VENT THREAD! Things you wish you could say but can't

[CaliDreaming]

To the outside world:

If you found out that one of your best friend's children died, you would NOT console them by telling them they should be happy because "at least they have a child."

So why would you tell me, a person suffering with seondary infertility, that I shouldn't feel sad over my inability to conceive another child because I've had a child? You can feel happy about what you have in your life while at the same time grieving loss in your life.

Newsflash: infertility is painful whether you've had one kids or ten kids. When you still have the yearning for more children, the only thing that makes that yearning go away is having more children.

Also, quit asking me when I'm going to give my child a sibling. Yes, I know she is asking about babies. Yes, I know now is a "good age" for her to get one. I am doing all that I can.

 

[babymabey]

I hate feeling baby envy! I have 4 friends who are expecting (3 of the are baby number 3 and 4), my cousin is expecting, and I just found out that my brother's wife is expecting. They have been married for about a month. Supposedly they weren't trying, but I think she did it on purpose because she assures my brother that she was on BCP, but she has been hinting about babies for months. My brother divorced my sister-in-law (whom I love dearly) for this chick, and he has one son with my SIL. He repeatedly told his new wife that he wanted to wait for kids, but she kept pressing how much she wanted one. That is why I think she stopped taking her pills to purposely get pregnant and then just tell everyone is was "unplanned".
The other thing that I hate is when people post about their BFP's on the TTC forums. Someone just did that on another thread I am subscribed to. This person has only been TTC for 2 months! I know they are just excited and I really am happy for everyone who is expecting, but posting about it on the TTC forums or constantly doing updates on facebook of ultrasound pics and information on the babies development just reminds the rest of us who are having a hard time that it has been yet another month without a BFP.

I want to just cry right now

 

[AlyCon]

The other thing that I hate is when people post about their BFP's on the TTC forums. Someone just did that on another thread I am subscribed to. This person has only been TTC for 2 months! I know they are just excited and I really am happy for everyone who is expecting, but posting about it on the TTC forums or constantly doing updates on facebook of ultrasound pics and information on the babies development just reminds the rest of us who are having a hard time that it has been yet another month without a BFP.

I want to just cry right now

I understand what you mean about that but since we're all on this journey together i like to see other women get their BFPs. Even though it does sting a little, i am still happy for them. One thread im subscribed to is all women with PCOS and theres been 14 BFPs so far and it gives the rest of us hope. And also if its on a thread about a particular method/ treatment (SMEP, OPKs, BBTT, metformin, clomid, vitex, fertilaid, fertibella, geritol, preseed, conceive plus etc.) then i think seeing people get BPPs trying them shows other women that the same method may work for them. It only annoys me when some one creates a whole new thread about it. Im like just post it on the threads you've already been talking to people on because theyre the ones who will care the most. But at least this website is about TTC and Pregnancy/ Motherhood so its to be expected. on facebook it catches me off guard and ruins my whole day!!! I've unsubscribed and hid about ten girls from my timeline!

 

[J_Lynn]

Hahaha Try being 30 (31 next month) TTC first child without success and having your younger brother, cousins, friends getting pregnant all around you. Some are even just oops babies. Believe me I understand the baby fever.

31.5yo, second time ttc #1 (once with XH, now with BF), and both times your sister and best friend both get pregnant.

I'm in the same boat almost .... 29 in November; ttc #1 for 6 years total (between xh and current -andlastlol- dh) and literally everyone around me has kids - even my sister got pregnant when she was 15 with no issues. Pisses me off.

 

[babymabey]

The other thing that I hate is when people post about their BFP's on the TTC forums. Someone just did that on another thread I am subscribed to. This person has only been TTC for 2 months! I know they are just excited and I really am happy for everyone who is expecting, but posting about it on the TTC forums or constantly doing updates on facebook of ultrasound pics and information on the babies development just reminds the rest of us who are having a hard time that it has been yet another month without a BFP.

I want to just cry right now

I understand what you mean about that but since we're all on this journey together i like to see other women get their BFPs. Even though it does sting a little, i am still happy for them. One thread im subscribed to is all women with PCOS and theres been 14 BFPs so far and it gives the rest of us hope. And also if its on a thread about a particular method/ treatment (SMEP, OPKs, BBTT, metformin, clomid, vitex, fertilaid, fertibella, geritol, preseed, conceive plus etc.) then i think seeing people get BPPs trying them shows other women that the same method may work for them. It only annoys me when some one creates a whole new thread about it. Im like just post it on the threads you've already been talking to people on because theyre the ones who will care the most. But at least this website is about TTC and Pregnancy/ Motherhood so its to be expected. on facebook it catches me off guard and ruins my whole day!!! I've unsubscribed and hid about ten girls from my timeline!

