 20+ years, marvellous news. How does one stop? Reb, if you are contemplating ending your journey, what brought you to the place where that becomes an option?
I know I have supreme talent for being depressing and am so sorry that I am burdening you with this, particularly when we are all feeling so sad for poor Glowie and trying to remain hopeful. I want to stick 2 fingers up and decide to be happy with my life as it is AND to get pregnant but this just really stole all my happy, positive vibe I worked so hard to achieve yesterday and left me feeling like I am just a silly old past the sell by date with a hopeless pipe dream. I know you all have had mixed experiences with GPs and FSs, how have you metaphorically stuck 2 fingers and regained your focus?
I know I have supreme talent for being depressing and am so sorry that I am burdening you with this, particularly when we are all feeling so sad for poor Glowie and trying to remain hopeful. I want to stick 2 fingers up and decide to be happy with my life as it is AND to get pregnant but this just really stole all my happy, positive vibe I worked so hard to achieve yesterday and left me feeling like I am just a silly old past the sell by date with a hopeless pipe dream. I know you all have had mixed experiences with GPs and FSs, how have you metaphorically stuck 2 fingers and regained your focus?
samiam
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Spoomie: Sigh. Another damned doctor. Those people need training on how to deal with people. Really. Hon. First of all, you don't need to apologize to us (and I think I can safely speak for everyone here). This board is full of women who have been told by a variety of docs that we are too old. And some of the women on here then proceeded to get pregnant and give birth to happy healthy babies. And most of the rest of us will follow in their shoes. I do believe that. I think that the FSH test is a good start. It will give you an idea of your ovarian reserve. If it's low or normal, then you proceed from there. Given the fact that you are an athlete and therefore probably eat well, don't smoke, don't drink to excess, your egg health may be that of a 35 year old woman. This is where the science fails. It cannot predict entirely whether you can/will get pregnant. And therein lies some of the frustration. Was this a GP or a specialist? If GP, I'd try to get myself referred to a specialist and have this kind of conversation with her/him. Frankly, you could claim that you suspect that you have PCOS and have them run the battery of hormone tests (for free). That may be something to consider, but research PCOS before you go in so you can sound like a plausible case.
As for feeling betrayed, I can see that. But it also seems to be that your OH maybe should be talking to a counsellor as he clearly feels the strain and needs to get it off of his chest. Can he go with you to the bereavement counsellor? Or his own counsellor?
Also--why no egg donation? Not judging, just wondering. I'm not sure I would consider it, but I honestly don't know. OH would consider it and so I may as well if I get to that place.
As for keeping my positive vibe, I dunno. I guess I just refuse to believe, that with all of my hormone levels looking normal and the fact that I am young for my age, I won't get pregnant. I did it in November. I plan to do it again and this time it will stick. There are many articles showing 40+ women having babies. So why should we be any different?
Hang in there, hon. Just breathe and take what the gp said as statistical information. After all, sure, the odds are not AS good as for younger women. But so what? That doesn't mean crap, finally. Women over 40 get pregnant and have healthy babies. And we'll be there soon too.
As for feeling betrayed, I can see that. But it also seems to be that your OH maybe should be talking to a counsellor as he clearly feels the strain and needs to get it off of his chest. Can he go with you to the bereavement counsellor? Or his own counsellor?
Also--why no egg donation? Not judging, just wondering. I'm not sure I would consider it, but I honestly don't know. OH would consider it and so I may as well if I get to that place.
As for keeping my positive vibe, I dunno. I guess I just refuse to believe, that with all of my hormone levels looking normal and the fact that I am young for my age, I won't get pregnant. I did it in November. I plan to do it again and this time it will stick. There are many articles showing 40+ women having babies. So why should we be any different?
Hang in there, hon. Just breathe and take what the gp said as statistical information. After all, sure, the odds are not AS good as for younger women. But so what? That doesn't mean crap, finally. Women over 40 get pregnant and have healthy babies. And we'll be there soon too.
