Cupcake, after 4 losses in such a short time, I felt just like that, and every time I go read the story of Hannah and Samuel in the Bible and it strengthens me. I know I might not succeed, but like my husband says, 'his love is better than 10 sons'. No matter what life throws my way, it isn't hurting anything to just stay off birth control and allow God to do what He will in His own sweet time. I am so impatient and I want what I want right now, but God will or He won't and nothing will change that. I can cry and I can hurt, but the only thing that will save me is His mercy and my prayer. I try every day to not be in a hurry and to pray in sincerity. I have such a hard time waiting.
It will be o.k. You just have to find the point where you are able to let go of the doubt and truly let God decide. I know that's what I had to do. Some days it's hard and it sucks real bad, but those days end and another begins and hope springs eternal.... I hope you hold God close today in your need. It really does help for us to not let go when life eats away every single ounce of hope we have. Just saying His name brings hope to my hopeless heart.
I am praying for you today!