TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!

[pdmcd17]

welcome max you will find these ladies really supportive

misty my dress is off white and A shaped it is sheer with an under dress and slip built in it has swishing around the breasts emphasizing them (df will love it lol) and a band under. the dress well sheer has a seem open in the middle of the front of it open to the band. it swishes around alot. there are two straps the one had 3 flowers on it but i took it off with the tartan wrap its too much

my dress is simple and very light summery so dec in Canada will be interesting. i do have a fauz fur cape for our outside pics as were doing a hockey pic ie we will face each other with skates on and sticks and a puck like a face off (if any of you are familar with hockey as i know it isnt popular in the UK)

i took my rings in today to get them sized as they were tight and i was worried how he would ever get it on me on the big day lol. now i feel naked.

waves to everyone else

 

[Pippi_elk]

Welcome max, you can bounce your thoughts here and we'll all listen.

Welcome ttcafter40, I've had blood tests and a pelvic scan...did nt have a hsg yet so you're further on than me. Hope af stayed away.

Sorry to hear Nise about more delays with Lg. at least with the psychologists report the case for you should be stronger....every cloud/silver lining perhaps?

Your dress sounds lovely pdmc, we'll have to see some photos after the big day...
You were very brave misty to take the scissors to your dress!!

Afm on cd3. Got my appointment with consultant at Nhs fertility clinic for 3 weeks time. It was just addressed to me and made no mention of partner coming along.
What did any of you girls do on your first appointment with NHs? Did you bring oh along? They should have his sperm results by the time of the consultation so I imagine he should be there....

 

[maryanne67]

hi ladies thanks for all your well wishes, just an update from me ,went hospital for scan friday couldnt see anything ,did hcg blood test gotresults 2 hours later, very suprised nhs can do that quick, buut level was 149 and said was def a pregnancy, retested sunday and level was 55 so def a mc, have gotta test it out next weekend ,am ok and waiting on ov to try again , am not using cbfm this cycle as duno where in cycle will be an if af will turn up early or what an the sticks arent cheap so gonna go with ov sticks an see what going on x

misty fxd hun this could be it x

pippi hope the appointment goes well fxd x

pdmcd no what you mean about missing rings i only have my wedding band on an feel strange without my eternity and engagement rings but hate not wearing all of them but mine getting tight too time to shift some pounds for me i think x

maxxi hi and good luck hun on ttc if thats the way you going x

everyone else hope your all ok and good luck wherever you are in your cycles x

 

[Butterfly67]

Big Maryanne, so sorry to hear your news but on being able to conceive (hope that doesn't offend)

 

[TTCafter40]

Hello again, ladies. I had to take a post break & get myself together coz AF did show up last Fri. But I'm back & hopeful again. The good news is that I DID ovulate last cycle w/ a progesterone level at 21.9. I started my 2nd round of Clomid on Sunday. My doc scheduled to do an u/s on the 27th to check my follies. According to the Clomid ov cal, I'm suppose to ov between 11/27 - 12/02. I'm short of time right now since I'm at work. So a big smile & waves to everyone!!! You guys are sincerely in my prayers. Baby dust to all of us!

 

[Spoomie]

I'm sorry for the recent losses Garfie and Maryanne, I really hope my upcoming post is not insensitive. I felt I could come here to share this because I know that you will understand my pain and will endure my reflections. Two years ago today I was in the process of miscarrying my 12 week old baby, a process that would end tomorrow evening with my DH and I holding our tiny lost baby in the palms of our hands. I will relive every hour as I struggle through tomorrow. That day was the beginning of the longest, darkest tunnel of despair I have ever known. This forum, and more particularly this thread, became my friendship circle as I slowly withdrew from real life and it helped me through many difficult months. For much of that time I wondered how people could contemplate giving up the dream, I was certain I would never give up until I had the sibling for my beautiful little boy. I tried it ALL, and trust me, that means all; no stone/therapy/supplement/gadget remained unturned or unexplored but eventually (when I was spending about £70 a fortnight on supplements alone, I think!) I had to admit that defeat and not victory was mine. The dream was blocking out the rest of my life. I don't believe I have been even 'a little bit pregnant' since that loss, despite all my efforts and for at least a year, the arrival of AF would devastate me all over again. I'm not saying this to depress you or to make you pity me, but to share that I have emerged from my tunnel; without doubt this final loss has changed me as a person (I now describe myself as having lost more babies than most people have children when anyone asks why I 'only' have one child - gggrrrr) but I have learned to appreciate that what I have is enough - it may not be what I would have wished for, but I have learned that it can still be enough. For those of you still optimistic enough to dream, I applaud you and truly hope you realise your dreams, but equally, I have read that several of you are nearing the end of the journey and wanted to share that real life is still out there waiting for you when you feel ready to step off the treadmill of ttc. That is a hard transition to make; how does one stop recognising ovulation signs, temping etc when it has become such a part of everyday life?! But it can be done and courage to my old friends and to the new ladies here

