TTC After D&C/D&E Buddies

[Aunie]

Nostress, I'm glad your sex drive is in full gear! I hope mine comes back in time for O. I know my hubby is ready, his showers are aweful long these days lol!

 

[Aunie]

Thank you janetplanet! I hope you have a good weekend too

 

[jennajul2001]

Your necklace sounds beautiful. I have been looking online at different ones and cannot choose one I love. But I will order one at some point, I just want one that is perfect.

 

[Twinkie210]

So, my dh took me to kay jewelers today and bought me a neclace. Its a heart with wings in memory of our little bean. I told the lady at the counter why we were buying it and my dh started crying in the store! It just rips my heart out all over again to see him so upset. I need to stop mentioning it around him. This was the first time I said it without crying and I was very proud of myself! I'm glad my hubby got me out of the house and got my beautiful gift. Tonight we are going to friends house for drinks, I hope its fun and doesn't turn into me drunk and blubbering all over everyone :/

Awww, your necklace sounds so cute. I had DH buy me a ring for me to wear in memory of our little baby (I picked out a simple heart with our little one's birthstone in it).

 

[Twinkie210]

Man I have got to quit taking nights off of this post! It takes me awhile to catch up

To all of those worrying about telling people at work on Monday, don't if you don't feel like it yet. My boss gave me this advice, "You don't owe anyone an explanation". Obviously if they knew you were pregnant already, then at somepoint you will have to tell them, but it doesn't have to be right now. I was the same way, when I went back after my D&C, I was worried about how to explain to people what happened without breaking down and crying. I ended up telling a few people in private (so I wasn't bawling in front of everyone) and not telling the rest. Everyone knew that I was "not feeling well" and that I had "outpatient surgery", but most didn't want to come out and ask what was wrong. They kept waiting for me to tell them and I didn't. Eventually they quit wondering I guess. I did have two people ask what was wrong and I just told them it was "personal" and they dropped the conversation. I will probably tell all my coworkers at some point, it is just at that time I couldn't handle being the butt of the office gosisp. I didn't want to be "that girl that lost a baby" you know? Good Luck, at work on Monday ladies, I know it will be hard, I've been there. But it does feel better to start getting back into your old routine.

 

[Twinkie210]

Ok, so my update from yesterday. I got to take my DS to his cubscout outing by myself, since DH was working and it was about bugs- so not really my thing. Then me and DS went and spent the day with a friend and her little girl. Then I came home, had enough time to do a load of laundry and went and drank wine with my sis. What a busy day! I decided to tell her last night about my pregnancy and MC. She was so supportive (I knew she would be- we have this twin bond). She kept asking me to stop crying, because she was crying too. But during our conversations about pregnancy and babies, she decided to tell me her and her husband are starting to try too. While it would be great fun to be pregnant together- I really hope I get my BFP first. I know that sounds mean, but I can't help it. I have already had two relatives get pregnant while me an DH were trying, I don't know if I can handle a third! Especially my sister! She already has a couple weeks on me too, so she has a cycle head start! I keep thinking my dream the other night is going to come true!

 

[Twinkie210]

Final post for the morning. I had a heart to heart with DH last night. Apparently he is taking the MC hard too, just for different reasons. He kept saying he doesn't want to see me cry, but that is what helps me stay sane! I just wish I could see him cry even just a little. He thinks it is "unhealthy" for me to lay in bed and think about it and cry still. It is not like that is all I do! I get up and go to work. I take our son to his extracurricular activities and do homework with him. I just need a cry every now and then. I broke down like a blubbering idiot last night and just said everything that I was thinking and feeling. I think he has a better idea now of why I sit and cry, but he still doesn't understand completely. I wish he could. Out of all the people in the world he is the closest to me when it comes to this and he doesn't get it. Well at least I think I made some progress with him.

 

[nostress]

Morning girls!

Twinkie - Thanks for the advice about work, it's very sound advice! I'm just excited next week is a short week and I am moving in a month, get away from people who do know about our loss but don't know how to act around me.
Yesterday sounds like it was pretty busy for you... Wouldn't it be awesome if you two (twins) could be pregnangt together... awesome, but I'm sure scary at the same time. I hope everything works out for the both of you, it's awesome how supportive she is. And hoping to get pregnant first is NOT a bad thing, it's just a natural feeling. I get it. You've been trying for longer... It's the tortoise and the hare story, you keep going and going, you're almost there, but this time the hare woke up just in time to beat the tortoise, darn hare!
Good to hear you're talking to your DH, mine won't really admit to truly hurting, he just says he hates to see me sad and crying. Kind of in the same boat, he's my best friend and closer to me than anyone else, and though I don't want him to hurt, I do want to share this with him. I want to cope WITH him, he says, "I'm here FOR you." I want him to be WITH me... But I don't want him to hurt... I don't know. It's difficult, the only thing that really helps is explaining how I feel to him. And he really tries to understand.

 

[nostress]

Anyone on the east coast? Hope everything is alright with ya'll. Some of my family is in Miami, Maryland and New York, it's been a crazy week for all of that side of the US. Hope next week is a bit more calm.

 

[nostress]

Oh and Aunie, the jewelry sounds beautiful! I'm glad your OH talked you into going out and was there for you. Whether you got drunk and blubberly last night, or just got nice and relaxed, I hope you had fun!

