TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!

[heavenly]

Personally i dont have the courage for it. We did try it but I lay there on all the nights we were skipping it in a cold sweat thinking OMG what if the eggy is just sat there waiting now ...... and we're doing nothing! lol. Daft. I know sperm can lurk around waiting for a good couple of days quite happily before going into action when called for.

AFM - Talked OH into (gentle) BD last night Feel not too bad this morning. Think the ABs are kicking in. Think also they're making me queasy and headachy. But thank GOD i'm not on the loo every 15 mins any more

Glad you are feeling a little better. x And I totally agree with being a chicken with not BDing much, when I hear about people getting a BFP and they have only done it once or twice!

I told one female colleague today as I did n't feel so tearful to-day...she was ok but after a few minutes talking kinda played it down "it was so small sure you would n't even notice....


it was a nurse this morning in the EPU that did the scan and she was so much nicer and more sympathetic that the doctor that was on last week. A small bit of kindness makes such a difference.

Sensitive of that lady at work...I know it's not meant..but really.

You are absolutely right about a small bit of kindness going a long way. Hope you are ok.

Nothing much to report my end except I have an unexpected day off tomorrow - so a long weekend it is. Hope this lovely weather stays, might do a bit of digging in the garden.

I am glad your end is behaving itself. Have a lovely long weekend and don't overdo it! xx

So glad you like Foxy! Can't tell you how excited we are!

I'm phoning doc this pm to get results of bloods - lets hope they shed some light. I've also booked appointment at the Lister for 22nd March - my thinking is that its likely we will need IVF so better book the appointment. If some other solution comes to light we can always cancel! Ho hum! At least the sun is shining!

Foxy is adorable!! I would love one but don't think my cat would like it. !

It's good to have a positive plan of action. Keep us posted with the test results. Hope you are looking after yourself. xx

AFM - finally AF turned up !!! can start the countdown again and fingers crossed get some answers

Glad it turned up...well you know what I mean and I hope you get some answers. x

To tell or not to tell. For me it was a no-brainer. I felt as though I was bereft and although I told my boss that no-one should feel they had to come and talk to me if they didn't want to, I felt that I wanted her to let people know that I had suffered this huge loss. After all, if their parent or brother had died, people wouldn't just turn up to work and not mention it. Most people just smiled at me and left me alone; that was enough but it helped me to know that they didn't think I was just being bloody miserable and weird. For me, part of the problem is that mc is not spoken about and there is this assumption that because it happens to so many people, it must be easy to deal with. I've had 3 and they only get harder to deal with. Also, this perception that it's a bit like having a slightly late, heavier period and that it was 'for the best' because there was obviously something wrong belittles the pain and feeling of loss. I went though 12 hours of contractions and we held our baby in our hand - there's no way it felt like a period, it felt like I'd lost a child, and I didn't really care if there was some possible chromosomal abnormality that helped other people explain it away, I just wanted to know my baby, plain and simple. Big to all who know what I'm going on about, and to those who don't xxx

Big hugs to you. Sorry for your pain.


Butterfly -

 

[heavenly]

AFM - very pleased it's Friday!! Going to Norwich this weekend to see my best mates, and my god-daughter, who is 1 and adorable! It is a tricky one for me, my best mate TTC for 2 years naturally then got her BFP, she was 43, so delighted for her, but when I see her and my god-daughter, there is a pang, I can't lie!! But I will have a great time with them.

I am having first session of acupuncture next week
Going to get my AMH done
Am taking enough supplements to put Boots out of business..check sig!

I am 9DPO, no symptoms, so not thinking about it and not testing!

