TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!

[Desperado167]

Hi sweetie and welcome ,am so very sorry for your losses and I pray you can get your sticky bean ,there's lots of lovely kind knowledgable understanding women here that will welcome you with open arms ,

 

[Desperado167]

Good morning reb ,how are you feeling ?

 

[Butterfly67]

Hi barnabibear and welcome, so sorry for your losses. Some women believe that amh is a worthless test and in a way you have proved that by getting pregnant. I hope that you get a sticky bean soon

 

[Just_married]

Hi barnabibear and welcome, so sorry for your losses. Some women believe that amh is a worthless test and in a way you have proved that by getting pregnant. I hope that you get a sticky bean soon

Indeed! I read a book by professor winston, one of the pioneers of fertility treatments and he said many tests like this are useless as it's impossible to determine a persons 'normal' or 'optimum' level and 'averages' are useless when it comes to hormones as everyone's physiology is unique.

 

[Mistyy]

Hi barnabibear x may i add my sorrow for your losses I do so hope you catch a sticky beah again very soon. I'm glad you've plucked up the courage to join us Welcome!

Maryanne - what a horrendous ordeal you and your OH are going through. I just cannot imagine quite the extent of it You are so brave to be able to come here and talk about it. Dont worry about finding right words. If reading about our love and prayers for you here help even a tiny little bit during your day then we've made this forum work in the best way possible.

Nise - Thank you, i think you're right, size is the issue! I'll try and deal with that later and have another go. Spoomie made alot of points in her post which i agree with strongly btw. It certainly is tragic to hear how this child is being raised. All cases of child neglect and/or abuse are harrowing and most of us have a gut reaction to want to take the child out of the situation and under our wing. When it comes to going through the process in the cold light of reality however, spoomie is right when she says that you and your OH's needs/peace of mind must come first, and that you must be armed with ALL the facts and happy before anything goes ahead. This ultimately ensures that if/when the little girl comes to you she will not suffer another upheaval because things didnt work out between you all. (I know you know all this - i'm just banging on in case it helps at all ) I would be wary if the SW appears to rush things tbh. Huge effort by SS is made to keep children in some kind of contact with their birth parents so long as its not detrimental to their happiness and security. This is a good thing, but it does put you on rocky ground emotionaly if what you and your OH were seeking, deep down, was sole care of the child. Tricky tricky times Nise. Take all the time you need to think this through.

to all as always.

 

[pdmcd17]

welcome barnabibear

the witch was due yesterday only very scant spoting the past 2 days. really just show up this waitng sucks just come and go already.

im continuously hungry the past 3 days it sucks and im praying it doesnt show up on the scales tonight.

 

[Nise]

Spoomie - thanks so much for voicing your thoughts,you have actually reaffirmed many things that I have been thinking myself over the last few days, and helped me to realise that the doubts OH and I have with the current arrangement are not unusual or completely selfish especially in terms of seeking stability. I know SW have to look at things in the child's best interest - but I do believe that to only do that and ignore or discount the feelings of potential carers (or parents as most people seeking adoption would prefer to be called) is a very narrow view - To my mind I would say that everybody is equally important - carers who feel constantly insecure are never going to be able to bond properly with their new child into a happy relaxed family unit - which is surely the goal that is being sought by all concerned. So OH and I want to find out why the arrangement is for special guardianship, voice all our fears and reiterate that we want to adopt.

The SW rang this morning - she is coming down to London to visit us next Thursday afternoon - just a fleeting visit to see where we live and then again the following day (Fri) to go through things in much more depth - I think the 'things' she is talking about is testing our financial means and personal stuff.

My question to you guys is - would you let her know your feelings now before she comes or wait and voice them in person. I don't want to waste her time but I do want to make sure I put our case forward properly.

Barnabibear - Welcome to the thread, so sorry this journey has been so hard for you but you are definitely in the right place and in good company, I'm so glad you decided to post at last! The ladies in here are just the best

 

[Mistyy]

Nise - my personal opinion - if it was me i'd talk to her before the meet up and tell her a brief outline of the specific questions and concerns you will be bringing up at the meeting so that she can make sure she has the info with her for you. Darn infuriating when you have burning issues and are anxious about getting info only to be told - 'oooh, erm, i'll have to get back to you on that ......' aarrgghh!

