TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!

[Spoomie]

AF just got me! Day 28 on the button!

So sorry Morgans

 

[Spoomie]

Don't suppose anyone listened to Woman's Hour this morning did they? One of the articles (the first of the programme I think) was about the increase in abortions for women over 40. How far away from us is that?! I was screaming at the radio listening to the 'poor victim' describing why she felt it was for the best at 42, hadn't realised she could get pregnant at that age, had 3 children already, maybe it would've had special needs anyway blah, blah. It must've brought out the fascist in me I suppose but I felt not an ounce of sympathy for her 'plight'!!! Have a listen on iplayer if you feel able, maybe I'm judging her too harshly?

 

[Glowstar]

Hi Ladies

Well I'm not sure what to say....I'm still kind of lost for words at the moment...Morgans will tell you that is NOT like me at all I'm struggling if I'm being honest. I feel like I have been run over a 1000 times and had the stuffing knocked out of me. I am not sure what is worse the pain of the miscarriage or the fact that I almost died...dealing with both at the same time is pretty tough. My poor OH his parents are on holiday and don't know what has happened...we will have to tell them on Sunday just before we leave for holiday on Monday. I haven't even got the energy to 'think' about going on holiday at the moment. I'm struggling to sleep...I keep reliving the moment where I felt myself slipping away.....my poor OH said I stopped responding and he thought I was dead
Anyway...it's all far to depressing for this thread at the moment. I might start a journal...not sure if it will help to write it all down. I just want to feel like 'me' again.

Much love to you all.....

 

[Spoomie]

Glowie

You need to give yourself time to come to terms with this whole thing. Your emotions must not know if they are coming or going after the events of the past couple of weeks; going from euphoria, dread, realisation and then almost to lose your life, leaves me pretty much lost for words too. Your pain and confusion come through in your message and that makes me so sad to read. I think that the pain of your mc will be with you for a while (bitter voice of experience there) but your biggest thing to get your head around at the moment has to be the fact that you are alive and you nearly weren't. I know that my DH was incredibly traumatised by our mc (my physical pain, the extent of the blood loss, initial unwillingness of the hospital to help and finally holding our tiny tiny baby in his hand) so much so that he vowed never again which obviously threw me into total panic. You should not be surprised if your OH has a similar reaction, it's possibly even more likely when he is living with the scary memory of almost losing you. You are such an integral part of this group and we miss you, but you must take time to be quiet and still, to recover and to focus on yourself and your OH. You are much in my thoughts xxx

 

[LLbean]

Glowie, so good to read you again! Sorry you went through all of that...take it easy now and recover soon please.

Morgans sorry the Witch hit you again... I think I'm next.

Hi to all the lovely ladies on this thread!

 

[Miss_C]

Glowie my love - you are a super strong woman and the reason you are here is that little soul needs you to bring hm or her through. Such a difficult journey for some as we all too sadly know but the destination is so so very worth it. You have an amazing hubby by all accounts and sister too. Your on line family are here for you 100% as well. We all grieve in our own ways and however you do yours do not for one moment think it is wrong. Be it getting hammered, crawling in a hole for a few days, runing out and celebrating life, however you choose. A journal is a great idea, unloading on here was the cloesest OI got to a ournal and I sometimes wonder if I shoudl go back and put all my posts into one. I have read through them sometimes and I can see how I have progressed. I still have masive down days and good days and everything in between. AND we are all very very different in how we cope and what we do. Just remember you are not alone even though you feel that way. Remember hubby is hurting too even though he may not show it how you would expect.

TWINNY IT IS COLD HERE!!! 4 degrees celsius yesterday overnight - yes it warms up during the day but it is amazing how quickly you can acclimatise, as soon as it drops below 20 we get the jumpers out!!!

The clomid was OK, not much of side effects, really greasy hair and spots like a teenager, one day of crying and a a bit of disturbed sleep (kept wakign up) and a couple of hot flushes so all in all pretty good.

Now just waiting for O, ordinarily I would have ewcm and O in 2 days but nuip not at the moment, creamy cm but slightly more watery than post O but not much - stark negative OPK's - so I think O may be delayed slightly. The soy put me back 2 days to cd15 so maybe the clomid will do the same.