Hope you all have a peaceful weekend. xx

 

[Spoomie]

Apologies for my rant earlier, I've just read it back and realise I sounded like a psycho.....it was just the flippant comment from Pippi's colleague that made me so cross and set me off on my soapbox. Honestly, some people have not got a clue. The kindest friend I have encountered since my last mc is one who suffered a stillbirth at full term with her first child and she totally acknowledged my 12 wk loss as equal in pain to hers, with not a hint of one upmanship that her pain must be greater. In fact, I actually felt that her pain must have been even more immense, but the point I'm making is that she didn't try to make me feel that, which meant so much to me. to all x

 

[Miss_C]

Pippi - hi we haven't met yet - but could not RnR without sending a massive hug. I think I am 90% bitch so even when my heart is in pieces if someone comes out with something as insensitive as that cow I would have found something to say that made her feel like shit no matter how well intentioned she may have been. I am firmly in the camp of tell and then let other people deal with it either you cry or rant whatever it was your baby and you have every right to do and say exactly what you feel. I think the more people don't hide it the more others will not say things out of pure ignorance. It is the suffering in silence that makes it so very very hard. One of my best friends sent me a text saying Ziggy is in heaven as an angel looking down over us and I said I don't give a flying #$#!!! where you think Ziggy is they should still be in my tummy growing ready for me to hold in my arms - I felt bad but it did make her think

Anywhoo I'm on a rant with Spoomie (hi twinny - hugs)

To everyone else tons and buckets and truckloads of baby dust for you all.

 

[Reb S]

Spoomie - lovely to hear from you ranting or not! Our pain and losses will always be with us and makes us a part of who we are.
AFM - off to Korea oh yuk yuk, then China for 12 days -not sure about internet access so you might not hear from me,
Love to all x

 

[Nise]

Bon voyage Reb, sounds like you're not to keen on this trip - I think I am a tiny bit jealous, I would quite like to go to China. Hope it turns out to be good fun.

 

[Pippi_elk]

Thanks girls for the support on the insensitive comments from my female colleague...have to laugh Miss_C at your comment that you are 90% bitch and would think of something appropiate to retort !
What happens with me thought, is that an hour or so after the conversation I fully digest what they have said and then get cross/upset by it....

No worries about the rant Spoomie...after 3 Mc I feel for you. My sister had 3 MCs in a row and then went on to have 2 healthy preganancies (she was in her early 30's but don't think that makes a big difference).
Really nice to hear you have such a kind friend despite loosing her baby at full term...unfortunatley it's in the difficult situations where we see who our real friends are....although I think some people really don't realise how cruel they can be and are just trying to cheer us up.

Heavenly...enjoy your visit to see your God daughter and hope it's not too upsetting. Good luck with the accupuncture. I suffer from RSI in my right hand/arm and am very sceptical about any althernative treatment (I'm a scientist..although not working in that area anymore due to my RSI)...but I was totally blown away with how good accupuncture was for pain relief for my hand. After 3 or 4 sessions I felt I was 'cured'...although the pain does come back after a week or two. I don't know anything about how it works for fertility treatment but hopefully its another 'thing' that will add to your chances.

I have n't seen Butterfly on for a few days....hope you're doing ok over there in Dubai.

I'm doing ok at the moment...my husband is more upset today and is not sleeping well since the MC. He's feeling bad that he's not 'there' for me...despite my reassurances. I think I am just totally focusing on get pregnant again...although still getting BFP, temps are still high, my boobs still have n't reverted to normal size....so it'll be another while before I ovulate I guess.

 

[Butterfly67]

Hi pippi to you - I hope your body manages to sort itself out soon.

Have had a couple of up and down days. Just when I think I am doing ok... .. anyway, the main thing I came to do here is done, I sold a bunch of paintings, I can pay off my credit card debt here and I go home in a few days. I had all that to focus on so hopefully things won't fall apart now. I go back to the hospital on monday for a follow up u/s - I guess that is just to totally confirm things (although there is no other outcome for sure) and I hope I can get a prescription for one of those drugs that kicks off the mc rather than having to wait any longer

Happy travels Reb! :wave:

to everyone else

 

[Mistyy]

Reb - that sounds a wonderful trip! Are you not keen because its a business trip at all? Stay safe and have a fab time anyway

