TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!

[Pussycat1]

Pippi, I totally get what you're saying about DE, its taken me a long time to get here. However with 4 failed IUI and 2 failed ICSI, a low AMH and me being 43 next month I had to face reality. There's less than 5% chance of success with my own eggs, of course we'll try on our own until we get to the top of the list (managed to time perfectly this month so now 2WW). Butterfly pointed me in the direction of the DE forum on here and the stories are amazing. The way we see it the egg may not be mine but it's only a bundle of cells that goes back and if I get a BFP, the baby is grown from my tissues and nutrients and my love, it definitely wouldn't be any less mine. However like I said, it's taken me several years and exhausting all attempts with my own eggs to get here, so I fully understand the anguish behind making this decision. x

 

[Maddy40]

I think the journey is so different for everyone, isn't it fascinating!? Because our older two children are adopted and I know that there's no difference in parenting (or loving) them, the 'DNA-connection argument' wasn't one that ever entered our conversation when talking about DE. But funnily enough we did have issues with the idea of IVF! DH was formerly a monk and very worried about whether it was 'messing with the universe' and I was just plain sceptical that it was going to work. What a brilliant board this is, that we can all come from these different places & share all this 'stuff'

 

[Pippi_elk]

I'm almost in the same boat as you pussycat, was 43 in June...but have just had one ivf so far. My amh is quite good...so decent number of crap eggs! The clinic said our chances are max 15%. They said its better to think about it being an 85% chance it won't work when we are trying to decide to try again. like you we're hoping for a miracle every month in the intervening time. ...

Glad you have come to a decision ...the hardest part is arriving to that point...now you can look forward to higher success rates and hopefully a bundle of joy at the end.

Yes maddy I agree, its interesting to read about everyone's different situation and their story. Its nice to know that you think of your adopted kids the same as if they were biologically your own.

Wow you dh was a monk...I guess he was a buddhist monk? I think I remember you saying he was Asian ?
Yea I know even IVF is a big enough hurdle for some people. I remember when decided to start ttc we say we'd just try naturally and what was meant to be was meant to be, that we wouldn't do IVF etc.
The mc and not getting pregnant in the 2 years since changed how we feel about that...
So I guess its an evolving process and you can't really predict how you will feel about treatment a few months/years down the line.

 

[Mistyy]

I agree about how it's nice that although we are all on different journeys we can support each other to the last degree here because we all understand how strong the desire is, and all for the same goal

I've waffled about this before - but anyway - DH and i never went in for any intervention at all as we feared it would casue a fault/guilt thing. He thought the reason we were struggling was down to him (past sport injuries) ... I thought it was probably me (age) ... Unlikely to be able to afford to go all the way with treatment, we shied away from having investigations done if all we would be left with is the knowledge that it was 'me', or 'him' and we were stuck with it. If it was confirmed to be all me i would have felt a burden to him as DH is younger than me. If it was all him i think it would eat at him to know he couldn't give me what my XH (who has no interest in his daughters!) managed easily.

It's all so loaded with emotion!

xxx

 

[Barnabibear]

Hi everyone,

It is lovely that we can all support each other even if we come from a different direction and made a different decision along the way to get what we want.

My DH doesn't want DE but is happy with DS and I'm the other way round, I'm happy with DE but don't want DS.

I've had my appointment at the clinic. Turns out DH "samples" were ok going in but after freezing his swimmers are mostly drowning/treading water with a few attempting a doggy paddle. So this is why the samples aren't good and ICSI is the way forward. So, I needed a month off and it gives me another salary payment before we start. So, next cycle is IVF cycle and it will probably start beginning of November.

I'm 42, 43 next April. Fingers crossed I'm lucky this time. Surely, surely our luck has to change at some point. I have no idea if I will get an AFC but my AMH is rubbish so I can hope for 10 good quality eggs but I should be realistic. All I need is one, one healthy sticky bean.

Does this mean we'll be IVFing at a similar sort of time Pippi??

 

[Pippi_elk]

Hi girls,

barnibear; Maybe we will be cycling together..but you might be a bit before me as I can't easily get time off work in Nov so hoping to have it early Dec.
My clinic taper off treatment coming up to Xmas and said to fit me in they will need me to have had this cycles af on or before 29/30 oct. That's when its due so hoping it won't come late as otherwise I will have to wait until January. Don't want to get to stressed about it as the stress will probably delay af! If it comes one or two days later i might just tell a white lie. I have 2 weeks holidays that I have been saving for I ivf that I have to use before end of year so really want to cycle in dec.
Barnibear, can they not just use dh fresh sample ? Is nt fresh best especially if there is problems when they freeze his ? But maybe that's more to do with logistics etc.
My dh gave a fresh sample on the day...I was hoping he wouldn't experience performance anxiety but I didn't even mention that to him in case he started to get worried !


