TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!

[garfie]

Barni - BIG to you - hope you are okay



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[Barnabibear]

Hi everyone,

Just wanted to say thank you for the hugs. I should explain, I guess...

The IUI was a disaster. On cd9 they told me I had a 27mm follicle but it could be a cyst. Sounded like a cyst at that size that early on. But they went ahead and administered the intralipid infusion. They did blood test, told me I should take the trigger. I questioned the 27mm and they said they'd scan again on cd11 before the IUI. On cd11 they told me it was 24mm, I questioned that and they told me it was 22mm on cd9 not the 27mm they told me. So I explained that with this info it was most likely a follicle and as I'd taken the trigger I would ovulate soon. But they wanted to wait until the next morning. I was worried that it would be too late, but they're supposed to be the experts, sure enough that afternoon I had a lot if pain for 2 minutes and I knew I'd ovulated. I went in the next morning, they confirmed I had ovulated but still wanted to go ahead with the IUI. I knew there was still a tiny window and thought that it would be ok, it took 2 hours of waiting, so very close to 24 hours after my ovulation pain. When I finally got in there they told me my dh samples were of an extremely low count and did I still want to go ahead. WTF. Why am I hearing this now?

I went ahead basically because I had been through so much over the last few days. But now this leaves all our plans ruined. IUI is obviously not an option. I should've been told this before. My dh says he had a phone call saying everything was fine when he left the samples. He had a normal count last year. I put it down to his high stress levels with his getting ready forvhis new job in Abu Dhabi, as we had lots of dramas around that.

So, now we have to do IVF with ICSI, those samples are all I have. We only have money to do it once. This is it. Im scared of IVF, the process of it, I'm scared we'll spend all that money and get nothing. Im scared it will never happen, all hope is now lost. I just wish we could get a break. I don't think I have a single good experience with medical professionals so far.

I know some of you have been through IVF and your experiences would be really helpful. I know some of you are facing decisions like this too. Pussycat, Pippi. Maddy I know things worked for you.

Sorry for harping on. Its just knowing that everything rests on this, it's hard to think that the end of the road is nigh.. When my dh was home, it was always..., nevermind there's next month but I don't have that now. Plus because he's away I just feel that the pressure is all on me and some sub standard frozen samples. Im feel awful for being such a whiney whinger.

 

[Pussycat1]

Barnabibear, your story makes me so angry at the medical staff. How dare they mess with your life this way. I think sometimes they're doing this day in day out and they forget what a huge thing this is, especially for us 'older' ladies where we've got the added pressure of the ticking clock. Don't be scared of IVF, it's really not so bad. I got used to the daily injections pretty quickly and after egg retrieval I was a little uncomfortable but not for long and no worse than mild cramping, to be honest when I came round it felt like I'd had a lovely sleep! Then embryo transfer is just like IUI only its done in the theatre environment to be clise to where they incubate the embryos. I had ICSI and the thing about ICSI is the sample doesn't have to be good as they select the good swimmers to use. It didn't work for me, but that was because my ovarian reserve is low and i have poor egg quality, but all eggs fertilised so had these 2 factors been different, who knows. It works for lots and lots of women out there. The chances of success with ICSI are so much higher than with IUI or with IVF. It's so hard to deal with when things go wrong, especially with all the hormones we have to take so sending big hugs to you and ask away if there's anything I can tell you that helps. xx

 

[garfie]

Hi barna - sorry Hun I haven't got any answers for
You I have never encountered this - if we don't happen naturally and go
Full term - my time is up

I wish you lots if luck and can't believe the
Medical profession would treat you
Like this (or can I )

On phone so excuse typos.

BIG

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[Pippi_elk]

So sorry to hear of the tough time you are having barnibear.

I can only agree with pussycat.
I have never had IUI so I can't compare it to ivf but from my one IVF cycle I would say its not that bad. I think the worst part was the 2 ww and you have experienced that already with IUI. Once you give yourself one injection..its quite easy...and maybe you have already done that with the trigger.
Ok you are in theatre for ec, but really its probably not that different to IUI..I didn't feel a thing as was sedated.
From reading your post it does nt sound like you have much confidence in your clinic. Is it possible to change clinic ?

