Ultimate Venting Thread

[NavyWife84]

So, this probably shouldn't be a vent, but it is...
I just had my last test done last week...the verdict is that my reproductive system is "textbook perfect". I should be really excited about this, but I just feel defeated. I have gone through months of tests and doctors making guesses about what is wrong...endometriosis, andometriosis, PCOS, blocked tubes, polyps on my uterus...are all things I have been told and have cried over believing them to be true until they do a new test to prove that theory wrong. All to find out that there is nothing wrong and I am "unexplained". I guess I am just frustrated. I feel that if I knew what the problem was, I could have either fixed it or gone on with my life knowing I could never have children...not so much. Oh well. I really do need to appreciate that I am "healthy". Then, the doctor told me that the IUIs I am doing aren't really that effective and they are just the same as intercourse...so why the hell am I paying $150 a month to have them done? WTH?! Ugh.

And now I have yet another UTI...I am very prone to them and have been told by doctors that I need to urinate and clean up immediately after BD...well that really isn't possible if I want to sit with my legs up, etc. Lately I haven't even been proping myself up but still just laying in bed...Unfortunately, that means a UTI every other month or so. So, I've been handed clinical depression for the past decade, infertility, and chronic UTIs...am I throwing myself a big enough pity party right now? Sorry, I am just really frustrated.
P.S. This Clomid is making me have crazy hot flashes at least every half hour! They are insane! My students watch me shiver one minute (my classroom is very cold because it is one of the only rooms in the school whose air vent works so I am pumping for the entire school) and then strip off all of my clothes the next. I get all flush and lose what I am saying. They probably think I am crazy. Along with that though, I get crazy mood swings. This month has been better, but last month I really hated myself because I was a real b*tch and couldn't hold my temper...not good with a classroom full of 5 and 6 year olds!

 

[NavyWife84]

I forgot about this one...

As were lugging the furniture into our flat, FIL looks out the window and makes the comment, "What a nice play area, that would be great if you had children". Really???? I couldn't believe this is coming from FIL, because I've been dealing with MIL's comments for weeks. Trying not to say something snarky, I replied with.."Maybe one day" and walked out the door.

OMG...I would have punched FIL in the face...okay maybe not...I would have wanted to, but I would have made a sly remark, like "yeah, it would be nice if I wasn't going through this infertility."

 

[NavyWife84]

@ armywife..thats soo annoying,,all that IL's comments... this ttc is a tough job already,,why do people help to make it even more tougher...
i have a 2 month pregnant SIL at my home wid a 2yr boy,,and all she do is moaning around abt pregnancy symptoms, vommitting,,sickness etc...like i said her to get pregnant...
and she always make a point that childless ppl are so lucky to have a relaxing life...aaawww....i hate her

I can't stand brag-plainers. She is obviously bragging about being pregnant (whether she realized it or not) but complaining about it. Why complain about something so wonderful? I had a friend once (no longer a friend of mine) who used to complain to me all the time that her 14 day honeymoon in Europe was so expensive, blah, blah, blah. I didn't go on a honeymoon because I couldn't afford one, and she knows that. Her husband makes more than my husband and I combined and she knows that. Yet, she had the audacity to complain to me about money...I could go on, but I won't.

 

[eternaldream]

Navy wife: It's okay to have a pity party. We're going through some stuff. We all deserve a pity party. I hope things get better for you soon.

So (drum roll please) my drug addict/criminal sil is pregnant with her 4th child! She doesn't even take care of the other ones. Each child was born with high levels of several different drugs in their system. And their nutrition is horrible. When they were babies she fed them soda in bottles and big macs. Now the 2 year old and 5 year old both weigh over 100 pounds. It's amazing how scum like that can have kids but we can't.

 

[Armywife84]

Navywife- I'll bring the booze to the pity party ! You have every right to feel frustrated and upset, your final verdict is unexplained! There's no reason holding you back from conceiving. Have you thought about getting a second opinion? You have had the lap with hystero, right?

