Ultimate Venting Thread

[SunUp]

I've noticed myself practicaly scowling at pregnant strangers lately.
What is wrong with me.

 

[zanDark]

I think that says it all....


awww sunUp I think we all do that at some point LOL I know it's probably just in my head but sometimes I think that they're staring at me...it's probably just cause I'm looking at them funny

 

[NavyWife84]

Before lttc I used to look at preggos and get excited knowing it would be me some day. Now I'm not so sure and it takes everything out of me not to cry when I see one. I think it was armywife that said she wishes she never wanted children...I'm right there with you...

Well, I started spotting today, which means I will probably start af tomorrow. Im not really sure because my cycles are different on clomid...now 34 days instead of 32 and i never used to spot before af.
Happy fecking mother's day to me.

 

[wonderstars]

What a Saturday night, hey?



My body is in sync with your Navy. My spotting staved off for 3 days and I stupidly, stupidly, stupidly, got this little feeling of hope. Stupid stupid me. Now I'm spotting and I don't even know when my period is going to show because Clomid shifted my cycle length. I don't even know if I want to do one more round. I tempted to wait until my FS appt.

And I have a baby shower next weekend, my friend is due any day now and I'm visiting with one friend who just gave birth and my best friend preggo with her 2nd.

FML.

Thanks for listening ladies, I haven't had to rant in awhile.

 

[uwa_amanda]

LTTC makes me wish I didn't want children. It's so painful and lonely to go thru this hell for who knows how long!!

Argh, I'm just so sick of being the infertile one.

I know what you mean

on my down days (like this past week) I kind of feel like I'm all alone behind a huuuuuuge glass wall...I can see all the pregnant women, mothers, and babies on the other side! But all I can do is press up against the glass and watch them without being able to find a way through to join them

I don't know if BnB is making me worse or is offering me comfort

I know exactly what you mean!!! You're just on the outside looking in, silently suffering on a daily basis. All you can think about when you see a bump or a mother and her child is, "Will I ever get to experience that? When is it my turn? I would kill for that".

For me sometimes BNB fuels it and other times it's my only support.

Just sucks that my day has gone in the shitter and tomorrow is going to be another ruined day.

It's not fair that other people get baby joy and we're saddled with depression, anxiety.

Sometimes I wish I didn't want children either. I really didn't until I found someone that I wanted to have children with. We made the decision to stop TTC at what I think is the worst possible time. If it wasn't for you ladies, I am not sure what I would do. I have no one to talk to about being infertile. EVERYBODY I know has a child/children. My mom is wonderful about talking to me about everything. She had a premonition when I was little that I would probably have trouble getting pregnant. I guess it's that mother's intuition that none of us know about! I told her last time I visited that I wouldn't wish infertility on my worst enemy. It makes you frustrated, depressed, anxious, and all the other emotions that I haven't mentioned that you ladies know about. I just hope that one day, we will be the mothers that we so badly want to be.

 

[Armywife84]

Wonderstars you're so brave to go to baby showers!

Goodness, what a terrible weekend for us all. Round of for everyone. I know we all need them.

For a lot of us, I think LTTC/Infertility would be a little bit easier if we had more (if any) physical support in our lives. And probably an endless financial fund to cover as many IVFs as we need .

Rants:

I woke up today hoping it was just a nightmare (Infertility and the other SIL being pregnant) but it's all very real.

Oh and feck Mother's Day .

 

[BearsMummy]

So I think AF is on her way. Last round of Clomid didn't work. Now just have to wait and see if I get funding for IVF, if not, it looks like I will be babyless forever. I suppose I have to start accepting it. I have always been optimistic, every cycle, I think 'this is it, this is the one', so its not my negative thinking (as I have just been told) thats 'preventing' me from conceiving.

And a rant, totally unrealated to TTC, I have a 'friend' who seems to think she can control my life, if I go out anywhere, I have to explain where and who with and when I will be back. And also, if I don't answer my phone, texts or chats immediately, she seems to think she is entitled to an explanation. For example, I have just reveived a Gas and Elecric bill for nearly £400, which is bloody amazing, seeing as I am on a pre-payment meter, so I have been on the phone for 2 and a half hours trying to sort that out. My Bragbook is logged in, but I'm on another tab reading my emails as well (I am female, I CAN multi-task!! ) She had popped up on BragBook chat 'ring me bitch' which I didn't see, and a text on my phone at the same time, which i obviously didn't read as I was on the phone, then 2 seconds later 'why the fuck are you ignoring me?' both on my phone and BragBook Chat, so I messaged back saying 'busy on the phone' Any normal person would have said 'ok, speak later'............... oh no, not her 'who are you on the phone to and why?' She is also now being deleted from my life!!!!!

