TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!

[Mistyy]

Butterfly, how are you doing? Thinking of you. Be good to yourself, do what you need to do to comfort yourself and try not to push yourself into putting on a brave face. Spend time with people who know and understand. It does come back and bite you on the bum a bit if you try and sweep your feelings away in the early days

I dont know if this will be of any help at all - and i'm so sorry if its not what you want to hear about - but just in case it saves you doing the same thing - i found the preg hormones hung around for quite a while after my loss was complete. For some darn reason I tortured myself by doing (Tesco, not FRER) HPTs nearly every day untill they started showing neg, and this took 2 full weeks so give yourself loads of time to feel back to normal lovie. More

AFM - DTD last night Paying for it this morning a bit sadly. Bleeding again! Silly cow arnt i? Temps havnt risen yet. Expecting ov any day though. OH has said no to BD tonight - says i'm beeing bloody daft and he wants me healthy rather than pregnant. He's right, poor bloke. I just didnt want to waste a cycle. Siiiigghhh.

Love to all x

 

[Butterfly67]

Thanks ladies and hi Mistyy - I am doing exactly what you said I shouldn't lol I'm currently trying to put on a brave face and pretend it isn't happening and I was never pregnant I think the reason for this is that I will be in limbo until I actually miscarry so I just want to try and ignore it until then. And I don't know when that might happen, it may be weeks. And yes I will be POASing on HPTs until they are blank (which might also take weeks). The difficult thing is that I am not at home I am away in Dubai staying with a friend (who is lovely and very understanding) but it is difficult to let it all out right now so I will wait, and it will bite me in the bum later

I can completely understand not wanting to miss a cycle, I would probably have done the same thing but yes, now give it a rest and do what your OH says, take care of yourself

 

[Mistyy]

That is tricky - you're not at home in your own environment and so are trying to put your emotions on the back burner. You poor love. Bless you. Its totally understandable and you're doing fabulously

Being aware of what your doing must help though i should think, and hope. I suppose its when you just shut the door on your feelings and refuse to face them that trouble can start. You're not doing that - you're just on hold for now.

When will you be coming home hun? It must be almost sureal going through all this away in another country. I beld a bit while preg. on a hol to Turkey. Even though OH and i were together there we felt a bit lost and away from home.

Loads more

 

[Butterfly67]

Thanks hon, I knew there was a chance that this might happen when I was here but I figured I couldn't put my life on hold luckily I have quite a few friends here and at least it is warm

Yes, you are right, I am putting it all on the back burner for now. Due home on 29th Feb so will see what happens or not by then

Thanks so much

 

[Pippi_elk]

Thinking of you Butterfly, hopefully it won't start until you are back home.
I can understand you wanting to wait to grieve until you get home...you'll have lots of time to face up to it when you are back on home ground.

Misty...one shot might be enough...that's all we managed the month we got the BFP...every other month we were BD almost every night around ovulation and got BFNs.

I took a week off work after my MC and today was my first day back.....only my boss and one other person knew I was pregnant. I did n't really talk about it today as I knew I'd burst into tears. My (male) boss had a quick chat with me and did n't offer me any sympathy but just said if I need more time just let him know (bit cold maybe but I'd have cried if he said anything 'caring' to me so that way I am glad he keep it brief and to the point). I cried on the phone when I rang him to tell him I needed time off so I guess he wanted to stay away from that....

It's also hard when all your colleagues (I'm not that close to them) do not know and just thinks life is going fine for you....I want them to ask me what's wrong/why was I off....but then I'd only cry so probably best to keep this to share with family and friends.

 

[booth19]

Hope it happens quickly for you butterfly, and if any consolation it's cold and wet here
It took me 2 weeks for my bloods to return to normal and for me to feel a bit normal so don't rush it.

Pippi , think male bosses are like that, I know mine quite well and he still didn't know what to say. i did think it helped as I don't think I could have handled any sympathy.

 

[Reb S]

Pippi - I did tell my colleagues, as I thought I wouldn't be able to act normally - they decided a week after my ERPC was a good time for some criticism. Our relationship has never been the same.
Butterly - I hope you manage to enjoy the sunshine and warmth a little - it might help with the healing. I hope you don't mind a little advice- have the ERPC as soon as you can if it doesn't start to come naturally - I was advised to wait and I waited 3 weeks and nothing happened. It wasn't a great time and I felt better as soon as I'd had the op...
Sending you lots of love x
Booth - why're you feeling nervous?!? Is there something you're not telling us? x

 

[beetle]

Butterfly my heart goes out to you in sunny Dubai - I would do exactly the same as you - holding off until I'm home before grieving. But I do think it's important to share your feelings on this site and with your friends in Dubai. Just take each day as it comes.

Misty you poor thing - I would also have done the same. Definitely take you OH's advice though!

 

[booth19]

Reb - no unfortunatley not, did think I had changed it!! Still waiting for first AF as the doctor has given me some blood test forms for day 21 and then I have an appointment with cosultant on 9th March to see if they have anything constructive to say!!

Baby dust to all the testers this month

 

[Butterfly67]

Pippi I know exactly what you mean - I had a couple of nights off with the jazz festival and I had a few comments like 'oh, you decided to come back did you!' and you want them to know that it was not just a cold or a sore throat and you had good reason to be away but at the same time know you would likely just burst into tears

Hope it goes Ok back at work, as well as it can

 

[beetle]

Ok ladies - here is the latest Foxy picture to cheer us all up! Isn't she gorgeous?! xx

 

[Butterfly67]

 

[Mistyy]

Butterfly

And s also for Pippi, Reb, Booth and for all who have struggled when people either knowingly or unwittingly made coping with their loss even bloody harder than it is already.

