Tubal Reversal ladies, just moved from WTT!!!

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So amazing... praying and more praying... rest up and give lil monkey a pep talk.... grow baby grow
 
I am so excited!
My husband won't even sleep with me, he is so intent on this working.. I personally believe that is garbage, but the doctor's office recommends it and the hubby says he don't want to ask what if..

I am crampy. Pretty sure that is from the amount of stuff I have to insert up my hoo-ha.. That estrogen is killer.. I am taking the dexomethosone (steroid), fish oil, folic acid, Lovenox, Crinone and estrogen.. and prenatal.. I also am eating. A lot. 3 times a day. Not normal for me but supposedly my NK cells came back weird so I am filling my gut with healthy foods as I have always been a light eater and small framed. I am gonna head outside and read the Curious George book Daniel got for the baby. I am gonna rest if it kills me, but I am struggling as I don't usually sit around. I get anxious.
Gonna go get Pizza Hut later and some movies..
I was gonna go have my nails done, but I gotta save for diapers and baby toys so I am not going now after I thought about it..
 
10 cells is great for a day three. Mine were 8 cell and graded A so that's excellent. You are PUPO!!! I did a lot of reading and some doctors feel that if an embryo wouldn't make it to day 5 it wouldn't make it inside once transferred on day 3 but many many others believe inside mommy is best. I chose to believe the later since I had a 3 day transfer haha. I'm excited for you!!!
 
Cupcake glad your body is getting back to normal. My AF was a week late but I had a ton of ewcm a week after I should've O'd so I knew it was going to be off. I never get ewcm so I was surprised to see it. I'm almost finished breastfeeding. My milk is drying up. I blame school and stress. I'm so stressed. I'm falling behind in school from being sick all last week and 3 out of the 4 kids got sick and add moving to that, I'm over whelmed.
 
I struggle with walking too long. I really had a difficylt time with this retrieval. I feel tired and worn down even though I havent done anything. I have thought all morning about going home and sleeping. I cant seem to get my belly to recover from that retrieval. I hipe it doesnt take too much longer cause I feel like crap. I went out to shop at the 50 % off sale at the salvation army and am waiting here in yhe parking.lot to pick up our pizzas.. I need a tv and never have I wanted one like.I do today. I think I might take my laptop to the attic and watch cartoons and write when I get home.
Daniel wont even let me wash clothes. I also said I wouldnt drink caffeine for at least a week. I am praying. I also am emotional from all the meds.
I am sorry that your million is drying up, Fluter. I am big on nursing 6 months...9 months max and then letting your toddler have a cup. Nothing more gross than seeing a walking, talking, child, nursing.... That is completely a personal opinion.
I understand about getting overwhelmed. You have a loy going on it sounds like..

Cupcake, if by chance this transfer doesnt give us our baby I will be changing my lifestyle and exercize habits. I am praying it dont come to those drastic measures though. Ha ha. I hate exercizing.
 
Also Fluter.. That was supposed to be milk.. Stupid phone. If you have a million, i am sorry if it is drying up too.
 
My trigger shot has halved in darkness in the last two days. I can't really test for pregnancy until the middle of next week sometime. I am gonna test out this trigger shot though. Well, I will test every two or three days. I am just trying to take it day-by-day. I have been reading up a bit on the reason why I could have lost all of my embryos and every place, even medical places, say it is usually because of bad laboratory conditions. Even with Micro IVF we got 50% of the eggs retrieved. And that was with natural fertilization too.
I know it does me no good to keep wondering, but honestly I wonder how we ended up with one and if that one was really there at all. I know it sounds weird, but I actually wonder if they just didn't tell me a lie and they didn't put anything back. Hopefully I end up pregnant and I get a little tiny bit of that trust back.

I don't feel confident, but I don't feel like I have failed either. I feel ambivalent. That's a tough way to feel after such a long journey. I wish I could feel hopeful but I am too afraid to. I am scared for my husband too as I have never seen him so excited. I know he will be devastated if I fail and I will not recover from feeling like a pathetic loser.
These meds make me feel like I am bi-polar. I am taking it easy. Hanging out at home.. Eating more than I should and wishing for a baby. Still eating my pineapple, still trying to get the nerve to eat those horrid Brazil nuts and relaxing..

I hope everyone is doing well.
 
