TTC after Methotrexate shot

[mirandala]

Thanks all for the welcome! I appreciate it. It is really helpful seeing the different parts of the process everyone is in.

I have no clue how my numbers are progressing, my ob/gyn are so bad at actually letting me know in a timely manner.
One question though: how long did you all wait to drink alcohol? After all this (and a break up in the last week to boot! Relationship handle the stress of everything) I would love a drink. My doctor didn't mention anything about alcohol, but I've seen online that you should wait until your doctor says you can drink. How have you been advised?
Thanks

Edit to add: Also- I've been heavy spotting/bleeding for the last several weeks and can't wait for it to stop. When did you stop bleeding? I had my shot of methotrexate 1w3d ago.

 

[Savasanna]

I was actually told cleared to drink immediately. Well, let me clarify, I was cleared to have *a* drink immediately, but told to "take it easy" for "a while". Thanks for the clarity, doc. haha.

My doctor told me a lot of the concerns around alcohol and methotrexate are from continual use, a one time dose isn't going to destroy your liver. That being said, your liver does work extra hard to process everything so it's best to give it a few days to a week before resuming normal behaviors. But, I was going to a concert the night of my dose and (as we all know) I wasn't having the best time in life at that moment so I really wanted to have a good time at the show. I was given the a-ok to have one drink that night, and then I think I waited until the weekend (I received mtx on a Monday) before having a few drinks with some friends.

I'm so sorry you're having such a rough time. This is such a difficult experience and I can't imagine how frustrating it would be to throw a break up in the mix too. I'm sure it's ok to go out and have a drink or two to process. Maybe just lay off the tequila shots

Natalie - cheers to a June tww! I think I'm scheduled to ovulate 6/2. Why are you hoping to ovulate on the left? I have a running theory that one of my ovaries produces stronger eggs than the other.. but I completely made that one up with absolutely zero medical backing. haha.

 

[Nataliek]

Savasanna I know exactly what you mean lol, I think the same thing. I am convinced I only ovulate from my right side even though my left ovary is apparently full of eggs! I am hoping I ovulate from the left as the ectopic was on the right side, not sure if that makes a difference or not.

Mirandala, My experience was they told me not to drink at all until my levels dropped to zero, it was so hard. I wanted something to take the edge off like a nice big glass of wine! I had really low levels, I only reached 98 so luckily they didn't take long to drop. I only had bleeding at the very beginning, when I thought I had my period. When my levels started creeping the bleeding stopped and I didn't bleed again until I had my first period. I am sorry you are going through such a hard time, I know how awful it is. We are here for you xoxo

 

[mirandala]

Thank you for your support and advice savasanna and Nataliek- it seems like there is not clarity across the board about alcohol. I may have a cheeky glass of wine at some point, just one though!

So last night I started bleeding quite heavily- 2 pads in a hour and big blood clots. I called up the nurse and they said I should go into the ER. By the time I got there (I was a town over so it took 40 min) the bleeding had slowed a little. They did an hcg test, said everything was fine and sent me home. I wish they hadn't asked me to go in, such a pain, but I understand it is better to be safe than sorry.

I heard back yesterday on my hcg levels finally!
I was at 5000 when they gave me the shot on 5/9
5/13 at 10000
5/16 at 8000
and yesterday 9/19 at 3444.

So they are dropping nicely at least! I'm still bleeding today but much lighter than last night. I think that's what I'm looking forward to most- not bleeding anymore!

Nataliek- do you feel your ovulation? June 2ww- that is coming up!!! Exciting!

 

[MrGreggsGirl]

I just found this forum and I have not read all the Post because there are so many. I just recently had an ectopic pregnancy and from day the second day of knowing I was pregnant they knew something was wrong but my finance and I couldn't help but get excited, I tried very hard to not get my hopes up but I did. I ended up getting the methotrexate shot and it's been very hard since. I'm only 21 but I've always wanted to have babies and even though we weren't trying losing this pregnancy has crushed me. I honestly feel like I'm losing all Hope in life. Has anyone else become very depressed after this?? Or I am just crazy?

 

[Savasanna]

Mirandala - Those levels are dropping nicely! How often are you having them checked? I bled for like 6 weeks or something ridiculous. I couldn't WAIT for it to stop. I think at one point I lost it and just started freaking out to my partner "It's never stopping! I'm going to bleed for the rest of my life!!!" haha.