I know Misty..the intervention is a slippery slope...as its hard to know when to say no more and leave it to Mother Nature. But it worked out for you...so you did the right thing. I guess in our case its me to blame due to age...but I can live with that. We both made the mistake not to try when we were younger ....
We got a cat 10 years ago and that felt a big enough commitment at the time ! So don't think either of us was in the state of mind then for kids.

 

[Mistyy]

Pippi - i'm smiling at your cat commitment comment. I know exactly what you mean. It's no good at all looking back and saying shoulda coulda woulda and all that. We don't live with the benefit of a chrystal ball, so we mustn't beat our selves up about who we were and what decisions we made in the past. That way lies madness. When DH and i got together he was adamant he didn't want kids of his own! I was more than hoppy not to have any more either. We did have 'the talk', and frankly if you'd told me seven years ago i would be ttc or preg. at my age i'd have i'd had laughed heartily in disbelief. Things gradually change though don't they? And in that short space of time between getting together and getting the ttc ball rolling, my age made the odds against it less than encouraging. Cruel cruel mother nature.

Everything crossed here for AF coming on time lovely

Barnie - yes your luck MUST change now! Praying for you that this next ICSI round will negate the need for you and DH to see eye to eye on the DE/DS issue!

How is everyone? This weekend is a total washout here. The rain is hammering down and the wind is howling. Been like this constantly since yesterday morning. Yuk. Autumn is upon us. This new house has a mahoosive old oak tree at the bottom of the garden, and it's laden with acorns which are now dropping all over the lawn. Nice to see the squirrels busy with them, but i'm dreading the leaf drop. Someone is going to have to get out there and do alot of raking at some point! I like gardening normally, but not had to deal with it on this scale before ...

I've had a rotton cold for the last couple of days with earache, sore throat, sore nose, thumping headache and a racing pulse! Boiling hot one minute and freezing cold the next. Cant face food. Bloody awful. Not allowed Lemsip, so it's just hot tea and those cool strips you stick on your head. I look a fright. Haven't had the energy for a shower since Friday Suffering from a bit of stress incontinence when sneezing and coughing too. Smashing!

XXX

 

[garfie]

Still reading and stalking ladies - just trying to keep myself busy as my chart is driving me insane - that's it for this month no more BD it's become a chore instead of pleasure Hubby is even working away so think that was his way of getting out of it

Misty - try cool boiled lemonade (similar to lemsip) hun - I swear by it when the kids have colds Hope you feel better soon

Good luck ladies - I don't really understand all the ICSI, DE etc but of course it goes without saying I have my fingers tightly crossed for you all

We have also had the talk a few months ago - that's why I don't want to push it - I have two boys (10 & 12) hubby has none - OMG why is this so hard - anything he wants I more or less give him it (fishing, new car, days out etc) but I can't give him this because my stupid body lets me down



X

 

[Mistyy]

Garfie No words. That's how i felt too.

(your chart is very enigmatic! Your body is giving + OPKs so there's something going on. Only AF will tell really - then you can count back. Sometimes with my chart i had to do that. Pointless by then i know ... but i like to know. I think you've covered your based re: BD. Remember your luteal phase is unlikely to fluctuate much - but your 'whatever the first bit before ovuation is called' can differ month to month. Apparently )

 

[Pippi_elk]

Hope you're feeling better misty...yes hot drinks with honey and lemon should help. Strange we had lovely weather at the weekend..
Totally agree that regretting past decisions only leads to madness...we did what felt right at the time. I guess we have to take attitude that's for you won't pass you....as you said 7 years ago you'd never have though you'd be pregnant now.
How many weeks are you now ?

Still can't figure out your chart Garfie...yea as Misty said lp does n't vary from month to month but ovulation can. Not sure why you are getting so many pos opks.
De is donor eggs and icsi (not sure exactly what it stands for) but is where they pick the sperm and inject it into the egg, usually used when sperm can't fertilise egg themselves.

Hi barni, pussycat, maddy, butterfly...and anyone I've forgotten.

No sign of ovulation for me yet....really want to ovulate by Thursday to enable me to have ivf in dec. not a hint of a positive Opk yet...typical.

At least dh is now walking about without crutches, although for 'longer' distance he still needs a crutch. He can help round the house a bit now...surgeon said hovering/vacuuming is excellent physiotherapy !!
And our one eyed cat is now venturing back outside....

 

[Maddy40]

Hi everyone gosh it's quiet here. How are we all travelling?

 

[Butterfly67]

Had my gender/anatomy scan today and I'm team

 

[garfie]

Congrats Butterfly - little boys are awesome - I have two

Always ready for cuddles and only mummy can make it better

So time to go shopping me thinks



X

 

[Pussycat1]

Butterfly, amazing news!
Hope everyone else is good! X

 

[Mistyy]

The new look site really threw me when i logged on! It's been the same for such a long time. Feels odd

Butterfly - ahh bless were you surprised or did have a feeling it would be a boy?