Hang in there girl. This is such an emotional roller coaster. Stop googling. It is what it is. I know that sucks but it's true. I doubt they lied to you. If they lied then why not tell you two made it? I'm side they transferred your one beautiful embryo. As for those nuts, don't eat them. You can eat walnuts for the same effect but honestly the pineapple is enough. I hate both of those nuts. I tried to eat the walnuts but I just couldn't! I even missed a day of the pineapple. Who knows if it even helps. I just did all these silly things because mentally I just wanted to feel like I did my part to help it along so to speak. In the end I truly believe what was going to be was going to be no matter what I did. It was either meant to happen or it wasn't. That's a hard reality to face when so much is on the line. My hope for you is that this little bean is getting snuggled in for a long stay
 
I am not going to Google anymore. I am just gonna wait. I figure that I can't change anything. I am such a sucker for information, even when it's based on supposition. I am struggling because I don't want to fail again. I do know that our baby was 10 cell because it was a 3 1/2 day transfer. I am bloated because of the progesterone. I feel cramping and pinching, mainly at night. I also know that any "pregnancy' symptoms I have is because of the progesterone as before I started taking it after my transfer, the hcg didn't give me any pregnancy symptoms.
I know I won't be one of those women that have a million signs that she is pregnant. I will test again tomorrow for my trigger shot. It will be 9 dp trigger tomorrow. Well, I guess 8 days since I took mine at 1am Friday morning. I am only 3dp3dt. Passing by pretty quickly though really. I have about 10 pregnancy tests.. I guess I will use one every day. No reason not too as I don't want to have any left to drive myself batty about line darkness. This is the most stressful process.

I need to just let it go though and accept that I can't change anything. Either the baby will grow, or it won't. It is just so hard to fully acknowledge that it isn't in my hands. It is what it is..
 
Well, trigger shot is gone, and with it any kind of 'symptom' I might have been having. I know that I did everything I could but I am pretty positive that I suck and it has not worked. To say that I am angry is an understatement as I want to lash out, but I know it won't change anything. I don't understand and I know that I am not meant to, but anger and bitterness will flood my heart. I will not be able to keep it from happening. If a woman tries to have another baby after infertility and succeeds,hen her heart is at ease, but if they do not, then they end up the old, bitter, broken hearts. I am pretty sure today that I wish I had quit this journey before I started.
I am still taking my meds as my husband is making me and I promised, but I want to curse and cry.
I don't even know where to go from here.
 
I have no words of advice to ease your pain and frustration. Prayers for you, no matter the outcome.

I have pain and heartache as well. For this child I prayed, BUT never under the conditions I'm experiencing. To have fought for family, only to come out sad and broken. I'm a strong woman and have overcome so much in life, but this has really all hurt my heart. I do pray for the day I see her beautiful face and hope for healing. Most of my life it has been me and my kids, I just wanted things so different this time around. I find it hard to even want KJ with me when I deliver, or any time after for that matter. :cry:
 
Angie, if this fails, you have every right to feel every emotion. You will need to grieve and go through all the range of emotions that come along with grieving. You have been through so much. My heart hurts for you. I'm hoping tomorrow starts a new line on your test and tears of joy come flowing down your face.

Jen, I'm sorry you are struggling. This is supposed to be such a happy time and to have it destroyed by the one person that should be sharing most in the happiness has got to be the worst feeling. Sending you a big hug. Like you said, you are strong and will get through it. Hang in there. Better days are head
 
Thanks for the well-wishes, Fluter, but there won't be a line. I know it. I am furious about it too. I don't want to grieve as I will blame God for not standing by me as I have stood by Him. There is no excuse. I have done EVERYTHING and I get nothing. Empty arms, a heartbroken husband, and bills and bills from putting my family through this crap over and over. I have been faithful. I try to keep my heart right, my family focused on Him...I have been patient and waited as I was waiting all the 12 years of my last marriage too, but my then husband kept coming up with excuses, so all together I have been waiting 14 years to have another child. 14 YEARS! If that isn't patient, I don't know what is. Now, I will have to break my husband down for the millionth time and tell him that I am piece of crap and I can't do freaking anything right. Even though all I have heard for the last month is how excited he is to be a Daddy and how much he is going to love it. Well, the only way he will be a Dad is without me cause I am pathetic. Fun times..


Jen, I am sorry that your boyfriend is an idiot. You are very blessed with your daughter though as love can cover up ignorance and I hope you allow the blessing of that little girl to cover up the stupid that is the man. I hope things get better for you soon. Family doesn't have to have a man in it, just love. I am thinking of you. <3
 
Thanks Jen.. This medicine has a horrid affect on me. It makes me seriously angry and depressed. I was like that yesterday and this morning. I am not so bad now, but it comes and goes. I didn't know that Crinone makes you depressed... Finally had to go Google why I was feeling incredibly bi-polar....
I actually have not had a negative test yet. I don't know why I felt such despair.. One moment I feel so positive and the next, I feel awful..

I am 12 days past trigger and 10dpo.. My test lines are light but they aren't fully gone yet. They aren't squinters either and are the WalMart brand. I figure I should know for sure in the next few days. The hubby and I are ready if it's not positive. Not sure what we will do, but emotionally we are ready.
I just hope this progesterone eases up on me.. I keep period-like cramps ever-so-often, and I am moody... so bad I should be slapped. I will post a photo of my tests. Keep in mind that they are all dried.

Thanks so much, Brandi!!!
 
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