I can usually feel myself ovulate. I sometimes spot a day or two prior to ovulation too - which I've heard can mean good things for the strength of the egg. But again - who knows! I totally understand what you're saying though Natalie - part of me is paranoid about this happening again but another part of me figures the liklihood of that has got to be small, right? Please tell me that statistically speaking we're on the favorable side for a successful pregnancy.. I think I'd lose my mind if this were to happen again. Not to mention my sister-in-law is about to move in with us so I'd prefer not to be an emotional mess while she's there.

MrGreggsGirl - My best piece of advice for you is to allow yourself to feel whatever it is you're feeling. There's no right or wrong way to process this. While I was in the thick of it I'd go back and forth between complete acceptance of the situation to having a full on melt down, sometimes within the span of a couple hours. This is hard - there's no way around that. I'm sorry you're going through it. Feel free to post here if you ever need to talk.

 

[Nataliek]

I agree with Savasanna, MrGreggsgirl. I actually spent an entire weekend in and out of laying on the couch eating ju jubes watching back to back episodes of breaking bad just to focus on something else. My husband was amazing with the kids while I went through it, it was extremely difficult and scary. Right now you're hormones are going crazy and its normal to have extreme emotional ups and downs. I remember on my day 4 bloodtest I had dropped from 98 to 38 and I was so happy then after I dropped to 0, it all seemed to hit me. Another loss and disapointment. The most important thing to do right now is take it easy and take care of yourself, alot of women have these and the majority go on to have healthy, normal pregnancies. If you need to talk we are here for you.

Savasanna, I believe you are right. I think the likliness is probably small, I have to think that way or I would drive myself bonkers with the what ifs. If I don't move past the fear, I won't have a baby right? I believe things will truly be ok for us the next time!!

I do feel myself Ovulating, Mirandala. I get all the symptoms like clockwork every month! I get tons of EWCM 1-2 days before and I have brown spotting, I have been having that for a couple of years now. Also, sorry if TMI, my sex drive goes through the roof! I am being cautiously excited, anxious for my period to get here so I can start cycle monitoring! How are you feeling today? Your numbers are headed in the right direction!

 

[mirandala]

Hey Greggsgirl- how you feeling? Sending big hugs.

The end of last week was hard for me... very emotional. Anything and everything could make me cry- not so nice!

I just got my friday betas back, and they were at 500, dropped from 8000 seven days earlier! Pretty dramatic drop. I think my body is probably scrambling with the hormonal change.

So I'm a little confused- after betas are back down to zero is it a few weeks after that af comes? After a round of ovulation etc? Or does AF come right away, and then a cycle?

Nataliek- it's so nice that your ovulation is so clear!! I tend to feel mine so know which side I'm ovulating from too. The pain is so handy for me- I am using frozen sperm for insemination using IUI and so feeling the pain really helps me time it.

I hope you are all having a lovely week and feeling well.

 

[Savasanna]

Mirandala - This was a point of confusion for me too. I think there's a distinction here between bleeding and "af". For me, once my levels hit zero I continued to bleed for about another 5 days or so. I think some people would call that thier first af, however, it's not actually a period so much as just the continuation/completion of the pregnancy release. I believe my numbers hitting zero was the start of a new cycle. I ovulated a little over two weeks later (so a little later than a normal cycle, which is to be expected) and then got my first true period about two weeks after that. However, while trying to understand the whole "how long do you wait" issue I think some people would consider what I thought was my first period as their second, because they counted the bleeding as af.

It's confusing. But does that make sense?

However (again!!), I've read stories of people who have ovulated days after their levels hit zero and got their periods two weeks later. So, as with everything in this process, it comes down to how your body will react. It's also hard because while google search after google search will make you feel like an expert on this topic, the reality is the majority of what we read through google searches are different women's personal experiences through these message boards. If you *really* have a question about something, it would probably be best to give your doctor a call and see what they say.

That's good that you can feel ovulation to help with IUI. My partner and I started this process using frozen sperm and I found stressing about the timing of insemination was the absolute worst!

Natalie - how're you doing? When does your tww start?

 

[WHITNEYG]

Just to update everyone, af started two days early for me, at first I was a little worried about it because I know I ovulated 12 days ago because I've been temping, but apparently it's not too uncommon. So we will be ttc this month. Kinda of nervous, but excited as well.

How is everyone else this week?

 

[Savasanna]

Yay Whitney! How exciting for you!

Although I have to say, I understand the nervousness. I was super excited to try last cycle, as it was my first cycle "back", so to speak. But when it didn't work I kind of became depressed/discouraged all over again. We just did our inseminations this past weekend and I'm already convinced it's not going to work. We've been trying since last October - what makes me think it's going to happen now?

I've been having a rough week with this whole ttc business. I'm so angry it hasn't happened. I feel like I'm drowning in self-pity and I don't know what to do about it.

