Unplanned pregnancy and unhappy OH :(

[Liesje]

If a woman has every right to have an abortion without the consent of the father (who may WANT the baby), why can't men be given the same right to say they want the woman to have an abortion? Doesn't mean she has to comply, but it's nice to have an honest response at the beginning and not be lied to for 9 months because the man is trying to be "supportive" and then spends the rest of the child's life half assing being a father...

 

[Guinea Pig]

As you already know, this is your decision and only you can make. Given that the father isn't happy about it then of course you should make the decision based on the idea that you COULD be a single parent but single parenting is certainly not the end of the world -believe me

Don't give the father a hard time for saying he doesn't want the baby. He has as much right to say he doesn't as you have to say you do IYSWIM? This was unplanned, you were on the pill, he DIDN'T want you to get pregnant and so quite obviously he isn't going to be over the moon about it and I think it's fair enough. As long as you don't make a decision based entirely upon what he wants then thats just fine. Maybe he will come round to the idea and maybe he won't but thats to be expected with unplanned pregnancies ESPECIALLY when you both thought you were safe.

Good luck huni, sounds like you want your baby so GO FOR IT

JJJ xxx

 

[jools21]

I do feel a bit like I can't make a right decision, if I keep it he will probably end up resenting me if I terminate I will resent him for making me give up my baby. He is currently using every excuse to pick a fight with me, this morning its because I moved a cushion from its usual place. I am feeling very lonely and tearful I would just like for at least one person I know to be happy for me

 

[pinkribbon]

If you know deep down you want to have the baby, have it. OH's can come and go, like kiki04 said you have only been together 4 months and the child will always be yours.

I pretty much agree with what she said really

 

[Jennifurball]

It will just be a shock for everyone. I was crying when I told my OH cos I thought he would want me to get rid of it, took him a while to come to, but he said all along he would support me and baby. The further on I am getting, the more excited he is getting. It takes a while to get used to and also you haven't been together that long. Having said that, you go with your feelings. If you want this baby, keep it.

Another thing for me, my mum and OH haven't much seen eye to eye over the years and I know she doesn't approve of me being with him so when I tell her I am having a baby, I know she will initially be angry at me for having one with him lol, but at the end of the day, they are our babies too, and their grandchildren. People will come round, just be strong.

 

[jools21]

I am trying to pluck up the courage to tell OH that I want to keep it. I feel so foolish for getting excited and his lack of enthusiasm is really upsetting me. He has said he probably wont change and be excited about it I am terrified of being a single parent my mum was one and struggled I dont want my baby to have a rubbish childhood. So many things whirling through my mind at the moment!

 

[GemmaLeanne]

I'm going to just offer my 2 cents here as in a way i can sympathize. I found out 3/4 weeks ago that im expecting my second. i was on the pill so VERY shocked. OH first said he didnt want anothher baby, that hes not ready etc (we already have one daughter whos 7months so this is going to be hard at the best of times!) but i personally couldnt stomach the idea of abortion its just not me. We had row after row about how it shouldnt be just my decision that the baby isnt just mine its his too and he deserves a say. In the end (because i was so against abortion) i told him it wasnt a case of wat do you want me to do, its a case of you walk away or you stand by me. ofcourse hes come round to the idea and is over the moon now!

i went for a scan because of spotting and pain on monday and wen he saw the little heartbeat he was all smiles and couldnt wait to show it off.

i'd say just dont make any rash decisions. if you want to keep baby keep baby, its your body and only you know if you could live with that decision for the rest of your life. but be prepared for him to walk before he comes round to the idea, always prepare for the worst, as stress is no good for LO.

and just as a bit of extra info.. im 19. so not the oldest mum in the world. my mum wasnt happy either! but she adores my daughter now and we get on much better too she became so supportive. i hope you work it out soon!

 

[GemmaLeanne]

also i just read your post, he may very well be saying that to get the decision he wants from you. and you seriously need to consider if a man who is making you feel this way (if he does decide to walk off into the sunset if you keep your little one) is even worth the time of day. he needsto be supporting you right now, as the mother of his child if nothing else.

 

[Jennifurball]

I am trying to pluck up the courage to tell OH that I want to keep it. I feel so foolish for getting excited and his lack of enthusiasm is really upsetting me. He has said he probably wont change and be excited about it I am terrified of being a single parent my mum was one and struggled I dont want my baby to have a rubbish childhood. So many things whirling through my mind at the moment!

Try not to panic, you still have quite a bit of time for it to sink in and settle down before any decisions are made.

That is how I got through it, my partner is 31 and he was even panicking that he would have to grow up and the nights out would have to go I must say it took him a good week to come round to it and that is only because one of his mates is in the same position and he confided in him. I was scared of admitting I wanted to keep it at first because I thought it would split us up but the earlier you tell them, it gives them longer to get used to the idea and decide what they will do.