 

[Mistyy]

Spoomie - massive massive hugs for today (and everyday) and i hope it passes gently for you. I shall be thinking of you. Everything you have said makes absolute sense to me. Getting to a place where it's ok for us to be trying but ok if it doesn't work has been my holy grail for the last 18 months following my cm.
I'm not sure i'm there to be honest. But it's better than it was. I'm so so glad to hear you are finding a peaceful place in your head to put TTC. It's what it comes down to isn't it. I'm not the same person i was 2 years ago. A dark miserable tunnel is exactly how i would describe it too. We must look to what we have and not pine our lives away, i agree. So hard though. Much much love to you spoomie.

xxx

 

[Spoomie]

Spoomie - massive massive hugs for today (and everyday) and i hope it passes gently for you. I shall be thinking of you. Everything you have said makes absolute sense to me. Getting to a place where it's ok for us to be trying but ok if it doesn't work has been my holy grail for the last 18 months following my cm.
I'm not sure i'm there to be honest. But it's better than it was. I'm so so glad to hear you are finding a peaceful place in your head to put TTC. It's what it comes down to isn't it. I'm not the same person i was 2 years ago. A dark miserable tunnel is exactly how i would describe it too. We must look to what we have and not pine our lives away, i agree. So hard though. Much much love to you spoomie.

xxx

Bless you Misty, you were one of the people I had in mind. I know it is hard and I know we are preaching to the converted, but at least we are acknowledging where we are heading. Today has actually been easier than I anticipated, and a world away from the mess I was on the first anniversary last year. Despite the fact that part of me has wanted to hang on to the sadness as a way of keeping my lost baby with me (weirdo, I know) there is too much to do to waste my life - and colour my son's life - by keeping it forever. I know I'll never be the person I was before but I can get on with being the new me. thanks for caring

 

[Butterfly67]

Big Spoomie. I hope today is as Ok as it can be. I get you about trying to hold on to a bit of the sadness so that it is not forgotten, not weird at all, but it sounds like you can just hold that sadness lightly in your hand now rather than it being a heavy burden for you

 

[Pippi_elk]

Bigs hugs Spoonie and hope you get thought tomorrow ok. I guess abandoning the idea of having a sibling for you son is a slow process and something that takes time to sink in, hope in time that you can look back and have no regrets, that you tried and perhaps it wasn't meant to be.
It'd be worse never to have tried and have regrets.

Sorry to hear about your mc, maryanne. After my mc i ovulated only a day or two later than I normally ovulate, my temps were a bit over the place and Opks were still giving me false positives but I could see the temp shift in hindsight and af arrived after my usual 11 day lp.
It's probably the last thing on your mind but if u do want to get back ttc immediately bd once or twice. I know I just wanted to start straight away and was annoyed that I missed ovulation...although bd the frist time after the mc was a bit emotional.

