TTC after Methotrexate shot

[Savasanna]

Whitney - I'm loving your updates and can't wait to hear how your labs go today. I understand the fear of this all happening again but I have to believe that the odds of back to back ectopics have got to be low. I know it happens.. but statistically speaking I feel our chances are good. Especially because you became pregnant again so (relatively) quickly. I just know this is your time.

Hatethewait - I'm so so sorry to hear about your situation. I read your story on my phone yesterday but wanted to wait until I could be on a computer to reply. This sucks - there's no way around it. I am happy you found this thread though - it's been immensely helpful for me and I hope it is for you too.

I didn't have to have two doses of mtx but I remember there was someone who used to be active on here that did. Her numbers weren't as high as yours but they did continue to raise after the first dose. If I'm remembering correctly she saw a drastic decrease after the second so maybe it's not too optimistic for a 40% drop? I really don't know and I'm sorry I don't have more information. What I do know is that, as difficult as it is at times, it's important to try to be patient with your body. The important thing is a drop, whether it's 10% or 50% it's brining you one step closer to being able to move on from this experience. This will not be your life forever and while the pain and disappointment doesn't fade, the frustration with the daily blood tests and bleeding and sitting and waiting eventually does. This will end, and you will move on. Hopefully to a miracle that will make all of us forget this ever happened.

Please feel free to post any and every of your thoughts and feelings. We're here for you.

As for me - I'm at that annoying point where I'm a few days away from wrapping up my cycle. My chart doesn't look terrible.. and I had a nice little temp spike today - however I also know that tomorrow it could drop and this will all be over. I'm actually a little annoyed at the temp spike, in a weird way. I was doing a really good job at protecting myself and keeping my feet on the ground. But that's slowly drifting away and my heart is opening again. So scary. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what tomorrow brings.

Are you still out there Natalie and Mirandala?

 

[Nataliek]

Girls! I am back from vacation and just getting caught up at home/work. I am going to read through and write later.

Congrats Whitney!!!

 

[WHITNEYG]

So I just heard back from the doctor and my hcg was 3809!!!!!! I can't believe it. It at least had to be 1896 based on it doubling every 48 hours from Wednesday! I'm still in shock but I'm feeling much better! Thank you guys and Savasanna for all your support, encouragement and positive thoughts. You're next Savasanna! I'm sending super positive thoughts your way! Keep me updated!

 

[Hatethewait85]

Savasanna- Thanks so much for your reply. I remembered reading at least one other person in this thread get a second dose and thought she had a big drop in her levels too afterwards- so here's to hoping! I know you are right though- any drop is a step in the right direction. At times this is all I can really think about so it's good to hear the frustration/obsession eventually fades. Is AF due tomorrow? How many months have you been back to ttc since the mtx? Fx tight your BFP is just around the corner!

Whitney- That is so great to hear your levels were amazing today!!! That must help you feel relaxed about it all! I'm sure your ultrasound next week will show a nice lil bean snuggling in tight (in your uterus!!!!). I think Savasanna is probably right- the odds of another ectopic are probably pretty low- I think my doc said about 15% have another ectopic... which means 85% don't!!

I'm surprisingly doing OK today. Work has been busy enough to keep me distracted during the day but not so busy that I'm stressing out. The last couple of days the spotting has picked up a bit and has turned more pink than brown (sorry if TMI) so I hope that is a good sign that the right stuff is going on in there! No significant pain, just some minor twinges (all over! I have no idea where my ectopic is) but I am acutely aware of any weird feeling. I get nervous to drive myself anywhere or be left anywhere along just in case something happens. Did any of you feel that way?

 

[jammers77]

I felt like a ticking time bomb until my numbers reached zero. My numbers were only under 100 the entire time, but required two shots because they kept climbing little by little. I was scared to death to go anywhere, too, for fear that I'd have a rupture or something.

Spotting is normal. Not spotting is normal. It's really different for everyone. For me, I didn't bleed after the shots--my bleeding happened prior to them, and because my numbers never exceeded 100, nothing was ever seen on ultrasound. My OB did a D&C just in case it was a uterine loss that was "stuck". When the D&C resulted in no fetal tissue, we knew that the baby had gone somewhere else, but it was impossible to know where, so Mtx was the answer.

 

[WHITNEYG]

Hatethewait, yes, I was very scared of a rupture! I was having severe pain and had 2 ultrasounds to make sure everything was ok. I was scared to death all the time. At one point, I was even afraid to go to sleep because I was scared it would happen in the middle of the night and I wouldn't wake up. However, I do realize that fear was totally irrational because when I had pain from my kidney stone it woke me up from a dead sleep, but I was worried it would happen. Just take it one day at a time and take it easy. Pretty much all I did was go to work and lay on the couch when I got home, and the days I was in a lot of pain, I took off work.