Spoomie - You didnt sound like a psyco These feelings have to be let out anyway. In my ignorance, b4 my own experience of it, i thought getting over a trauma like a MC, still birth, termination etc would be a case of being upset, of course, but then simply healing and just returning to normal service mentaly over time. How wrong was i!? Its such a complicated process. And yes - influenced greatly by what others are doing and saying. I've found that having OHs bro + sis both expecting right now (not with each other!) very hard as their babies would have been cousins to our lost one - very close in age. I hate particulaly that it seems to hammer home that OH has no children of his own in such a blunt and miserable way. Its not the pregnancies themselves as such. Knowing he was in such pain over it made it harder for me to get over. I went through quite a tough time with it in fact - but am much better able to handle it now. So is he (i think). Having our wedding to organise has helped alot. Something to look forward to for this new year. B4 he proposed, at xmas, this year was stretching ahead feeling a bit empty The thing i'm not coping with very well at the mo is my mum + MIL (to be) keep showing me the baby clothes they are knitting for the two babies on the way. Sigh. <Pulls self together for the billionth time>

God, now I'M monologing! lol.

Heavenly - accupuncture - i was skeptical, even as i booked my first appointment tbh! But i can say hand on heart there's something in it for sure. My cycles have changed since going, i feel much more relaxed, i had a 4 week stiff neck healed almost overnight at the start, and OH is now going for his back pain + fertility support. Go for it!

Butterfly - good to hear from you. I think you'll be able to begin to take a bit more control once you're home. You must be in limbo a bit, poor thing Well done for selling your paintings so successfully! I must admit my artisitc juices have dried up these last few months and i struggle to put pencil to paper these days I'm half way through a comission at the mo and i'm doing ANYTHING round the house to avoid sitting down and getting on with it, lol. Hmmmmmm, must dehair the plug holes round the house today ........

FF has kindly given me crosshairs. So, Heavenly, i'm near you again - 5 DPO here i think.

Hugs and waves to eveyone. Must fly as i've got OHs busted van to get in to be repaired (hes gone to work in my car this morning ... that means it'll have a light dusting of cement over the inside by tonight ) plus i've got the washing machine repair man coming round soon as thats busted too! More ££££££ to spend out

 

[Butterfly67]

Ooh Mistyy, are you an artist too? How did I not realise that?!

 

[pdmcd17]

wow it was a busy few days
i love foxy shes gorgeous.
spoomie its good to vent and i never thought it was bad
reb safe travels have fun.

AFM i think i may have ov yesterday had twinges. Hoping the bding fest we had while away helps. I started coq10 to hopefully help my eggs.
on fri i can call my dr to get my next us booked to see whats happening with my cyst.

 

[Reb S]

Hello all, greetings from Korea! Found a cheeky bit of internet in the lobby of the hotel. Off to Beijing tomorrow, so far managing to have fun. On day 2 but I can't be blowed to fix my ticker from here. This is our last month....OMG.
We're an artistic bunch on this thread, aren't we!?
Hope all is well and lots of love - will try to update from Shanghai
x

 

[heavenly]

I'm doing ok at the moment...my husband is more upset today and is not sleeping well since the MC. He's feeling bad that he's not 'there' for me...despite my reassurances. I think I am just totally focusing on get pregnant again...although still getting BFP, temps are still high, my boobs still have n't reverted to normal size....so it'll be another while before I ovulate I guess.

Hope you and hubbie are feeling ok.

Have had a couple of up and down days. Just when I think I am doing ok... .. anyway, the main thing I came to do here is done, I sold a bunch of paintings, and I hope I can get a prescription for one of those drugs that kicks off the mc rather than having to wait any longer

Wow, how clever you are, would love to be artistic. How are you feeling today? x

Having our wedding to organise has helped alot. Something to look forward to for this new year. B4 he proposed, at xmas, this year was stretching ahead feeling a bit empty The thing i'm not coping with very well at the mo is my mum + MIL (to be) keep showing me the baby clothes they are knitting for the two babies on the way. Sigh. <Pulls self together for the billionth time>

FF has kindly given me crosshairs. So, Heavenly, i'm near you again - 5 DPO here i think.

