Ultimate Venting Thread 2

[uwa_amanda]

I am sitting here sobbing my eyeballs out because I am turning 30 on Sunday. The turning 30 part is not what has got me so upset. It's the fact that we haven't had our first child yet. I figured by this point in my life, I would have already given birth to our two babies.

I thought I was so over this shit. I stopped taking fertility drugs in May since they weren't working and both my June and July cycles were screwed up. I KNOW I haven't ovulated since April. I have no one to talk to about this. I wanted to talk to my mom earlier today but when I called her, she seemed like she was bothered by my calling. Evidently, I picked a bad time to call her. My "best friend" only calls me whenever she wants something. I don't have anyone to talk to about any of this. ESPECIALLY since none of my aquaintances know what infertility feels like.

My DH and I want to start trying again at the beginning of the year, but I am so down and out about the eight failed cycles and whether or not I can truly handle the pain, frustration, and anxiety that comes along with failed cycles in LTTTC. I want to leave it to chance, but since I have figured out that I don't ovulate on my own (evidenced by previous years' irregular periods and my currently irregular periods now that I'm off the fertility drugs) there's no point. I am so frustrated, upset, and basically just down about a lot of things that I thought would happen at this point in my life.

Y'all forgive my outburst...I just needed to let it out while DH isn't home. I don't want to seem to him like I am depressed about any of this. I don't want him feeling guilty that we can't seem to have a baby.

Thanks for listening.

 

[wannabemummyb]

Amanda i am so sorry you are feeling down i know how it feels having noone to talk to who understands, but you do have us laddies and Other forums.
What are your next steps next year?

 

[Mrssykes]

Amanda, I'm sorry you're having a rough time I hope it improves so you can enjoy your bday.

My rant for the day: No period STILL A week after taking the 10 days of horrible provera and nothing! This is so frustrating that it was supposed to lead me to clomid but I'm it afraid it messed me up altogether!

I love seeing that other people have my same thoughts!

 

[Mrssykes]

Just after I posted my rant for the day (while I was at work) one of my coworkers announces that is wife is 8 weeks along with their second. I had to hold back the tears and go working like I wasn't dying inside. I guess I spoke too soon.

 

[Just_married]

Amanda, I wish I could visit you and hug you and cry with you. It's not wrong to be upset at not having your 1st child by 30 when you have tried so hard.
Xxx

 

[wannabeprego]

@Amanda, I am so sorry you are feeling so down!! Big hugs to you!! I have been there myself many times as well. I will be turning 33 this year and I haven't had a baby yet. I thought for sure that I would of had at least had 1 child by now.

I think one of the hardest things about infertility is that not very many people can understand or relate to how painful it is. Most people just dont understand. Plus it is a difficult topic to discuss and a private topic in many ways. It is hard to talk about with people and there have been many times where I wished that I didnt bring it up because I regretted the reaction that I got from some of the people i tried to talk to about it. It is a painful experience and also one of the most lonely I think I have ever been through.

You have alot of support on the site though hun and many other ladies that share in your pain and struggle. I know for me when I first got on this website I was so glad to know that the feelings I was having dealing with infertility were normal and that I was not alone.

 

[HopinAndPrayn]

Uggh my pre- spotting has begun
I've been a sobbing blubbering mess for the last several days and am in one of those "why do I even bother?" kind of moods. So hard to stay positive sometimes

Also, can someone get these Preggos OUT of our LTTC forum? You'd think since it wasn't so long ago they were LTTC they'd show a little compassion?

Right on time the rage follows the sobbing.

 

[RKW]

Totally agree Amanda, I'll be 30 next year and whilst I will be married, it's looking less and less likely I will have a baby by then. It was my dream for all of my 20's to have a hubby and baby by 30. I think it's a big milestone and when you set yourself targets for deadlines you set yourself up to fail. ( talking of myself here)
I am hoping to see 30 as a happy birthday as I will have my own home and be married to the love of my life. ( but I still am so so desperate for my bfp it hurts more and more everyday) :0(
Also agree about the prego's getting off LTTTC. Does not make life easier. I'd also like a LTTTC number one section. Jut my opinion but the thought of never having any children has got to hurt more than only having one/two. At least some people do have kids.

 

[xxshellsxx]

Rant: I use 2 forums for TTC - this one (obviously) and one which is very american based, only a couple of brits on it. On here i have been part of 3 'buddy' groups over the months - not intentionally but just happen by conversation and one by one they have all gotten their BFPs and left!!

Now on the other one my fellow brit has got hers! (along with 4 others)

I know i'm on a break and not actually trying (which is KILLING me) but everyone is getting there's and i feel so left behind! Feel this break is wasting time and precious eggs.

