TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!

[Butterfly67]

Pussycat, just to throw the cat amongst the pigeons, if there are any urgent medical issues the donor can be contacted even when it is anonymous, you just have to go through the clinic. I have a note to check what happens though if the clinic closes

 

[Pussycat1]

Thanks Butterfly, very helpful. Remind me, (if you don't mind me asking) did you have your DE in Europe, if so which clinic? Myself and BF are both fair skin and hair so reckon if we did venture out of the uk Prague is probably easier for a match. x

 

[Butterfly67]

Thanks Butterfly, very helpful. Remind me, (if you don't mind me asking) did you have your DE in Europe, if so which clinic? Myself and BF are both fair skin and hair so reckon if we did venture out of the uk Prague is probably easier for a match. x

Yes I think it sounds like Prague would be a perfect match features wise. I did look into a Prague clinic but they wouldn't take me as I was single so it might be worth checking if you have to be married.

I went with a clinic in Madrid, Ginefiv

 

[garfie]

Good luck ladies

I'm not sure what to do now - think I have got some soul searching to do

Just when I start to feel like the wound of the m/c is closing and I am slowly moving on - it gets open again TODAY

I was called into the hospital for my DNC results (I had a DNC back in June) as you know I have been told many times that everything was okay and it was just bad luck

Today (my results went astray) they had tested for molar pregnancy which lead them to find out that my beautiful angel was a little boy with trisomy for chromosome 22

Hubby says it doesn't make a difference and obviously we knew the risks etc but seeing it in black and white makes it seem more real.

I hate myself for feeling this way - one minute I'm up the next I'm down I just can't stop crying

Just needed to vent

Love to all you ladies



X

 

[Butterfly67]

Garfie, when you get details like this it is all going to bring it back to you so no wonder you are upset

 

[Mistyy]

Oh Garfie. I wish i could give you a massive hug in RL right now

The risks involved (re: chromosomal abnormalities) for us older ladies ('older' being anything over 35 in medical terms !!!!) is almost the cruelest part of it all. Having tried and tried for a much longed for baby, then to be told the baby had/has life altering medical problems throws up terrible and conflicting emotions no one can be prepared for. So it's completely understandable how this news has hit you, lovely.

Allow yourself to feel the shock and pain and be upset at the news, and take your time.

Have you been offered any 'genetic counceling'? It's just a posh term for them taking a blood test from you and DH to check that the T22 was a tragic but random occourence between the pair of you. It can put your mind at ease that the likelyhood f it happening again is very low when you try again.

More massive hugs my lovely xxxxxxxx

 

[Pussycat1]

Oh Garfie, I can only imagine all the conflicting feelings you are having. Sending you hugs.
Wise words from Mistyy, can only agree.
x

 

[garfie]

Thanks ladies

In my confusion and guilty state I seem to have unsubscribed from this thread

I thank you ladies for supporting me (I did think it was a bit quiet)

Anyway I am coming to terms with it - hubby seems more on board than me about trying again - he says the law of averages have got to fall in our favour at some point. I think now he is out to prove that we can create the perfect baby.

I have been keeping myself busy and the nightmares I am pleased to say have become less and less

Misty we had all the tests the NHS give late last year/beginning of this - so yes our chromosomes were tested. So I guess I can only really say this must have just been a fluke of nature and for a change mother nature was on my side - but then why do I feel guilty for saying that?

I also keep imagining the perfect little boy and then seeing someone come along with an eraser and rubbing out little bits of him - that still freaks me if I'm honest (and I know I can be here).

People are wondering why I just start crying for no apparent reason - after all I had a DNC months ago? - but it has brought it all back I feel guilty for feeling sad and sad for feeling guilty (not necessary in that order).

I am scared - what if this wasn't a one off? - also how can it be that two people who love each other could create this little boy, yet others can go out have a one night stand and have the perfect baby - why can't we?

So as you can see ladies - I am getting there slowly. Every time I think I'm over it - something comes along and knocks me for six.

I am really pleased though to hear all you pg ladies are doing well

For now for me I am on CD 9 and just waiting to see what my body does this month



X

 

[greens]

Sadly stuff just happens and with out reason and it's shite but it gets easier. Keep talking with your partner, don't be guilty of your feelings, better to express them and give them air.
Each day is a new day look forward the past has happened.
I have had 21 and 13 with both of us all clear chromosome test

 

[Maddy40]

Garfie hun. To me your grief is totally understandable but I guess those who haven't been there don't understand. I'm sorry about the T22 result but at least there was an explanation - although that doesn't make the grief and sadness any less.

