Thank you ladies. I too believe that conserving my mental health is more important than rolling over for others. They have no right in telling me how to feel. If they don't like how I deal with IF, then they can feck off!
I told DH off. SIL is just trying to rub it in my face. She could care less about my struggles.
Stephie- I would've done the same and skipped the social event! Why go to a gathering when you know you're going to be miserable? Just to please other people? Pffft!!!
Welcome Fpcco08, my condolences for your losses.I feel sorry for her unborn child. A woman who is that careless should be infertile, not us.
I suppose I finally drank enough of that water at work 
My DH and I just had a pretty serious talk about this same issue. I feel like he never wants to touch me anymore, even when it isn't during fertile time. I have been getting really upset about this for the last few months and he has been ignoring me every time we talk about it. I don't know what made him talk just recently, but he did tell me that the reason he never wants to bd is because of the pressure of ltttc. Ugh...I swear this infertility crap ruins more than anyone could ever imagine.
I suppose I finally drank enough of that water at work [/QUOTE]
Did as you suggested army! Had second bout of pain & bleeding and thought I've had enough of this crap. Went to hospital & explained everything to doc. Fortunately (!) tests I had in feb due to infertility helped her rule out fibroids etc. So she said basically it's just a very unlucky bad cycle hopefully a one off and prescribed me mefanamic acid painkillers. She said the spasms of pain were (as I described) contractions as sometimes the cervix needs to open to pass stuff. Ugh tmi I know but feeling much less anxious about it all. Just sore n tired & drugged up to the eyeballs lol. Can't blooming wait till this af is over baby! Bet all of you can't wait either so I'll stop bloody moaning!
Hope everyone is doing well! Thanks for being there xxx
Another bitter and extremely cynical and sarcastic LTTC-er here looking to join in if possible??
I admit I actually used to be a pretty regular contributor to BnB when I was all positive about TTC, now 2 and a bit years down the line the bitterness of LTTC has slowly turned my soul to stone, and then I avoided this place because, low and behold, it was full of people getting their BFP or pregnant (like it was a huge shock to me, I'm an idiot!) now i feel like making a come back!
My very first rant on here will mirror many of yours!
1) Facebook. Well done to you on the announcement of your fourth pregnancy with yet another man . Bravo slag face!! For my friends with children who have been lucky enough to not be deleted, I do not give two shits how often you have changed a nappy today, or how long your 'angel' let you sleep. You would't care to know how many times my cat shits in a day, and I care even less about your childs bowels!!
2) Marrying into the worlds most fertile family. I kid you not. There have been 4 (yes, 4!) babies born into this family since we were married in October, with another 3 on the way and here I am, barren bloody Betty with nada! One cousin in law got pregnant just so she could have more maternity leave because she was "bored of work". She has a 6 month old, HOW IS THAT FAIR?! Just to top it off, the latest child was born the same week our baby would have been born had we not had a miscarriage. Thanks life, you big twat!
3) LTTTC turning me into a bitter and twisted woman. Seriously, sometimes I don't even like myself! Every time I hear a pregnancy announcement, I just leave. I have left family dinners, christmas parties, meetings at work, I just walk out. Funny thing is we are LTTTC in secret, so I must just seem like a very strange woman. I physically cannot be happy for pregnant people anymore, they should tell you that will happen as soon as you TTC.
4) As I have mentioned we had a miscarriage in September. My first round of Clomid failed miserably, with AF arriving on our DUE DATE!
5) Even now when we are supposedly taking a 'break' from TTC, I still know I'm ovulating tomorrow, I have still lured my unsuspecting DH to bed even though I am actually getting pretty bored of sex, and I will still be heartbroken when AF arrives, only this time, I will have to be heartbroken alone, because I'm supposed to be 'taking a break'.
LTTTC sucks arse. Sorry my rant got a little bit long there! Phew feel better though!
I was signed off work with stress and anxiety just before christmas for 3 weeks, and I completely understand that sinking feeling you get the few days leading up to going back! 
If it helps I found that I had definitely built myself up far too much, and I actually enjoyed going back to work and seeing my colleagues again. I hope it all goes well 
Currently 29c where I am (apparently 84f) I know that for some of you lucky ladies seeing a sun in the sky is an everyday thing, but for us this has been glorious! I have spent all weekend out and about with my husband, walked a grand total of 20miles and have a pretty good tan coming on! For once I am thankful my new job doesn't start til July, so today will be spent in the garden with some crappy magazines and an alcoholic beverage!! Enough to put a smile on my bitter and twisted face! 
Oh and fpcco08 HUGE congratulations
Keep your head up. Honestly, I think sometimes it comes when you least expect it. I know things like that can get under your skin when people tell you to relax, or don't think about it and stuff like that. Some of us don't get the privilege of being able to closely choose exactly when we become pregnant. And that really freaking sucks. For others, its just as easy as thinking about it, and its done. Others, its simply "an accident" I recently posted a loong post about 17 pregnancies occurring in a 2 year period at my work. My work does not have a lot of employees at a time. Only about 30 at a time, tops. By the time all the pregnant women would leave for maternity leave, there was a handful more to take their place. All of them occurring accidentally. Its not fair. But when I look back and think about all of the accidental pregnancies that happened, and the parents that didn't deserve them, and most of them treat their kids like crap. The one girl I mentioned is 4 months along and still smoking, drinking, and partying with a baby bump. But us, when it happens, we will be terrific mothers. Those children will be our world because of how hard it was to have them. We will never take them for granted, and they will be raised in a happy home with lots of love. Our children will not be inside being entertained by their own devices while we sit outside gossiping with friends and smoking cigarettes. These are just the things that made me feel better through my LTTC journey. I hope it might help to lighten your load a little bit too. 
They remind me of a group of girls I went to school with who have these types of conversations on Facebook....as if I give a shit!!
I agree with you, I just know I am going to be one of those pregnant woman/mothers that everyone says is too overprotective, and I'm going to love it 
Why do they think we want to know all about their childs bowel movements?! I'm sue their son or daughter will be very proud of these updates when they are turning 18, and we can still remember their first poo that wasn't white! 
Catlady
I hope it gets better!! Maybe go to the hospital, something sounds off.
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