I agree about a LTTTC#1 - after all their is a secondary infertility section, so i class this as LTTTC #1?

 

[Just_married]

Maybe there should be a defined ltttc #1 section then. I have secondary infertility, but I have to say I don't feel like I belong there as they mostly have 2/3/4/5yr olds, my dd will turn 17 next month. I've waited this long for the right guy to come along, I didn't TTC before marrying last year due to my beliefs. So I've been wtt all that time & now I fear my own time has run out. So although I will never understand the anguish of never having a child, I have a different type of anguish that I've waited so long & after 15months ttc with my dh, it's slipping away from me forever.

I don't mind sharing ltttc with everyone else as everyone's journey is unique, but if you believe ltttc #1 is a journey you need to do only with others who truly understand then nobody else's place to tell you otherwise xxx

 

[Armywife84]

Amanda- No need to apologize for your rant, we want to hear all about it! Forget chatting to your mother or apparent best friend about it, tell us...we care!!! Take it day by day hun, that's all we can do.

Now, now ladies we are Secondary IF friendly!! However, I do confess I didn't understand secondary IF at first...and thought they were lucky to have the one.

BUT, that doesn't mean their first came easily...they could have also struggled for a LONG time to get their first. So having secondary IF is another kick to the ovaries and like you're right back where you started. You know how those fertile cows say after you have your first one, the next is unplanned. Then there are those who had the first easily and are experiencing IF for the first time in life, so it's sort of like they're LTTC #1. Even though I don't have secondary IF, that's how I understand it. I do hope that makes sense?

Vant (more or less airing out my thoughts):

DH had this bright idea to take our niece to the zoo. At first I wasn't too keen on the idea since the zoo is chock full of mothers and their little ones, but in-laws wanted me to go since I'm more experienced with LOs. Damn babysitting experience and my motherly nature. I still wish I didn't know how to change a nappy in a flash.

Anyways, my niece (she's 2) was adamant about seeing certain animals and having me (not her uncle) carry her majority of the time. So here I am toting her princess backpack over my shoulder and my niece on the other. It's as if I had a free pass into the exclusive baby club. Mothers weren't mowing me down with their prams (like they usually do when your childless, you know what I'm talking about) and other parents were moving out of my way as we walked around with my niece.

As we were watching the elephant in his habitat, my niece started pointing out the animal's pile of poo This other young boy started shouting too about the poo. His mother just gave me this look and tutted about how the kids could care less about the elephant and more about his bowels. I believe I gave her the proper look back and shook my head. At that moment, I was part of the mummy club. I felt like a fraud!!! Thank goodness we left the zoo shortly after, DH was trying to drag us in the children's part.

 

[wannabeprego]

Rant: An annoying Face book post from one of the girls I am friends with...


Here is what she posted word for word:

"The lactation consultant gave me a great tip when pumping, she suggested using olive oil on the breast shields to help get better suction and so it doesn't hurt. It's made a world of difference! Thought I'd share with all of my other new mommas in fb land "


Okay so many reasons why this annoys me, I dont need to know or want to know about your breast feeding, probably like 80% of your friends including the men on your friends list dont want or need to know about your BF'ing!!!

Just EWwwwww.. TMI.. Keep this info for your close girlfriends, sister or family members, not on the wall of FB where you have 327 friends that are going to read about your friggen breast feeding methods, isnt that kind of personal?? Sigh...

I already get to see your new born pics and everything, but the BF'ing stuff if just too much for me right now.. Ugghhhh..

 

[futrbabymaker]

I can't figure out where I belong on here. I suppose I am just going to make myself at home here in LTTC since my body seems to hate me too much to actually do anything right. We've been ttc for 26 months and people keep saying the most hurtful things. Am I REALLY a total B**** because I find it offensive that people tell me that I may not be "meant" to be a mom? REALLY? Because raising my brother and sister when I was a CHILD didn't prepare me. Taking care of all of the children in my family and my mom's boyfriend's FIVE kids didn't help prepare me. And raising my 4 year old nephew for the past year hasn't prepared me. You're right, I must be such a crappy person that I am not meant to be a mother. THANK YOU for that revelation, it definitely makes my life better....UGH. And I SWEAR if one more person tells me that it's my own fault I can't get pregnant because I won't just stop trying and "let your body do its own job" I will scream. My body CAN'T do its job by itself because it is a broken P.O.C!!!!

In other news, on the 13th my cousins were murdered, one of them was my former roommate, the other was my best friend of 19 years and the woman who had offered to carry a child for me since I can't get pregnant. I was a total wreck at the visitation and even worse at the funeral. You would not believe how many people came up to me and asked why DH and I don't WANT children. Apparently because we've been together for 3.5 years and we've been married for 9 months I should already be popping out my third kid and since I'm not, I must not WANT them. WHY would you ask someone that at the funeral of their cousins/best friend? Why would you ask them that question period? Am I the only person who thinks that EVERYONE should be required to pass some sort of etiquette class to be allowed in civilized society? People horrify me.