 

[Butterfly67]

Nise I was going to say put all your points to her when she gets down as she will more than likely come anyway and it for sure won't be a wasted visit and it might be better to ask in person - but then I read Mistyy's reply and she makes a very good point about the SW being armed with the answers

 

[padbrat]

hey ladies...

Just wanted to drop by and say Mari and Barni your experiences have brought me to tears. To experience heaven and hell in the same moment is overwhelming. You are incredibly brave ladies.

Rebs I am so sorry to hear that your IVF didn't work. I underwent ED due to a lethal translocation that cost a bloomin fortune and also did not work. It just tears your heart out doesn't it? What will you do now?

Nise, you have also chosen a brave road with adoption. Are you in the UK? I have considered it too, but have always been put off due to all the red tape...

Hey Butterfly xxx

 

[greens]

Maryanne
Sad to read your experience.
Take the time you need to come through it and your husband to.
How we handle grief I expect is different for all of us, but recognising it and not burying it I expect is key.
If you need help to manage your grief I hope that it is available to you.
Take care.

 

[Spoomie]

Hi Barnabibear, all my sadness expressed for Maryanne is echoed for you. What unspeakable pain. Your offer to help/talk/listen to her is a real act of friendship and I know it would help her and hopefully you too; I had an acquaintance who had endured a stillbirth and she was a real tower of strength for me following my last loss, becoming a true friend in the process. I genuinely believe it helped her too to be able to share her experience, to talk about her son and to support someone else through their pain, if that makes any sense? I am hopeful, even confident that you have found comfort and support in our thread, even though you have not posted until now. This is a truly amazing community and these ladies are my true friends; I know that if I am down they will lift me up and hope that I can do the same for them. (If you have been reading since last May you are no doubt acutely aware that I need a lot of lifting up!) I hope that we will be able to do the same for you and to share in your joy at some point in the near future.

 

[Nise]

hey ladies... Nise, you have also chosen a brave road with adoption. Are you in the UK? I have considered it too, but have always been put off due to all the red tape...

Hey Padbrat, yes I am in the UK. I have to say all the red tape can be very off putting - but us girlies in our 40's are not to old to adopt (sometimes you see tables that outline the age group of children you might be suitable to adopt but this is only a guide and at the end of the day the age of the child you might take in will depend more on who you are as a person not just your biological age. I really think it is something I would like to do. I know that it can take around 8 - 9 months for all the assessments etc to go through, I kind of look at this as being the 9 months it would take from conception to birth of our own children and as such a chance to plan and grow accustomed to the idea just as you would naturally. You could always go through the process - you don't have to make any decisions about actual adoption until after you've been accepted so you've nothing to loose and if you find it is something you could do or would like to do then you would be ready to be matched with children that would be suitable for you and hopefully find 'the one'. The circumstances I'm finding myself thrown into are a little bit unusual in that respect, but as I told the SW I was planning on going through the procedure anyway so it might as well start here.

 

[maryanne67]

Hi all, I'm new to this and so haven't looked into prettying up anything yet on my profile.

A bit about me....

I've been reading this thread since May last year. I feel like I know you all even though you know nothing of me. I've never thought about adding a post until now, hearing Maryanne's news. Maryanne, I'm so so sorry. The reason I ended up reading this thread was because my beloved Archie was born sleeping in March 2011 at 35 weeks. It was the happiest and saddest day of my life, I was so happy to see my baby boy after talking to him and loving him for 8 months, to hold him, but then there's the realisation that he won't be coming home. Its different for everyone but I can totally understand the need for TTC again. Its what led me hear in the midst of my grief for losing Archie (our first, I was 39 when concieved and turned 40 a month after he was born). Maryanne, if there is anything I can help with/talk about then let me know.

It was a tough journey, after losing him, I had to have another baby. My husband worked away in the middle east and so he returned to his job, we had to make some big decisions, time wasn't on our side, I needed him home to try again. After 6 months he resigned and came home. So September, we started trying. There was so much else going on. His adjusting to being back in the UK, new job etc let alone the pressure of TTC.

After nothing happend for 6 months, we went to a fertility clinic to have a SA and they did an AMH on me. His SA was ok but my AMH was borderline infertile, again more devastation. 2 weeks after that I found out I was pregnant. Oh the joy....we were so happy, on top of the world but nervous of something going wrong and scared. Hospital were brilliant offering me extra scans for reassurance.

