Unplanned pregnancy

[Naturalmystic]

I think thats actually the best reason to create a seperate area. Those that dont want to read dont need to pick through these posts in the tri-forums or pregnancy club, they have the option to not see them at all if they are in a seperate place.

We have a place to celebrate for those who have been TTC, it would be nice to have a place for those who werent to express how they feel too where they wont be judged by people who might struggle to understand their point of view, because of how they feel about their own pregnancy/ TTC journey

This is exactly my point. I think that it will be nice to have a place where I can talk about the good days and bad days of being pregnant without someone saying how I should be grateful to be pregnant, now don't get me wrong I am grateful but there are days when I feel so overwhelmed and I just need someone to say it is going to be alright.

I really think that its difficult for someone who never had an unplanned pregnancy to understand the range of emotions that comes with it. My opinion is that it is really unfair to have ladies who are going through this to have to always be surrounded by all the excitement of those who actually were TTC because it makes you feel more guilty for not being happier.

Maybe a forum like this can be members only so ladies who may be offended cannot accidentally come across these posts.

As for the 'A' word I think that a forum like this can actually help prevent some people from even considering the big 'A' if they have a place to express themselves and get support in the first critical days after getting their BFP.

 

[dustbunny]

I think thats actually the best reason to create a seperate area. Those that dont want to read dont need to pick through these posts in the tri-forums or pregnancy club, they have the option to not see them at all if they are in a seperate place.

We have a place to celebrate for those who have been TTC, it would be nice to have a place for those who werent to express how they feel too where they wont be judged by people who might struggle to understand their point of view, because of how they feel about their own pregnancy/ TTC journey

This is exactly my point. I think that it will be nice to have a place where I can talk about the good days and bad days of being pregnant without someone saying how I should be grateful to be pregnant, now don't get me wrong I am grateful but there are days when I feel so overwhelmed and I just need someone to say it is going to be alright.

I really think that its difficult for someone who never had an unplanned pregnancy to understand the range of emotions that comes with it. My opinion is that it is really unfair to have ladies who are going through this to have to always be surrounded by all the excitement of those who actually were TTC because it makes you feel more guilty for not being happier.

Maybe a forum like this can be members only so ladies who may be offended cannot accidentally come across these posts.

As for the 'A' word I think that a forum like this can actually help prevent some people from even considering the big 'A' if they have a place to express themselves and get support in the first critical days after getting their BFP.

Would just like to point out I am fully aware of the emotions which come with unplanned pregnancy as I fell pregnant unplanned at 19 with the father telling me to get rid and he got lost himself. There were complications as well which resulted in me going down the 'A' route for which I am not ashamed at all about hence why I felt it should be thought about when considering such a forum. But with my decision comes the belief in pro-choice not pro-life and although some women use 'A' as a form of contraception [which I also do not agree with] I also don't think it should be seen as something to necessarily try and be prevented.
I agree with the forum in principle but I'm just trying to highlight that there will be posts by people who do go down the 'A' route which on a board such as this I don't think would sit well with a lot of people... as all the ladies here who have expressed interest in such a forum have decided to keep you LO's and, for major want of better phrasing and please don't take offence, want the confidence boost. But it wouldn't all be nice and shiny and there would be women who want the support for the alternatives. I think if people are prepared for that and the occasional users coming over from other boards to voice their opinions then yeah I would back it.

 

[Naturalmystic]

I also don't think it should be seen as something to necessarily try and be prevented

For me the purpose of the forum will not be to try and prevent this but if it does prevent someone from having the big A which they may later regret then I don't see how this can be a bad thing.

As I said the main purpose will be for giving support to those going through an unplanned pregnancy

 

[davidjoemum]

I am currently pregnant with my second baby and even though I planned to have my kids close together I did not plan for my babies to be this close in age. As you can imagine I went through alot of emotions when I found out that I was pregnant from shock, guilt, happiness, embarassment the whole nine yards. But with the support and words of encouragement from DH, friends and family I am excited most days but I must admit that I am scared alot of the days too since I worry how I will deal with a toddler and a new born baby.

