Ultimate Venting Thread

[smallstar]

Sorry if i have upset the apple cart Really was not my intention....im still wondering what i said wrong to be fair...but clearly have and have had my wrists slapped

Sorry!

x

 

[Just_married]

Sorry if i have upset the apple cart Really was not my intention....im still wondering what i said wrong to be fair...but clearly have and have had my wrists slapped

Sorry!

x

Your post was removed because it included a reply with quote from my post which was trying to make us laugh about people's attitudes to us (if we don't laugh we will cry).

But can I just point out I've been made an example of please? If cross referencing and quoting others on this site is against rules then how would it even work? Every thread I see is recycling info, quotes & anecdotes from other threads and users. If my post gets removed for this reason then why not all others which do the same?

And I am pretty much offended at admin using a quote which suggests I was trolling. What? I'm not the one who is stalking ltttc threads and posting inflammatory responses to women clearly needing venting space! Who reported my post? I needn't ask, I know it was someone from the pregnancy forums trolling themselves, knowing there would be an emotional response to their posts from yesterday.

Ladies needing space to vent in here deserve privacy. We don't troll over pregnancy forums tellin others how they should feel/act. The most frustrating aspect is that one sensible user tried to change things the RIGHT way by requesting our area be made private? It's ironic that the response to that was practically non existant, yet the response to my post was immediate.

Well thanks very much. Ladies, if I get kicked off for questioning admin well it's been great knowing you, I'll just bog off to the land of secrecy where I don't talk about how upsetting things are and I pretend people don't offend me by giving me advice.

Troll? Jeezo!!

 

[StephieB]

God a girl goes to sleep and all hell breaks loose! We just cannot be left to our own devices for too long it seems

I'm slightly confused as to what has happened and why post are being removed I can't imagine smallstar and just_married having a vindictive bone in their bodies. but obviously we appreciate all the work the mods put into keeping this site running smoothly so hopefully any misunderstandings will be cleared up soon.

Smallstar - I could have written your post myself!! Me and DH had a really long rant to each other about people being uneducated about IF and how if it wasn't for us having gone through it, we wouldn't know anything about it either! (I ranted about this on my blog for a while too ) when I first came out and told my best friend she was fascinated about everything I was telling her about conception and ovulation and things that can go wrong. Obviously she knew how a baby was made, but she didn't know about having a fertile time of the month, temperatures of hormones or anything, she didn't even know what a cervix did so it was nice to educate her and her seem genuinely interested in what we were going through.

Uwa-Amanda - Im sorry you were having a down day, massive and a couple of these (even if it is only 1pm on a Friday!). I really think sometimes just sitting and having a damn good cry is the best thing to do, I think we spend so long going through life ignoring things and not letting things get to us, that if we didn't have these days to just cry and get it out of our systems, we wouldn't be human!

I'm all for the LTTTC convention, wonder how much organising would go into flying us all into the same place

Bears - You can make those gorgeous looking meringue cupcakes! mmmmmm. Also, sorry I didn't text back yesterday, my phone died, and by the time I got home to charge it, it was not a suitable time to respond! Hope the tooths getting better

 

[zanDark]

aawwww BearsMummy I'm sorry about your tooth hun!! I hate hate hate dentists...

even more since I met my MIL because she's a dentist too and a piece of work

hope your tooth stops bothering you!

smallStar you're absolutely right!! people tell us all our lives that we need to be extremely careful about getting pregnant in our teens....and the only time I ever heard about "infertility" was when a woman was "barren" and could never have kids because of some very serious condition!!

I went to a doctor once when I was 19 because the condom broke and I was worried I was pregnant (ironic!!) and he said that he was sure I wasn't because I was stressed about it....but that I should be careful because I might get lucky once or twice but that's it!!!

I'd like to tell him I've gotten "lucky" 09348203984920348236483648 times in the past 28 months!!

seriously tho...people should be more informed. But something tells me that even the people that are informed either just don't get it, or think it's not that big a deal!!!! I'm sure most people who come in here to read think that we're overreacting and mean. But I know how wonderful and supportive you all are

 

[smallstar]

Id like to think i dont have a vindictive bone in my body!!! Its really not in my nature!!!

I just wish more people understood from the outset what making a baby actually means, and this includes the good and bad! We all learn about contraception and how the sperm fertilises the egg, but do we ever learn about irregular periods, ovulation timings, INFERTILITY!!? NO!!!!