Pussycat isn't it great to have BF as our own Over-40s example of what ED can achieve

Mistyy how ru?

Everyone else I missed

AFM I will be 6 months on Friday & all is well. I don't post as much any more as I try not to spend too much time sitting at home. I sit at the office all day & when driving. The rest of the time I need to be moving and getting my back into different positions or else I don't sleep well. xxx

 

[Mistyy]

Hi ladies X

Hi Maddy - i'm ok thanks. Wrestling with the issue of the flu jab at the mo. Got the letter from the GP yesterday, then googled the for's and against's and now i'm

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Sometimes it can feel that the people around you in ''real life'' (and even your partner) are 'getting over it and moving on now' and it can leave you feeling left behind and struggling with your feelings - which are still raw. You still feel the need to talk/cry about it, but feel perhaps as if you cannot bring the subject up so much as you fear of bringing others down. But it's important not to bottle things up. I found the forum to be of great help to me in 2011

Hi to pussycat, greens, butterfly, pippi, barnie, nise, maxi and everyone Come on where are you all? :wave:

 

[Butterfly67]

I was in the docs yesterday and saw the signs about the flu jab and thought 'no' because I generally don't get flu anyway but I wonder if they will try and convince me

 

[Maddy40]

I chose to have it as I couldn't really afford to be sick for an extended period if possible. But I found there was no pressure.

 

[Pippi_elk]

Wow Maddy...you are 6 months ! Congrats. Glad that at least you have a solution to ease/prevent back pain.

Hope you doing ok Garfie....cry when you need to, although I can understand why you don't want to be bursting into tears in company.
Yes think your dh is right....your perfect baby will come along..its just a matter of when.

Oh sorry to hear you are in a quandary about the vaccine Misty. I think when bird flu was about a few years ago they recommend pregnant women to get it as there were risks to the baby not getting it. Yea there are probably risks to getting the vaccine but probably a lot smaller risks.
Can you get some impartial advice from your GP? Or your midwife...
But you need to make the decision and be happy with your decision.

pussycat...I remember reading some where that a lot of the donors in Spain may not be Spanish (I can't recall for sure which country they were referring to or if was just European counties in general)...they can be from more fair skinned countries....so perhaps don't discount Spain if you are looking for fair skinned donors.

I've been busy in real life so not been posting here much. Postponed ivf until December as dh not up to traveling with his ankle. He's walking now about the house...sometimes even without a crutch but not ready for airports etc.

Our poor cat had to have an emergency operation to have her eye removed last week. Not sure what happened but it got perforated...horrible looking. Poor thing but she seems happy enough now but we're too scared to let her out now despite her protestations. Maybe I need to photoshop my avatar to remove the left eye

My sister found out there is a judgement on their mortgage due to loans her ex husband took out. I have been trying to advise her as I think she has her head in the sand a bit..so lots going on.


Hello everyone else....

 

[Pussycat1]

Hi Ladies
Garfie, hope you're doing ok. I think it's perfectly natural for you to feel all of these things, it really wasn't that long ago and although you both ent through it, it's so much more intense for you. We're here for you.
Misty, I'd have a chat with your GP and weigh up the pros and cons.
Pippi, thank you. I think we're going to go with the clinic where we've had all the treatment so far. They do offer a partnership with Spain but its way more expensive. We've also thought about Prague but the waiting list at our clinic is short, success rates really good (50-60%, apparently in every cycle they've done either sharer or recipient has got pregnant). I don't like the dr there (there I said it!), but most of the treatment is with the nurses and I really like the one that's in charge of the sharing program. Councelling session on Tues, then if we're still sure we go on the waiting list and hopefully start after Christmas.
Hi to everyone else!
x

 

[Butterfly67]

Ooh exciting stuff pussycat

 

[Barnabibear]

Hi ladies,

Just thought id post a hello. Things not good with me and I don't want to bring the thread down.At the moment I just want to curl up into a ball and roll off a cliff.

Pussycat just in case you're interested Care fertility claim a short waiting list for DE. I don't know where you are in the UK but the nearest one to me is in Notts and they have great reviews.

Pippi oooo, so December. Thats not far away.

Mistty, Maddy, Garfie, Butterfly a big :wave: to you all.

 

[Butterfly67]

Massive barni

 

[Mistyy]

Barnie? Are you ok? You're not ok. What's happening hun? xxxx

 

[Pussycat1]

Thank you Barnie, we're on the south coast and Agora Clinic is round the corner from our house, currently have a short waiting list and have good results. They also have our full history. Appreciate your adviser though.
Hope you can chase the 'dark dog away' v soon. You know we're all here for you and you don't need to worry about 'bringing the thread down'. x