 

[pdmcd17]

spoomie my biggest hugs to you on your difficult day and no your post wasnt insensitive

i am like misty nearing the end of my journey, two years ago i was optimistic enthusiatic, and willing to do anything. now as time goes on i still want and im giving my last hurrah for the next few months.

moving on from anything is difficult and i honestly believe we need to go through all the stages of grief to get to the end point and as we all know that can take a long time to go through them all.

i have found all you ladies to be my rock and amazingly supportive. i have grieved your losses, felt your dissapointment with each af, and been overjoyed at the successes.
it is sad when we finish our journeys not only cause of the dream cause we miss each other

Question you know how we have the fb group- for those who are finished ( besides lurking) would any one be interested in a post group? (this may not be the right spot for this and i apoligise if i hurt or offended anyone)

even though i dont know you lovely ladies and will probably never meet you i feel you are friends. (granted if i ever come to the uk i will send a message to meet for coffee ok tea)

on a fun note my work bookclub meeting turned into a suprise (i did have suspicions) bridal shower it was so nice to realize how much love and support i have.

waves to everyone else

 

[Spoomie]

Thanks again for caring, to Butterfly, Pippi and PD for all your kind words and wishes. This is an amazing place of camaraderie and understanding xxx

 

[Miss_C]

Spoomie my twinny my lovely lady my heart is breaking for you I wish I had some words of comfort, I wish I could reach through the computer and hug you and hold you for real, I wish .......... oh if wishes were kisses we would all have sore lips. I truly hope one day the pain will go away but in all honesty I don't think it ever does. My 12 week loss is still emblazoned on my memory and it feels as if it is yesterday and the pain is just as raw - now I know that sounds ridiculous and you can easily say eff off you have your baby now but despite that in some ways I feel the pain more so now knowing how hard Ziggy tried to get here and I wonder if it hurt him ........... crazy I know and again I don't wish to seem insensitive by coming here either. I just wanted to send you big loves, I still stalk here regularly and hope and pray every single time I log on that another little soul has finally made the journey here and holly is bouncing up and down ........... this group here was my lifeline and if there was anything I could do to make you all get your children I would do it in a heartbeat.

I am signing off the computer for some time now so won't be able to check on you all but maybe when I come back on in 2013 there will be some good news. I have PND coupled with anxiety and my mum has been given 6 weeks to live and no way of getting toher unless $6,000 drops into my lap from the sky! So life for me right now is pretty rough and my only way to cope is to go live in a bubble.

Love you all - to the newbies here you have found a haven a sanctuary and a very safe place where there is much love and support.

 

[Mistyy]

OMG MissC - Thats just horrendous news about your Mum you poor love! Oh my goodness i dont know what to say. I'm so sorry to hear you are suffering with PND and anxiety too. I wish there was more we could do for each other too. I am sending you a huge hug. A genuine hug. Definately come back to us. Please look after yourself through this awful time.

I've said so many times that i'm happy for this forum to be whatever each of us needs it to be. I cant imagine anyone here feels any different It's not just all about baby dust and jumping up and down clapping here. We're all old and ugly enough to see that! As my mum would say! None of us are in our 20s with high expectations after all. We're all chasing a tiny chance and we're all here to support each other through that and out the other side if necessary, and through any other issues that come up.

On top of all our MC and TTC stresses we all have other issues going on in our lives which just ramp up the strain sometimes. I'm having a shitty time with my DH at the mo. I wont go into it all here. I'll be here all day otherwise! But it's nice to know i canpost here about my ttc gripes and have a shoulder (or 8 or 9 ) to lean on.

I have no idea about the FB group PDMCD Can someone fill me in? I'd be interested in a post group with you too. That was lovely about your bridal shower btw. Aww.

AFM my temps are bouyant, and my boobs are killing, and i feel sick as a dog this morning. However, i've been here (about a hundred) times before and a temp plummet is due tomorrow with AF due on Sat. Nice. Still on that bench at the mo though. Fingers all crossed.

Love and hugs to all of you. ALL of you! Lurkers, newbies, oldies and giver upers!

Special love to those having a particularly shite time right now

 

[Butterfly67]

Oh Miss C, big from me too. I'm so sorry that you are going through such a sh!t time I wish there was something we could do to help

Mistyy hugs to you too and I'll keep everything crossed that this time will not be one of those other hundred

AFM I have my first appointment booked at the IVF clinic in Madrid for my donor egg cycle on 11 January

 

[Pippi_elk]

Oh that's terrible Miss C, hope you get the help with the PND and anxiety and then you can try be strong for the next few weeks for your Mum. so sorry to hear about your mum's prognosis. I'm not sure of your situtation but hope you can get to spend some time with her despite not having $6000.