As far as IUIs go, I've read one should give it 3 shots then move on to IVF.

Eternal- How does your SIL manage to still have custody of her children?!! Someone needs to report her to Social Services!!!

 

[sam79]

Navy wife: It's okay to have a pity party. We're going through some stuff. We all deserve a pity party. I hope things get better for you soon.

So (drum roll please) my drug addict/criminal sil is pregnant with her 4th child! She doesn't even take care of the other ones. Each child was born with high levels of several different drugs in their system. And their nutrition is horrible. When they were babies she fed them soda in bottles and big macs. Now the 2 year old and 5 year old both weigh over 100 pounds. It's amazing how scum like that can have kids but we can't.

Eteternaldream, I know exactly how you feel. I'm a teacher and constantly seeing single mothers of multiple children (5,6,7) on welfare who get knocked up by some random guy. They live off the government, smoke throughout their entire pregnancy, can't take care of the children they currently have and have more. It makes be so miserable that people like that can have children so easily and my dh and I are struggling to have one. At least you know that when you are finally blessed with a baby your child will be loved and properly cared for.

 

[wonderstars]

We must all be on the same cycle, we're all on to vent this week!

Navywife - all of that running around and different diagnoses and they end up with "unexplained"??? Wow, do they not realize how hard that is on an infertile woman? If your doc was really tactful he wouldn't have mentioned that the IUIs were a waste "thanks for your money but it wasn't doing anything".

Armywife - your in-laws make mine look awesome, lol. Wow, they need to get over these silly comments. I don't get how people think hinting at it every week is going to change things. Dumb dumb dumb.

Eternaldream - welcome to our venting arena. I echo Army, how in the world does she still have custody?! I feel so badly for those kids.

Ventage:
Well, round 2 of clomid. I changed it from the prescribed CD5-9 to CD3-7. Hot flashes hit harder this time, I'm actually taking off my cardigan at work. That NEVER happens, even my coworker noticed! The headaches have been brutal too. I don't get it but I'm spotting occasionally before ovulation now and that never happened before.

I give up for now. If it doesn't happen this cycle I'm waiting until my fertility appt in July/Aug. Work is SO stressful right now that I am just so run down physically and mentally. I want to leave but we're already down one nurse and I couldn't imagine leaving my coworker alone until another two are hired. Sigh.

 

[NavyWife84]

Navywife- I'll bring the booze to the pity party ! You have every right to feel frustrated and upset, your final verdict is unexplained! There's no reason holding you back from conceiving. Have you thought about getting a second opinion? You have had the lap with hystero, right?

As far as IUIs go, I've read one should give it 3 shots then move on to IVF.

Eternal- How does your SIL manage to still have custody of her children?!! Someone needs to report her to Social Services!!!

Can't write much because I'm on my phone...they won't do a lap because the 2 hsgs and the saline sono turned out to look good. They said it isn't worth the scarring because they don't think anything is wrong. I am getting on insurance through my job so that I can go to shady grove. I won't have the insurance until july so I am going to keep up with the clomid and iuis until then.

 

[eternaldream]

Armywife: the sad thing is social services is involved, but they don't do anything.

Oh and I want an invite to that pity party.

 

[Just_married]

Armywife can I come to the pity party too? My 1st anniversary this weekend, booked a romantic cottage and everything only to find af is due on my anniversary. I already know I'm out, pms pulsing through every thought, bfn this morn. So that will Mark a yr of trying and not even a sniff of a bfp. I know a year isn't a lot for some of you & I take m hat off to those of you who are still positive and been on this train for years, you are flipping amazing! But honestly, if I see one comment anywhere on bnb whining about being trying for 2/3 months and how hard it is every month poor me I think they will be sorry they posted lol.

 

[Armywife84]

Everyone's invited to the pity party!!

