Unplanned pregnancy

[oliviarose]

I think it would be an excellent idea... Going through now it first hand I totally understand it......

We found out on Mon that I am expecting again and boy are we not happy about it (me more so). We had decided last month that we didn't want anymore children (currently have two)... We realised that we couldn't comfortably afford another one and our DS (19 months) is such hard work, we didn't want to put even more stress onto our family..... It took 9 months to fall pregnant with DS, so having only DTD twice since we decided no more babies how the hell did we fall pregnant.... DS so wanted and months of trying.... It seems so unfair......

This pregnancy is still not wanted on my part (don't get me wrong I will never consider the A word) and it is going to take a long while for me to come to terms with it........ And I feel so awful for saying this... It is also a honeymoon baby which makes these feelings even worse

I know that every baby is a blessing, but in my mind my family was complete... We had decided what memories we were going to make as a family... They aren't going to be possible now as we won't be able to afford it....... I know that money isn't everything, but I don't want my children going without..........

I feel so lonely at the moment, I have no one to talk to... So a section like this would be wonderful for me......

 

[Naturalmystic]

i so understand what you are going through oliviarose. i really felt devastated when i found out i was pregnant and i felt that this baby will ruin my life since it was unplanned, but as i got further along in my pregnancy i felt more and more excited about the baby, don't get me wrong there were days that were still a struggle but as I said I survived and now I understand that she was meant to be here. everything will turn out fine. babies bring there own blessings

 

[Emma11511]

i just wanted to say that although my baby was planned, if ANYONE finds themself in a situation with an unplanned pregnancy and feels they have noone to talk to, please private message me. i don't believe in judging people, it's not my place to do so. it breaks my heart to read how upset and lonely some of you feel, noone deserves to feel alone

 

[Seity]

Hi, we didn't want anymore. More than happy with just the one. So, it was a bit of a shock when I got my BFP. We'd only had sex the once in the 2 months prior to getting the BFP and apparently that was all it took. I mean, I'm turning 39 next month. It should be hard to get pregnant!
We had our scan this morning and everything is looking perfect so far. Saw the heart beating. I was happy because, I'm pregnant, I don't want anything to be wrong with my baby, but at the same time me and my OH got in the car after and turned to each other and were like, "Oh fuck, it's really real. We're going to have another kid!"
I hate babies. The first year of my son's life was very traumatic for me. I suffered (self diagnosed) PTSD from the sleep deprivation. (He woke every 1-2 hours the entire first year) I have a hard time being happy for other people who are pregnant, who actually want to be, because the idea of having a baby again fills me with dread.
I know that this baby might be different. I pray every day that will be the case, but there's no guarantee of that. We've got plenty of time to come to terms with this and it helps that the grandparents are thrilled, but we have no family nearby to help. I hope we can afford a second. There's no way we can stay in our current house, there's just not enough room, but I just refinanced the 2nd mortgage, so we have to stay at least another 2 years and somehow make it work.
I had low milk supply issues and couldn't get a pump to do a thing and my husband is a SAHD, so I have to go back to work after 6-8 weeks. I worry I'll have problems with my milk supply again.
I believe everything happens for a reason. I know we'll be ok and I think my OH is taking the news better than me, but it's hard to be excited about things right now.
Probably the best thing to come out of this news is my OH has finally agreed to get the vasectomy I've been asking him to get since the birth of our son.

 

[Naturalmystic]

I hope that you have things alot easier this time. My son was really a handful as a baby but so far my daughter has been alot easier. I actually feel more rested with the baby than I used to feel when I only had my son lol. It is early days yet so we will see if that changes.

As you said there is alot of time to get used to the idea of having a new baby, as I said in a earlier post none of the things that I spent so much time worrying about came to past so far, so try to enjoy your pregnancy as best as you can.

 

[Lois22]

100% support an unplanned section! Our baby was totally unplanned and wrong timing. It's taking me until 4 weeks before she's due to get excited. I've been through a lot of depression, anxiety and wondering whether this is right. I also mentioned the adoption route a few times to start with. Which none of my family were supportive with. I felt very trapped at times and feel talking to someone in the same situation would of helped

Xx

 

[AngelofTroy]

I would support it. Let me just start by saying our baby is VERY much wanted. I was even a regular in the Waiting To Try section of this forum and we have always wanted children.