 

[dreamqueen]

If he isnt 'ready' to be a father then he shouldnt be having sex! And the same goes for woman....if yor not ready to be a mother...dont have sex! No contraception is 100% foolproof...so if someone is responsible enough to have intercourse then they should stand up to their responsibilites. Life isnt all smiles and fun!
The fact is....wether he likes it or not...he has fathered a baby....to say ''im not ready to be a father'' IMO is a total cop out! Should have thought of that first before getting his leg over! Its your body and you are the one that will have to live with the guilt of a termination if its not what you want in your heart! I had a termination a 17, and not a day has gone by that i havent regretted it! I didnt want it but my parents, my ex and his parents all wanted it...i felt so alone and had no one on my side! In have spent the past 13 years trying to concieve! Desperate for another child.....Im lucky to be pregnant now....but maybe the 13 years of infertility where a punishment??? I dont know....but they have been HELL....wishing i could turn back the clock. Please dont spend half your life wondering "what if?"
you want this baby........so he will just have to man up or get lost!
Im sure you will be able to give your baby enough love for 2 parents! Good luck x

 

[jools21]

Thank you We are going out for a meal tonight so I am going to talk to him about it then. My mum is coming round a bit, she has been calling me to see how I am feeling etc. I just need to say the words "I am keeping my baby" and then never look back xx

 

[Lisa2701]

Thank you We are going out for a meal tonight so I am going to talk to him about it then. My mum is coming round a bit, she has been calling me to see how I am feeling etc. I just need to say the words "I am keeping my baby" and then never look back xx

, I feel for you right now honey, must be a tough place to be. However, I honestly believe that 'most' of the time a father and a grandparent wouldn't be able to recent a little bundle of joy once they are here. I would put money on the fact once he's been to scans, felt baby kicking, and held baby in his arms that he'd never recent you or the baby, the love we have for our children is like no other love on this planet. Even IF you do end up single you'll have your baby and the love felt for an OH is NOTHING compared to that of our children, I always say that you don't know what love is until you've had a child. You want this child honey...go for it...he/she will be the best thing you've ever done! The hardest, but 100% the best!

Good luck with dinner tonight, be strong and don't let yourself be talked into something you don't want. This is YOUR baby and you have every right to keep him/her!! Good luck

 

[Liesje]

I am trying to pluck up the courage to tell OH that I want to keep it. I feel so foolish for getting excited and his lack of enthusiasm is really upsetting me. He has said he probably wont change and be excited about it I am terrified of being a single parent my mum was one and struggled I dont want my baby to have a rubbish childhood. So many things whirling through my mind at the moment!

I know exactly how you feel! Everything was perfect for us before and I felt like I screwed everything up by throwing this wrench into things. I felt robbed of being that couple that gets to plan and hope and try and be really happy when it finally happens... Instead I had to admit to it like I had done something wrong, slink out of the room and hope for the best. I told OH that I wanted an honest answer, not the correct one or the "responsible" one. I won't ask for any money and I don't want to force this on anyone else against their will. I don't want anyone around who doesn't want to be there. I think that made it a little easier and less scary and less of a "responsibility".

 

[dreamqueen]

Aww sweetheart...once you have got it out in the open that you are keeping your baby and its not up for debate...then you will feel a great weight lift off your shoulders....and you will see if your bf is man enough to be a father to your child. I hope once the shock wears down he will be happy too...but even if he doesnt, you will always have your mum. You sound like a strong and independant young woman, and im sure you will be fine. You may or may not regret a termination....but you most certainly wont regret having your baby! CONGRATULATION MUMMY XXX

 

[Mom2mmcjg]

I know this is rough. This is a big decision to make. Adoption may be a good option for your baby, or you may want to keep it and raise it yourself. Just ask yourself some important questions. Do I want to be a single mom? Will I be able to give my baby the best life by keeping it and raising it on my own, or would adoption be better for my baby? Do I want to have this guy and whatever future girlfriends/wives in my life forever? Do I want to share my baby with this guy and his future girlfriends/wives every week/holiday/special occasion?
Its a lot to think about, but you have time. Only you know what's best for your baby and your life.

 

[MaybeP]

I have tried but I feel stupid for being excited when nobody else is x

When I first found out I would tell people in such an uncertain voice and so tentatively, like I wasn't sure it was what i wanted so people would immediately respond with questions like are you going to keep the baby? are you sure thats a good idea? how do you think you'll be able to do that ect.

As I myself got used to the idea and started telling people in more of an I'm Pregnant! With a smile on my face and a look of certainty (because, yes, I DO know I can do this) and they would immediately respond with excitement. It changed peoples outlook. It was no long something I was uncertain of and no longer something I questioned my decision on so people came around so much more quickly!

 

[jools21]

I have told him and first of all I got shouted at for not giving him a choice (I wouldn't mind but his choice is what I have thought about the most) and now there is just silence. I am giving him space and hoping that some sort of conversation happens at some point this is so hard

 

[citymouse]

I don't mean this to sound harsh, but at this point whatever you choose is going to have a huge impact on your relationship. He may not be happy with you for choosing to keep the baby, but how long could you stay and be happy in a relationship with a man who has gone as far as shouting at you about an issue so personal and important?

If you do give in to what he wants to save the relationship, will you be confident and comfortable in that relationship for the long term?

That's why I am in the "your body, your future, your choice" camp. He doesn't have to live with your choice for the rest of his life, not the way you will have to do.

I say this because even now, being married for 9 years and together for 15, if my husband laid down an ultimatum about the baby (based on genetic test results/whatever), I'd consider that the end of our relationship. I'd take the baby and go raise it myself. Not just because he was expressing an opinion, but because he was making a demand on a topic that is so important to me. It would be a deal-breaker.

 

[jools21]

I think its only fair to give him time to digest the information. I have no idea how this will pan out

 

[citymouse]

Yes, absolutely! It's not a minor issue, in the least. But at the end of the day, please follow your own heart and don't be pressured into a decision (by anyone--on either side of the issue)!