Ultimate Venting Thread 2

[RKW]

Totally agree army wife. Before I knew it would take this time to conceive I was soooooo careful with bc, as I wanted the perfect upbringing for my child, married, house, good jobs, security. It's so frustrating to see others plough straight into parenthood when they cannot afford it, and so frustrating looking back when I realise I would have been so much more fertile all those years ago when I was struggling through uni. We spent all out savings on our dream house, and now have none left for ivf if we need it.
Life just seems pretty fucking unfair sometimes.

 

[Armywife84]

Totally agree army wife. Before I knew it would take this time to conceive I was soooooo careful with bc, as I wanted the perfect upbringing for my child, married, house, good jobs, security. It's so frustrating to see others plough straight into parenthood when they cannot afford it, and so frustrating looking back when I realise I would have been so much more fertile all those years ago when I was struggling through uni. We spent all out savings on our dream house, and now have none left for ivf if we need it.
Life just seems pretty fucking unfair sometimes.

Absolutely! You do the sensible thinking and invest money where it should be, uni and your home. But you never think you would have to set back $10,000 or more to conceive a baby!

I'll attend a pity party of a woman who is pregnant and her DH loses his job resulting in the loss of their home. Of course they have no choice but to reside with parents. But one who has her ducks out of line? No!!

 

[tamithomas]

It just got worse last night after I posted that. Apparently I'm 'addicted to all those websites and forums'. I'm surprised my head didn't actually explode last night.

I'm still fuming this morning. So many points I could make back, but the bottom line seems to be that my feelings always come last. Do you know the neice actually said "why haven't you had a baby yet?'.

And then my friends who are meant to be coming for a relaxing wee overnight can't get a babysitter so are now bring baby for overnight.

I hate feeling like this, but I don't even think dh will understand how taken for granted & used I feel. So I'll just need to speak to you guys xxx

Holy cow, that has got to be the most insensitive thing to say "you're addicted to those websites and forums" well of course you are, it's a form of support. I'm flabergasted by that right now. But in a sense I can relate.. DH was insensitive at first too when I brought up by bitterness towards others BFP's. I first got the "well it's either accept it because it's a part of their life and they're not gonna stop talking about it or get rid of them" i felt so heart broken that evening when he said it so bluntly. Luckily later that night after a few hours of seperation he apologized and let me explain why I'm so bitter and that it goes beyond just seeing undeserving parents, it's them living my dream when they don't want it. That it wasn't as simple as getting rid of them. That all I need is a person to vent to then I'll be okay. Pissed off royally when I see them but suck it and then complain later at home. Seems like DH's don't have that same type of bitterness as us.

 

[uwa_amanda]

Okay...so dig this shit...

My DH and I went to Tuscaloosa today to do some shopping and go see a movie. We decided to go see "Ted" since we get into comedies. This woman actually brings a baby carrier into the theater and sits a few seats down from us. I looked at my husband and said, "You have GOT to be kidding me...do I REALLY have to sit here and listen to a baby possibly start cutting up in the middle of a movie?" Fortunately, the woman actually had the sense to get up and leave whenever the baby started getting fussy. (The movie was funny...pretty crude at parts)

 

[Just_married]

The irony is I borrowed and set up a travel cot in my bedroom, laundered all my bedding so they could sleep in ours & got lots of food in for couple & baby but they decided not to stay as the had a family party in morning.

I'm on the couch for the 2nd night. Dh apologised this morning for what he said, but got all neurotic again tonight, this time because I'm letting my almost 17yrbold dd stay out late at a family friends party. Although I'm sure if there wasn't that reason he would have found another.

I hope you are all having a better weekend than we are. I'm actually glad I'm not in bedroom staring at an empty cot.

 

[xxshellsxx]

Not a vent as such more of a 'i'm feeling sorry for myself today' but...

This month is our first month on our 6 month break - due to opportunity of a lifetime for DH next august - Mc'ing on a cruise ship in the Med, something we can't do with a young baby, which we would have if by some miracle we managed to conceive in the next few months - very difficult decision to make, but for the sake of our business and financial security it has to be done.

I woke to the news that my cousin's GF (they live in Thailand) has given birth to their second son this morning (3 hrs ago) of course i'm happy for them but makes me sad to think once again another family member has their second child and i'm still waiting for #1


We did some BD yesterday afternoon... spontaneous and fun... but couldn't help feeling 'what a waste' when i was cleaning up afterwards, as i KNOW i'm in my fertile window, I know O day is around Tueday

Don't like this break one bit!!

xx

 

[Armywife84]

Okay...so dig this shit...

My DH and I went to Tuscaloosa today to do some shopping and go see a movie. We decided to go see "Ted" since we get into comedies. This woman actually brings a baby carrier into the theater and sits a few seats down from us. I looked at my husband and said, "You have GOT to be kidding me...do I REALLY have to sit here and listen to a baby possibly start cutting up in the middle of a movie?" Fortunately, the woman actually had the sense to get up and leave whenever the baby started getting fussy. (The movie was funny...pretty crude at parts)

Amanda- I never understood why parents insist on bringing their infants into a film! There's actually some cinemas that don't allow you to bring in your infants. I suppose it's because they couldn't get a babysitter. Nonetheless, it's still bad manners.