Reb S
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Glowie, I do hope you're okay. Thinking of you all day and hoping that you cope well, which I am sure you will do xxx
Spoomie - my journey was supposed to end a year ago. I have been living on borrowed time, pushing OH for one month after another and now for this final blast for poss IVF. We were never going to do IVF, as we started trying for children late and we began with the philosophy of what is meant to be will be; then we decided to do it once and give up if it failed. Having no children, I have had to spend a lot of time contemplating my life without them and have concluded that OH and I deserve to live and will live happy and complete lives, even with this huge hole. We love each other and that is the most important thing. Not being able to celebrate this love with a child is a huge sadness, but something I had thought about before we even began trying. Life is for living and you don't always get what you want. I have a friend who has lost her son aged 4 and she talks all the time about celebrating what you have. Hope that helps, Spoomie and I'm sorry OH did the dirty on you, but maybe it's good to know what he's really thinking? HOWEVER!!! We've proven on this thread that WE CAN DO IT!!! x
Spoomie - my journey was supposed to end a year ago. I have been living on borrowed time, pushing OH for one month after another and now for this final blast for poss IVF. We were never going to do IVF, as we started trying for children late and we began with the philosophy of what is meant to be will be; then we decided to do it once and give up if it failed. Having no children, I have had to spend a lot of time contemplating my life without them and have concluded that OH and I deserve to live and will live happy and complete lives, even with this huge hole. We love each other and that is the most important thing. Not being able to celebrate this love with a child is a huge sadness, but something I had thought about before we even began trying. Life is for living and you don't always get what you want. I have a friend who has lost her son aged 4 and she talks all the time about celebrating what you have. Hope that helps, Spoomie and I'm sorry OH did the dirty on you, but maybe it's good to know what he's really thinking? HOWEVER!!! We've proven on this thread that WE CAN DO IT!!! x
ciarhwyfar
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Sorry to hear it is the end, Glowie, but at least you know for sure and can plan where to go from here.
Spoomie, sorry he couldn't just tell you how he has been feeling but at least it is now in the open. You can't talk about things you don't know about and now you can try and figure out what is the next best step for your family with ability to include everyone's feelings. I hope you can find an answer that leaves you at peace.
Reb, I think you may be right about figure out what your end point or break point is and figuring out how to make it work. I am glad that you seem to be accepting of what happens at this point and I hope for all the best for you.
That being said, age is not the end of the story. I am 42 and will be 43 shortly after the due date here. I am hopeful that everyone can get their sticky one soon and we all end up in the parenting forums. I keep you all in my thoughts.
Spoomie, sorry he couldn't just tell you how he has been feeling but at least it is now in the open. You can't talk about things you don't know about and now you can try and figure out what is the next best step for your family with ability to include everyone's feelings. I hope you can find an answer that leaves you at peace.
Reb, I think you may be right about figure out what your end point or break point is and figuring out how to make it work. I am glad that you seem to be accepting of what happens at this point and I hope for all the best for you.
That being said, age is not the end of the story. I am 42 and will be 43 shortly after the due date here. I am hopeful that everyone can get their sticky one soon and we all end up in the parenting forums. I keep you all in my thoughts.
UPDATE FROM GLOWIE
Ladies, I nearly died last night :'( I was so petrified and thankful to the nurses who fought to bring me back. It started about tea time yesterday. I went to my sisters, only a short drive away and my bleeding was managable with little pain. Not long after getting there the bleeding started and poured and poured and huge clots. Filled 4 pads and then some on 20 mins. My sister was crying worried. Luckily she lives close to a hospital. We went to a&e and didn't have to wait. Seen straight away by gynae who panicked and had to get the head registrar who decided I needed a more specialist gynae unit and would need theatre. I had so many injections, internals fluids, they had to weigh the pads underneath me to gauge loss of blood. I was then transferred by ambulance blue lights and all to another hospital. Steve followed in his car. When they got me on the ward the head consultant came to see me and things happened so fast, my heart went down to 30bpm and my BP dropped to the floor, according to Steve I stopped responding and then convulsing.
The whole ward rushed to my bed, oxygen, more fluids. I vaguely remember someone saying my name over and over. Within 30 minutes I was in theatre
for a d&c. I'm now on morphine and on my 3rd bag of blood to replace what I lost. In an hour my haemoglobin went from 14 to 6. Now signed off work for another week.