 

[Savasanna]

Well.. it happened.. Last night a good friend of mine told my partner and I that she and her husband are pregnant with their second. They know our story and I could tell they felt bad, and I felt sad, and my partner was angry (not at them.. just the situation) - It was terribly awkward. I/we held it together as best we could and smiled, gave them hugs, asked about how they found out and bought them a congratulatory dinner. But wow.. that was SO much harder than I anticipated. We dropped them off at their house and I immediately started crying.

This is so unfair. She's still breastfeeding! Their son is only 8 months old! They were "trying", but because her cycles haven't completely returned they were just having random unprotected sex to "see what happens". And boom - pregnant. But we trace and track and time and.. nothing. I just don't understand? What's wrong with me?

Ugh - fortunately I have my annual scheduled with my obgyn on the 21st. If this cycle is a bust I can at least talk to her about options/next steps/etc. Maybe get an HSG exam or something to make sure my tubes are clear.

This is horribly frustrating.

 

[Hatethewait85]

I felt like a ticking time bomb until my numbers reached zero.

This! I think "ticking time bomb" are the exact words I used to describe how I was feeling last week. It's so true.

There are times I wish we all had the exact same experience because it would be oddly comforting to know exactly what to expect. I'm so glad to hear you guys were afraid to do anything too. I go to work, come home and do nothing all night. It's pretty depressing actually! Fortunately I haven't had much pain and I'm hoping that stays the same. That would be so scary!

Savasanna- sorry you had to deal with that kind of news after all this! It is so frustrating!! Sending big hugs. I am so jealous at how some people get pregnant with minimal effort. My BFF (the only one I told about my pg/ectopic) found out she was pg with #2 (her first is just 6mo!!!) a few days after I told her I was pg so we were so excited to get to go through this together... Now I'm pretty sure I'm going to cry every time I see her! If you ever need to vent I'm happy to listen any time. It's hard, I totally get it.

 

[Savasanna]

Oh wow, Hatethewait - that's is really hard. There's someone on my fb feed that has a due date just a few days from what my due date was and I had to hide their posts. It was just too much. Do you guys live close to one another?

 

[WHITNEYG]

Savasanna, I'm so sorry about this. I know exactly what you're going through. Our friends broke the news to us 2 months ago when they invited us to dinner. It broke my heart and I was finally getting to a happy place because I had just gotten my first af, but when they told us they were due 2 weeks after we would have been I lost it. It was all I could do to make it through dinner and the second we got in the car I had a total meltdown. I know it's so immature of me, but I still haven't brought myself to be around them since. It's nothing they did, it's not their fault and I am happy for them, I just haven't been emotionally stable enough and completely gotten over what we were going through. I've told my husband also even now, I wouldn't want to see them until after we were past the first trimester since they were so nosey last time and asked why I wasn't drinking. I just don't want to have to tell them anything until I'm ready. I really do hate you had to hear that last night. How is your temp this morning though?

 

[Savasanna]

Fortunately, these friends live in Australia so I won't be seeing them (in person) on a regular basis. That sounds terrible and I *am* really happy for them - I'm just more sad for myself, if that makes sense.

I totally understand wanting to wait too. I had an ideal goal to be past the first trimester by my previous due date. It was October 11th. If I'm not through the first trimester I at least hope to be pregnant. Only time will tell though and we just have to be patient.

My temp was ok this morning. It went down ever so slightly, but it wasn't the huge temp plunge that usually signals being out. I had the slightest, tiniest big of brown cm when I was checking my cervix this morning which I'm hoping, praying, begging to be IB. I'm actually considering stopping temping for the rest of this tww because I think I would have a meltdown if I were to seen my temp take a nosedive. At least the af meltdown would quickly be followed by planning for the next cycle.

Do you guys watch Orange is the New Black at all? In the opening song there's this one line that I can't help but apply to situations like ours: "Taking steps is easy, standing still is hard"

 

[Savasanna]

P.S. Thanks for all the support guys.

 

[Hatethewait85]

Oh wow, Hatethewait - that's is really hard. There's someone on my fb feed that has a due date just a few days from what my due date was and I had to hide their posts. It was just too much. Do you guys live close to one another?

Fortunately we don't live very close to each other (2-3 hrs away) but we literally talk to each other about everything. I think the first time I'll see her is Aug 9. We are going to a beer fest so it'll definitely be a reminder that she's pg and I am not But at least I'll be able to get drunk and hopefully not think about it too much!

 

[Hatethewait85]

Savasanna, I'm so sorry about this. I know exactly what you're going through. Our friends broke the news to us 2 months ago when they invited us to dinner. It broke my heart and I was finally getting to a happy place because I had just gotten my first af, but when they told us they were due 2 weeks after we would have been I lost it. It was all I could do to make it through dinner and the second we got in the car I had a total meltdown. I know it's so immature of me, but I still haven't brought myself to be around them since. It's nothing they did, it's not their fault and I am happy for them, I just haven't been emotionally stable enough and completely gotten over what we were going through. I've told my husband also even now, I wouldn't want to see them until after we were past the first trimester since they were so nosey last time and asked why I wasn't drinking. I just don't want to have to tell them anything until I'm ready. I really do hate you had to hear that last night. How is your temp this morning though?