JM- Thank goodness this weekend is almost over for you! Meh, DD is almost 17 and surely has enough sense to stay out of trouble. Besides, it's good to give her a bit of leeway anyways so she isn't trying to rebel against your rules. I know my mother had a rough time with my rebellious ways.

Shell- Surely you could have some spontaneous sex on Tuesday?

----Rant (non baby related)-----

I'm trying to drag DH out of the house (even though it's a sauna out there) so we can spend time together. All he wants to do is loaf on the sofa and hog the television or tinker on his laptop. I feel like taking all the electronics and tossing them off the balcony.

 

[xxshellsxx]

Armywife - Oh i could lol but if i finally manage to catch the egg by some bloody miracle, come next august i'd have a 4 month old... i wouldn't be able to help DH achieve his dream of working on a cruise ship (i do the technical stuff for our business) Uk stuff we do we have someone training to do my job, but we can't ask someone else to do this gig for 10 days away from home, and still make money from it ourselves... the break is killing me inside, but i can't let him know as it was tough enough to make it anyway. It's still only 95% booked... we'll know by september if they have sold enough cabins for it to go ahead... part of me wants them to not have so i can get back TTC... is that horrible to think that?

My FS referral has had it's 6 weeks to call me back come tomorrow morning... so i'll be on the phone first thing! We're still going ahead with all our testing as in all these years they have never checked my tubes or for endo so will be insisting on this when the time comes! I won't disclose that we're on a break in case they refuse to do the testing!

 

[uwa_amanda]

Shell- Surely you could have some spontaneous sex on Tuesday?

Sometimes the spontaneous sex is the best kind of sex!

 

[Armywife84]

Armywife - Oh i could lol but if i finally manage to catch the egg by some bloody miracle, come next august i'd have a 4 month old... i wouldn't be able to help DH achieve his dream of working on a cruise ship (i do the technical stuff for our business) Uk stuff we do we have someone training to do my job, but we can't ask someone else to do this gig for 10 days away from home, and still make money from it ourselves... the break is killing me inside, but i can't let him know as it was tough enough to make it anyway. It's still only 95% booked... we'll know by september if they have sold enough cabins for it to go ahead... part of me wants them to not have so i can get back TTC... is that horrible to think that?

My FS referral has had it's 6 weeks to call me back come tomorrow morning... so i'll be on the phone first thing! We're still going ahead with all our testing as in all these years they have never checked my tubes or for endo so will be insisting on this when the time comes! I won't disclose that we're on a break in case they refuse to do the testing!

Absolutely not! Being a mum is your dream!

Though it is very selfless of you to set aside your wants for DH's dream. If this is one of those chances of a lifetime for him, then you've no choice but to act upon it.

Still some of that spontaneous sex could result in a BFP and if you have sex around O, then so be it.

 

[chefamy1122]

Hope you don't mind me butting in, but I just really need a vent this morning. My DH and I just went on a little vacation over the weekend out of state to visit my cousin and her husband. I literally have 5 women in my life that are expecting right now, so I just wanted to get away, and I guess needed a short break from reality. Well, we end up meeting up with one of DH's customers and his fiance at a Mexican restaurant...we order us all shots of tequila.. and of course the wife does not do hers b/c she just found out she is pregnant....with #4....that they were not trying for... You have got to be kidding me. I can't freaking escape it

 

[xxshellsxx]

Well it's official, i had a complete meltdown last night. Mum had obviously had a wee drink and had text me over something that had obviously been festering for weeks (as it happened weeks ago).... told me she thinks that we put her at the bottom of our list of priorites Messages went back and forth (through my tears) and i eventually told her that we're taking a break, i haven't told anyone yet as i was still trying to get my own head around it... Dh had been reading the texts as i was by this time a complete blubbering wreck, and I knew he'd read what i'd wrote about being so miserable taking this break. God love him, he offered to give the gig up next year to make me happy I really love this man from the bottom of my heart and soul... not many would offer to do that to have a child!

I declined his offer to cancel the gig (even though that is not what i actually wanted to say), i know how much this means to him, but also for our financial security, but everything came to a head last night and I know my mum loves me, and how much ME giving her a grandchild (she has 2 and 4 step grandchildren) means to her too, during the 'argument' she told me if we need money for IVF they would be the first at the bank getting us a loan to pay for it. It was all very emotional and caused by a petty squabble, but i think she realised how petty her first comments that started it off had been.

Still... todays another day down and 1 day nearer this break ending!

 

[Just_married]

Well it's official, i had a complete meltdown last night. Mum had obviously had a wee drink and had text me over something that had obviously been festering for weeks (as it happened weeks ago).... told me she thinks that we put her at the bottom of our list of priorites Messages went back and forth (through my tears) and i eventually told her that we're taking a break, i haven't told anyone yet as i was still trying to get my own head around it... Dh had been reading the texts as i was by this time a complete blubbering wreck, and I knew he'd read what i'd wrote about being so miserable taking this break. God love him, he offered to give the gig up next year to make me happy I really love this man from the bottom of my heart and soul... not many would offer to do that to have a child!