 

[mirandala]

Whitney- Good luck!! Exciting times!

Sassavanah- Sending you huge hugs. The waiting and hoping/feeling discouraged is my least favorite part, so I really empathize and send positive thoughts.


---
So on Friday my number was at 37 (from 500 the week before) which is GREAT! Today I'm experiencing some very strong cramping. I'm wondering if any of you had intense cramping once you hit zero? Thanks

 

[WHITNEYG]

Savasanna, I'm sorry you're having such a hard week. I'm sending happy thoughts your way. I can't imagine what you must be going through right now. I hope this go round it works, and you have a precious little angel! For me, we got pregnant 2 weeks after coming off birth control. At the time, we knew we wanted to have a baby, but had no idea about ovulation etc., we were just on vacation and it happened to be the right time. Now I'm nervous that since we're actually trying it won't happen as quickly as it did, because it's constantly on my mind. I try to be calm and patient about all of this, but I'm a control freak and can't handle it.

Mirandala, that's so exciting you're already down to 37!!! I had extreme pain in my tube for about five days like a week or 2 after the shot. I thought my insides were going to burst, and I was miserable. The doctor said it was separation pain, and due to the fact that I had a lot of blood surrounding the ectopic which was putting more pressure on my tube. At that point I was still at risk for a rupture so all I could take was ibuprofen or Tylenol, which didn't even come close to touching the pain. They didn't want me taking anything stronger for fear it would mask the pain if it did rupture. That is the instant I decided that if I ever do get to have a precious little one I'm not going the natural route, because that about killed me!

 

[Nataliek]

Hi Girls,

I have been M.I.A going through the cycle monitoring thing and 95% having my iui on Friday morning. I need some help getting through this, I am scared. I am now sitting at 20mm, uterine lining is perfect and estrogen is rising. They are likely inducing ovulation tomorrow morning if I am not surging on my own from my bloodwork today. IUI is 95% going to be on Friday. I met with my doctor this morning and all along I was thinking the ectopic was on my right side, but it was actually the left side where I had the small ovarian cyst and small amount of fluid in my tube. I had the pain and pressure in my right side which my doctor says its a better indicator that it was actually in my right tube and not the left. Because they didn't officially see a mass, they can't confirm exactly where it was located. She told me this morning the magic number is 3 months from the time your beta hcg reaches 0, which is approx 2 weeks away. She said 2 weeks makes no real difference in the grand scheme of things but the longer you wait, the more your tube heals. I know the main reason for ectopics is usually from some underlying adhesion or damage in your tube but mine are open they just have no real way of ensuring they are healthy.

All I can do is hope and pray this does not happen to me again. If I have underlying tubal damage there is nothing 6 months to a year will even help, it's probably just the way it is. If this doesnt work and I have another ectopic, IVF is pretty much our only option and we would not go that route. I am so scared this is going to fail and it will be the end of the road for us. I am praying with everything I am that if I do get pregnant, the bean makes its way to my uterus.

I have been early with my period on occasion, Whitney. I think an early month here and there is not uncommon. Glad you are excited to try again!

How are you Savasanna? My TWW should be official on Friday.

 

[mirandala]

Nataliek- my thoughts are with you. I can imagine how you're feeling right now, I'll be there next time I try with an IUI. It's so scary not knowing why the ectopic happened and being afraid it will happen again. It sounds like you are getting a lot of mixed messages about which side it was on. At least we know it was only on one side! It's almost like for us it's not a 2ww, it's a 6+ww until we know it is a viable pregnancy in the right place.

It's great that the doctors are monitoring you so carefully. They wouldn't do anything if they didn't think it was safe for you and you were ready for the next try.

****hugs****
We're here for you... keep us updated.

 

[Nataliek]

Savassana i completely missed your post! I am so so sorry you are feeling so crappy, it is so hard to be optimistic and hopeful. You feel like your making plans for next cycle when you don't even know if the current one worked! Nothing anyone can say will make this process any easier but you will get through this. You will have bad days and good days, just remember to take it easy on yourself.

Whitney that's how I felt, like a bomb waiting to go off. I had a lot of pain in my tube as well after the shot but likely not as severe as yours as mine was undetected and my betas never reached higher than 98. When you do get pregnant, is your doctor going to do early bloodwork and ultrasounds to monitor you?

Mirandala when I hit the 30 mark I got my period within 3 days. Your body is probably gearing up for just that. It will all be over soon!!

Thanks so much for your support, I am going to be surrounding myself with positive thoughts and people during these next few weeks.

 

[Savasanna]

Thanks everyone. Your support really means a lot to me.

