My life just went to complete crap in the last 24 hours. My ex and I had court for child support yesterday. I filed in November and he sent me a letter saying he needed an extension because he couldn't get everything together in time for court. I expected to walk in at 9am and walk out with a remand date by 9:30am.
Instead, he decided to have all his financial information, slammed me with the response, and now we are remanded to March 25.
The judge made a temporary order for him to pay $817 a month starting January 1, 2015. He's paid $300 so far. Now that might seem like a victory, but it's only temporary. March 25 will determine how much he has to pay retroactively. I asked dating back to August 1, despite knowing he's been working longer than that. He thinks he doesn't have to pay for August to November because he wasn't making what he is making now.
I know that it seems like a victory, but his response included a claim for joint custody, and to have the kids 4 days a week, giving them to me only 3 days a week. He says this is in accordance with his work schedule.
We had joint custody, but it didn't work. I literally cannot communicate with him, he threatens me with the police every other week. He refuses medical care for the kids which on three occasions has resulted in emergency hospital trips for serious illnesses. He refused to sign to allow Zoe to get into ABA Therapy and Isaiah to get into counselling. I had to get court orders forcing him to sign those before I won temporary full custody.
If he is granted the access, I will lose my house, my van, the income that support the kids, Asher loses his siblings, and the older three lose Asher. It is not good all around.
The lawyer I spoke with yesterday says that I have to fight this on my own, because my situation does not qualify for legal aid. It doesn't matter that he stalks my house, tells the kids I don't love them, tells them to tell CAS I abuse them and that they want to live with him. It doesn't matter that he neglects to provide medical care. With Zoe's disabilities, he could literally kill her. He refuses to show up to medical appointments, and then claims I don't tell him about them. He refuses to submit his bloodwork for Zoes's genetic testing to be done and they cannot proceed without his sample too, as they need to trace any abnormalities back to him or me. I am literally frightened for my kids. I cannot afford a lawyer on my own.
I also told the lawyer that what he is asking for, the 4 days a week, means the kids change addresses since he would have them more, forcing them to have to move schools, and with Zoe's autism, that is not in her best interests. She needs routine and consistency, and this is just going to confuse the hell out of all of them. He doesn't even do their homework with them! Zoe is on an IEP and Isaiah is on the verge of being diagnosed with ADHD and is falling behind in school.
I also told the lawyer it wouldn't work because we are moving in the summer. She said get the hell out of here NOW before he gets an order saying we have to stay. He's done it before, and he can do it again.
If he gets joint custody, then we're going to be in court once a year getting court orders so the kids can access services. I am so far beyond stressed out right now.
And this is all because I initially wouldn't do mediation with him yesterday until after CAS talks to the kids. He didn't even fill out the response until after he saw duty counsel. Because I wouldn't just hand it all over to him. I eventually tried it and offered extra access, including every other March Break, 4 weeks in the summer, every Father's Day, an extra visit on my weeks and an extra overnight on his weeks. He refused to go for it. If we base visitation on his schedule, we would be in court once a year to change access based on his work schedule. I will give the extra access, but anyone else would have to get a babysitter if they had the kids when they were working, not make their access suit their work schedule. He wanted access changed right then and there, and to keep it the same, I offered to accommodate his work schedule, so if he works a Saturday instead of a Friday, then he can have Friday to Saturday instead of Saturday to Sunday.
I am a complete mess right now. I am so scared. The only thing going for me is that it is harder to go from full custody to shared once full custody has been granted, and full was granted to me on a permanent basis in May.
Until then, I need to figure out how to get out of here before March.