I am definitely happy for them, and I understand that it is a journey we take together, I was just frustrated because this individual acted like it took them so long to conceive, when they got their BFP on the second month TTC. I am in my TWW now, but I just keep having this anxiety that I missed it, even though we followed the SMEP and had sex the day of my positive OPK, then the next 2 days.

I'm just having a bad day.

 

[AlyCon]

I am definitely happy for them, and I understand that it is a journey we take together, I was just frustrated because this individual acted like it took them so long to conceive, when they got their BFP on the second month TTC. I am in my TWW now, but I just keep having this anxiety that I missed it, even though we followed the SMEP and had sex the day of my positive OPK, then the next 2 days.

I'm just having a bad day.

Oh yea lol I know what you mean. Their post is like "After two looongg months and 1 whole BFN, i FINALLY got my BFP!!" and im just like Oh really? and it especially annoys me when they make it a new thread and then dont even give advice on what they did to get the BFP. Its like "Got my BFP! Screw everybody else! Just wanted to rub this in your face before i frolic over to first tri and leave you infertiles in the dust!" its just not right Good luck to you though, I hope this is your month

 

[4magpies]

Annoys the fuck out of me. Reported a post in one of the TTC forums just now for a BFP announcement. Twats.

 

[AlyCon]

Annoys the fuck out of me. Reported a post in one of the TTC forums just now for a BFP announcement. Twats.

Hahahaha!! I just laughed so hard at that!!!

 

[4magpies]

I'm in a cranky blunt mood today. No time for idiots.

My rant today is I wish my ovaries would behave themselves and bloody ovulate already.

Having sex every night is great fun, but very tiring. Give me a break! Exhausted!!

 

[baby1wanted]

Annoys the fuck out of me. Reported a post in one of the TTC forums just now for a BFP announcement. Twats.

Hahahaha!! I just laughed so hard at that!!!

I'm a little confused to be honest (new to the forum) - I'm subscribed to a fair few threads in TTC all joining up people in a similar cycle - we're going to be testing in September. If I get my BFP (not likely but you never know) does that mean that I can't tell people that I've spent 4+ weeks discussing the cycle with? Completely understand not putting random BFP announcements into TTC but would be a bit odd not to share good news at the end of a cycle? I read somewhere that's it's ok to do in in threads in 2WW but what about threads that you join whilst you're waiting to ovulate and so are in TTC?

 

[CaliDreaming]

I'm a little confused to be honest (new to the forum) - I'm subscribed to a fair few threads in TTC all joining up people in a similar cycle - we're going to be testing in September. If I get my BFP (not likely but you never know) does that mean that I can't tell people that I've spent 4+ weeks discussing the cycle with? Completely understand not putting random BFP announcements into TTC but would be a bit odd not to share good news at the end of a cycle? I read somewhere that's it's ok to do in in threads in 2WW but what about threads that you join whilst you're waiting to ovulate and so are in TTC?

From what I can gather, you can't start a separate thread in the TTC sections just to announce a BFP. You have to do that in the BFP announcement thread. You can announce a BFP within a thread in the TTC sections where appropriate though, like a due date club or as a followup on a question about certain supplements, techniques, etc. Also, threads about if you have a question about early symptoms and whether you could be pregnant are o.k. too. However, threads posting pictures of HPTs asking whether they are positive are not should go in the HPT/OPK section I believe.

I'm not sure, but I believe the main TTC forum is not as strict as say, the LTTC forum because it is supposed to be a TTC forum for everybody and the separate sections are for when you just want a group of women who are going through the same issues as you.

 

[baby1wanted]

I'm a little confused to be honest (new to the forum) - I'm subscribed to a fair few threads in TTC all joining up people in a similar cycle - we're going to be testing in September. If I get my BFP (not likely but you never know) does that mean that I can't tell people that I've spent 4+ weeks discussing the cycle with? Completely understand not putting random BFP announcements into TTC but would be a bit odd not to share good news at the end of a cycle? I read somewhere that's it's ok to do in in threads in 2WW but what about threads that you join whilst you're waiting to ovulate and so are in TTC?

From what I can gather, you can't start a separate thread in the TTC sections just to announce a BFP. You have to do that in the BFP announcement thread. You can announce a BFP within a thread in the TTC sections where appropriate though, like a due date club or as a followup on a question about certain supplements, techniques, etc. Also, threads about if you have a question about early symptoms and whether you could be pregnant are o.k. too. However, threads posting pictures of HPTs asking whether they are positive are not should go in the HPT/OPK section I believe.

I'm not sure, but I believe the main TTC forum is not as strict as say, the LTTC forum because it is supposed to be a TTC forum for everybody and the separate sections are for when you just want a group of women who are going through the same issues as you.

Thank you!

 

[Fizzyfefe]

Ok I know you've vented since this about your dog.. What kind of dog is she? .. Since she's a rescue I know that may be hard to answer, but what I mean is, is she going to be a bigger dog? small size, medium?