Anyway I was just wondering whether anyone will support an unplanned pregnancy forum for ladies who find themselves in a similar situation. I realise now this is very common since almost one third of pregnancies are unplanned. Please note that I said unplanned and not unwanted so bear that in mind before anyone gets offended. I just think that it will be nice to have a place where people can speak about their fears and get words of encouragement and support from people who is probably going through the same or went through it before.

Having support and people to talk to really made coming to terms with the pregnancy a whole lot easier and I know that I am lucky to have a great DH but I can't help but think about the thousands of lovely ladies out there who does not have that support.

i support it 100% and im in the same situation my son was 3 months when i got pregnant again(birth control fail)so my kiddies will be exactly 1 year apart.when we found out i was crying my eyes out feeling guilty that im betraying my Lo and i wont enjoy him as much having newborn to look after too and i was (still i am)scared how do I cope but my OH and MIL supporting me 100% my OH have identical twin brother and he knows how cool is to have full time mate to play with and my Mil obvioustly had twins to raise so she knows i will be fine(sadly she lives in USA)shame i dont have my own parents with me anymore(they passed away)so is only me and OH.and about being embaressed I agree in my case I felt like w***re when i was meeting my mates and they go "oooo u pregnant.....again but in the end of the day Im happy and i wouldn't trade.but the worst part was to tell my boss.
Im suppose to go back to work 15 march(yes in 6 days)and now im due 2nd april so instead going bk to work im going bk on maternity!!!!

good luck to you

 

[Thaynes]

I fully agree with the creation of the forum. My son was unplanned but I love him more than anything. I did kind of feel strange being like "no I didn't ttc my son." Its not that anybody really made any comments but I'm a nervous person so I was always afraid someone would. I'm not worried about it this time around but I do think it is a great idea.

 

[Amarna]

I agree too. This one was planned but my daughter wasn't. I was 20 when I found out I was expecting with her and I remember being so scared even though I of course wanted her. There is definitely a huge gap between the emotions of a planned vs. unplanned pregnancy in my experience and I think a dedicated space for women to talk about their feelings and doubts openly without having to worry so much about upsetting or causing distress to those who may have been trying for a long time is a great idea.

 

[Naturalmystic]

I know a forum like this will help alot of people out there because even though all children are precious gifts not everyone is immediately happy on finding out they are pregnant. for example this lady i know had 4 kids and sacrificed her career to raise them and she and her husband decided that their family was complete and her husband had a vasectomy and she started on her degree then she found out she was pregnant. needless to say she cried everyday of her pregnancy. i also know this lady who was in an abusive relationship and she is a SAHM and she swore that when her youngest is old enough for school she will leave but her youngest start school in september and she is pregnant again.

my point is that not everybody is excited about the prospect of a new baby and they should not be made to feel guilty about it and should have somewhere they can open up and talk about it.

 

[YoshiPikachu]

I think it is a good idea.

 

[YoshiPikachu]

I am currently pregnant with my second baby and even though I planned to have my kids close together I did not plan for my babies to be this close in age. As you can imagine I went through alot of emotions when I found out that I was pregnant from shock, guilt, happiness, embarassment the whole nine yards. But with the support and words of encouragement from DH, friends and family I am excited most days but I must admit that I am scared alot of the days too since I worry how I will deal with a toddler and a new born baby.

Anyway I was just wondering whether anyone will support an unplanned pregnancy forum for ladies who find themselves in a similar situation. I realise now this is very common since almost one third of pregnancies are unplanned. Please note that I said unplanned and not unwanted so bear that in mind before anyone gets offended. I just think that it will be nice to have a place where people can speak about their fears and get words of encouragement and support from people who is probably going through the same or went through it before.

