Tubal Reversal ladies, just moved from WTT!!!

[~Brandy~]

Jennifer I can't wait to see your precious little bundle! Not long now!

 

[cupcakestoy]

Had repeat beta today, no results til tomorrow :/ nervous over still having left pelvic tenderness. The nurse said Dr. Will probably order a ct to rule out ectopic? Never heard of that but whatever. I just want to get past this. I did ask for an antidepressant to be called in, I'm just not dealing well & find myself withdrawn & tearful pretty much all the time. Not usually a big proponent of meds but I just can't function like this.....

 

[Mommabrown]

Aww Jen I love your photos, and the one of your dad made me teary!

Angie girl fx for you and lots of baby dust!

Brandi yay for team pink!!!

Cupcake I'm so sorry love. I know we all rally around each other and support one another in a way it's hard for others to understand, but I think each of us have had a point of needing something to help us through the heartache. I wish I could come bring you a cake, Chinese, some wine, a sappy movie and just bum out on the couch with you through your difficult time. Hugs love.

 

[AngienDaniel]

Cupcake, I completely understand about the meds. It is so easy to be damaged and not even realize the extent of it. I really don't have anyone to talk to about this process. It is tough because noone understands or cares really to the extent that I do. I also see people getting pregnant, people losing babies and it is more and more difficult to sit idly by and wait for it to be 'our' turn.
I will update when I get pregnant and I will probably keep my journal on here for a time, but I also think that I have struggled my own battle and I know how hard it is to watch everyone else succeed while I have had to wait. I won't be posting regularly after I get pregnant. I will hope to come back and update every 6 months or so because I like you girls, but it is too hard for those still waiting.
I pray and pray that all of us that have been on this forum succeed. Waiting sucks!

Tomorrow is my last day before I start my gonal f on Wednesday and my Lovenox.. I am so emotional about this process. I reserved our hotel room. I have that week off of work. I am going to ask my doctor if I can get him to write me an excuse for the 2 days following my transfer if I can't give them away or get them off so I can just rest and take it easy. The hubby and I talked and we decided to just transfer two babies if we are blessed with two embryos because I don't want to take the health risks to me or to our babies by transferring more. Even having twins would be such a bigger deal for us. I am up for them if it happens (as much as I can be without fully knowing what twins would mean,) but I would prefer one baby because I want to nurse and to cloth diaper and having two would make those things a lot more impossible, not to mention the costs of two babies and emotional upheaval.
I have sit here and thought about what pregnancy would bring to my family and I have come up with some pretty important things:
I will get to be a Mother again.
I will get to have a family with my husband.
I will get to have a baby and everyone that prayed against me or wished me bad things will get to eat crow.. Now this is the one I struggle with as my love for God says that pride is not acceptable, but gracious me, how I struggle with wanting to be proud and happy and I really struggle with where I should draw the line in my happiness. I figure to keep my joy stifled because I would speak out loud and hurt other people and I don't want to do that even though I do want to do that.
Such a problem for me..
I believe in giving God the glory, but my human heart would want to say, "ha ha" to some people as well. So I have decided to just not speak as fully as I would want.
If I were to fail, then I will come here and cry and cry and cry.. One thing is for certain, these meds make me a jumbled mess of stupid.

 

[cupcakestoy]

I'm not trying to make others feel bad, if that's how I came across. I just feel comfortable here, since most of us have struggled to have our THB & alot of us still are.....Those you got a keeper right out the gate, are just more fortunate, but don't deserve it any less.....I don't begrudge those who struggled as much as those who pop out one right after another, then don't want or take care of them. I just feel like now that I can support & give a baby whatever it desires with a man who deserves & wants to be a daddy that life just isn't fair......Seems like the more we chase this dream the farther it moves. I guess with this surprise bfp, I just feel its cruel, as we had given up on doing it with out IVF :/ Oh well enough of my whining! I have to go in for repeat US tomorrow, then a CT if my numbers are funky....I just want to get this over with! Of course now, since we got pregnant, I'm scared to have sex after this....I don't want to get pregnant just to lose it....twice is enough!!!!