 

[zanDark]

wow BearsMummy she sounds like a handful!!!! I don't think I could ever stand a person like that around me since I'm veeeeeeery independent and can't stand people (unless it's my OH, but he's very relaxed) pestering me about where I'm going, with who, etc!! Delete delete delete delete!! you don't need that stress!!

ugh at the "negativity is keeping your bfp away"!!! yeah yeah yeah!! It's easy to give advice when you have absolutely no clue what ltttc feels like!!

 

[Armywife84]

So I think AF is on her way. Last round of Clomid didn't work. Now just have to wait and see if I get funding for IVF, if not, it looks like I will be babyless forever. I suppose I have to start accepting it. I have always been optimistic, every cycle, I think 'this is it, this is the one', so its not my negative thinking (as I have just been told) thats 'preventing' me from conceiving.

And a rant, totally unrealated to TTC, I have a 'friend' who seems to think she can control my life, if I go out anywhere, I have to explain where and who with and when I will be back. And also, if I don't answer my phone, texts or chats immediately, she seems to think she is entitled to an explanation. For example, I have just reveived a Gas and Elecric bill for nearly £400, which is bloody amazing, seeing as I am on a pre-payment meter, so I have been on the phone for 2 and a half hours trying to sort that out. My Bragbook is logged in, but I'm on another tab reading my emails as well (I am female, I CAN multi-task!! ) She had popped up on BragBook chat 'ring me bitch' which I didn't see, and a text on my phone at the same time, which i obviously didn't read as I was on the phone, then 2 seconds later 'why the fuck are you ignoring me?' both on my phone and BragBook Chat, so I messaged back saying 'busy on the phone' Any normal person would have said 'ok, speak later'............... oh no, not her 'who are you on the phone to and why?' She is also now being deleted from my life!!!!!

Bears, I didn't mean feck Mother's Day for you (as yesterday was our day in the US) just from a LTTC #1 viewpoint in general. I completely understand that your secondary infertility is very much a primary infertility.

I can't stand "friends" who are just so nosey and attention must be given to them straightaway.

My Rants:

-If this young girl I work with doesn't shut her trap, I just may strangle her.

-The pregnant cow was wearing some customized tacky pregnancy top. *Rolls eyes*

-I will never eat the Mexican restaurant near our flat again. It's not sitting well with me today.

 

[wonderstars]

ugh at the "negativity is keeping your bfp away"!!! yeah yeah yeah!! It's easy to give advice when you have absolutely no clue what ltttc feels like!!

Worst.Phrase.Ever.

Yes, the negativity is causing my tubes to not work and for the sperm not to penetrate the egg. I've had to bite my tongue many a time from saying "the positivity didn't bring me a bfp so in the f&ck do you propose?".

Bears, I didn't mean feck Mother's Day for you (as yesterday was our day in the US) just from a LTTC #1 viewpoint in general. I completely understand that your secondary infertility is very much a primary infertility.


My Rants:

-If this young girl I work with doesn't shut her trap, I just may strangle her.

-The pregnant cow was wearing some customized tacky pregnancy top. *Rolls eyes*

-I will never eat the Mexican restaurant near our flat again. It's not sitting well with me today.

I've learned a few things LTTC. Among them:
1) Don't ever ask someone if they plan on having kids.
2) Don't ever ask someone when they plan on having another

I've learned that primary and secondary infertility are equally painful in different ways. Hugs to all the ladies.

I've also learned:
1) Mexican gives you GI upset from both ends.

So I think AF is on her way. Last round of Clomid didn't work. Now just have to wait and see if I get funding for IVF, if not, it looks like I will be babyless forever. I suppose I have to start accepting it. I have always been optimistic, every cycle, I think 'this is it, this is the one', so its not my negative thinking (as I have just been told) thats 'preventing' me from conceiving.

