TTC 40 plus!! Lets share the ups and downs!

[Spoomie]

Hi all

I'm sure you're all sick of reading about me obsessing over my chart the last few days but I need a friend just now and I'm pretty sure that you'll oblige. You know how some months the disappointment is harder to deal with than others? This is not proving to be then best month for me, by a long shot. It probably wouldn't have been so bad had my chart not appeared to go triphasic after a (implantation - clearly not) dip. FF even told me it appeared so, which really sent me into a frenzy. However, 3 temp drops later I'm truly out as of this evening. My husband is fed up with me, since my m/c last November I know I have been a nightmare to be around and today he told me he doesn't know why I am so depressed as, despite losing the baby, we still have our son. They really don't feel it in the way we do, do they? Not entirely his fault, I also don't like being around me either lately. It's there, every waking moment of the day I am thinking of my loss, how pregnant I should be, my chart, not lifting anything heavy, have I taken my pils etc etc. I'm just so exhausted trying to pick myself up after yet another wasted month, and frustrated because I know I CAN get pregnant, even at my age, I did it just last August, so why - with even more prenatal pills, herbs, water, no alcohol, giving up exercise to gain weight, temping, CBFM, grapefruit juice, preseed - can't I get pregnant? The million dollar question we all want the answer to, I know

And I feel so angry with everyone. Not sure why, I just do. I have cut myself off from all my friends, making excuses not to meet them etc, and just want to stay in a deep hole and not be with anyone. Small talk seems so pointless. I know I'm not unique, I'm sure you all want a baby just as badly as I do and that you hear the clock ticking just as loudly as I do. I'm just so defeated this month I had to share my woes with someone and you are the lucky ones xxx

PS Glowstar and Nise, sorry to see no good news for you two either x

 

[Nise]

I am totally with you Spoomie, relating to every word and also feeling angry today. I would just so like to be able to turn the switch off. This game is a load of old bollocks!

Inkdchick and Glowstar - I'm sorry things aren't looking to good for you guys either.

Guess we just have to try and keep our spirits up. At least I have some great cycle buddies.

 

[pip7890]

Spoomie. I understand exactly how you feel. It does take over your life. I'd describe it as all consuming. As hard as it is, what you need to do is relax a little. Acknowledge how lucky you are with what you do have and allow yourself hope that you'll get chance to grow your family sooner rather than later.

It sounds like you are doing everything in your power to make this happen. You are sacrificing so much and that is exhausting mentally and physically. Give yourself a little slack now and then and I'm sure it will happen.

Big

Pip x

 

[Glowstar]

First of all sorry for being awol.....busy weekend with OH's birthday etc but it has kept me busy and less preoccupied which has got to be a good thing with another groundhog day temp of 97.664.....never had the same temp sooooo many times

Spoomie....I am so very sorry the wicked witch got you I can feel your despair, having never suffered a MC I suppose I can't possibly know how that feels I suppose you and I (and everyone here) knows that the obsession does take over EVERY aspect of your life but I think we all know deep down that life has to go on right? or what is the alternative? It's a double edged sword because we know that being obsessive and all consumed is not really a good thing but it's soooooo hard to stop...and I wholeheartedly am 100% with you on that score! I am sure for you...and all of us it's just a matter of time as frustrating as that is....because that's the ONE thing all of us here feel we have not got Let's re-stock...dust ourselves off and carry on...we have to believe and have hope...but let's not forget to live for the living and live for today. not sure all that came out right...I hope so

Nise.....your positivity is awesome....sorry the witch got you too...your charts always look so perfect...damn that wicked

Well another temp drop for me today.....but I caved and tested. My usual LP is 13/14 days long and CD12 feel AF'y. Anyway had a load of IC's sitting and on a whim with god knows what pee of the day I POAS!! I kind of thought I saw a shadow but realised it was my imagination I went for a lie down...and got up around 7pm (2 1/2 hrs later) and POAS again!!! glutten for punishment me I put the IC back in the packet and went for a walk with the dog. I actually forgot about it and then 2 hours later went back to look...so waaaaaaaaaaaay after the time limit and this is what I got I think it's an evap personally and NOT excited. OH could just about see it....it's a screen tilter.....if nothing else it makes a change not to see a completely snow white HPT!!