Ladies, I nearly died last night :'( I was so petrified and thankful to the nurses who fought to bring me back. It started about tea time yesterday. I went to my sisters, only a short drive away and my bleeding was managable with little pain. Not long after getting there the bleeding started and poured and poured and huge clots. Filled 4 pads and then some on 20 mins. My sister was crying worried. Luckily she lives close to a hospital. We went to a&e and didn't have to wait. Seen straight away by gynae who panicked and had to get the head registrar who decided I needed a more specialist gynae unit and would need theatre. I had so many injections, internals fluids, they had to weigh the pads underneath me to gauge loss of blood. I was then transferred by ambulance blue lights and all to another hospital. Steve followed in his car. When they got me on the ward the head consultant came to see me and things happened so fast, my heart went down to 30bpm and my BP dropped to the floor, according to Steve I stopped responding and then convulsing.
The whole ward rushed to my bed, oxygen, more fluids. I vaguely remember someone saying my name over and over. Within 30 minutes I was in theatre
for a d&c. I'm now on morphine and on my 3rd bag of blood to replace what I lost. In an hour my haemoglobin went from 14 to 6. Now signed off work for another week.
ciarhwyfar
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Glowie, I will keep you in my prayers. I hope that you get better fast and that we see you soon.
Hi Girls, Just back from my hols. had a great time and did temp for about ten days and I have given up TBH!! Confused now cos I think I OV'd day 14 as usual, and chart telling me day 17 - so who knows where I am. Think its best that I wait again for AF to show and start over again. I have still to catch up with the news but I do know about Glowstar and I have spoken today via her mobile in hospital - she hopes to get home tomorrow. We actually are very good mates and have been for a number of years 
) - she knows that we are all thinking of her.
Ill go try catch up now girls - hugs
) - she knows that we are all thinking of her. Ill go try catch up now girls - hugs
Oh poor poor Glowie. You have definitely been through the wars this week. I am sure that each and every single one of us here is so so thankful for the brilliant A&E team, consultants etc etc for saving you and keeping you here! I know your emotional pain is immense, but for now appreciate the fact that you are still here and work on getting your strength back physically. Sounds like you are being well looked after and loved. Concentrate on you and focus on being well for your hols, that is going to be a well timed break for all the wrong reasons now, but well timed nonetheless. You are in my thoughts and prayers xxx
Good to hear that Morgans has been in touch and that Glowie knows we are all thinking of her
Good to hear that Morgans has been in touch and that Glowie knows we are all thinking of her
Morgans, it's great that you have given up - please God, this is the time you will get pregnant! Last Summer I had effectively accepted that I would not get the longed for sibling for my little boy and was delighted to find out I was pregnant the very next month. SInce the mc however, I have been obsessed and nothing, zilch. You will certainly teach us all a lesson if you are pregnant Good to have you back, hope you had great hols
Good to have you back, hope you had great holsThanks Spoomie - I didnt take the CBFM with me, no OV sticks, thought to hell with it, what will be will be - we have enjoyed our holiday and although was temping still - some temps were high and then I thought well Im in a hot climate so that will surely affect them! So I then gave up temping too!! - feeling like AF could be on her way then I want to get going again with the CBFM next cycle.
D
Desperado167
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Glowie ,u are in all our prayers,wot a terrifying experiencePlease take it easy and look after yourself,u now need to rest and recover,take your time,We are all here for u,
Please take it easy and look after yourself,u now need to rest and recover,take your time,We are all here for u,Sam, Reb and Ciarhwyfar, thanks so much for your uplifting comments re: my Dr's appointment, they really have helped.
Sam.....Yes, the FSH was a good start. I will call surgery for results, but not go in for follow up appointment as GP suggested. I feel that all I need from her now is information. In truth, she has been wonderful throughout previous pregnancy attempt, mc and since so I was a bit shocked that she seemed to be implying I should stop. Perhaps she just saw what this is doing to me and thought a more conservative assessment would help me to move on(?!?!) I saw FS last Summer just a couple of months before I fell pregnant and decided not to proceed with any of her suggestions, I think then I was more accepting of what will be, will be (amazing how a mc can play with your head, isn't it? I'm now far from accepting of my current situation!) Why no egg donation? I don't mind you asking at all. For me, this whole journey has been about giving my son a sibling and although now I have an overwhelming desire to be pregnant to fill the hole left by my lost baby, he was the initial impetus. So, it's important to me that it is truly his sibling. Also, I only have a half sister, no true sibling, and our relationship is somewhat distant. Therefore, I dream of it being the real thing for my son. I hope this doesn't offend or upset anyone by me saying this. Good point too about remembering that I have been, until quite recently anyway, extremely fit and healthy.