Pippi - peeped at your chart - you ov'd on Thursday as planned! Does that mean IVF for Dec?

Garfie - you ov'd on CD26 in the end! My OPKs would just go on and on being positive too, if i kept going with them. It's confusing isn't it. You need that temp rise for permission to stop! Sorry to see that AF came Fresh start this cycle. Everything crossed for a less puzzling one for you this time, and a BFP of course

Barnie - hows you? x

:wave: @ pussycat and Maddy and everyone else xxx

AFM - all ok here. Bump feeling achey and 'dragy' at the mo. Babys kicks are strong enough to make me gasp sometimes! I think my stomach muscles are pretty wrecked though, so i'm feeling everything more is normal perhaps. When i was measured last time i was right on the average line for bump size. Went to my first ever NCT class with DH last week. 2nd tonight. I was terrified i'd be 20 years older than EVERYONE else in the room - but actually the 7 other couples ranged from early 30s to early 40s (at a guess), and all very down to earth and friendly. So that was a relief MW has told me that (due to age and history) i should consider week 37 as full term and 'be ready'. That's only 9 weeks away Eek. Getting nervous now.

 

[Butterfly67]

I have to say I thought :boy: Mistyy

Wow you are not far off now then I'm trying to contemplate how you bend over with a big bump

Pippi yes that would be great if you could do ivf in December

Hope everyone else is well

 

[Pippi_elk]

Brilliant news butterfly !! A little mummy's boy on the way!

Wow misty...you could go in 9 weeks ! Great that you're doing well and I guess the tiredness/aching is all normal. A relief that a good few other couples were a little older too..makes you not feel like a granny in a room with a load of teenagers/early 20 something's.
Yea I ovulated on Thursday as hoped...if my luteal phase is consistent as it usually is, af should arrive just on time for dec...with not a day to spare. I was saying to dh that hope Af arrives next Wednesday..but then he reminded me I have to hope that it does n't arrive at all and its a bfp ! Fat chance !


I was also spying on you chart Garfie...yea you had a strange cycle last month...hopefully you'll have a more normal cycle this month.

Hello everyone else...
The new layout makes the site feel different...not sure where my subscribed threads have gone but really this thread is the only one I'm on really.

 

[Maddy40]

Mistyy - oh my, that's not far off. That means ME TOO!!! EEK!

Garfie - can you do some shopping for me I hate shopping

BF - nice bump pic on your journal When is your next scan?

Pippi, Barnie and everyone else - hope you are all well


AFM, I will be 29 weeks in a few days and anticipating that pretty soon I'll start to feel pretty pregnant, as the growth/weight gain spurt seems to have started this week. For the moment though I'm enjoying the Aussie sprig weather, walking 7km a day and trying to get the house organised and maintenance jobs done while I'm able.

 

[garfie]

Hi Ladies

I am still stalking - can't believe how far on you pregnant ladies are wow that has flown - for me anyway

Maddy - Of course I don't mind shopping - especially for those cutsie baby items

Pippi - I thought my lappy had a bug at first I'm getting used to the new layout - not as easy on the eye though How are you hun

Misty - Less than 9 weeks to go

Barni - Hope you are okay hun

Butter - Has it sunk in yet - have you bought anything for your little prince? My first one had all second hand (x hubby was tight) my second boy had what I could afford - not much as I was a single mum going through a divorce. This one (when it comes) will want for nothing - but not spoilt if you know what I mean

I am very busy at the moment we have just completed the building work on our new building (remember the factory fire in February) so it's all hands to deck - although hubby still expects his tea on the table

The dr is carrying out CD1-3 tests, 21DPO test, PCOS, Ruebella, something beginning with H test and finally a full pelvic scan - they are thinking the reason my body so wacky (POS OPKS etc, POS tests) is because I might have RPOC - hope not or I will be angry

Anyway this can all be done locally - why the hell did I have to travel before? and also this dr has suggested a SA for hubby (no one else would entertain that). I have told him I need these test carrying out before we stop (maybe buy myself some time?)

As for my chart today - I think I must be dead



X

 

[Butterfly67]

Maddy I can't believe you are not far off which like you say means mistyy is too it seems such a long time since we had a on this thread and now they seem like buses (now we just need another batch of buses to come along )

Next scan is 16th December at 28 weeks

Garfie am glad they are doing local testing and at least you are getting more fluctuation in your chart this month, looks like you might be getting ready to O and perhaps things will return to normal

Oh yes I remember about the fire So finally building starts again

No I haven't bought anything yet I'll mostly be getting second hand as I don't have much spare cash right now and minimal earnings