Just really saddened me and i wanted to get it off my chest....i admit i did vent about how generally people that have not been directly affected by IF cannot possibly comprehend the heartache and pain we go through....just like i couldn’t sympathise with someone who has morning sickness or post natal depression....yes i know what it feels like to be sick and deeply depressed and anxious, but its NOT the same as what they experience....but dont want to say anymore as dont want to get in any trouble and get booted off here as this place has REALLY helped me recently....x

 

[zanDark]

aww hun don't worry I don't think anyone is getting banned!!

It's possible that someone felt they were targeted and reported the post for whatever reason, or Wobbles felt like it was an invite to cause problems
We just need to keep in mind that anyone can come into the venting thread and read what we write!! I've noticed some unkown names on the bottom where it says who's reading, and some known ones that aren't even TTC let alone LTTTC. So I guess we have to be careful about venting our frustration about the incident that happened to make sure things aren't stirred up again

we're all a bit strung up I think and upset still, but things will get back to normal soon enough! I know I'm still upset about it...but the forum has it's rules and I'm sure we'll all do our best to abide to them

 

[wannabemummyb]

Righto not really sure why my post was removed but hey ho!

My rant was still valid surely?! So here goes again! Babies seem to be like buses, according to bragbook, three friends have had babies in 24 hours! Would like to know when the bus will stop at my bus stop?!

 

[StephieB]

Smallstar - You can't get booted off here, you're too brilliant

I completely agree with you, its like some sort of vicious cycle! Obviously people who are insensitive to infertility and make flippant comments (I'm not talking about anyone in particular, or the past few days events, just in general) upset and frustrate us so much, and we are bound to defend ourselves whole heartedly! But (don't shoot me down for saying thing) part of me understands why they would say such things because a) they have no understanding of what we're going through and b) it seems to be such a taboo topic, that I'm not surprised they don't know more about it.

That is in no way forgiving people for making simply upsetting and inappropriate remarks about infertile couples/women/men, just people who ask questions that wind us up like "have you tried IVF" or "what about adoption" because before any of this happened I would have probably thought the same! There definitely needs to be more of an education on infertility, but you just don't see it mentioned, EVER! There aren't leaflets in doctor waiting rooms, or support groups of charities set up trying to find new methods or procedures like there are for other medical problems, it frustrates me. Maybe we should be advocates for infertility and tour the world educating them on the ways of infertility (But only when we're not in our fertile window/having IUI/having IVF/attending FS appointments or busy timing BD )

ZanDark - I was on the pill for 9 years and remember a couple of times in particular I forgot to take it, or was sick etc... and was CONVINCED i was pregnant. Now I just laugh and think what a waste of time that was!

 

[StephieB]

Babies seem to be like buses, according to bragbook, three friends have had babies in 24 hours! Would like to know when the bus will stop at my bus stop?!

Meh, I never did like public transport anyway!!

 

[smallstar]

I think that both our posts were removed as we had "quoted" certain aspects of another post that was deemed inappropriate Well thats what i think anway....im not sure otherwise why mine was removed!!!

 

[BearsMummy]

Thanks zanDark, it does feel a bit better today, the problem with me is, I'm a qualified dental nurse, so I know whats going on in there!!

Stephie, I am completely offended that you didn't text me back!!

Going way OT, I have 6 days left of my 8 week wait and a letter has arrived addressed to OH and I, so the only thing I can think of its from the PCT about my funding. BUT he is at work until 7pm. and its not fair if I open it on my own, and if its bad news, I don't know how I would react, especially being on my own. I have emailed him to tell him, but he can't get out of work any earlier ( he is a prison officer) so I am stuck in limbo land. I feel sick with worry.

On a good note though, my CRB check has finally been completed!! It was started on 29th March!! So I am just waiting to hear about if/when I can start my new job!!

I hope today is a day for good news.

 

[wannabemummyb]

Smallstar thanks for clarifying hun

 

[zanDark]

just people who ask questions that wind us up like "have you tried IVF" or "what about adoption"

this could easily cause me to keel over and die

so many people ask these questions!! It's unreal!!! I never actually knew anyone other than my mom who had infertility problems!! Just one cousin that went through early menopause when I was very young and I couldn't understand her situation at all because of my age! I don't remember what medication etc they gave her, but she has two gorgeous kids now that are 23 and 19

I wish people would think about what it's like to have IVF or how difficult it actually is to adopt (at least in Greece it is!) before asking questions like that! Actually I think people should just NOT ask questions unless they've read up on IF...most of my friends never ask me anything and wait for me to mention something because I can't always talk about it!

My MIL is the worst!!! Even tho I've told her that PART of our problem was OH not being able to perform due to anxiety, she constantly asks me if my tubes were checked, if I ovulate, if my periods are regular, if I've stopped thinking about it!! Not to mention that she called my mother to ask why I was in the hospital years ago to see if it had something to do with my reproductive system!! She also called MY doctor to see if we were having IUI she obviously thinks it's MY fault that we haven't had children yet!