Reb....thanks for your honesty, it is a great insight. I think that we unknowingly place a great deal of pressure on OHs because we get lost in the enormity of our desire for a baby. I know that many men too have a real desire for a baby but I think that hormonally they do not suffer in the same way as women do. You are wise to focus on your love for each other. And your friend's tragic loss and amazing PMA is a real lesson. Last year my college roommate from 20+ years ago lost her battle with breast cancer and left 3 children behind. I try to remind myself how blessed I am by thinking of what they have all lost whenever I start to feel sorry for myself.
Ciarhwyfar, I know that it can happen and you are living proof. Since the age of 39, I have been pregnant 3 times and became a first time Mummy at 40. I was so proud that I too was pregnant at 42 and would've been a 43 year old Mummy. Slight change of plan - now I still try to hold on to the fact that I am 43 and would love to be a 44 year old new Mummy!
Reb and Ciarhwyfar....In truth, he has been trying to tell me all the things he said to the Dr, I have just not been listening and assumed he'd sing from my sheet when we got there. None of it was a surprise and I think it was an indication to me of how much this is affecting him. He has said to me at home that he fears another pregnancy because he fears another loss and what that will do to my mental state. Bless him, it was wrong of me to say that he betrayed me. I know that he would love a baby brother or sister for our son but think he's just trying to look out for all of us.
Thanks ladies, you're fab xxx
Sam.....Yes, the FSH was a good start. I will call surgery for results, but not go in for follow up appointment as GP suggested. I feel that all I need from her now is information. In truth, she has been wonderful throughout previous pregnancy attempt, mc and since so I was a bit shocked that she seemed to be implying I should stop. Perhaps she just saw what this is doing to me and thought a more conservative assessment would help me to move on(?!?!) I saw FS last Summer just a couple of months before I fell pregnant and decided not to proceed with any of her suggestions, I think then I was more accepting of what will be, will be (amazing how a mc can play with your head, isn't it? I'm now far from accepting of my current situation!) Why no egg donation? I don't mind you asking at all. For me, this whole journey has been about giving my son a sibling and although now I have an overwhelming desire to be pregnant to fill the hole left by my lost baby, he was the initial impetus. So, it's important to me that it is truly his sibling. Also, I only have a half sister, no true sibling, and our relationship is somewhat distant. Therefore, I dream of it being the real thing for my son. I hope this doesn't offend or upset anyone by me saying this. Good point too about remembering that I have been, until quite recently anyway, extremely fit and healthy.
Reb....thanks for your honesty, it is a great insight. I think that we unknowingly place a great deal of pressure on OHs because we get lost in the enormity of our desire for a baby. I know that many men too have a real desire for a baby but I think that hormonally they do not suffer in the same way as women do. You are wise to focus on your love for each other. And your friend's tragic loss and amazing PMA is a real lesson. Last year my college roommate from 20+ years ago lost her battle with breast cancer and left 3 children behind. I try to remind myself how blessed I am by thinking of what they have all lost whenever I start to feel sorry for myself.
Ciarhwyfar, I know that it can happen and you are living proof. Since the age of 39, I have been pregnant 3 times and became a first time Mummy at 40. I was so proud that I too was pregnant at 42 and would've been a 43 year old Mummy. Slight change of plan - now I still try to hold on to the fact that I am 43 and would love to be a 44 year old new Mummy!
Reb and Ciarhwyfar....In truth, he has been trying to tell me all the things he said to the Dr, I have just not been listening and assumed he'd sing from my sheet when we got there. None of it was a surprise and I think it was an indication to me of how much this is affecting him. He has said to me at home that he fears another pregnancy because he fears another loss and what that will do to my mental state. Bless him, it was wrong of me to say that he betrayed me. I know that he would love a baby brother or sister for our son but think he's just trying to look out for all of us.
Thanks ladies, you're fab xxx
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