Having support and people to talk to really made coming to terms with the pregnancy a whole lot easier and I know that I am lucky to have a great DH but I can't help but think about the thousands of lovely ladies out there who does not have that support.

i support it 100% and im in the same situation my son was 3 months when i got pregnant again(birth control fail)so my kiddies will be exactly 1 year apart.when we found out i was crying my eyes out feeling guilty that im betraying my Lo and i wont enjoy him as much having newborn to look after too and i was (still i am)scared how do I cope but my OH and MIL supporting me 100% my OH have identical twin brother and he knows how cool is to have full time mate to play with and my Mil obvioustly had twins to raise so she knows i will be fine(sadly she lives in USA)shame i dont have my own parents with me anymore(they passed away)so is only me and OH.and about being embaressed I agree in my case I felt like w***re when i was meeting my mates and they go "oooo u pregnant.....again but in the end of the day Im happy and i wouldn't trade.but the worst part was to tell my boss.
Im suppose to go back to work 15 march(yes in 6 days)and now im due 2nd april so instead going bk to work im going bk on maternity!!!!

good luck to you

Oh wow! That is interesting. Good luck!

 

[fernanda]

I totally get where you are coming from!
My situation is a little different, since this is my first baby, but I completely understand your feelings and what you are going through!

Me and my boyfriend have only been together like two months when I found out I was pregnant... what really kept me going at the beginning was his support, which I really didn't expect to be honest. I LOVE my boyfriend, but before he was with me he was kind of an asshole He's 24 but I'm his first real girlfriend - it's the first time in his life that he's in love So if any other girl had come up to him before and told him she was pregnant he probably would have freaked out and wouldn't have wanted it, but now it was all different. He was sooo supportive and told me that even though we've only been together for a short time, we could do this together. He said he'd be there for me and the baby during every step. I was so surprised! I expected him to get scared of such a commitment, but he really surprised me! I was SO SO SO relieved. I don't think I could have handeled it all on my own! And he is really doing his best - he does so much for me and he is there for every appointment at the doctors, he makes lists of names for the little one and he proudly told EVERYONE
to be honest, more proudly than i did at first....now i'm really happy and wouldn't want it any other way, but my feelings are still pretty confusing... As much as I love the thought of being a mom, I am worried of what it's going to be like walking around with a big baby bump, since I'm only 22. As horrible as that sounds, but I'm afraid what people might think...especially since me and my boyfriend haven't been going out that long.
Also, I get so scared that I will not be able to handle having a baby. I'm still studying and have another 2 years ahead of me... I have my family's support, but still...a baby is not like a puppy... When I look at my tiny little bump that's now starting to show, I get mixed feelings! Sometimes I feel really really happy about becoming a mom, I think of all the beautiful moments ahead of me like seeing my baby for the first time, holding him/her in my arms.
But then other days...I start crying, because it scares me so much and I don't know if I will be a good mom, I have the worst thoughts, like that everything i had planned out for my life I now won't be able to realize... and I really hate myself for having thoughts like that, but I can't help it

 

[Naturalmystic]

I totally get where you are coming from!
My situation is a little different, since this is my first baby, but I completely understand your feelings and what you are going through!

Me and my boyfriend have only been together like two months when I found out I was pregnant... what really kept me going at the beginning was his support, which I really didn't expect to be honest. I LOVE my boyfriend, but before he was with me he was kind of an asshole He's 24 but I'm his first real girlfriend - it's the first time in his life that he's in love So if any other girl had come up to him before and told him she was pregnant he probably would have freaked out and wouldn't have wanted it, but now it was all different. He was sooo supportive and told me that even though we've only been together for a short time, we could do this together. He said he'd be there for me and the baby during every step. I was so surprised! I expected him to get scared of such a commitment, but he really surprised me! I was SO SO SO relieved. I don't think I could have handeled it all on my own! And he is really doing his best - he does so much for me and he is there for every appointment at the doctors, he makes lists of names for the little one and he proudly told EVERYONE
to be honest, more proudly than i did at first....now i'm really happy and wouldn't want it any other way, but my feelings are still pretty confusing... As much as I love the thought of being a mom, I am worried of what it's going to be like walking around with a big baby bump, since I'm only 22. As horrible as that sounds, but I'm afraid what people might think...especially since me and my boyfriend haven't been going out that long.
Also, I get so scared that I will not be able to handle having a baby. I'm still studying and have another 2 years ahead of me... I have my family's support, but still...a baby is not like a puppy... When I look at my tiny little bump that's now starting to show, I get mixed feelings! Sometimes I feel really really happy about becoming a mom, I think of all the beautiful moments ahead of me like seeing my baby for the first time, holding him/her in my arms.
But then other days...I start crying, because it scares me so much and I don't know if I will be a good mom, I have the worst thoughts, like that everything i had planned out for my life I now won't be able to realize... and I really hate myself for having thoughts like that, but I can't help it