Spoomie I am hearing you on the way you feel over that story cos it is the one thign we most want and those dont want it get it - there is a massive imbalance somewhere with the powers that be!!! And whilst I would have w3anted to chuck things around the room etc etc I can so totally hear where someone in that position would be coming from. Her children are probably art an age now where they are gaining independence, studing for final exams, they probably have a lifestyle that they have all grown with, she may have resumed a career etc etc etc and have plans for their early retirement and taking off to see the world etc etc etc etc. It may seem really selfish but she may have had her children younger, given the last 20 odd years to raising them and now it is her turn. I know being a mum never stops but there is a time when you get you back. D and I talk about buying an RV and just spending our whole life travelling around the country and dropping back to see the kids every now and then etc. Hard as it is to focus on anything other than a baby I can sort of see where someone would be coming from, 20 years gone and done and another suddenly slaps up and says hello I'm baaaaccckkkk! I did my living prior to having Jake so not a worry for me but for those that have done kids and then want to live I can totally see it. Does any of that make sense?

Anywhoo I need to get Jake out to th boke park or soemthing to butn off some energy he gave me a great lay in ths morning so no way he will have a nap later unless I wear him out! I have an episode of cloudstreet I need to finish watching!!

Take care all and to those I have missed in repsonsing I will be back later to do so. hugs in the meantime

 

[samiam]

Glowie: Just Take your time. Not only are you emotionally wrung out, but your hormones are going to be all over the place. So just know that some of what you are feeling is that. A lot of it is that for the moment. And the exhaustion and sadness of the loss can feel completely overwhelming, but the other lovely ladies have already said it so well. Do whatever it is that YOU need to do to grieve and to feel as if you have your two feet back underneath you. We're all thinking of you and wishing that we could make you feel better in every way.

Morgans: Sorry the witch got you.

Reb: The diet has also made me feel loads better. It's basically a low-glycemic value diet.

Spoomie: I'm still in my tww, but trying not to get attached to any one idea this month, so I kind of am lurking, but not posting what I think are symptoms. Just counting down the days. A temp dip today, but I woke up freezing b/c I had to turn the air conditioning on last night, so I am not suprised.

AFM: I'm off to see OH in Alaska on Wednesday and I am super duper excited. I've never been there and we're going to be together when I test on Sunday morning, which will, at the very least, be better than testing alone! He has also promised me a weekend full of laughter and time spent without his blackberry devil device, so I'm ready for a fun weekend and trying not to think too much about this second week of the tww. Still feeling quite positive about it, though! Is it weird to one's self? If so, oh well . . . .

 

[Spoomie]

TWINNY IT IS COLD HERE!!! 4 degrees celsius yesterday overnight - yes it warms up during the day but it is amazing how quickly you can acclimatise, as soon as it drops below 20 we get the jumpers out!!!


Spoomie I am hearing you on the way you feel over that story cos it is the one thign we most want and those dont want it get it - there is a massive imbalance somewhere with the powers that be!!! And whilst I would have w3anted to chuck things around the room etc etc I can so totally hear where someone in that position would be coming from. Her children are probably art an age now where they are gaining independence, studing for final exams, they probably have a lifestyle that they have all grown with, she may have resumed a career etc etc etc and have plans for their early retirement and taking off to see the world etc etc etc etc. It may seem really selfish but she may have had her children younger, given the last 20 odd years to raising them and now it is her turn. I know being a mum never stops but there is a time when you get you back. D and I talk about buying an RV and just spending our whole life travelling around the country and dropping back to see the kids every now and then etc. Hard as it is to focus on anything other than a baby I can sort of see where someone would be coming from, 20 years gone and done and another suddenly slaps up and says hello I'm baaaaccckkkk! I did my living prior to having Jake so not a worry for me but for those that have done kids and then want to live I can totally see it. Does any of that make sense?

Twinny, I was just pulling your leg about the cold

Re: the radio programme. Of course you are right, I understand, it's just so hard to hear someone so blase about having a pregnancy fall into their lap and chuck it away. She had a twin pregnancy. lost one of them (at which point I thought, shame) and then enlisted her children into the 'decision making' to validate her decision in getting rid of the remaining twin - the youngest of whom was 4!!! On a lighter and more positive note, a lovely documentary last night here about a couple who found themselves pregnant with 4 identical quadruplets and declined the offer of 'reduction' (nicely euphemised) to go and and have 4 beautiful little girls. There are happy stories out there

Have a happy day ladies x

 

[Reb S]

Sam x
Glowie - SO good to have you back. Others have said very well what I'm thinking, so just celebrate the fact that you ARE alive and take the holiday to grieve and celebrate in equal measures. Lots of
Morgans and LLBean - sorry the old cow's here/on it's way x
Miss C - glad you survived Clomid brain and here's hoping your O isn't too late x

 