 

[cupcakestoy]

Bleeding has started Dr. Still wants me to come in for US today....ugh

 

[Jenafyr4]

So sorry Cupcake... praying for your healing...

 

[AngienDaniel]

You didn't come across as trying to make anyone feel bad or anything, Cupcake. Honestly, after all of the losses I have had and the years of waiting, I have gotten pretty good at not showing most people how I feel. I tell you girls because I know you understand. I know that you understand how hard it is to lose your heart over and over. It is a hard thing to lose another baby. (The only reason that I am glad to have lost both of my tubes..) I also know how hard it is to understand why we have to wait while other people succeed. No matter if we are not trying to be mean, it still hurts and we still constantly ask why. That's why I decided to try and be as quiet as I can about success. There are people I would want to brag to and that isn't acceptable to me. My little rambling yesterday was because I have horrible in-laws that I have never met and they hate me without cause. I know they will want to 'fix' that break with our children being born and I will want to brag my little head off about my pregnancy as with every loss I had, they celebrated. As my pregnancy grows closer, I have been trying to work out in my heart how I need to deal with myself and my pride concerning people I want to brag and brag to about being pregnant and where the line is I need to draw to be both happy and humble.
You girls are the only people who actually know that stuff about me. I would never tell anyone that I want to be a big b-word and brag my face off to rub their noses in my success. Not that I would do that, but that I even think about it.

 

[cupcakestoy]

Angie- I would write off that kind of in laws! Sounds like your family is better off without them, sorry if that sounds harsh...
My hcg dropped to 59, lining is shedding, should pick up in a couple days...dr. Doesn't feel it was ectopic. Just crappy luck again. Said when I go back for my pap in Oct he will give me clomid & femara if I want & wants us to consider iuis again since we got a natural bfp....I worry about dh sperm quality, as well as my eggs, but at this point I'm not ready to jump into more TTC stuff... He did give me wellbutrin, which I'm greatful for! Ready to be me again....

 

[fluterby429]

I'm so sorry sweetie. I'm glad it's not ectopic though. Take some time heal your body and heart. I will say I know a TR girl that did thoas combo drugs and has twins. She was having repeat miscarriages and that ended up working for them. I'd get both of you some blood work and an SA before you try again just to see what if anything is off. I feel you'll get your thb. I never feel like you are being a downer. This journey can be so trying for some of us. I didn't have the recurrent miscarriages (I'll be honest I'm glad I didn't) but not ever conceiving in 5 years was exhausting as well. Everyone has a different path. I feel extremely lucky that I got my little Lyndon from my first IVF. i just want to hug all of you.

Angie - I booted many of my own family members out of my life. I finally realized I and my children deserved more respect than what they were giving. It took me a long time to get there but I'm happier without them.

 

[AngienDaniel]

My husband bought our baby a book today. I cried. He has never even hinted that he felt the same desire to ready our home as I have. I can't believe I am so blind sometimes to how he must struggle and not say anything to me as he doesn't want me to be scared. He bought our baby a book he said so he could read to them. I love him.

 

[cupcakestoy]

That's so sweet! I do believe we don't understand how the men in our lives feel about this whole Journey. I know my dh has peeled back a few layers & told me about his feelings at times, but I just wonder how many times he has snuck off to cry without me knowing.....Not that he would ever completely lose it in front of me, but I have seen a few tears with our losses. Just makes me look forward to the day that I can place his baby in his arms....*sigh

 

[~Brandy~]

Angie is your u/s today or next Friday?

Cupcake hopefully you'll be feeling more like yourself very soon.