 

[smallstar]

Smallstar - You can't get booted off here, you're too brilliant

I completely agree with you, its like some sort of vicious cycle! Obviously people who are insensitive to infertility and make flippant comments (I'm not talking about anyone in particular, or the past few days events, just in general) upset and frustrate us so much, and we are bound to defend ourselves whole heartedly! But (don't shoot me down for saying thing) part of me understands why they would say such things because a) they have no understanding of what we're going through and b) it seems to be such a taboo topic, that I'm not surprised they don't know more about it.

That is in no way forgiving people for making simply upsetting and inappropriate remarks about infertile couples/women/men, just people who ask questions that wind us up like "have you tried IVF" or "what about adoption" because before any of this happened I would have probably thought the same! There definitely needs to be more of an education on infertility, but you just don't see it mentioned, EVER! There aren't leaflets in doctor waiting rooms, or support groups of charities set up trying to find new methods or procedures like there are for other medical problems, it frustrates me. Maybe we should be advocates for infertility and tour the world educating them on the ways of infertility (But only when we're not in our fertile window/having IUI/having IVF/attending FS appointments or busy timing BD )

ZanDark - I was on the pill for 9 years and remember a couple of times in particular I forgot to take it, or was sick etc... and was CONVINCED i was pregnant. Now I just laugh and think what a waste of time that was!

I completely agree StephieB, there seems to be so little information available to people when TTC with regards to possible difficulties, im not saying scare mongering but its REALITY this does exist and does happen so why is it hidden away and treated like....the bubonic plaugue!!!

Feel really down today about it all

 

[StephieB]

zanDark - Haha your MIL sounds interesting! We often have problems with DH suffering from anxiety during the most important time of the month, but we've not divulged that information with his parents at this moment in time!

As for interesting MIL, yesterday I went furniture shopping with mine so we spent the whole day together and we got to talking about infertility and IVF etc...we only told our families about our IF last week, so it's still kinda the elephant in the room whenever we're around, but yesterday she mentioned that she had sent the letter we wrote to my SIL to read when we came out about our infertility.

Anyway, apparently DHs sister replied with "...well me and Natalie will have to IVF if we ever want kids" (DHs sister came out as gay just before christmas) before i even start on how that comment made me feel, MIL then turned to me and said "Or they could even use a surrogate, maybe they should ask you" WHAT????

 

[Zfbaby]

Hi all, I have a question about the issues with privacy that people are talking about. If this thread was made private or as someone suggested limited to those with a certain amount of posts under their belt how would that work? Does that mean someone like myself would not be able to join in or would I have to apply??? Confused and hoping my newly found haven won't close. Thanks

 

[StephieB]

Bears - I know I'm a right cow bag

I'm so excited for you, I really hope its the letter you've been waiting for and its brilliant news for you!!

 

[smallstar]

StephieB - THIS is exactly what i mean when i say about people trying to say in one way or the other " i know how you feel"....i hope you don’t mind me saying but clearly your SIL has no idea how you feel!!! The majority of people (in general!) DO NOT understand because infertility has not DIRECTLY affected them.....if you are not experiencing IF yourself you can sympathise with people but you will never understand exactly how this feels

 

[StephieB]

Smallstar - The worst part of this is, that I don't actually think they understand what the process of IVF is! My DH was more upset by the comment than I was really, I suppose I'm used to brushing off comments here and there. But he did ring her to speak to her, and tried to explain that although he could appreciate and understand that it would require IVF or similar for her and her partner to achieve a pregnancy, they're not infertile so please don't compare the two situations or belittle infertility, because it was just upsetting.

What made me laugh is that he actually said "If anything you're the opposite of infertile!! You have two bloody uteruses and 4 ovaries between you!" I had to remind him that although that was true, they had no sperm so it wasn't quite the opposite of infertile. He doesn't half make me giggle

(I'm beginning to feel really bad for not knowing your real names btw, it seems odd speaking to people regularly and referring to them as their username, so I apologise!)

 

[smallstar]

Your DH's comment just actually made me laugh out loud....had to stop myself as people i work with might actually think i am bonkers!!! I think like you i am so used to brushing off flippant comments from freinds and family, whereas my DF tends to get heated at certain things that people say and has small out bursts, which in turn make me laugh...coz he just blurts out what his head is thinking before going through the brain filter

I hadn’t really thought about that...but i have no reason to not be referred to by my real name its Jena....x