Congratulations! I am so happy that you have the love and support of your boyfriend because that really makes things a whole lot easier. I understand about the up and down days because I have them myself but I found that as I get closer to my due date I am have less and less down days, and now that I can really feel the baby kick I am more excited.

 

[BabyKiwi]

I would support one. I found out I was pregnant while in the middle of getting my degree and my OH is in the middle of getting his masters. Pill and condom failure. We are the 1 percent, lol.

We decided to keep the spawnling pretty quickly and even though we are in a difficult financial situation it won't be forever. But it would be nice to have somewhere to go on the days that I want to be all "I have assignments due and OH is finishing his thesis and we are deciding between petrol or meat this week and I'm so STRESSED, WHAT WAS I THINKING???"

 

[whoknowsx]

I totally get where you are coming from!
My situation is a little different, since this is my first baby, but I completely understand your feelings and what you are going through!

Me and my boyfriend have only been together like two months when I found out I was pregnant... what really kept me going at the beginning was his support, which I really didn't expect to be honest. I LOVE my boyfriend, but before he was with me he was kind of an asshole He's 24 but I'm his first real girlfriend - it's the first time in his life that he's in love So if any other girl had come up to him before and told him she was pregnant he probably would have freaked out and wouldn't have wanted it, but now it was all different. He was sooo supportive and told me that even though we've only been together for a short time, we could do this together. He said he'd be there for me and the baby during every step. I was so surprised! I expected him to get scared of such a commitment, but he really surprised me! I was SO SO SO relieved. I don't think I could have handeled it all on my own! And he is really doing his best - he does so much for me and he is there for every appointment at the doctors, he makes lists of names for the little one and he proudly told EVERYONE
to be honest, more proudly than i did at first....now i'm really happy and wouldn't want it any other way, but my feelings are still pretty confusing... As much as I love the thought of being a mom, I am worried of what it's going to be like walking around with a big baby bump, since I'm only 22. As horrible as that sounds, but I'm afraid what people might think...especially since me and my boyfriend haven't been going out that long.
Also, I get so scared that I will not be able to handle having a baby. I'm still studying and have another 2 years ahead of me... I have my family's support, but still...a baby is not like a puppy... When I look at my tiny little bump that's now starting to show, I get mixed feelings! Sometimes I feel really really happy about becoming a mom, I think of all the beautiful moments ahead of me like seeing my baby for the first time, holding him/her in my arms.
But then other days...I start crying, because it scares me so much and I don't know if I will be a good mom, I have the worst thoughts, like that everything i had planned out for my life I now won't be able to realize... and I really hate myself for having thoughts like that, but I can't help it

This is so similar to me. Only was with my boyfriend for 2 months when I got pregnant and we were so rocky anyway. So I have a mix feeling about this pregnancy -- I'm ashamed that we dated for such a short time and im pregnant, and I also feel bad for those moments when Im ashamed because I see a baby as a blessing.

I totally support an unplanned pregnancy forum.

Afterall my pregnancy was completely unplanned.... I went through shock and depression before I was even able to smile. I cried when I saw my pregnancy test -- not out of joy but out of fear.

Thats COMPLETELY different than what I envisioned for my first pregnancy.

 

[Asti]

I would definately support it. I know having a baby is a precious gift, but we dont all feel positive feelings about it all of the time. I felt worried, scared, wondered if I would ever feel good about being pregnant this 3rd time, and when I came on here, didnt feel I could share this in any of the areas. I am now over those feelings and would love to be able to support other parents through these difficult feelings.

