Thank goodness for this thread!! So i already HATE going on facebook because of all the pregnant girls and new moms that are constantly posting statuses and pictures about their babies and it makes so me jealous i could explode!!!! But today when i logged in i was greeted with a wall post notification. A friend from highshool posted something to me on my wall, so i clicked to go to my page.
Her post read:
"So now that you're married when are we going to see little Alyson's running around? lol"
I WAS FURIOUS AND MORTIFIED!!!!
But i tried to keep my cool. I wanted to delete it but i didnt want to seem rude or give off the impression that i was angry or over sensistive. And besides, this girl is really nice and im sure that if she knew what i was going through she wouldnt have done this.
So I replied saying that i was just so stressed out with getting ready for the move that i hadnt even had time to think about that sort of thing.
Heres what i wanted to say: "Well if you must know, every moment of my life is consumed with thoughts about having a baby! I spend all day researching and on forums talking about how much i want a child. However, i'm so damn unlucky that i have PCOS, and getting pregnant will be hard for me, and staying pregnant will be even harder. I have the wonderful option of taking harmful medications that MIGHT work, or trying natural supplements that MIGHT work, seeing as there is NO CURE for my illness. Also you might like to know that i DIE a little inside everytime i see a pregnant woman, whether its on facebook or in person and i hate myself for being so jealous but i cant help it. The fact that i may not be able to give my husband a child, while little 15 year old sluts seem to be able to conceive by just SEXTING turns me into a stark raving mad lunatic!! I just dont understand!! And for another fun fact: I get so depressed and mad at my self everytime i delusionally symptom spot and take a pregnancy test just to get a BFN and be dissapointed! In fact, i cried myself to sleep last night for that very reason. Some days i really wonder how much more of this i can take, and im not even actively trying to conceive yet. And when we do start ttc it will have to be this big secret just between me and my husband because neither of our families is supportive of us having a child right now and dont seem to understand why we would have the audacity to tell them that we can make our own decisions! Just more drama to add to my life.. So in conclusion, i'm miserable, childless, miserable about being childless and possibly being doomed to a life of struggle and infertility, and sometimes i truly think that if i cant have a child that it makes me a useless human being and that i'm not worthy of being called a woman or a wife or even being alive for that matter. So thanks for asking me this insensitive question on facebook for the world to see and digging the knife in even deeper. If i kill myself tonight, you should know its because of you. But dont worry, since we're cool, i'll give you a shout out in my suicide note. Any more questions???" BITCH!!
Well i'm glad i got that off my chest