And a rant, totally unrealated to TTC, I have a 'friend' who seems to think she can control my life, if I go out anywhere, I have to explain where and who with and when I will be back. And also, if I don't answer my phone, texts or chats immediately, she seems to think she is entitled to an explanation. For example, I have just reveived a Gas and Elecric bill for nearly £400, which is bloody amazing, seeing as I am on a pre-payment meter, so I have been on the phone for 2 and a half hours trying to sort that out. My Bragbook is logged in, but I'm on another tab reading my emails as well (I am female, I CAN multi-task!! ) She had popped up on BragBook chat 'ring me bitch' which I didn't see, and a text on my phone at the same time, which i obviously didn't read as I was on the phone, then 2 seconds later 'why the fuck are you ignoring me?' both on my phone and BragBook Chat, so I messaged back saying 'busy on the phone' Any normal person would have said 'ok, speak later'............... oh no, not her 'who are you on the phone to and why?' She is also now being deleted from my life!!!!!

Boo on AF. I'm crossing my fingers for you that you get the funding!!!

As for the friend? I'd say a big f* you and let her on her way. How horrible is she?!

 

[Just_married]

I accidentally unsubscribed from this thread last week and I've missed it terribly. It's the only one that makes me feel normal!

Hugs to you all for the crappy few days you've all had xxxx

 

[zanDark]

I accidentally unsubscribed from this thread last week and I've missed it terribly. It's the only one that makes me feel normal!

Hugs to you all for the crappy few days you've all had xxxx

I used to think that I was a horrible horrible person for letting myself be overwhelmed with bitter feelings at times! I'm generally not a jealous person and don't let myself feel negativity...but LTTTC really does a number on you!!

This thread reminds me that I'm not a bitch...and sometimes when you're hurting for so long the only way to protect yourself is to get angry

 

[BearsMummy]

I seem to surround myself with knobheads recently, well she was put in her place last night!! Go me, actually sticking up for myself for once, which is really weird, if you met me irl, I am quite an angry (thank you LTTTC) and confrontational person. I take no prisoners, normally, I don't know why I've changed, maybe I've just mellowed in my old age?? Or I have just given up fighting everything and everyone.

I know AF will be here today, I sat and cried last night, always a sure sign that she's going to make an appearance.

FML......Thats All.

 

[BearsMummy]

There it is.

Why can't she just piss off!!!

I have packed all my TTC aids up, no thermometers, no opks, no hpts, softcups, preseed etc etc, its all gone, in a box in the bin.

Fertility Friend Account is on Time Out.

I GIVE UP.

I am going to get very very very drunk now (yes at 3pm) expect drunken ramblings to commence.

 

[trying hard]

So sorry bears mummy. Enjoy your

 

[NavyWife84]

Ugh...I'm sorry Bear.
I think I am right there with you...I have been spotting since Saturday night. It is really light and very similar to what I usually get after af. Today it was a little heavier than it has been, but still only one pad all day (sorry for the TMI). I NEVER spot before af. Last month I spotted the night before and then she came on full force the next day. I'm so confused. And I'm really sick of my body going through this. Changes all the time. I'm no longer able to predict what's going to happen. I just want to quit, but I want a baby SOOOO bad. Fertility Friend told me to test today, but I just know af is on her way (although I have no symptoms, which is also really wierd). Why can't she just show her ugly face already and put me out of my misery?
And the dumba$$ part of me wants to keep my hopes up...maybe she won't come. Maybe I am one of those rare people who spots through her pregnancy when af would normally come. But I know that isn't going to happen. I wouldn't be that lucky.
Unfortunately the hope is still there. I am 17 DPO and my longest LP ever was 19 DPO. So, if af doesn't come, which I know she will, I am going to test this weekend. I haven't tested in like a year because I am just so sick of seeing BFNs. I also hate that I am so negative right now. But I have tried the whole positive thing and it doesn't work. I feel so fake when I try to be positive. Argh.
Okay, I feel better now

 

[Armywife84]

Very well put, Zandark!!

Bears- I love your refreshing attitude. Sometimes people just need to be told off.

The bin is a proper place for TTC supplies. Mine made it there when my GP uttered the word, "infertile". Good riddance to all that shit!