 

[jasminejo24]

i agree this forum would be a good idea as it does feel terrible to mention your not happy some days when there are women here who are trying so hard to have even 1 child

i do however agree that this forum would have to be moderated a lot more than other forums not just because women who are thinking about the A route will post on them but also because a few women who come on the forum to be reassured may see a post by someone who wants to take the A route and might decide to do the same based on the points put forward by the woman who is thinking of the A route.

i think regardless of your circumstances baby and bump should be a place to help all women and men ttc, pregnant or moms or dads allready wether your having a good day and want to share the news or a bad day and want advice and cuddles.

 

[Naturalmystic]

it is amazing how you feel as though your world is crashing down when you find out your pregnant with a baby that you are not ready for. i must admit to get me through those initial days i visited other sites to get that support and what i found was very nice they had information regarding adoption and they had links where you can actually visit if you were struggling with deciding what to do. it was also nice to read the experience of lovely ladies who told their stories about how distraught they were but how now looking back they will not change a thing. I just felt sad that bnb did not have a similar forum

 

[Brieanna]

I would support it completely! I agree with what other people have said about this.

It is completely different to ttc forever and then get pregnant and see posts in first-tri about how other pregnancies were unplanned. It is very easy to get bitter when reading posts about others who got what you wanted without even trying while you would have sold your soul to have one.

This forum should be a place where people feel comfortable talking about their feelings, no matter what, imo. Just like there are people who try forever, suffer many hardships, spend lots of time/money to get pregnant and have emotions to talk about, there are people who have an unplanned pregnancy who have emotions to talk about. I don't think one persons emotions are more/less important than the others.

I do think it should be moderated more or even made where you have to be approved to post in it because I can see how it could open LOTS of cans of worms, lol.

 

[Naturalmystic]

hi

just wanted to give you ladies an update, my lil princess is here, she came 10 days early after giving us a minor scare since she was breech up to a few days before her birth. I must admit that my birth experience with her was far more positive than my first. I feel in love with her alot sooner than i did with my first as well, she is so precious and I am so in love with her that I now feel the timing for her arrival was perfect and I will not change it if I could. sometime i can't believe i was so upset and worried about her arrival since most of the things i was worried about hasn't even occurred. My son does not seem jealous at all as he loves his lil sister and I still find time to shower him with love. Don't get me wrong sometimes its rough but its definitely doable.

She is truly a gift from God and she is here when she was suppose to be.

Hope that this can offer some words of encouragement to any ladies who find themselves in a similar situation.

 

[Samiam03]

It would be nice to have an unplanned forum. I haven't read through this whole thread yet but I disagree with the first person who replied. While I want my daughter NOW, when I found out and up until I'd say 16 weeks, I was not at ALL thrilled to be pregnant. It sucks too how everyone around me gets pregnant on accident and they are all so excited right away. I did think about abortion in the beginning (I didn't do it though so I don't want any comments about it) and adoption but my husband would never go along with it. We were planning on starting to try next year but the difference between THIS year and NEXT year are pretty huge...I was trying to make use of my college degree and get a job...and ontop of it my son (who was 14 months when I found out) was starting to become stressful because he is starting to pop up with a lot of delays that I have to deal with ontop of having my pregnancy and a newborn. It would have been so nice to have someone say "i understand" instead of condemning me for not jumping for joy right away.

Like I said, now I do want her and I do love her...and we can afford her...but this pregnancy is still nothing like my (planned) son's was...I'm still worried all the time and stressed out about my son's problems and I'm not really enjoying this pregnancy or as in awe as I was with my son.

 

[Kezbob]

This would be a great idea, I've found out 5 weeks ago I was 26 weeks pregnant. I have been ill for three years with stomach issues so I just Put pregnancy symptoms down to that as they are both similar. I've had to leave my job and my OH has just started a new business so this was the worst timing but once we got our heads around it I can't wait to meet my little girl. The emotions u go through with an unplanned pregnancy are different to a planned one. A place were we could go to get support while u figure out your feelings would be great xx