 

[Aunie]

Twinkie, thank you love my necklace. Your ring sounds pretty too, I thought about doing that myself. Maybe one day if i have a healthy baby or two, i will get a ring with all my babies birthstones.

Jenna, i looked online for a memorial necklace but i thought the prices were a little high for what they were (a charm with some beads). I hope you can find something perfect soon hun.

 

[Aunie]

Twinkie, I hope your dream isnt coming true. I understand how you feel completely and will pray extra hard for you! But if you actually stop and picture yourself holding your little neice or nephew, doesnt that make you a litttle happy?

Nostress, i had a good time last night, no tears but i was really nervous leaving the house for some reason! I knew i was going to be out late and i was worried something was going to happen to my little dogs that i love so much! I just couldnt shake that feeling until i settled in at my friends house and had a drink. I'm functional but i'm sad and it takes so much energy to paste a smile on my face and go through the motions you know? I also felt guilty for some reason, like i was being a bad mommy but my baby isnt in my tummy or at home so why the guilt? I dont think drinking is good for me right now, I really dont miss it. Sorry this is so long, i dont like talking to dh about this because it makes him so sad.

 

[Aunie]

I'm glad your husbands are listening to you and trying to understand. Everyone deals with things differently and it sounds like they're trying their best for you ladies. If your dh's dont want to talk i'm always here to listen!

 

[harley9671]

Hi girls.I had a ERPC (D&C)on tuesday after mmc at 9wks. I have been told thati dont need any followup appointments (which i think is odd) and i can ttc again as soo as i feel ready. But have read that there is a risk of infection if we have sex too soon. Bit confused what to do..As im 40 time is not on my side either and me and OH are desperate to start asap.Opinons/advice pls.

 

[Twinkie210]

Twinkie, I hope your dream isnt coming true. I understand how you feel completely and will pray extra hard for you! But if you actually stop and picture yourself holding your little neice or nephew, doesnt that make you a litttle happy?

Nostress, i had a good time last night, no tears but i was really nervous leaving the house for some reason! I knew i was going to be out late and i was worried something was going to happen to my little dogs that i love so much! I just couldnt shake that feeling until i settled in at my friends house and had a drink. I'm functional but i'm sad and it takes so much energy to paste a smile on my face and go through the motions you know? I also felt guilty for some reason, like i was being a bad mommy but my baby isnt in my tummy or at home so why the guilt? I dont think drinking is good for me right now, I really dont miss it. Sorry this is so long, i dont like talking to dh about this because it makes him so sad.

It would in the end make me happy to have a neice or nephew (I have two, soon to be three, neice's on my husband's side, and while I love them dearly, it is not the same as if it were my sister. I would be the proudest aunt ever!). It would also be fun to be pregnant together. I am just worried that she will have an easy time getting pregnant and I won't, or worse yet we both get pregnant and I lose another baby. But I can't worry about that right now!

I am glad you had a good time last night. I felt so strange the first time I drank after my MC, too. Like I wasn't supposed to be drinking, but I don't drink very often anyway (maybe a couple times a year). I think it just takes time to adjust back to our old way of thinking.

 

[Twinkie210]

Hi girls.I had a ERPC (D&C)on tuesday after mmc at 9wks. I have been told thati dont need any followup appointments (which i think is odd) and i can ttc again as soo as i feel ready. But have read that there is a risk of infection if we have sex too soon. Bit confused what to do..As im 40 time is not on my side either and me and OH are desperate to start asap.Opinons/advice pls.

So sorry for your loss. I was told to wait 2 weeks before having sex, taking baths, swimming, etc, to minimize the risk of infection. At minimum I would wait until you stop bleeding. If your doc doesn't think you need to wait that is great! Mine told me to wait one cycle, so that is what we are doing, but so many people start trying right away and go on to have healthy babies. Good luck!

 

[Aunie]

Twinkie, I feel alot better knowing I'm not the only one who felt strange going out.I'm not a big drinker either. I totally understand about loving your neices but it not being the same. My dh brother just had a baby in feb, I love her to pieces but I want one of my own and you're right, it would be dif if it was our own sisters. I'm rooting for you honey! Since I lost my first last aug, I've had 3 friends friends have healthy babies and though I'm happy for them its like a slap in the face everytime!

 

[Aunie]

Harley, I'm sorry for your loss babe. My doc told me I could start trying again right away 2 wks after my d&e. Since this is my 3rd loss in a row, we're waiting to ttc until after all my blood results are back in a couple weeks. Good luck!

 

[JanetPlanet]

harley9671, I'm so sorry for your loss.


I had a D&C 34 days ago. We waited 8 days to have sex.

One doctor at the practice I go to said to use condoms until I got my period, another said there's no reason not to have sex (this was at my 10 day follow-up).

Use condoms until I get my period????? I immediately thought, "F YOU!!! I'm over 40 and I am not wasting a whole cycle just to make it easier for you to date my pregnancy!!!"

There is a risk of infection, but most people are put on an antibiotic after a D&C these days. I had two doses of antibiotics because I had a bacterial infection after the D&C.

WOW, I am REALLY aggressive today...I think I'm PMSing like a crazy person! I'm so sorry ladies, I will try to control my outbursts. And please know that everything I say is usually with a smattering of sarcasm thrown in.

 

[Aunie]

So I just read on another thread that instead of counting cd1 the day of your d&c, you're supposed to count cd1 the day your hcg levels are normal. What do you ladies think?