TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!

[Mistyy]

Aw ((hugs)) PDMC Sometimes it does seem like the smallest effort is too much for them doesnt it? Hopefully he'll give it a think and then get back on track and get it done for you. As you say it is only once - not exactly a livestyle change!
From what i hear and read it sems alot of guys are more afraid of the resuts of these tests than they admit to. Even to themselves. So perhaps that accounts for the excuses about how they cant get it done this day, that day ... ever. Not because they dont love you and dont want this as much as you. So lets hope he has a rethink.

AFM - i've worked out that if my AF had come on flipping time we would have scraped through ok this cycle - i would have ov'd just before the weekend DH is away. As it is he's going on Fri morn - and i'll probly ov Sun/Mon. So we miss the 2/3 days prior to ov. Super It's taking ALL my self restraint not to behave like a spoilt child about it. I dont expect him to not go because of it of course - i'm just cross cos it's sods law. Bad luck bad timming and i dont even like the bloke who's stag do it is!!! There, said it!

I know i've given up all the pills and gadgets and stuff now but i was hoping to still actually have sex around the right time!!! Grrrrrr ..... <wanders off in huff> ... <feels silly>

 

[Reb S]

Just Married - hahhahahahha!! That gave me a good giggle, thinking of his spermies cradled in your cleavage!
PDMC - I'm so sorry your OH is being a pain - give him a good kick up the backside from me xxx
Mistyy - I know what you mean - I've given up everything except my folic acid (I have MTHR gene so will keep taking that just in case) but I still want to cover my bases at O time.

 

[pdmcd17]

thanks ladies
just married loved the story i wish i could tell doh but he would have a fit if he knew what we talked about here.

he is agreeable to do it reluctantly im gonna back off a bit and gently encourage him - i do know he is afraid us not getting pregnant is his fault and i will hate him for it
i had to explain we have alot of things against us our age were both overwieght (working on it though) i have a cyst and pcos. that seemed to settle him plus reassurring him i love him no matter what

its strange i never wanted another baby before him i was fine with the 2 i have and then i met him and now i desperately want to give him one. Im slowly accepting it wont happen and now have to decide if i want to continue with all the supliment and relax more ie have a drink till proven other wise lol

 

[Jax41]

pdmcd, Hi I just wanted to say that you're not alone, I feel for you over the SA thang. In fact it's taken me 9/10 months to pluck up the courage to ask my DH to have it done (every month I was so hoping my body would prove me wrong and I wouldn't have to ask). He has 3 from first time around so has proved his worth already, so I majored on the it's you not me thing..... But my point here is that like you're having too, I couldn't push mine, couldn't over talk the situation I just had to say it how it was, albeit gently and with feeling and then have the faith that he would do go do it..... He went yesterday, I made the appointment for him, he had a slight face on that he was being 'organised' but I just said you'll get a letter to confirm if you can't make it the details will be on it so please rearrange, and I left the conversation. That was a fortnight ago and I've bit my lip in two not saying anything or 'sounding a nag', I so wanted to ask 'you will go won't you!!'

So I just want to say although it's so damned frustrating for us, gently coerce him, try not to nag and you will get there I promise you

Ps, I hope that make sense and it's not a load of waffle

 

[pdmcd17]

so i had my ultrasound follow up finally and my cyst is gone!!!!!! Also i have 2 follicules in my lt ovary one is abit over 1.4mm!!! the tech said a good size.

im so happy i have been so worried how the cyst would affect and now it is gone so one less thing to stress over and now i know that isnt a factor
maybe i can relax about it and hopefully get a bfp soon.

 

[padbrat]

awww Spoomie.... you have put your feelings beautifully in words. I absolutely appreciate all you have said... thank you.

I know exactly what you mean... I was always told since a young girl I could never have kids.... then 1 day I go to the Nurse cos I am putting on weight and my appetite is all over the place and she says could you be pregnant... so we do a test and we are! I passed out in shock... I was 9 weeks... since losing that baby the urge to actually have a child is growing greater and greater... so here I am 6 babies later and still no joy.

It is a hard road... I guess some of us will never make it to the end...

 

[Reb S]

Is anyone else having trouble with their BnB log in? It makes me log in every time now, maybe just being thick...
x

 

[Just_married]

Is anyone else having trouble with their BnB log in? It makes me log in every time now, maybe just being thick...
x

Me too but I emptied my cach and deleted cookies and it's working now. Close the window which bnb is on first then empty/delete & it will work xxx

 

[Pippi_elk]

I had to log in there now Reb too...usually I stayed logged in...see there is a notice at the top now about clearing your cache so there must be some issue.

glad to see your cyst is gone pdmc...at least its one less thing to worry about.

padbrat: that must have been a shock.....wondering why you were putting on weight and finding out you were 9 weeks pregnant. I don't know your 'story' but 6 losses....thats a tough one to bear.


Nise....did you have your appointment with the SW yesterday ? I know I got my weeks wrong last week so maybe I'll still wrong....