Wonderstars- Surely, that's a good sign?? I'm so glad I don't have to get on Clomid, I hear so many horror stories.

Navywife84- IDK, my tubes were open and I decided to the lap with hyster because the doctor said it was required before an IVF. Then that's when they found endo and I have no symptoms for it at all. Hopefully they're not pulling you all over the place and one of those IUIs works.

Eternal Dream- Mmm, I wonder why don't they yank the children from her. Perhaps, they're waiting for hard evidence of neglect. Although feeding them what she does says neglect to me!!


JustMarried- Don't worry about it. Over 35 and past the 6 months of TTC, you're LTTC. So really it feels more like 2 years. You have every right to moan about LTTC as everyone else on here.

Tell those whiny TTCers off! They need to know their 2-3 months is nothing compared to our longest LTTC memeber for 17 years!!

MEH, RANTS:

Argh, I feel bloated and ugly due to the acne that has sprouted. An indicator that AF is due any day now .

Not baby related: Our living room carpet has this awful smell. It's not pet urine, and a musty smell would have already disappeared since we've had the windows open...I want to say mildew? Smells like a old lady's home minus the cat piss. What really gets me mad is that is was supposedly already professionally cleaned but by the smell of it, I beg to differ. I wonder if I should have it tested for mildew before I go forking over money for cleaning services that may or may not get rid of the stench.

 

[Armywife84]

Rants:

First off, feck AF .

Next, I'm going to strangle the living shit out of my DH if he drinks any more beer (or buys any), takes a hot bath, and is on his laptop without his laptop cushion underneath. Seriously, we've been over this sooo many times before what's expected of him. It should literally be etched in his brain.

 

[NavyWife84]

Ugh...armywife, I hate when dh doesn't cooperate! Its like we go through so much crap and they are basically along for the ride. I know my dh gets upset about our if and it does get to him, but nothing like what I feel.

My rant:
I got my +OPK last night, which means I should have had my iui this morning. But no, for the third month in a row my clinic is closed when I need them. I am ready to scream. Not to mention that we have been bding every night for a week and a half but didn't Friday night because we were both exhausted. So we didn't bd the day before and I can't have my iui the day after. We did bd last night but I feel like it isn't enough. We tried to bd this morning before he wnet to work to give it a full 24 hours before our iui but no such luck. Dh NEVER has trouble but he did this morning. We are going to bd when he gets home from work but I'm afraid his sperm count will be too low tomorrow for the iui. But I don't want to risk not bding tonight. I feel like there is something beyond our power saying that we aren't going to have kids. Its hard to explain but I mean, 3 months in a row of the clinic being closed and then dh having trouble this morning...give me a break!

I just feel defeated once again. Like nothing is going to work. I will be on new insurance in july so that our ivf will be covered, but I am feeling so doubtful that it will even work. We get three covered but if they don't work we are on our own. I'm losing all hope of ever becoming a mommy

 

[Just_married]

So....af came on our 1st anniversary.

Now into 2nd year of trying & fs to look forward to next week where I'll be told results of our tests and also reminded thT I'm too old for any treatment on nhs.

Any suggestions?

 

[Armywife84]

So....af came on our 1st anniversary.

Now into 2nd year of trying & fs to look forward to next week where I'll be told results of our tests and also reminded thT I'm too old for any treatment on nhs.

Any suggestions?

Even though I'm totally jealous of NHS providing some assistance with IF, I think it's such garb that they have a cut off age. What is it, 35? You can have children up until 45 so that's when the cut off should be, really.

 

[wonderstars]

Holy crap, they don't provide help beyond 35?! Have they not seen the recent trend of women having kids later? Crikey.

Well, seems like I'm destined to be the nurse caring for all the preggo patients. It's really testing my fortitude. Its getting harder every week but I can't leave the program short two nurses, I would feel so badly.

I'm goimg to whine about being very crampy today, I'm thinking we better BD today!