You should probably have a backup semen sample frozen just in case the fresh sample isn't great..or have the option of ICSI.

Can totally see how hard it is with you dh away...yes there is no chance of next month giving a bfp and all hope is pinned on medical professionals who then let you down.

Come on here and rant, we're all here for support...don't think you are 'putting a downer' on the thread if you come here for support during tough times.

 

[Barnabibear]

Thank you to your replies.

Pussycat, I think I'm in a very similar situation to you. My AMH is pretty rubbish (boarderline fertile) so my ovarian reserve is next to none and I have no idea about quality. I've has 4 miscarriages over the last couple of years and it could be because of egg quality but I just don't know. But i also have thin lining issues too so maybe that has something to do with it. I just don't know.

I have a meeting with the consultant next Tues. I really hope it goes well, if not I will have to consider a change to another clinic but that means starting again and trying to get my dh's samples to the new place. Signing forms is not easy either as my husbands away so I feel that this clinic is where I will end up staying purely because of logistics. But like you say Pippi, I've not got alot of faith or trust with them at the moment.

Garfie, this is why dh says once only, one reason is the money and the other is even if I do get that positive test we still don't know if I will get to term. Hell, I can't even get to 12 weeks now.

 

[Mistyy]

Oh Barnie - good God you have been so unlucky one way or another with all you medical appt.s! I am very confused about how they said your DHs sample was fine at first and then not so fine on the day. How unprofessional is that?! Is it fine or not fine?! Grrrrrrrrr. I feel like stomping in there on your behalf.

I have had to google allot of the acronym's about IVF such as ICSI, for eg. and i think that what pussycat says about the selection process of the good sperm sounds very encouraging. Much less of a shot in the dark if they are picking out the good swimmers.

All i can say to you lovely is that you must have this one more go at it, of course. DH is on board and there is every reason to be optomistic. The only thing that messed up this round is their timming of catching your ov, and possibly this mis understanding that particular sample from DH. Both those things can be sorted out with IVF with ICSI as far as i understand.

Please - if it helps you to pour it all out on here then do. Don't think twice about it. I know sometimes it seems just like words on a screen but we are all here and listening and interested and rooting for you so hard

Group in fact! xxxxxxx

 

[garfie]

Barna - Group hugs

AFM - 6th positive OPK today - come on little eggy get out

If I just go by temps FF has me at 8DPO how can that be

Confused muchly this month



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[Mistyy]

Garfie - DPO8 ?!?!?! naaah. I think for some reason it's going by your 36.40 ish temp at ov on your Aug chart. Doesn't look like you've ov'd to me yet though. Hang in there. Don't assume anything! BD until you're sure xxxxx

 

[greens]

I sometimes ov at 8 or 9 days and then again 17 dp

 

[Pussycat1]

Barna, one other thing about ICSI, they don't even have to be good swimmers as there's no 'swimming' involved! They analyse the sample, pick the perfect ones then inject into the eggs (at least that's my understanding!), which is why it's used for poor quality samples (low number, high deformities, low motility etc). Yes we do sound like we're in similar situations, but you know you can get pregnant and with ICSI they will monitor you really closely, especially given your history. We're done using my eggs, but I'm only accepting that because I know that we have tried and if we hadn't I'd always wonder what if? x

 

[Pippi_elk]

Yea barnibear, if the counts are low or poor motility icsi should be fine...just costs a little bit more..but not a lot more.
I know one of the girls on my clinic thread her dh had only 20 sperm...yes twenty, but they managed to get enough to inject each egg.

I think you need to give it one go....in a cycle where the clinic do n't mess up.

I'm going to do one more cycle with OE although don't have much faith in it being a success but feel I need one more shot. Not sure about DE...don't think its for me but maybe I'll feel differently when/if IVF #2 fails.

Pussy are you moving on to DE ?