I totally get it. I don't think it's immature at all, more like self preservation. I would want to wait until the first trimester is over too. I hate when people are so nosey about why you aren't drinking. As all of my friends have had babies now, they know they didn't like being asked those questions so I don't understand why they ask it of others. Sorry that got a bit ranty...

Fortunately, these friends live in Australia so I won't be seeing them (in person) on a regular basis. That sounds terrible and I *am* really happy for them - I'm just more sad for myself, if that makes sense.

I totally understand wanting to wait too. I had an ideal goal to be past the first trimester by my previous due date. It was October 11th. If I'm not through the first trimester I at least hope to be pregnant. Only time will tell though and we just have to be patient.

My temp was ok this morning. It went down ever so slightly, but it wasn't the huge temp plunge that usually signals being out. I had the slightest, tiniest big of brown cm when I was checking my cervix this morning which I'm hoping, praying, begging to be IB. I'm actually considering stopping temping for the rest of this tww because I think I would have a meltdown if I were to seen my temp take a nosedive. At least the af meltdown would quickly be followed by planning for the next cycle.

Do you guys watch Orange is the New Black at all? In the opening song there's this one line that I can't help but apply to situations like ours: "Taking steps is easy, standing still is hard"

I think it's a great idea to stop temping, especially if you think it'll be hard to see a temp drop. The one month I got pg, I stopped temping after I o'ed (mostly because I was doing a lot of traveling) but it made the 2ww so much easier!

I'm also wishing/hoping to be pg again before my original due date. I don't think it's fair to expect all be out of the first tri by then and it may not even be fair to expect to be pg by then seeing as it took me nearly 3 years to get a bfp at all! Fx your sticky bean finds it's way to your uterus in the next couple of months!

Love that line from orange is the new black. SO true!!!

Random question for everyone and hopefully it's not TMI- did any of you notice your bleeding increased after a BM? I have been terribly constipated the last couple of weeks now but every time I have a BM, I have much more bright red/pink bleeding. The rest of the time it's just spotting when I wipe. I can assure you it is not from the BM directly iykwim. Just curious.

 

[Savasanna]

Haterhewait - I'm on my phone so I can't give a lengthy response (also, pleSe excuse any typos I might miss) but I wanted to respond to say that it's TOTALLY normal to have heavier bleeding after a bm, ESPECIALLY if you've been constipated. Actually, when I first started bleeding during my pregnancy, before it was cause for alarm, every doctor asked 1. Did you recently have sex?; and 2. Did you recently have a bm?

Moral - whatever you're experiencing is normal. When are your next labs again?

 

[Nataliek]

Sav I am so sorry I know how frustrating and sad this whole process is. I am back from vacation and feeling out already as my cycle was off by about 4 days. I was supposed to ovulate last sat but I didn't get my positive OPK until Monday, I am positive the meds last month have thrown me off. I had a shorter cycle during the iui so I guess it would make sense I would have a longer one this time. How many DPO are you today? Seems like everywhere I turn someone is pregnant! I am having nagging pain on my right side and I know it is WAY too early I am terrified this is an indicator of something. Maybe a cyst from ovulation but this is the side of my ectopic.

Whitney so so happy to hear your betas are rising the way they should!! How are you feeling?

Hatethewait - I also felt like a ticking time bomb even though my levels only ever reached 98. Was one of the worst experiences I have ever been through but it's over now and we got through it. You will too, when is your next beta test?

 

[Savasanna]

I'm 11dpo today. The plan is to hold out until Monday and test if af doesn't show this weekend. I don't know - I went through a period yesterday where I was all "holy crap - I'm totally pregnant! This is happening" so of course today I'm all "nope - I'm out. I'm never going to have a baby" haha. Does that happen to anyone else? back and forth and back and forth.

I think I was hoping for another temp spike today. It didn't DROP.. but I just have a feeling it's on its way down.

Natalie - that feeling on your side is most likely the corpus luteum. I literally feel it every month. I wouldnt' worry about it. Did you have another iui this cycle?

More importantly - how was Hilton Head? Tell us so I can live vicariously through your memory while sitting in my boring cubicle!

 

[Nataliek]

Ha ha it was so amazing! I could live in SC I never want to come home when I am there. Our plan is to be in the US half the year when we retire, my husbands parents live in SC year round as well. We had just a great family trip, I'm trying to upload a pic of me and my son on the beach but it's not letting me.

 

[Nataliek]

My boy and I in Hilton Head!

 

[Savasanna]

Aww - that's such a beautiful photo! I love it!