 

[Mrssykes]

Futrbabymaker, I am so sorry for your loss. You and your family will be in my prayers.

As far as your venting, I couldn't agree with you more. I work with mostly people of child bearing age and since I've been married almost 2 years, not one day of work passes without someone asking "When are you and your Husband going to have kids" or "Look how sweet my new baby is, maybe it will convince you to want kids" Wtf, why do they make such assumptions. And the few that I do tell I'm having trouble say the dumbest most hurtful things. You just need to relax, you need to stop trying, and the dumbest of them all, you're just not having enough sex. People are so thoughtless and insensitive!

Wannabeprego, I couldn't agree with you more. I only have 3 female fb friends that don't have children. The rest continually share way too much about being a mom as far as I'm concerned.

 

[xxshellsxx]

Sorry to any ladies who are Secondary IF LTTTC if i offended, that wasn't my intention.... maybe i was over sensitive yesterday and didn't explain what i meant properly.

Furtrbabymaker, so sorry for your loss x

As for FB... Yesterday was the 1st day (for most) of the big 6 week summer break from school here in the uk and i can't believe how many of my friends were moaning about having their kids home and how they were doing their head in already!

What i wanted to write was 'Do you realise how lucky you are to have children at home running around and playing, the thing i'd give my right arm for!

 

[Just_married]

Sorry to any ladies who are Secondary IF LTTTC if i offended, that wasn't my intention.... maybe i was over sensitive yesterday and didn't explain what i meant properly.

Furtrbabymaker, so sorry for your loss x

As for FB... Yesterday was the 1st day (for most) of the big 6 week summer break from school here in the uk and i can't believe how many of my friends were moaning about having their kids home and how they were doing their head in already!

What i wanted to write was 'Do you realise how lucky you are to have children at home running around and playing, the thing i'd give my right arm for!

Shells don't worry, I for one wasn't offended, i could never fully understand how you feel and I realise people are very insensitive sometimes and it is deeply hurtful to you and thats why you'd like a PIF section. Huge hugs to you xxx

 

[smallstar]

I know i am starting to sound like a broken record and i am sorry!!! My friend (who sent me 12week scan picture via text last week!) bumps (no pun intended!) into me in town on Saturday and starts asking me about buggies!!?!? WTHF!?!? Really?!?!? Do i look like a) i give a sh*t and b) like a having a flaming clue!!!!
I was like er i don’t know...she then rattles off about how expensive they are and which ones she likes and who has offered to buy them one!!!!
My only response was i bought a new pair of jeans from H&M wanna see!?! lame or what?!

I just felt totally crap and it made me want to run into mothercare and start hugging random baby items screaming why not me!!!!!

Rant over.

x

 

[Armywife84]

Wannabeprego- I agree, that is certainly TMI. No one cares about her leaky boobs!!

Futrbabymaker- First off, welcome to our section! Also my condolences for your losses. You just don't need other people spouting off ignorant comments when you're trying to deal with a major loss. Ignore them atm (or tell the off ) and take some time to properly grieve.

Vant (non baby related):

I can't spend a lot of time on the net since there's housework to be done, and I have to go to uni to sort out this GI Bill....so I don't have to pay for courses. But there never seems to be enough time in the day! I'm just more or less overwhelmed with everything going on in my life atm. I won't be surprised if AF decides not to show up this week due to all the stress.

 

[tamithomas]

Haven't been here in a while. Mostly because have been taking care of DH after pulling something in his neck which makes it hard for him to even stand.

my vent of the day:

If I'm not BFP this month, I can count next cycle out before it even begins. He needs to go see a doctor who lives 6 hours away and the earliest we can afford the travel is the first weekend of September . t-minus 7 days until d-day of AF. Let the count down begin..."joy"

 

[Armywife84]

I know i am starting to sound like a broken record and i am sorry!!! My friend (who sent me 12week scan picture via text last week!) bumps (no pun intended!) into me in town on Saturday and starts asking me about buggies!!?!? WTHF!?!? Really?!?!? Do i look like a) i give a sh*t and b) like a having a flaming clue!!!!
I was like er i don’t know...she then rattles off about how expensive they are and which ones she likes and who has offered to buy them one!!!!
My only response was i bought a new pair of jeans from H&M wanna see!?! lame or what?!

I just felt totally crap and it made me want to run into mothercare and start hugging random baby items screaming why not me!!!!!

Rant over.

x

What a twat! Because an infertile woman is going to have pram recommendations!

You should have went on about how you had to size down in your slim, new denim.