Garfie, I'm with Misty...I don't think you have ovulated yet.

Hello everyone else...

 

[Mistyy]

Greens - wow, that's a big fluctuation in ov. day to be coping with!

Pippi - 20 sperm! gosh when they get it right it is amazing what they can do isn't it?

Garfie - what is your average ov day, i cant remember? Been nosing at your chart again. Is it around DPO16/19? Don't worry too much about the OPKs - IME they can gear up and nothing happens only for a little surge again in a couple of days for the big release!

Pussy - i was going to ask if your going to try DE too x

Barnie - another

AFM - horrible scare yesterday. Went to the loo about 10am ish and found brown blood in undies. Stomach hit the ground, very frightened. It was right after i'd texted DH, all happy, to say the pram + car seat had just been delivered. What a roller coaster Rang MW. She was off sick. Rang triage in maternity unit and they were lovely. I had to put on a pad for 2 hours and see what happened. Nothing else happened thank god. Few sharp pains in tum, but baby is kicking like crazy all day at the mo and it can hurt. Anyway the consensus of opinion is it was either too energetic BD the night before or a bit of cervical erosion. Oh the joy. Today we are going down to London to see DH's family; they've been away for 6 weeks. DH has said he's doing the driving there and back and i'm to sit and do nothing. Thank goodness. What with the bleed plus the fact that my back went on Monday and i'm only now able to walk upright like a human being ... it's been quite a week

 

[garfie]

Aw Misty - You poor thing - having a scare like that, glad everything is okay

I agree with hubby you need to be taking it easier - and maybe cut back a bit on the energetic BD:

Sorry to hear about your back - how the heck did you do that, twist funny?

AFM - Slight temp increase



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[Pippi_elk]

Oh Misty, I'm sure you got a scare, thankfully it's stopped now. I guess there is no need for them to have a look at you if its stopped. Yes think u need to take it easy !
Enjoy your trip to dh family.

Garfie. I'd say keep bd...not much of a rise there yet. Probably best just to bd every few days and then you're sure to catch it.

 

[Barnabibear]

Mistty, oh my goodness, that must have been a terrifying couple of hours!!! Pleased to hear all is well, a nice bit of taking it easy for you my lovely.

Pippi, 20 lone swimmers, wow, and they still managed the ICSI. I think what im most scared of is getting no eggs or only a few eggs which just don't grow. I keep reading the stats for ivf at 42 and its not pretty. I want to get my determination back but I seem to have lost that and just feel like its all going to be pointless.

Pussycat, thank you for the encouragement. I wish DE were an option for us, but dh is against it. I hope it works for you, hun.

Garfie, I agree with Pippi and Mistty. You can get all revved up for ov and then it doesnt happen only to rev up again and then it happens.

 

[Maddy40]

Happy weekend

Garfie...I think you have tricky eggs, my lady

Pippi...when are you starting the next go-round? Hoping for a wonderful outcome

Pussycat...sorry I'm vague have you decided on DE now or...?

Greens...how are you

Mistyy...glad everything is okay How ru feeling otherwise?

Butterfly...enjoy that teensy bump while you can I am shocked at how quickly mine grew once it started!


Sorry if I missed anyone but my brain is not totally engaged these days.


AFM now 25+2 and starting to feel some side effects. I'm just generally a bit more tired and am moving a bit slower than I'm used to. But all is good

 

[Pussycat1]

Oh Misty, what an ordeal to go through, glad all is ok and hope your trip to the big smoke was ok.
Barna, it's a big step to use DE, but I know we've tried everything, it's a hard decision to take. You're right the stats are low for our age group, not impossible but we have to be realistic. I wish you every bit of luck there is.
Misty / Maddy, yes we've decided to try donor eggs. Like I said, I know we tried everything we could to get pregnant with my eggs and it's just not happened. We're waiting for the nurse who deals with the egg sharing / donor program at our clinic to come back from holiday then we'll be on the list. They haven't got a long waiting list so hoping early in 2014. In the mean time we'll keep trying and hope that somehow we'll have our own little miracle.
Hope everyone else has had a good weekend. x