Misty your chart looks good...although your overlay has dissapeared. fingers crossed.

that was nice of your colleagues PDMC, its nice to know people care and are thoughtful.

Nice to have something to look forward to in Jan, Butterfly....11th Jan will be here in no time. exciting !!

 

[Spoomie]

Spoomie my twinny my lovely lady my heart is breaking for you I wish I had some words of comfort, I wish I could reach through the computer and hug you and hold you for real, I wish .......... oh if wishes were kisses we would all have sore lips. I truly hope one day the pain will go away but in all honesty I don't think it ever does. My 12 week loss is still emblazoned on my memory and it feels as if it is yesterday and the pain is just as raw - now I know that sounds ridiculous and you can easily say eff off you have your baby now but despite that in some ways I feel the pain more so now knowing how hard Ziggy tried to get here and I wonder if it hurt him ........... crazy I know and again I don't wish to seem insensitive by coming here either. I just wanted to send you big loves, I still stalk here regularly and hope and pray every single time I log on that another little soul has finally made the journey here and holly is bouncing up and down ........... this group here was my lifeline and if there was anything I could do to make you all get your children I would do it in a heartbeat.

I am signing off the computer for some time now so won't be able to check on you all but maybe when I come back on in 2013 there will be some good news. I have PND coupled with anxiety and my mum has been given 6 weeks to live and no way of getting toher unless $6,000 drops into my lap from the sky! So life for me right now is pretty rough and my only way to cope is to go live in a bubble.

Love you all - to the newbies here you have found a haven a sanctuary and a very safe place where there is much love and support.

My Twinny, my love, your message made me cry. Sorry life is so difficult for you, I have no experience of PND but I realise how debilitating it can be, and after such a long journey, guilt for feeling that way must compound it, but I believe it is beyond your rational control so try to be kind to yourself. I'm very sorry about your Mum too, the combination must indeed be overwhelming. Try to focus on getting through each day, or each half day if that is too much. Teach yourself to live in the moment; look for one beautiful thing in your life or in nature to appreciate to remind yourself that there is still brightness in amongst the gloom. You KNOW I know that that in itself can make the pain more acute....but persevere, it will come right. One striking word of truth (or perhaps stating the blooming obvious!) that my bereavement counsellor gave to me to help me through each day last year was this: remember that nothing stays the same, if everything in your garden is rosy, unfortunately it will not remain so, but more importantly, if it feels as though life is overwhelming you, it will not remain so either. I pray that you will smell the roses again soon xx

 

[Hoping4our1st]

hi, i'm new to this site. 2 wks ago we found out my husband has low sperm count of less than 1 million. 4 years ago his sperm analysis was fine but now it's not. i'm 42, we recently got married, we don't have children yet and this is devastating but i'm reading lots. next month we see an urologist. surprisingly i'm fine given i'm older and believe it or not it's my husband's low sperm count, who'd have thought.

 

[booth19]

Spoomie big hugs and you weren't insensitive, we are hear to listen and support

I am also like you , I really wanted a sibling for my son who was 8 on the 21st, it just brings it back that we have been on this journey for nearly 7 years as started when he was about 7 months old. I have never given up but with each passing m/c and month realise that time is slipping away. I don't really chart or anything but get a really annoying ovulation pain so even when I think about giving up it starts nagging me at time of o/v and I give in to it.

To top it all I had some Angel cards read last week, (why I do this to myself)!! She told me I had a little girl attached to me who was coming back to me imminently and that that my mum was there with 2 boys who she was keeping for me until I passed over (which accounts for the 3 m/c) !! I had the cards read exactly a year since my mums funeral. So I am skeptical but now adds fuel to my fire that I need to keep trying.

Fingers crossed Mistyy that its your month , I am sat on that bench with a big slab if my sons birthday cake , only 9 more days to wait.

Hi Hoping4ourfirst

 

[Butterfly67]

Hi hoping and welcome , good that you are seeing a urologist. It seems strange that the count could go so low in 4 years Maybe there is stuff he could do like taking wellman vits, wearing loose pants etc, but I guess the urologist will tell you anyway. Good luck

booth