RANTS:

- I went to a new hair salon to update my color, not to play 20 questions about my life. Don't get me wrong, I love shop talk in the hair salon. However, this stylist breached the children subject too many times.

First she asked if I had children, I told her no and thought that was the end of it. Then when she was shampooing my hair, it came up again when I was going to try. I told her flat out, we're infertile. THEN, I got on my soapbox about IF. Once I did that, she quickly changed the subject. She asked!

-If it wasn't so tacky or socially unacceptable, I would seriously consider getting "infertile" tattooed on my forehead. Maybe then people would stop badgering me about children.

-Then my day isn't complete without the usual pregnant (in the hair salon) boasting about her pregnancy, that miraculously happened when her DH came back from deployment last August. Sometimes, I really hate being a military wife .

 

[Maurie]

Hi Ladies,
I hope you dont mind. I have a small rant here....

First let me say, My DH is a wonderful wonderful man.
That being said we are starting Clomid for the first time since our loss. I am going to counseling and trying acupuncture this round and we have to get mid cycle ultrasound and the trigger shot. I took Clomid days 3-7 on day 9 DH decides he would like to take this month off. He thinks I am not ready and would like to stop all of this stuff!!!! WHAT THE HELL????? I have already taken the Clomid, he was with me at the appointment. Now I am dealing with the psycho clomid side effects for nothing? We already bought the shot which was 200 dollars. . .
after long talks and bless her heart, his mom talked to him about the effects of the hormones and Clomid so he understands a bit better, he agreed to go ahead with the this cycle and we will reassess before next cycle.

But at one point he told me that he wishes he could reach in and rip out my overies so I wouldnt have to deal with this anymore. He said he doesnt want me to hurt anymore...

He later apologized after his talk with his mom saying he didn't realize the effects the medicine on my hormones, his mom was helpful in explaining it.

my counseling session tomorrow is going to be very interesting

Thank you for reading the long rant

 

[wonderstars]

~ Oooh, that would annoy me Maurie. The first round of Clomid my hubby was completing in it all the way. Not so for the 2nd cycle, annoyed the heck out of my. Men, ugh.

~ I'm sorry Bearsmummy. That sucks.

~ trying hard, I hope everything is going well for you, haven't seen you around much.

~ Navy, my body is SO mimicking what yours is doing. I am a chronic spotter but it's a very easy to predict spotting. 25 day cycle with 4 days of spotting. I can predict that. Positive OPK on Day 12. Now? I have no idea. I'm on CD29 with spotting for the last 6 days. WTF?! I'm cranky, full of acne and having headaches.

NOT a fan of clomid!

I'm hope your body starts to cooperate.

~ Boo for nosy hairdressers, Army. My new one is as well and I'm dreading my appointment a bit.

Hope your new hair made you happy though!

*****

I would just like to say I hate Clomid. I am beginning to tire of TTC. I feel like the entire world is pregnant, everywhere I turn someone or their wife is pregnant.

I'm beyond sad. I'm just angry and fed-up now.

My kid better be a good-looking genius after all of the this.

(I kid I kid)

 

[mommy and me]

Good Afternoon Ladies,

So glad I found this thread. I really need somewhere to rant.

I have been TTC for a year. And it is driving me f*ing nuts. I cant take this any more. I was on clomid for 6 cycles. and Last cycle we decided enough is enough. No more drugs. No more test. Just no more.

I hate "Brag book". Girls from high school posting all there pretty little stupid sonar pictures and all there happy f*king family photos. URGH!!!!!

I dont care if you are so happy. I mean really. You dont have to post ever little stupid cute thing your little brat does!!!!!!!!!!! You didnt want him when you fell pregnant in the first place.

And if one more person asks me "When are you adding a little one to your family?" I will rip their stupid smiling face of their bodies. Its not like I'm not trying.

All i ever wanted was a little baby boy and later a little sister for him. But now all i want is 1 little baby. I dont care if it is a boy or a girl.

I've done everything possible to fall pregnant. I've stuck my f*ing legs in the air for hours after And I've charted my temp. I've done everything. But I'm not so lucky.

My SIL to be had my goddaughter in Dec and I am trying my best to love her lots. But when I see her I get so choked up because I want to have my own.





Sorry ladies. Just needed to vent a bit.