 

[velo]

OK normally I would try to be positive but I'm having a rough day. Probably mostly worn out from the extra work I am trying to do to make more money to pay for TTC (ha and I thought it would be free and easy).

Too many triggers (ie pregnancies) everywhere. I get especially upset at the "baby hogs", ie ones that are pregnant with more than 2. (sorry to anyone LTTTC their 3rd or more, my own beliefs on overpopulation, and the fact they hey why do people get to have thirds etc. before I get to have my first? Yes selfish)

And someone who is pregnant that complains about how the baby was conceived (ie it wasn't fantastic mind-blowing sex). Oh boohoo.

This is older but while I'm venting... when I went to my first RE appt 6 weeks(?) ago or so, to the big city 4 hours away... I get the bad news that she thinks my chances aren't great (my FSH is over 10, and she did a vaginal u/s and found my AFC is only 7) and we drive away from the appt and over a bridge. The bridge is completely plastered on every light post with blue and pink signs reading "babies". Is the universal cruel or what? When I finally noticed the small print it wasn't really about baby humans but some baby fish show at the aquarium but enh.

Right now I am trying tcm and acupuncture. I'm hoping(!) it will work on its own but if not will improve my egg quality and quantity for IVF. I can hardly afford the tcm treatments, much less IVF, hence the extra work see above.

Where I work IVF meds are covered by benefits but I'm a temp. With the financial situation it looks unlikely I'll get a real job with the benefits but it would sure be nice.

Getting discouraged I know I have not been trying the TCM for long but I was hoping to at least maybe see some improvement in my charting, it seems as I get older in the journey it looks more and more random (so probably low progesterone)

Wishing I had some real life girlfriends to vent to. I feel isolated where we live and the only family either my dh or I have anywhere near us is not speaking to us. (SIL) JOY. I'm sure the stress from that fallout on both of us has not helped any in the ttc process.

 

[wonderstars]

velo.

It is cruel that so many women can get pregnant for free and with ease. I always knew children would cost money but just to conceive?! Ugh.

At the very least, acupuncture should help with the stress of this all.

 

[BearsMummy]

I've had a real, up and down week.

UPSIDE
First of all, I had my bloods done for the referral for IVF, glad thats done and out the way!
Had my first acupunture appointment, and actually felt really good afterwards!
I have managed to stick to SMEP this month, don't actually know why I'm bothering, but took 100mg of Clomid this cycle, so hoping that it does something.
I had a positive OPK, and I have defo O'd according to FF, which normally messes me around while I've been on Clomid. I am now 3dpo.

DOWNSIDE
Ovulation was pretty awful, I felt so swollen and sore and had trouble going to toilet (number1) for 2 days.
On the day of ovulation, I visited my brother and SIL (time to forgive and forget) and because I would'nt allow my nephew to play games on my phone, he punched me really really hard in the stomach, I had tears in my eyes and felt sick with the pain, SIL just laughed, I felt like punching her straight in the face. I am now thinking all sorts of crap, if I don't get my bfp this cycle, will it be because I was punched, what if he has damaged the egg? I know, I know, all crap, but you can't help thinking these things. I now hold no hope whatsoever for my last clomid cycle, and everything was going so well.

 

[Armywife84]

Bear's Mummy, I do hope you're ok!!! Also hope your nephew was properly disciplined, and I'm not talking just a slap on the hand.

My Rant:

I want to know where smug pregnant women get off on acting like beeyatchs? I suppose because their body is in that state they feel some sort of entitlement to behave in a rude manner with 0 consequences.

For example, I was talking to this salesman about a printer I just bought and how it wouldn't configure with my Macbook. He asked what model and I told him the name..(he was the helping me figure out which one would suit my needs). This tired, grubby looking pregnant sales cow chimes in, "That's specific". I ignored her and went on about my conversation.

Bitch, no one was talking to you!!! So piss off!