[IMG]https://i1110.photobucket.com/albums/h457/glowstar71/Photo0283.jpg[/IMG]

 

[LLbean]

Glowstar test again tomorrow and let us know please! (I see the faint line so I really want to know, fingers crossed!)

 

[mrsdh]

I see something! I've never got an evap on a IC so I would say it looks like the start of a bfp! Fx for you. Will you test again in the morning? Xx

 

[Glowstar]

Hi ladies...yeah will test first thing and let you know....I still think it's an evap 'cos cramping like a biatch and feel like AF due any minute...so who knows

 

[mrsdh]

They still can be pregnancy signs. So many ladies have said they are certain they are going to receive a visit from Af and have got a bfp! Good luck with fmu. Sending you tons of babydust xx ps even with ICs I always have got stark White bfns, never a hint of a second line. Hoping to read good news in the morning

 

[samiam]

Hi all

I'm sure you're all sick of reading about me obsessing over my chart the last few days but I need a friend just now and I'm pretty sure that you'll oblige. You know how some months the disappointment is harder to deal with than others? This is not proving to be then best month for me, by a long shot. It probably wouldn't have been so bad had my chart not appeared to go triphasic after a (implantation - clearly not) dip. FF even told me it appeared so, which really sent me into a frenzy. However, 3 temp drops later I'm truly out as of this evening. My husband is fed up with me, since my m/c last November I know I have been a nightmare to be around and today he told me he doesn't know why I am so depressed as, despite losing the baby, we still have our son. They really don't feel it in the way we do, do they? Not entirely his fault, I also don't like being around me either lately. It's there, every waking moment of the day I am thinking of my loss, how pregnant I should be, my chart, not lifting anything heavy, have I taken my pils etc etc. I'm just so exhausted trying to pick myself up after yet another wasted month, and frustrated because I know I CAN get pregnant, even at my age, I did it just last August, so why - with even more prenatal pills, herbs, water, no alcohol, giving up exercise to gain weight, temping, CBFM, grapefruit juice, preseed - can't I get pregnant? The million dollar question we all want the answer to, I know

And I feel so angry with everyone. Not sure why, I just do. I have cut myself off from all my friends, making excuses not to meet them etc, and just want to stay in a deep hole and not be with anyone. Small talk seems so pointless. I know I'm not unique, I'm sure you all want a baby just as badly as I do and that you hear the clock ticking just as loudly as I do. I'm just so defeated this month I had to share my woes with someone and you are the lucky ones xxx

PS Glowstar and Nise, sorry to see no good news for you two either x

Spoomie--I know that I am late to this party, but I do understand. I completely understand where you're coming from. The MC devastated me in ways that I didn't understand even then. I still burst into tears sometimes for no reason whatsoever and I'm not telling any of my friends or family that we're trying for a baby now. The strain of trying has caused fights with my OH and I just feel alone and exhausted most of the time. I wish I had some smart thing to say. Something that would make you feel better about it all, but honestly, I don't have any answers about how to make the pain stop.

Do something nice and out of the ordinary for yourself this week. At least once a day remind yourself that you are safe and okay. And maybe things will get better in time.

 

[samiam]

I think it's an evap personally and NOT excited. OH could just about see it....it's a screen tilter.....if nothing else it makes a change not to see a completely snow white HPT!!

I see a line there too!

 

[ciarhwyfar]

Keeping fingers crossed!!

 

[Glowstar]

Sorry to disappoint ladies...BFN this morning with FMU...slight temp rise but def feel the witch knocking at my snatch door must have been an evap....just goes to show you...don't look at the bloody tests after the time limit

 

[Spoomie]

Spoomie--I know that I am late to this party, but I do understand. I completely understand where you're coming from. The MC devastated me in ways that I didn't understand even then. I still burst into tears sometimes for no reason whatsoever and I'm not telling any of my friends or family that we're trying for a baby now. The strain of trying has caused fights with my OH and I just feel alone and exhausted most of the time. I wish I had some smart thing to say. Something that would make you feel better about it all, but honestly, I don't have any answers about how to make the pain stop.