Another artistic one? How fabulous. I am glad you both have the wedding to look forward to. I am assuming your mum and mum in law to be know you are trying? Perhaps you could have a word....difficult I know...

AF is due for me tomorrow, I have had no symptoms so totally expecting for it to arrive. Oh well, onwards and upwards...cycle 3 of Clomid....

AFM i think i may have ov yesterday had twinges. Hoping the bding fest we had while away helps. I started coq10 to hopefully help my eggs.
on fri i can call my dr to get my next us booked to see whats happening with my cyst.

I am taking C0 Q10 as well. Fingers crossed you OV'd!

Hello all, greetings from Korea! Found a cheeky bit of internet in the lobby of the hotel. Off to Beijing tomorrow, so far managing to have fun. On day 2 but I can't be blowed to fix my ticker from here. This is our last month....OMG.
We're an artistic bunch on this thread, aren't we!?
Hope all is well and lots of love - will try to update from Shanghai
x

Ok.....no need to rub it in....Beijing....Shanghai......


AFM, had a lovely time in Norwich, loved spending time with my god-daughter, hope that doesn't get harder in time if I get to that point when I really don't think it's going to happen for me, that would be awful.

If...when AF arrives tomorrow...only 2 more cycles of Clomid to go before the decision of invasive treatment.....scared.

Love to you all. xx

 

[Pippi_elk]

AFM, had a lovely time in Norwich, loved spending time with my god-daughter, hope that doesn't get harder in time if I get to that point when I really don't think it's going to happen for me, that would be awful.

If...when AF arrives tomorrow...only 2 more cycles of Clomid to go before the decision of invasive treatment.....scared.

Thanks Heavenly....we're doing better in that at least we have slept better the last 2 nights. My husband thinks one of the managers in work (we work in same company) is pregnant as she had a hospital appointment yesterday. I did n't really need to know that yesterday was also the day we were supposed to have our first scan....so guess she will be due around my original due date. Guess I have to get used to the idea of hearing about people being due next September. I was a bit cross with him for telling me especially when he said he though about not telling me but did n't want to keep secrets from me !
I'm overreacting a bit probably (and of course a hospital appointment does n't mean she's pregnant !...but her first child is about 2 now so would make sense) but suppose I'm just a bit sensitive at the minute.

fingers crossed for you this month....just take it as it comes, try the clomid and you can deal with the more invasive treatment down the line (that's if you need to...who knows what the next few months will bring).

anyway, the main thing I came to do here is done, I sold a bunch of paintings, I can pay off my credit card debt here and I go home in a few days. I had all that to focus on so hopefully things won't fall apart now. I go back to the hospital on monday for a follow up u/s - I guess that is just to totally confirm things (although there is no other outcome for sure) and I hope I can get a prescription for one of those drugs that kicks off the mc rather than having to wait any longer

glad to hear your trip was succesful...hope you get on ok today and that if noting is happening they'll give you the prescription. at least you can start to deal with it rather than waiting and waiting...

Having our wedding to organise has helped alot. Something to look forward to for this new year. B4 he proposed, at xmas, this year was stretching ahead feeling a bit empty The thing i'm not coping with very well at the mo is my mum + MIL (to be) keep showing me the baby clothes they are knitting for the two babies on the way. Sigh. <Pulls self together for the billionth time>

guess if they don't know if you are TTC its a difficult one.
at least you have a 'project' to get stuck into to try distract yourself...although don't stress too much about what colour flowers will match the table cloths as wedding organising can start to take over your life if you let it.