AFM: coming up to ovulation, DH has a bit of a cold so is n't feeling like bd but I'll have to work my magic this weekend on him!

 

[padbrat]

I had to log in there now Reb too...usually I stayed logged in...see there is a notice at the top now about clearing your cache so there must be some issue.

glad to see your cyst is gone pdmc...at least its one less thing to worry about.

padbrat: that must have been a shock.....wondering why you were putting on weight and finding out you were 9 weeks pregnant. I don't know your 'story' but 6 losses....thats a tough one to bear.


Nise....did you have your appointment with the SW yesterday ? I know I got my weeks wrong last week so maybe I'll still wrong....

AFM: coming up to ovulation, DH has a bit of a cold so is n't feeling like bd but I'll have to work my magic this weekend on him!

Hey Pippi.... it really was a shock! And then my second pregnancy about 6 months later was twins.... that was a shock too. Yea 6 losses all at about 11-12 weeks... 2 of which were last year. Been doing this since 2005 now, keep thinking I can't do it anymore, but I just can't seem to let it go....

 

[Nise]

ladies. Sorry to go awol, it's been an intense few days.
Spoomie - Good Mantra, think I will adopt that one.
Miss C - I hope Jake is on the road to recovery.
PDMCD - I was gutted to hear your OH hadn't bothered with his SA and then delighted to read a few posts later that he has commenced and even more happy to hear your cyst has gone, that's a great relief.
Misty - I'm so sorry about the bad timing - I've been there myself and it truly sucks. You never know though, a last minute bd might just do it. Sometimes it's those cycles that you feel are just impossible that are the ones that catch!
Padbrat - 6 loses is such a lot to bear. I don't know what roads you've been down but have you investigated progesterone sups or baby asprin?
Pippi - thanks hun and yes you are correct with your timing

So apologies but this is a long post maybe get a cup of tea! We have now spent 2 intensive days with the Social Worker - I'm going to be very lazy and cut and past the details from my journal here, because it is such a lot to retype. So here's 2 days worth.

Thurs 10th May

Today was fine, horrible stuff to hear but SW basically told us the entire history of LG and her parents, the drugs, the drink and the violence, there were concerns from doctors and Social Welfare intervention from before she was born due to mother's heavy drinking whilst pg. The father has 112 offences and 43 convictions!!! He also has 7 children to 4 different women. the 2 youngest are LG and one other also 6 yrs - so 2 to 2 different women at the same time!!! Basically both parents have had several chances and been given 'help' but they are currently undergoing no professional help because they have disengaged themselves - they don't think they need help, they don't think there is anything wrong!!! All reports on them to date are negative including psychological and parental. The father knows about us because the SW is obligated to interview him for her report, he has said he doesn't want her coming to London, but he has given no reasons why just a 'No'. The mother is being seen by SW on Monday for the same reason. They are both being told that whatever happens they will not be getting their child back. The heartbreaking aspect is the LG loves her parents and last week when the mother posted on FB that her babe will be home in 7 weeks, LG thought her mum meant her and that she was going home. SW had to explain to her that her mum was talking about her dad. It's heartbreaking stuff.

We again underlined the fact we really want to adopt and will do the same again tomorrow - we want to be parents and we won't ever be able to do that with the birth parents lurking in the background. SW is going back to court next week to ask for more time. She is also going to see if there is another option outside of the Special Guardianship - I think she understands our point and partially agrees with us but she has to take LG's views into consideration. She says that this case is far from straight forward and is the most complexed she has ever worked on but it has been going on for to long. We have to consider what type of 'contact' with birth family we would be prepared to allow if we went for Special Guardianship. Which is hard, I mean what parent in their right mind would even consider sending their child off to visit a drug den inhabited by a man who's psychological report finds him to high risk violent? Anyone? no I thought not.

Tomorrow will be more in-depth about us.

Fri 11th May

Well SW has just left, we've been going strong since 1000 this morning and finally all the forms have been filled in and our thoughts on just about everything all written down, from our individual first 'steady relationships' to what sort of parents we would be. Exhausting. The only thing outstanding is our schooling and employment histories - which would be fine if we didn't have to include dates, God, this is so in-depth.

So we have maintained that we would prefer adoption and that will be noted in the report. However we have not pulled out of the Special Guardianship route as yet. In terms of what kind of contact we would be prepared to consider, we have told SW that we would not really be prepared to consider any contact with the father, subject to perhaps written correspondence and not via social networks, text or phone but proper bonefide letters. But we would consider 3 visits a year (suggested by the SW) with the mother - SW suggested these visits possibly take place in mother's home town at grandmothers house, and have other family members around too so they were quite informal 'family days' really. We could also be there if we wanted. We stipulated that should the mother turn up intoxicated in any way either drugs of alcohol we would not allow the contact to go ahead. We also added that we would have no problems in continuing contact with Grandparents, Aunts, Uncles and Cousins and that we would actively encourage these.