Pippi, yes a friend who has just had her baby (10 weeks early! eek! But thats normal for her, and she and baby are fine) conceived this time on a one BD in the whole month! What timming! She's a veteran of FF and swears by actively avoiding every night BDing in favour of BDing every other night, or better still, one in every three around ov week. Personally i dont have the courage for it. We did try it but I lay there on all the nights we were skipping it in a cold sweat thinking OMG what if the eggy is just sat there waiting now ...... and we're doing nothing! lol. Daft. I know sperm can lurk around waiting for a good couple of days quite happily before going into action when called for.

Beetle - LOVELY picture of Foxy. Awwww

AFM - Talked OH into (gentle) BD last night Feel not too bad this morning. Think the ABs are kicking in. Think also they're making me queasy and headachy. But thank GOD i'm not on the loo every 15 mins any more

 

[Reb S]

Beetle - OMG!!!!!! Want another one! Think we might have to soon. She's GORGEOUS! x

 

[Pippi_elk]

Misty; thats funny about your friend...and only doing it the once. glad to hear she and baby are ok...10 weeks early is a lot!
BD only once worked for us that month...but that's just becasue it was Christmas and we were staying with my parents (and with no lock on the door I could only persuade the OH to risk it once ). one advantage is at least you know your dates! We bd the evening I got a good strong OPK...I think usually we have left it to the next day to BD when I get a +OPK.

Don't think I'll be leaving it to only one night in future though....like you I can't bear to sit still and do noting. However maybe the every second night is something worth exploring as it does get a bit tiresome every night. However I don't know if I have that much egg white CM so my environment probably is n't favourable for them to hang around too long.

Glad the antibiotics have started to kick in...

Thanks booth19,RebS and butterfly for your experience of being back at work. It helps to know that I'm not the only one who had felt hurt and confused by colleagues and male bosses. I think if you are a male boss you should read up on how to handle a employee who has a miscarriage...a quick look on google would give them some tips.
I told one female colleague today as I did n't feel so tearful to-day...she was ok but after a few minutes talking kinda played it down "it was so small sure you would n't even notice....if it had been 3/4 months...that would have been worse". I am in a better place today so could handle it but still hurtful (and from her who when she had some bleeding when she was 2 months pregnant went on unpaid leave, back to India where she said she got loads of medicince and bed rest for the entire 9 months).

I think after that experience I'll just keep it to myself as people really don't understand unless you've been throught it (to be honest I did n't fully appreciate the sadness/despair that comes with a mc until now).
I had a scan today to check everything is gone...it was a nurse this morning in the EPU that did the scan and she was so much nicer and more sympathetic that the doctor that was on last week. A small bit of kindness makes such a difference.


Love your puppy Bettle....it looks they'll be a big dog when they grow up!

 

[Nise]

Loving the Foxy picture, what a beautiful girl.

Gah, the tell or not to tell saga is a pita! On the one hand it's no-one elses business but on the other hand people consistently asking 'What's wrong' just coz you're a bit pale and or quiet is very annoying. Even worse is 'cheer up it might never happen' (That one really fucks me off) Such a stupid bloody thing to say and I'm afraid I can be quite blunt when faced with that one.

Nothing much to report my end except I have an unexpected day off tomorrow - so a long weekend it is. Hope this lovely weather stays, might do a bit of digging in the garden.

 

[beetle]

So glad you like Foxy! Can't tell you how excited we are!

its so hard after MC - if you do tell you also run the risk of people being 'overly' nice which can also set you off! I told the few people at work that I wanted to know via email and told them not to be overly nice to me e.g. hugs or talk about it, so that they knew but knew also not to say anything and it worked OK. But everyone is different!

Misty - so impressed that you still managed to jump on OH for BD despite your condition! Well I turned down OH flat this morning - just not got the heart BD yet despite the fact that I think I had OV pains last night. Guess I'm not ready (plus it was 6.15am!).

Speaking of which does anyone know if you have more of a chance to have an annovulatory cycle or late OV following a miscarriage? its just that my temps are still low.

I'm phoning doc this pm to get results of bloods - lets hope they shed some light. I've also booked appointment at the Lister for 22nd March - my thinking is that its likely we will need IVF so better book the appointment. If some other solution comes to light we can always cancel! Ho hum! At least the sun is shining!

 

[booth19]

Beetle - she is gorgeous, would love one but OH not a dog person so trying to wear him down over time.

AFM - finally AF turned up !!! can start the countdown again and fingers crossed get some answers

 

[beetle]

Hey Booth - congratulations - bet this is the only time that you are glad that AF arrived! Really hope you get some answers too! The not knowing is the heartbreaking thing and I from my point of view know that I would like some answers before getting pregnant again. Good luck! and hope AF not too bad

 

[Spoomie]

To tell or not to tell. For me it was a no-brainer. I felt as though I was bereft and although I told my boss that no-one should feel they had to come and talk to me if they didn't want to, I felt that I wanted her to let people know that I had suffered this huge loss. After all, if their parent or brother had died, people wouldn't just turn up to work and not mention it. Most people just smiled at me and left me alone; that was enough but it helped me to know that they didn't think I was just being bloody miserable and weird. For me, part of the problem is that mc is not spoken about and there is this assumption that because it happens to so many people, it must be easy to deal with. I've had 3 and they only get harder to deal with. Also, this perception that it's a bit like having a slightly late, heavier period and that it was 'for the best' because there was obviously something wrong belittles the pain and feeling of loss. I went though 12 hours of contractions and we held our baby in our hand - there's no way it felt like a period, it felt like I'd lost a child, and I didn't really care if there was some possible chromosomal abnormality that helped other people explain it away, I just wanted to know my baby, plain and simple. Big to all who know what I'm going on about, and to those who don't xxx