 

[Jenafyr4]

33weeks and she is in the 65th% 5lb 4oz. Belly is big but normal for a GD baby. Placenta Previa has moved but not as much as they would like. They want a 2 cm gap. Im at 1.6cm so at least one more specialist appt at 36 weeks to determine size and placenta placement... getting really close... pics wont upload from my phone

 

[Jenafyr4]

Did it a different way. .. look at those fat cheeks

 

[~Brandy~]

adorable Jen! I saw it on FB So precious

 

[AngienDaniel]

Jen, those photos are amazing! She's so cute!

Brandy, I had an appt this morning, but I drove the 5 hours there and the 5 hours back home for a 5 minute blood draw.... if it was 5 minutes.. It was tough to accept that I had to do such a trip to have my estrogen tested. Tonight I add in my first vial of Menopur. I read that it hurt but since my belly is bruised from the Lovenox, I am sure I will get over the pain fast enough. I guess all was well with my levels today as I didn't get the call to change anything.. I am CD 9 today.. I always have ovulated before cd13 (which is my next appt morning this coming Tuesday. I won't ovulate without the trigger shot, will I? I feel nauseous tonight. I haven't felt so bad before tonight. I have had headaches but I think that my fatigue on top of the stress and meds has made me feel sickly tonight. I hope the Menopur doesn't treat me badly as I have to work tomorrow and Sunday. I am struggling with my work to give me the days off I might need. I have even found the replacement girl to take my shift but they don't want to approve it. I am stressing about it so much. I bought some Brazil nuts and pineapple today. I read they are supposed to help with implantation. I have never tried the nuts but I figured what the hey.. The hubby and I argued over stupid things today since we are both stressed out and he has been trying to quit smoking and he got yelled at by his boss today for not wearing safety gear so he was hateful all day and I guess I was too as I had to work till 10pm last night come home, eat, take a shower and then get back up at 4am to drive to New Jersey and I am beat down.. Guess that might have given me my sickly feeling as I am a ball of emotional ignorance these days.. I am honestly ready for this to be over and the next stage to begin as this is such an emotional drama unfolding---like a soap-opera, but I ain't getting paid for the bad acting. BLAH!

I take my new medicine at 830 tonight. I have only til Tuesday before my calendar is complete and I "await further instructions." I take one Menopur tonight and one on Sunday night. Different doses of Gonal F... mostly 300 units.. every night. I take a 75mg dose of Dexamethasone every morning, Lupron 5 ml every morning, and Lovenox, 30ml every morning.. On top of my 2000mg of folic acid, prenatal vitamins and fish oil. I am a pill whore. Sad, but true..
God, please let this work and thanks ahead of time...

Cupcake, I am thinking about you..

 

[cupcakestoy]

She's cute jen. So hoping she's not a 10 pound baby for your sake lol
Angie-hang in there!!!
Afm-bleeding is finally slowing down, thank goodness! I don't remember my BBS staying so heavy & sore with my 1st loss, but man I'm ready for the girls to be normal! Dh & I have decided we won't try to prevent, like my dr. Wanted since he only said it would be harder to date if we did get a bfp....not a good enough reason to me....not thinking we will get another bfp right away, but we weren't expecting this last one either so you never know. Of course I'm already nervous about getting pregnant again... Ugh....still I want to be hopeful god will give us our keeper & save us 10k, but let's just say I'm still saving up... I did get on the scales today & with progesterone, emotional eating & laziness I've packed on almost 13 pounds hoping to get back on track at the gym next week & start over again.....*sigh

 

[Jenafyr4]

Thank you ladies. Im so anxious. I pray for you all and feel like yall are truly my sisters. Im a rather private person, but like to keep yall posted and like yall keep me posted as well.

 

[fluterby429]

Jen she looks adorable. I can't wait to see her on the outside

Cupcake glad the bleeding is slowing down. You and your hubby do what is best for you. That wasn't a very good reason the doc have you.

Angie. I don't think you will ovulate but I have read that it has happened to women doing IUI's. Do you have a follie check before then?