Interestingly SW did point out that in 99% of her cases where contact arrangements were put in place the birth parents did not keep to them and tended to just drift away almost as soon as the court made the order, but of course she couldn't guarantee this being the case here, but she did tell us without telling us iykwim that as the parental decision makers, we could decide to stop contact arrangements if we felt strongly that they were causing more distress than good for LG or LG didn't want to go to them anymore.

In her summing up SW told us that she has no doubts that we would make great parents and that the LG would have a fantastic life with us with many more opportunities than she would probably get anywhere else, the only thing she said that might have a negative impact on us was the 'contact arrangements', although she agreed with our views and totally understood them, she has to comply with the laws and as such has to take LG's views into consideration. Our next steps will be to meet LG, we don't know how far off this is yet and we will probably have to meet with the person appointed as LG's guardian too (this is an official person who ensures that the decisions reached by all concerned are in the best interests of the child and not the current carer).

What happens then is that SW, Guardian and Solicitors representing each of the birth parents all go to court and put their reports forward so the the judge can reach a decision, and set the order which takes immediate effect. This is approx 4 - 6 months away, depending on SW getting an extension to continue investigations. SW told us that at the last hearing both parents solicitors turned up and had nothing to say other than to tell the court they had had no correspondence from their clients!

So that's it for now! Have a great weekend everyone.

 

[padbrat]

Hey Nise... I am under consultant care and take:
asprin
high dose folic acid
Vit D
Omgea 3
Pregnacare

from OV I add 25mg prednisolone steroids

from BFP I also add:
800mg cyclogest
5000 uig Fragmin

Still don't bloody work cos I keep having boys and I have a trans located X chromosome that is lethal to males. 2 of my 6 babies were tested and both were males with the trans location. I can't have PGD because my trans location is so rare there is no protocol for it....

So just gotta hope that the next one is a girl...and as I am 40 the risks for Downs etc grow.

Pretty blooming hopeless really...

Nise I have gotta give you huge kudos for being so patient and steadfast. That little girl would be the luckiest child ever and I hope the British courts see sense and give her to you. xx

 

[Spoomie]

Nise

You and OH are amazing and the whole process sounds absolutely draining. However, it sounds as though the SW is very understanding (and even supportive) of your position and that she realises the home you would give would be literally life changing to that poor poor little girl. It must be incredibly difficult for the SWs to remain dispassionate when faced with the reality of this little girl's life with the birth parents and the possibility of a wonderful life with you as adoptive parents.

I will keep tuning in to the thread for updates periodically, but am trying to break my habit so if I miss one I just wanted you to know that I think you are amazing and I hope and pray with all my heart that this all works out happily ever after for you and this unfortunate little girl xxx

 

[pdmcd17]

Nise wow your sw sounds supportive
I wish you both luck through this journey

I hope I ovulated this weekend and we made a mothers day baby

I have found the past 2 days have been a real emotional rollar coaster I am weepy and irritable. I know that theres a ton of changes at work - upcoming office move, our caseloads are being rearranged as will our teams. I'm also finding just waiting for his ex stuff with the lawyer to be over is getting so much harder
It felt so good just to be able to say it like a release thanks
Sorry for rambling

How's everyone else it's been real quiet on here

I'm not sure if it's hormones or just life getting to me

 

[Reb S]

Padbrat and Nise -

 

[Nise]

Padbrat - I'm so sorry. Of course I remember now, you've mentioned the boy / girl issue before. I'm afraid it's got me stumped - Under normal circumstances baby gender choosing in ivf is not something I support but in your case, it is perfectly understandable - would that be an option for you?

Nothing much to report here, sent our education / employment histories to the social worker today, got an out of office email in return So that's the t's crossed and the i's dotted - now all we can do is wait

Was starting a new job on Monday but they rang me in a panic this morning and asked if I could start tomorrow instead! So lady of leisure time has come to an abrupt halt.

It's a bit quiet in here, hope everyone is just busy and lives in general are fine.

 

[Just_married]

Padbrat, I have a book about conceiving a boy or girl based on abstaining certain days. I could post it to you if you want, but I'm sure you can find the info online too. As you are able to actually conceive, it means you can time it so that chances of conceiving girl are higher. It's worth a try if you haven't already, sorry if you have! Just a suggestion xxx

 

[maryanne67]

Hi girls ,havent been posting just keeping up with thread ,forgive me i cant remember whats happening with who ,but am hoping alls well with every1 and that we all get our bfps,, afm i had my first af start weekend before last it was a bit erratic but suppose i should expect that ,hope if i must get next 1 that its a bit more normal ,have been doing opks but i either see faint lines day after day or nothing but have just bought myself a clearblue fertility monitor off ebay , seller posted it buy it now for £19.99 and £4 postage so am thinking i got lucky and got a bargain, hope my luck continues to a bfp before or after i start using it, got to say thank you to just married for the lovely pm
well thats all for now good luck every1 for a bfp this cycle and lots of

 

[Reb S]

Maryanne -

 

[Reb S]

Well, how dumb am I. Today would have been Ben's 1st birthday. As Steve said to me - he was hardly ever even here (MC at about 8 weeks) but to me he's here. At least I wish with all my heart he was.
x