I promised myself I wouldn't give up until I at least tried IVF once. I mean paying for it once would be hard, real hard, but I decided I would save my taxes every year and save ALL I could. I just can't let it go. I have waited for the last 13 years to have another baby. God knows that I have been patient. Then all the losses on top of it are heartbreaking. I sit back and watched my younger sister have six kids and it was awful for me. Sometimes I felt she threw her fertility in my face for spite. Now I have been trying for 25 months. Not so much as some others, but still quite a few years when the months drag by. I pray all of us have babies, whether by IVF or natural or someone has one for us, or by adoption.
I have lost so many babies that the moments of happiness will never outweigh the moments of fear.
I write on a blog on another forum but I don't normally write on any other thread because sometimes it hurts. I feel jealousy and anger and sometimes even disgust. I don't like feeling those emotions, but I do. The likelihood of me keeping this baby is slim, but if I lose it I will know it is not my progesterone and something else is wrong. If I get to keep it then I will never stop thanking God for having mercy on me. If I don't, I will still thank God while I am crying.
I think there is a good chance it might be a viable pregnancy...maybe. I don't feel the way normal people say they feel when pregnant though. I don't have to pee too much more. I am just a little more yawning every day. I have noticed a difference in my sleep, but really, I feel pretty good.. when I am not crying. My two pregnancies before were easy too though. No sickness, no real hardships. Maybe this one will be that way?? I can wish!
Glad your little boy is o.k. Brandi! I am going to love love love and cry my little heart out on the day I get to hear my baby's heartbeat. If it's this baby, my husband will be gone on ultrasound day, God-willing I make it to that awesome day.. Should be around the 20th to 25th or so.. We are telling NOONE we know except for my son. I didn't tell anyone last pregnancy or the one before that either.. My period should have been due Friday or Saturday. I am getting on and off low belly cramps and backache like my period is coming.
I pray for everyone on this forum. I know we all want babies, even those who have already had a baby.. I hope I get to stay around long enough to see every one of the tubal reversal babies. Don't give up! I know I won't.
Every day of this journey has been hard.
Flutter! I know how you feel. My mind was shutting down last night when my friend told me about her "accidental bfp" I spent the night crying & most of the day. Its so hard for me. I don't understand how it seems everyone is getting what we want & most are not grateful. When do we get our Miracles? I mean I am happy for my TR sisters who get their Miracles, but it sure sucks for the rest of us :/ Just know you are not alone sweetie!
I pray everything works with this pg!