[Morgans19]

Hi Ladies

Well I'm not sure what to say....I'm still kind of lost for words at the moment...Morgans will tell you that is NOT like me at all I'm struggling if I'm being honest. I feel like I have been run over a 1000 times and had the stuffing knocked out of me. I am not sure what is worse the pain of the miscarriage or the fact that I almost died...dealing with both at the same time is pretty tough. My poor OH his parents are on holiday and don't know what has happened...we will have to tell them on Sunday just before we leave for holiday on Monday. I haven't even got the energy to 'think' about going on holiday at the moment. I'm struggling to sleep...I keep reliving the moment where I felt myself slipping away.....my poor OH said I stopped responding and he thought I was dead
Anyway...it's all far to depressing for this thread at the moment. I might start a journal...not sure if it will help to write it all down. I just want to feel like 'me' again.

Much love to you all.....

Hey you, we have spoken and text lots - you know Im here for you too - you are a very strong lady and once you and OH come to terms with this loss and the fact that you were so ill and on the brink, you will "bounce" back, I know you will - you are a determined, strong willed woman and you have kept me going through thick and thin and spurred me on - I am now here to spur you on and be with you every step of the way. OH has been fab and Im so glad you have him to take good care of you - you need this holiday now, you need a break away and to spend time with your lovely girls. Once you come home, Im sure you will be ready to battle on and start over again - in fact I KNOW YOU WILL
xxx

 

[Glowstar]

Thanks everyone and Morgans...you know me so well I feel slightly better today and don't really want to bring this thread down...we all have enough to deal with. I am still following you all and hoping for some good news from someone while I am on holiday

 

[pip7890]

Glowie

Pip x

 

[LLbean]

Try to enjoy your Holiday Glowie and when you get back we can all get back on the horse (pun intended LOL)

 

[samiam]

Glowie: Enjoy your holiday. If anyone deserves it, YOU do!

 

[inkdchick]

well girls i have had to most cm today that i have ever experienced, im 13dpo and af due in a day, the cm is like a very very wet watery cloudy cm and i keep feeling this let down and thinking oh god af is here but no just this wet watery cm so i may have to do a test in the morning and see if it shows anything am nervous coz all i get is BFN's and im really hoping that with this burning sensation going through my boobs too and the soreness thats at my armpits too with them that its all good but there's no telling til i get that BFP so fingers crossed it shows up tomorrow, will let you know x
Have a good holiday glowie ! x

 

[LLbean]

well girls i have had to most cm today that i have ever experienced, im 13dpo and af due in a day, the cm is like a very very wet watery cloudy cm and i keep feeling this let down and thinking oh god af is here but no just this wet watery cm so i may have to do a test in the morning and see if it shows anything am nervous coz all i get is BFN's and im really hoping that with this burning sensation going through my boobs too and the soreness thats at my armpits too with them that its all good but there's no telling til i get that BFP so fingers crossed it shows up tomorrow, will let you know x
Have a good holiday glowie ! x

Inkd, holding positive thoughts for you!!!!

 

[inkdchick]

awww thank you hun will let you know tomorrow what it came out as a BFN as always probably but there's no harm in trying it and then will do another one on thurs to see again xx

 

[Spoomie]

Thanks everyone and Morgans...you know me so well I feel slightly better today and don't really want to bring this thread down...we all have enough to deal with. I am still following you all and hoping for some good news from someone while I am on holiday

Glowie, good to see you again.. How dare you talk about bringing the thread down, you do nothing of the sort and you know full well that, as eternal pessimist, that is MY job!!! We are all thinking of you and wishing you a wonderful relaxing and healing holiday xxx

 

[Spoomie]

well girls i have had to most cm today that i have ever experienced, im 13dpo and af due in a day, the cm is like a very very wet watery cloudy cm and i keep feeling this let down and thinking oh god af is here but no just this wet watery cm so i may have to do a test in the morning and see if it shows anything am nervous coz all i get is BFN's and im really hoping that with this burning sensation going through my boobs too and the soreness thats at my armpits too with them that its all good but there's no telling til i get that BFP so fingers crossed it shows up tomorrow, will let you know x
Have a good holiday glowie ! x

Will be thinking of you tomorrow Inkdchick and wishing for good news from you. You are amazing and I would love to have some of your laissez faire attitude about this whole thing. Keep us posted x

 

[ciarhwyfar]

Glowie, glad to have you with us. Enjoy your holiday.

Good luck to our soon to be testers!!

Hang in there everyone else, tww doesn't last forever!