I declined his offer to cancel the gig (even though that is not what i actually wanted to say), i know how much this means to him, but also for our financial security, but everything came to a head last night and I know my mum loves me, and how much ME giving her a grandchild (she has 2 and 4 step grandchildren) means to her too, during the 'argument' she told me if we need money for IVF they would be the first at the bank getting us a loan to pay for it. It was all very emotional and caused by a petty squabble, but i think she realised how petty her first comments that started it off had been.

Still... todays another day down and 1 day nearer this break ending!

That must be reassuring to know DJ would be willing to give up the gig!
And so sweet of mum to offer to get into debt for you lol. Hope you're feeling better for getting it off your chest xx

 

[Armywife84]

Shell-

Chefamy- Welcome!

RANT: Apologies for language in advance.

Like Shell, I'm on the verge of a breakdown.

DH texted me while I was at work wanting to know if I could time off around August so we can visit our families. Well, he mentioned SIL (pregnant) is going to be home. We already discussed after finding out she was expecting #2 (I was devastated) that we wouldn't be visiting home when she was there. I reminded him of this.

Then he gets all bent out of shape, saying that it's not fair he can't visit his family. I never said he couldn't go! I said I would be staying here while he went! WTF! He expects me to be miserable and cry around his sister for a week just to make everyone else happy?! Feck that! What about my happiness or sanity?!! Apparently, it's not important.

So needless to say I refuse to speak to him. I wonder when my husband is going to get it and start showing me a little more sympathy, instead of acting like I'm the bad guy. Maybe when we divorce, it will dawn on him.

I'm sorry, I'm just having a rough time. I'm on the verge of losing it.

 

[tamithomas]

Reading stories such as yours ArmyWife makes me wish more women had sympathetic DH's like mine. I feel guilty at times when I read such insensitivity from DH's when mine totally understands when he goes to meet up with our friend who's 8 months BFP (an oops bfp on top of it, she's only 18) and doesn't make a peep about it in fact he was the one hesitant to go see my SIL at the hospital when she gave birth to my step nephew. I'm the one who said screw it, may as well go not to look like arses. Although once I got to the hospital while everyone was outside on smoke break i vowed for it to be my first and last time I go visit a newborn at the hospital. All I kept on hearing was baby talk and experience when I was literally THE only one standing there like an awkward outcast due to my DH has even had parenting experience in the past with his ex wife. I felt like such a fool, I vowed to never put myself in that situation again.

 

[Armywife84]

More Rants related to yesterday:

Needless to say DH and I further got into and I could care less about speaking to him, much less TTC this cycle. What's the point of trying with a man who argues with you every step of the way about IF?!

He even had the audacity to tell me last night that if I wasn't happy for pregnant women, then no one would care or support me when I was pregnant. Excuse me? I don't want anyone to poop out rainbows and jump for joy when I'm pregnant. He's as horrible as a fertile pregnant cow!

I just don't understand him. Also asked him if he wanted to stop trying because he feels that infertility is tearing us apart. He said no! Then stop acting like an arse when I ask you to take Mucincex and tell you no to that beer you want to drink around ovulation!! He can drink any other 25 days out of the month, but for whatever reason he chooses to drink around ovulation!

At this point, I don't care about this cycle...or do I care about my marriage. I'm tired of being married to someone who's less than supportive. I've mentally given up on everything. There infertility you've won.

 

[itakp]

Army

My rant is very petty compared to some of the recent ones here... but it appears that you´re not safe even when buying trashy magazines to cheer you up. One that I bought today has a four page piece on how to dress your bump in style. Feck off.

 

[wannabeprego]

@Army, I am so sorry that you and your DH are having a ruff time right now!!! I hope that you two can work through things together and that he can learn to be more sympathetic to the pain you are feeling. Big Hugs to you!!

 

[tamithomas]

Army, I really hope that this is just a rough patch for you guys. DH's deal differently, plus.. they're men, no matter how much they try they can't understand our view of things.

 

[smallstar]

Army - Hun im so sorry that you are going through this at the moment.....i know its probably no consolation but ive been there too recently....especially with regards to the last weekend of having to visit my newly pregnant friend when i got back i felt so SH*T but instead of support from my lovely OH i had the whole when your pregant no one will be nice to you and wont be happy for us!!! Like you i could nt give a flying monkey if the WHOLE world hated me when i was pregnant i would be happy in myself and on my own!!!! I wouldn’t expect people to be happy for me it would be enough that i would be filled with happiness!!!! Grrrr he sometimes says the most stupid things....

I think its the biggest strain on any relationship IF, and unfortunately we have to find this out the hard way

Please try and keep positive and hopefully this is just a one of your bad IF moments together and will pass...... fingers crossed xxx

Me and OH have argued so many times ive lost count about him drinking during ovulation time (which is this week!!) and he just doesnt seem to get why it gets me so annoyed!!!!
I would love to drink the usual 10 cups of fully caffeinated coffee but i dont because the sacrifice in the long run will hopefully be so worth it in the end!!!

Trust me hun you are not alone.....

x