Do something nice and out of the ordinary for yourself this week. At least once a day remind yourself that you are safe and okay. And maybe things will get better in time.

Samian, it does help to know that I am not the only one who feels so low and so confused and so sad, although I wish for your sake that you didn't feel this way too. It feels like it'll never go away and those three days of 'triphasic' hope felt sooooo good to be myself again xxx

 

[Spoomie]

Sorry to disappoint ladies...BFN this morning with FMU...slight temp rise but def feel the witch knocking at my snatch door must have been an evap....just goes to show you...don't look at the bloody tests after the time limit

Sorry you still hanging on for news Glowstar, don't give up hope yet x

 

[mrsdh]

Sorry to disappoint ladies...BFN this morning with FMU...slight temp rise but def feel the witch knocking at my snatch door must have been an evap....just goes to show you...don't look at the bloody tests after the time limit

ics are cruel sometimes. Bol***ks .

 

[Reb S]

Hello all,
I've been away for a wonderful weekend and came back to lots of BFN's. Boo, bugger and bol***ks indeed. Huh.
Spoomie, Glowstar, Nise, Ink - I'm so sorry. Some months are harder than others, especially when you have really good temps. Lots of hugs to everyone.
Nise - how horrid to be stuck in a studio all weekend - I know the feeling, as I've got a load of studio work coming up and will be stuck there all over Easter - yuk, but it pays the mortgage!
Samian - hope you're feeling better soon - go and sit in the sun and burn the bugs away x
Garnet - hello! How nice that you popped in to say hello. We're all rooting for you x
Jeniwi - So sorry for your loss. This thread is the most supportive, lovely bunch and we all know how you're feeling. xxx
Miss C - I'm sorry you had a panic attack, but you did make me laugh! In a pumpkin patch?!!
Hope I haven't left anyone out... x

Well, the torch, which has been blazing away here, is beginning to fade, as I ovulated VERY early, according to my CBFM - I quite often do, but it may be the soy, I'm not sure. Just going to grab one last smoulder today and then give OH a break! Or maybe we'll just keep going!!!
(PS in the midst of lots of not great news here, my doggie learned to swim today! Everyone say Awwww!)

 

[samiam]

Samian, it does help to know that I am not the only one who feels so low and so confused and so sad, although I wish for your sake that you didn't feel this way too. It feels like it'll never go away and those three days of 'triphasic' hope felt sooooo good to be myself again xxx

Spoomie--You are NOT alone! I know what you mean about feeling like yourself again. I'm clinging to that very thing right now at 4dpo. It's going to be a really long tww.

Glowstar: Sorry to hear that. But you did make me laugh with your "knocking at your snatch" comment. I am now picturing a tiny wee witch in there knocking on a cervix. And laughter's a good thing, right?

Reb: Awww. Cute. I bet your swimming dog is very cute!! And yes, I need to burn the bugs out for sure! Day three of antibiotics and I am feeling a wee bit better.

 

[Nise]

Oh bugger Glowstar - I was getting all excited on the last page. I thought evaps were meant to be grey and I could def see pink in that there line. I'm so sorry you got bfn this morning - gutting.

I remembered 'Monica' this morning. Monica is a clearblue fertility monitor that the very lovely Dragonmummy donated to me now she is pg. So I reset her, then popped down to boots and bought some sticks to feed her with. Tomorrow I will press the m button for CD3. Have had a nice day in the garden, so glad I've got a week off.

 

[Glowstar]

I've got a 'Monica' too will prob be pressing the 'm' button tomorrow

 

[Spoomie]

I've got a 'Monica' too will prob be pressing the 'm' button tomorrow

Pressed my m button this morning. I was certain this CBFM was going to be my golden ticket last month, maybe in May, a January baby would be better than a December baby anyway.