 

[Mistyy]

Garfie - lol, we weren't actually swinging from the chandelier (re: BD) but have really only just relaxed after that big hemorrhage at 15 weeks. Until now DH has been more ... restrained (digging a bigger hole here! i'll shut up) Your chart ... hmmmm ... FF really wants you to have ov'd on CD9 doesnt it? I don't think so myself. I think this dip is either a post ov dip (ov'd on CD18 - i know there was a neg OPK, but you had CM) OR it's a pre ov dip and your temp will rise now. Watching ... xxx Oh and my back? Well believe it or not it 'went' as i bent slightly to flush the loo last Monday morning! Trapped nerve probably. It was funny - but agony! x

Pippi - CD2 Your charts are staring to look like mine were. No point in temping during AF, and healthier to stop after confirmed ov

Barnie - re: DH against DE. I think mine might struggle with that too. I can't wait for your ICSI round to begin. Very excited for you and all rev'd up for you here! x (pippi and you! It's not long now ay? )

Maddy Glad to hear all is good. Yes - slower sums it up nicely i recon. Slower up the stairs. Slower to turn over in bed. Slower in and out of car. Still having MS, but that's the hormones hey. DH is gagging and retching in the mornings too; as he is on litter tray duty and struggles a bit haha

Pussycat - Early 2014 is not far away Everything crossed in the meantime of course. It happened to me after 26 cycles of trying every month and getting nothing ... take courage. I hope its ok to say that

AFM - No more blood thank goodness. London trip on Sat went fine. VERY baby orientated with 17 month old niece and 16 month old nephew running around. 6 months ago i would have found it pretty awful to bare. I watched DH playing with his older nephew - 6 yo - and he was more relaxed and happy than in the past too. My ankles decided to puff up majorly in the middle of all this. Odd - no puffiness since that hot spell in Aug. Felt a bit pathetic having to sit with my feet up like Granny - but they went down over Sat night. Oh the glamor of it all

Masses of and love all round xxx

 

[Pippi_elk]

Yea barni, the embryologists did say it took a few of them to 'find' the 20 swimmers. So i guess the high prices are justified in some cases...

My dh has mixed feelings about de. He wants the baby to be genetically mine but then when I told him, that it would be me who grows the baby etc, so really my baby..he started to come around. But I don't want to force him.
And I'm not sure even myself what I want...
We're going to do a 2nd ivf with OE and then we'll take it from there. On Sunday we were at an event with loads of kids. Some of them were really sweet and I found myself thinking is it my own child I want to bring up or a child...even if its not genetically mine. Suppose I struggle more with the issue of people commenting on likeness/not likeness and perhaps I won't want to tell people its de etc. But then really its nobody else's business...and you need to make the decision that's right for both of you.
I think id struggle more with using donor sperm than donor egg...so maybe that's why you dh is reluctant to use de.

Did the clinic test your amh or do a scan to see how many pre follicles (follicles that would be potential eggs in the next few cycles) ? That should give a good idea of how many eggs you are likely to get. Before my first ivf, They did an internal ultrasound and they could see 10 follicles (afc count is whats its called if you want to google) and then the blood test correlated pretty well with what they would have expected based on scan results. I responded pretty well for a 42 year old and got 11-12 eggs. Obviously all poor quality..but not much you can do about that.

Maddy, thansks...I'm going to cycle at start of dec. I'm not expecting much but want to do it more so we won't have regrets. exciting that you're having a bump.

Thanks Misty..yea another month of trying with no success. yea I stopped charting as much..Problem is that af arrived unexpectantly last Thursday..2 days early. hopefully if my charting pattern is becoming more like your some of your luck will rub off on me.
Glad you had a nice weekend and a change that a child centered wend was enjoyable. Hope your back improves...wonder did the drive down cause the swelling of your ankles?

Pussycat, you won't feel until you are top of the list...
Glad you were able to make the decision..and it helps to know you tried everything with your OE. But since its not your eggs...you have the time to wait...