We've been hanging in there. Although this has definitely been the most depressing cycle of all. I think we're both starting to give up hope. I know that's silly as there's no real reason to - but for some reason there's this silent elephant in the room holding a sign that says "it's not going to happen". Even while we were inseminating we both had this depressing look on our faces. Like, what's the point? We're going through the motions but it's not going to happen.

But then I think it's just self preservation. Maybe "knowing" it's not going to work is easier/less painful than being hopeful? Maybe being hopeful is scary because that's how you get hurt? I don't know.

And then two of our close friends told us yesterday that they're trying for a second. We knew it was coming but it was still a bit of a blow. Luckily they told us over text and we were able to have our reaction privately before responding with a supportive email. I'm glad they did it that way. They're our friends and I care for them dearly - I love their son and want only good things for them.. but I can't help but finding myself hoping it doesn't work. And that makes me feel like a bad person.

Man.. I don't know what happened but something really knocked me down. But, I'm trying to get back up and move forward. This is not the person I want to be so.. onward and upward. I was pregnant once, I can be pregnant again. I need to stop telling myself it can't happen. It takes lots of women this long to get pregnant. I'm going to be fine. We're all going to be fine.

Good luck tomorrow Natalie! I absolutely understand your reservations, but it's good to feel like you're moving forward. Do you track your temperature? I'm excited to hear how things go for you!

Mirandala - 37?? That's great! I bet you'll be down to zero at your next check. That's step one to moving on from this whole experience. I don't really remember any intense cramping, although honestly I didn't have a lot of cramping at all. I kept waiting for it after the mtx and it never really came, but I think that (not cramping) is unusual. How are you feeling now?

Again - thanks for all your replies. I'm really grateful for this thread.

 

[WHITNEYG]

Savasanna, I'm so sorry you're having such a crappy week. While I can't say I totally know what you're going through, I can at least say I know the feeling of starting to feel normal again, and then WAM, something flips and you suddenly start to feel like it's not going to happen for you. I've had this happen a few times throughout this journey. Once when I was waiting for af, once when our friends told us they were due 10 days after we would have been, and once just for absolutely no reason at all. I hate that you're feeling so defeated, and I totally understand it may be because it's easier to anticipate the worst. Unfortunately the phrase my grandfather taught our family to live by is "Expect the worst, and be pleasantly surprised when the outcome is better." I lived by this statement my whole life until I married my oh so very optimist husband, who taught me this was no way to live. I have noticed, however, in the past 2 weeks I've been telling myself, we probably won't get pregnant on the first try again, and even if we do we're still facing another ectopic or miscarriage. Like you, I'm in self preservation mode. The heartbreak and devistation of the ectopic completely crushed me, and at this point it's just easier to be a little pessimistic.

Nataliek, completely understand the feeling of being totally thrilled and scared all at the same time. I hope everything goes well tomorrow and I'll be praying for you. Yes, my doctor is going to be monitoring me very closely. Thankfully, last time he did early blood work twice (numbers doubled in 48 hrs from 68 to 144), and we did an ultrasound at 6w1d because we both just had that feeling that something wasn't quite right. He has instructed me to come directly to his office first thing the day I get a positive pregnancy so we can go ahead and do a round of labs, and we'll continue to do labs every two days until the first ultrasound which will be scheduled around the 6w mark again to make sure everything is where it should be. Last time even though my numbers doubled within the first 48 hours, my Hcg was only at 484 when I went back 2 weeks later for the ultrasound, so that's why he's going to monitor it so closely. I truly can't even begin to express how thankful I am for my doctor. He has been a godsend, and I don't think I would have made it through all of this without him.

Ladies, I'm sending positive thoughts your way. Hopefully, we can all find some peace and have a more optimistic outlook about this. Even though it's easier said than done, I'm challenging myself over the next month to have a more positive outlook, and to let go. I'm doing all I can to make this happen, and me stressing about the outcome isn't going to help anything. Thinking of everyone this weekend!

 

[Nataliek]

I completely understand savassana, a friend of mine is trying right now and is am secretly feeling the same, hoping it doesn't work before it does for me. Which of course makes me feel like the worst person in the world too! We are protecting our hearts by anticipating the worst, I am struggling with it too.

I am so grateful for this thread also, I am so hopeful for all of us.

 

[Savasanna]

How'd everything go on Friday, Natalie?

Thanks again for all the support last week. I'm definitely feeling better today/this weekend. Don't get me wrong, I'm still cautious - but I'm not so run down and bitter/angry/resentful. I really appreciate all your kind words and understanding though.

6dpo so far.. wonder what'll happen!