On my 9 week reassurance scan found out I had a missed miscarriage at 8 weeks, so had to have a D&C. It was the same scan room, the same sonongrapher, brought back alot of the hurt from Archie.

Now, here I am eagerly hoping that we may get the baby we want if we just stay positive, but I've just turned 41, my AMH is crap.... I'm rattling with all the vitamins but we hope with trepidation that we get pregnant again....

Glowstar and Miss C you have given me hope when I had none. And everyone else, you have made me laugh and cry. It would be lovely to be an active part of your support group here.

oh my so sorry for your losses but thank u for your thoughts, i really dont know what to say but i hope you get your bfp and every1 else too, im stuck for words sorry Barnabibear x

 

[maryanne67]

just wanted to add Barnabibear welcome to the group they are a lovely bunch of girls x i mite just take up your offer of that chat and pm you thanks x

 

[Reb S]

Good morning reb ,how are you feeling ?

Hi Despie,
I am okay - putting my losses into perspective and trying to move forward into life without kids - very strange xxx
How is everyone else? Difficult things on the thread at the moment, holding both Barnibear and Maryanne in my thoughts and Nise too xxx

 

[Miss_C]

OMFG Maryanne - I just read more of your post in reply and what happened, I seriously could not breathe when reading it. How amazingly brave and strong you are to be able to share. I truly truly admire how people continue to have hope and faith and you inspire me. I know it is early days and I am sure there are more dark days ahead but Joshua's soul is meant to be here and will return I just feel it, I don't know why. I have had you in my thoughts 24/7 and it will not go away. I am rambling now so will shutup.

Barnibear welcome to the most special group of women in the world, this is a safe place, a haven and the most supportive place anyone can be. I have never met and probably never will meet any of these amazing ladies but list them in my heart as friends, in some cases more than those in real life!! Ziggy led me here after my first miscarriage and these ladies kept me strong and determined after more losses but without them I would not have been able to help Ziggy back.

 

[Glowstar]

OMG I am in serious shock for you Maryanne I mean I HONESTLY cannot even imagine what you are going through right now

Barni - Thanks for mentioning me in your post, I am so very sorry for your losses

I suppose I want to come and offer you ALL more support and encouragement. Since I became pregnant with Jacob I have met LOADS of ladies who are over 40 and pregnant or have babies. There is a lady at my weigh in clinic who is 43 and has a little boy 3 days older than Jacob and I have met many more along this journey, including 2 of my midwives who were 43 and 46 when they had their LO's. It can and does happen.
Much love to you all

 

[padbrat]

Hey Nise, thanks for the reply. I guess the thing that worries me is that my Husband is in the Army.... we move every 2 years and I am worried that we won't be able to complete the procedure or that we will be disadvantaged because we are military...

Also Hubby was dead against it.... but we recently got a leaflet through from Hampshire Co Council about it and I asked him what he thought... he said lets go for it.... and I would have, but as usual the Army manages to screw your life over and we are now moving ... again... in July... urghh.

Still, maybe I will try in our new location - Gloucestershire.

 

[Barnabibear]

I just wanted to say thank you to everyone for such a warm welcome and kind thoughts. I hope to get to know you all a bit better now that I'm actually posting.

Well, back on the TTC road again, CD 21. I put my thermometer away in February because I think it was putting pressure on DH, a constant reminder every morning. I wasn't much better, a regular GP vistor whenever I had decided something wasn't right. I'm surprised they haven't banned me to be honest! February was the month that we got pregnant but now, this may be TMI so early doors, our problem (as well as the obvious age related) is that my poor DH has been really affected by our journey, so much so now that the "end result" is sadly lacking in volume.... sometimes I'm not even sure there is anything at all. I still have to keep ovulation time to myself or there's even more issues in BDing. This month is a write off but next month I'm wondering how I can be sexy, horny, carefree and keep him unsuspicious. It all used to be so easy.


Maryanne, I found it very difficult to put into words how I was feeling. I was numb and I think in shock at the beginning. "Speak" to me when you want, if not now you may want to a month or two from now and if you don't want to thats fine too. Sending you love and hugs.