However! We were newly engaged when we found out, we were planning on waiting until after the wedding and had just started to plan and save. We had also saved up a deposit for a house but didn't want to buy OH found a job in an area we liked enough to buy in!!

It was tough, it was only a year or so before we planned on starting a family but it changed a lot of our plans.

Now we've got our heads around it, we're very excited. We can't wait for LO to be born and are excited about the prospect of a little paige boy or flower girl toddling down the aisle with us. We've agreed to stay in our rented house a few more years and OH is staying in his stable job for now as changing jobs would mean a probabtion period and we simply can't risk that right now.

I would have really appreciated somewhere to discuss all the feelings involved when we first found out. At the time I felt it was too insensitive to those who had been TTC for a long time to even mention that our pregnancy had thrown our plans up in the air. I felt that my only option was to be grateful.

Like I said, this baby means everything to us now, but in an ideal world would they have arrived a year later? Maybe. Which is a hard thing to admit, even to myself.

 

[embo216]

I would love a section like this, Im feeling so lost and scared.

 

[Smudgelicious]

100% support from me. This is an unplanned pregnancy. We'd thought about another at the start of the year, but after a lot of discussion, we felt very confident we were finished. I'd lost that 'feeling', you know, the baby feeling ?

3 days before DH's vasectomy appt - BFP. It was awful, stress, tears, agony, just awful. We even did talk about 'A' which i never thought would ever come up. We've accepted it now, but it's a different feeling.

I would love the chance to talk to others in the same situation.

 

[Naturalmystic]

My daughter is 2 1/2 months now and I thank God for her every single day, she is so adorable that it is hard to believe a few months ago I was dreading her arrival. I am so in love with her and she is such a lovely baby, I now feel that the timing of her arrival is perfect. I still make time for my son and he does not appears to be negatively affected by her arrival and I did not rob him of the care and attention I was so convinced that he will be missing out on, as a matter of fact I think he gets alot more hugs and kisses and undivided attention than he did before her arrival. I also feel better able to take care of him because I am not tired all the time as I was during pregnancy.

Thanks to all the lovely ladies who offered support during my pregnancy, it really helped to have somewhere to vent my anxiety and fears.

 

[MumToEva]

I'm not in that situation myself, in that all my pregnancies were planned, but I totally support it. You can't know how it feels to be in a certain situation unless you have been there, so to be able to go to a specific place and know that you can get support and advice from others in the same situation would seem like an excellent idea. The emotions associated with unplanned pregnancy are just as valid as those associated with say LTTTC, so why not have a specific place to express them. I can see what others are saying about it being potentially difficult for those LTTTC and those suffering miscarriages/stillbirths etc, but surely the same could be said about pregnancy club or the trimester boards. I agree with the OP that that would seem a valid reason for having a separate section - that way they don't accidentally click on posts that end up causing offence/ hurt.

 

[Barnesmaries]

Hi. just been reading through the comments on your post.
Im in the same situation. 8 weeks pregnant with an unplanned baby. and im struggling to feel how I did first time round when pregnant with my daughter.
Reading your progress though has given me hope.. Thank you. I hope things go the same way for me and I can enjoy my 2 children as much are you are!

 

[Hangin_On_AGS]

I support this forum. This LO was not planned and I'm having a mix of crazy guilty emotions. I was one of those long term ttcers and I would look at the emotions of mothers with unplanned and say they have no clue what they have. and now i'm on the other side of that fence having those same emotions and I have to imagine there are other women like i was when i was ltttc who don't want to see it and dont understand

 

[nov_mum]

