Upset at inlaws reaction

[kat132]

Hi everyone. I had my 12week scan yesterday and it was amazing. A little active bubs all happy in there. I had a look at the scan pics and from the nub theory I am convinced its another boy. We finally announced it to the in-laws and his mum said "if it's not a girl then send it back!" she then went on all night about how she NEEDS a granddaughter from someone else then. wth!! I wanted to tell her to pee off tbh..... I can't control what I have. My baby is not a doll she can dress up even if it was a girl.
It kinda put a downer on the whole thing and I feel quite upset. Not been able to sleep all night
Sorry just needed to vent.

 

[MindUtopia]

I'm sorry you had to go through that. That's incredibly rude and insensitive. I think sometimes people just don't know how to react to the news and what comes out is stupid and hurtful. When my friend told her in laws there response was 'we thought you said you weren't having more, but we did think you had put on weight!'. Wtf, right? My mum's reaction last time was, 'Oh god, was this planned?!?' (Uh, it was, I'm married, well settled, good career in my 30s, but she acted like I somehow got pregnant by accident and was upset about it). This time I emailed her because I just couldn't go through telling her in person again! I'm sorry you had to deal with that. They are in the wrong and I hope they come around and stop being so silly.

 

[DJ987]

Omg that is awful! How rude of her. I hope she apologises! How did your hubby react to her saying that? I would be fuming.

On another note I had my 12 week scan yesterday too - are you also due the 25th? My older two are also 6 and 4!

 

[karoolia]

I'm so sorry you had to deal with that. I can't imagine someone being so rude. I'm sure she didn't realize how her words came across, not that that is an excuse, but I would assume once the baby comes it won't really matter to her whether it is a boy or a girl.

I think sometimes we all say stupid things without realizing how they affect the person we are talking to. I do hope your husband spoke to her though. She needs to realize that isn't ok.

 

[kat132]

Omg that is awful! How rude of her. I hope she apologises! How did your hubby react to her saying that? I would be fuming.

On another note I had my 12 week scan yesterday too - are you also due the 25th? My older two are also 6 and 4!

He wasn't happy but dodnt say much really.
I am due 23rd. I was 12weeks 6 days yesterday. Not gonna lie I am crapping it about how I will handle 3

 

[xdxxtx]

Please remind her that it's her son who determines the sex of the baby, not you. So, if it's a boy, her son's the one who needs a talking to, not you. It will probably shut her up if she can't blame YOU. Congratulations on your pregnancy!!!!!! I'll see you in second tri soon!

 

[Holly ttc]

I hate that I'm not the only one that's had something like that said to them. This is currently my second pregnancy but will (hopefully) be my first live birth. Since my older sister already has two girls my entire family insisted it was a boy at first but they gradually realized how that was bothering me and stopped... Except my dad. Anytime he would talk to me he would always make sure to say that his GRANDSON this or that (always making the grandson part large like that since it's via text). Then when I asked what people thought it was since we were hoping to do a gender reveal this weekend he didn't guess but just said "grandpa needs a grandson!" I'm going to be devastated if it turns out we're having a girl and I have to tell him. I may just wait and let him hear that one through the grapevine if it happens.

 

[SonnyH]

Honestly so rude Parents on both sides should be grateful you are having a healthy baby. The gender is irrelevant and it's not your responsibility to give them anything. I really hate this 'ownership' grandparents feel over their grandchild. It's not your child, you've done that bit! Be grateful your children have decided to have kids, they don't have too!

My only advice would be to not take it to heart too much. When baby is born, they won't care at all I suspect! And if they do, quite frankly I'd refuse to let them see the child! You either love my child no matter or you don't get to know them at all!

 

[wookie130]

This is why we don't have babies for other people, other than for ourselves, and for our partners and/or other children. People just get all weird about needing a ___(insert gender)___, and they tend to forget that what matters, is a healthy baby, and a healthy mother. I wouldn't let it bother you too much, however. If she has something to say after the baby is born or you find out the gender, you can nail her on it there and then with, "You know, what matters is that he/she is healthy. I'm not having this baby for you anyway."

 

[kat132]

Thanks ladies. Just took me back a bit. It was bad enough when I had my 2nd son. No one really took any interest because he was a boy! He is the most gorgeous lil man ever and I really couldn't care less what they think. I will be the same with this one.
What makes it a bit harder is that I would like a girl but I am so happy baby is healthy that is the main thing.

 

[KatO79]

I think sometimes people say really stupid things in the heat of the moment, I'm hoping that's what your MIL did here. However I'm worried that because your 2nd baby was a boy that they didn't take much interest. If your ILs truely mean it and you think they'd not show much interest if it's another boy then they don't sound like particulalrly good and loving grandparents for your kids and I'd cut down on how much contact they have with your kids. You'd think they wouldn't care since they only care about a potential granddaughter. No child deserves to feel bad for not being the "correct/wanted" gender by people that are supposed to love them no matter what.

I wouldn't stand for it and tell your ILs firmly that they should just be happy and thankful it's a healthy baby because surely that's the most important thing? I'd also tell them not to say anything like that in front of you (or your children) ever again because you don't want to hear it! I hope your DH supports you in this and will stand up to them with you.

 

[Lullabye]

People's priorities can be so messed up. How on earth does the sex of a child matter? How about health? How loved the kid will be? Ugh.

 

[lilmisscaviar]

Excuse my language but it pisses me off when people make snarky comments. I haven't announced my pregnancy publicly yet to anyone except my parents because with my last pregnancy I had a lot of people make rude remarks, people that I haven't even seen in years who have no right to judge my "big family" when they don't even have anything to do with them. I'm sorry your MIL said that. As to the gender, I'm sure you probably really wanted a girl too and when people make those kind of comments it only makes the sting worse. People don't realize how much things like that hurt.