Hello all, greetings from Korea! Found a cheeky bit of internet in the lobby of the hotel. Off to Beijing tomorrow, so far managing to have fun. On day 2 but I can't be blowed to fix my ticker from here. This is our last month....OMG.
We're an artistic bunch on this thread, aren't we!?
Hope all is well and lots of love - will try to update from Shanghai
x

Sounds interesting even if you were n't really looking forward to it...a great experience to get anyway.

AFM,
My temp dropped again this morning so hoping my body is getting back to normal.
Must look up the CoQ 10 and how it affects fertility.

2 artistic people here....afraid you'll have to count me out as I don't possess much artistic talent.

 

[pdmcd17]

morning everyone i just heard uma therman is expecting shes 42!!!!
the one radio was like you go girl another station was really playing on her age and oh my goodness the callers attacking the young announcer ha ha

 

[Nise]

Awe, good for Uma.

Bloody Fertility Fiend keeps dicking me around she's now changed my O day back to CD8 from CD10 but with dotted line It's getting a bit tedius now.

 

[Mistyy]

Hi ladies x

Pippi - i feel for you

Its natural to be oversensitive, and there's not alot you can do about it in my experience. Time does help, and i found i got less sensitive about some things (seeing bumps doesnt phase me) but stayed prickly about others (announcements and baby clothes being put under my nose ) I think that your temp dropping is a good sign that your body is returning to normal now.

My mum and MIL both know we've been ttc since we lost our baby at 16 weeks, 10 months ago

Oh and lol about wedding plans taking over your life! You're so right! I honestly have had a few wobbles this week about canceling the whole bloody thing as it was never meant to be this big. Arrrggghhhh It has a life of its own But when i look into OHs lovely brown eyes i feel ok again.

Nise - Great sympathy about this! FF seems to muck around some months and others it just gives out the cross hairs without a quibble doesnt it? Which day do you think you ov'd on?

PDMCD - fingers crossed for the 2ww another Q10 user here

Heavenly - i really hope that blasted old Aunt stays away. Glad you enjoyed yourself with your god daughter. Hopefully your feelings will not change about spending time together. I would say that if you're ok now with it then you'll stay ok ... And it WILL happen for you soon anyway

Reb - Hello over there Sounds wonderful! You'll have to post us a pic or 2 when you get home.

Butterfly - hope you're feeling better today hon. You're travelling home today arnt you? May it go smoothly Wrap up cos it's foggy and chilly here in Old Blighty today (havnt ventured out yet - just looked out the window)

AFM - 7DPO. Not symptom spotting at all this month. (But boobs were sore yesterday and i was very tearful and touchy )

Big hugs to all that need them and of course gallore x

 

[Spoomie]

Anyone fancy a laugh and join me in sending FFF into a spin? Have a look at my chart below......since 5dpo it has been a thing of beauty, though I've known for the past 5 days that my temps are artificially high because I've been ill (oh yes, and the 2 negative tests along the way helped me not to get excited as well!). However, last night I had such a high fever that this morning my thermometer went into a tail spin, beeping frantically, as the reading was soooo extreme. This evening AF arrived, as I knew she would, but I just can't bear to put it in to my chart as I'm waiting for bloody FFF to tell me my chart may be triphasic - you don't say!

 

[pdmcd17]

Spoomie sorry af arrived - but ff saying your tri would be funny

Afm I swear I had ewcm guess I haven't ov yet gotta bd tonight

On exciting news my dd got her first acceptance into university!!!!
I'm so proud of her!!!

 

[heavenly]

How is everyone?

AF turned up yesterday evening. I had a little cry this morning, doesn't normally get to me but I suppose it's the realisation this is probably not going to happen naturally and I am going to have to have invasive treatment. Getting AMH done this afternoon, asked OH to come with me as don't relish being surrounded by pregnant women. How did I get to this...sounding like a bitter old cow!!! I am not that person! But after 4 years I suppose it gets to you at some point.

Soooooo...buck yourself up woman...it's Friday, the sun is shining and March is a new month!!

Butterfly - how are you?

Have a good weekend, everyone. xx