I totally support a forum for unplanned pregnancies. I have three children, close in age and all 3 or under. We had made the decision that our family was complete and then found ourselves pregnant after a contraception fail. I looked for answers and searched forums but there is little in the way of support unless you are a teen it seems. Apparently 30 something year olds with a husband and kids already don't have that issue hahaha. Well it was a pretty huge deal in our house. We both felt incredibly shocked and overwhelmed with the idea. Financially we are not in a great position and I have complicated pregnancies also which places more burden on the family. We made a decision to carry on with the pregnancy and are looking at ways to make this work financially. We felt incredibly guilty that we were not instantly overjoyed and excited and I bet myself up about that for a bit. I know of other couples where it has split them up so it is a huge deal for many. Some have been really supportive and said, unplanned pregnancies are just how many families are made which kinda normalises it but in this day and age having kids you can't afford, financial responsibilities to attend to and no family around makes unplanned pregnancies a rather huge deal. Just getting tips on managing, words of advice from others and knowing that once a decision is made and a game plan in place you can accomplish it. I know children are a blessing but sometimes when you are thinking that you will lose your home it makes it a little harder to see that at the time.

 

[Dahlia2007]

I would support this!

My first pregnancy was not planned. It was crazily emotional, especially with me being unmarried. I totally wanted my baby, but there were many emotional issues I carried around from the situation.

This time around, the pregnancy was totally planned and I felt so liberated to know that it was planned for. It was a great feeling.

 

[Firefly83]

This is my first pregnancy and it was not planned. I am thrilled to have a baby on the way, but the situation is less than desirable. I had been going between TTC and Not preventing/not actively trying off and on for over 2 years. My husband and I split up, we both cheated on eachother and I got pregnant by another man. I have always wanted children, but not like this. I feel like I have already ruined my child's life and they haven't even been born yet! I am in a really sticky situation and would love to know if there is anyone else out there that may be in a similar situation.

 

[younglove]

I would support this. For an unplanned pregnancy, the prepping (emotionally, financially, and otherwise) might be different, more condensed and greater than for a planned pregnancy. I would support this forum as it might provide additional support to women (and men) who are trying to cope with their surprise BFP without any additional guilt.

I hope this request is seriously considered by the forum moderators, in order to provide needed support the women in such circumstances

 

[J04NN4]

I think this would be a great idea. This pregnancy was unplanned. Although I was desperate for a baby and was in fact a regular on the WTT board here we had decided to wait for various reasons - and lo and behold, one split condom created this little one

I'm thrilled to bits now, can't wait to meet my baby and love it more than anything. All I've ever wanted was to be a mum and now I've got my head round it all I'm so happy it's happening sooner rather than later. But it was that period - the 'getting my head round it' - that I felt totally alone. All the friends I'd made here were still waiting and I felt like a fraud around other women who'd actually 'tried' for their babies. There was never any doubt in my mind that we'd keep this baby but a sounding board for other people who were freaking out would have been fantastic. Having to abandon all our well thought out plans was very difficult for me and I was made to feel ungrateful sometimes by other people who just told me how lucky I was - I know that, but that doesn't mean everything is always 100% rosy. Life isn't as simple as that!

So all in all, I support this whole heartedly for everyone's sake - the women who find themselves with an unplanned pregnancy who need to vent as well as the women who are trying/have tried for ages and feel (understandably) that it's somehow unjust that other people aren't 100% happy about falling by accident.

 

[Seity]

I support this even more after basically being called an ungrateful bitch and ganged up on by a whole bunch of other girls on this forum last night. I'm still dealing with the sleep deprivation trauma from my son and don't appreciate having my feelings poo poo'd.
I'm sorry that some woman have experienced loss or trouble conceiving, but that doesn't make my emotions any less than theirs.

 

[shocker]

I think this is a great idea, this baby was unplanned, hes very much loved and adored but I had just gotten to the point in my life where I was ok with not being a mum, where I had finally come to be at peace with being around other pregnant women and babies after my loss and had to give up my career, my friends and my flat to move to my home country just to have this little guy, I would do it again in a heartbeat but i did/do feel quite alone in those terrified moments and would really have benefited from speaking to someone in a similar situation especially at the start, so long as it was clear that that forum section was for very loved and wanted babies, albeit at a time that may not have been ideal then i would definatly support it