I had a dog that did a lot of what your'e talking about.. She loved being in her crate as long as we were home. It got to the point where I'd let her have free roam when I left the house and gave her treats and she was fine. This was after going through many a crate with her. There was even the day I finally bought a bunch of padlocks that I attached to the hinges on a metal crate and put the crate so it was facing a wall. .. Until she figured out how to rip the door off of it by throwing all 85lbs of her weight at it. :doh:

She also would growl at people when I walked her.. but was fine with DH. We finally discovered that she calmed down after a while with me but in the beginning the growling made me nervous and she picked up on this energy which made it worse. We also think she was trying to "protect" me. It took a lot of patience but eventually we got her out of the habit.. lots of treats were brought with me on walks to help this along.. I did have a muzzle on her in the beginning though some times I walked her if I knew there would be a lot of people around so that I felt better mentally and less nervous about her acting agressive. Near the end, I didn't have to use it at all..

Just wanted to share this and let you know it should get better with time. Some dogs just have a harder time adjusting..
As everyone else has said.. a behaviourist is an excellent idea in this situation.
I hope it gets better for you.

Hi, Blondeshorty. My dog is practically the spawn of Satan ... she has only regressed since I originally posted that. She is a black lab mix; some people say she looks like part Pit, others say Boxer or Chow... And the vet didn't know. She's about 60 pounds right now, and the vet said she should stay this size.

Her training classes start tomorrow, thank goodness. They are going to help with commands, but I don't think they'll do anything for her behavior when we're not come. I wanted to buy a muzzle, but hubby is against it. I honestly think she's going to go crazy with all the people and other dogs, and won't be able to pay attention.

How did you train her to stop growling? I know you said you brought treats, but did you only give them to her when she didn't growl?

Thank you. I hope she does get better.

 

[AlyCon]

omg my sister is such a selfish little bitch!! once again i agreed to babysit for her FOR FREE and she turns around and is a complete ingrate towards me!! So before i get into the story let me say this, its hard for me to say no to her because im living with her right now while im waiting to be cleared to move to Germany where DH is- But its not even her house its my nieces paternal grandparents house and my sister lives with them- even though she and my nieces dad arent together but thats another story. Anyway, thats why i feel like i cant say no because i dont want to deal with the drama. heres the story:

Like i said i agreed to babysit for my sister while she goes to school. She said she got out at three so i agreed to do it because its only a few hours. but then this morning as shes getting ready to leave shes like "oh yea i have a meeting at six tonight.." and she didnt plan to come home in between which leaves me with the baby nonstop until at least eight oclock! and that pissed me off because my sister always does that, she gets me to agree to babysit and then all of a sudden she has a million things to do that day and I end up with her kid ALL DAY LONG. So she leaves and of course my niece is misbehaving, drawing in crayon all over the place driving me insane but luckily our other sister took us to the mall so i could at least get out of the house. So while im out she calls me to check on the baby and she tells me that after her meeting she has to meet up with a friend of hers to handle some business and im like WTF?? since when?? and she claims she told me about before but she didnt! so we get back from the mall and my niece refuses to eat her dinner then runs all around and wont lay down for bedtime and its already nine at night! So i finally get her to sleep so i shut the light off and closed the door. thats that.

almost two hours later my sister finally comes home just before eleven, which is SEVEN HOURS LATER than she originally agreed to, and shes like "wheres my baby?" no hey how are you or thank you just wheres my baby. so i tell her i put her to sleep in her room. And she gets this major attitude with me saying why would i leave her in the room by herself. and im like i honestly dont see a problem!! shes 21 months, the bed is huge and she knows how to crawl down by herself. so she rolls her eyes and goes to her room. then she comes storming back like "then why is she on the floor??" umm maybe because she crawled down there!! Duh! If she fell i would have heard her and she definitely would've cried which i also wouldve heard. So i tell her "well shes still sleeping and hasnt cried so she must be fine." then my sister stomps back to her room and i hear her say "why is she naked, ughh.." and talking shit under her breath. Now we all know that if you can get a baby to go to sleep you are going to leave them be. I am not going to risk waking a sleeping baby to put PJs on them!! she had on her diaper and i put two blankets on her!

Now for my vent:

What i dont understand is how are you gonna leave me with YOUR child all day long and then come home and complain about me?? You dont pay me or even say thank you but you can instantly point out everything i did "wrong?" oh really?? wow!! well how about this, if you want her to have a perfect day with perfectly balanced meals and perfect educational playtime and laying in the perfect position on the bed with the most perfect pair of pajamas on STAY HOME AND MAKE THAT SHIT HAPPEN YOURSELF!! dont put your responsibilities on me and then have the nerve to criticize the way i handled it! So what if shes naked on the floor! At least i spent TIME with her today! When you left this morning she had just woken up and when you crept in at eleven she was sleep, she didnt spend a lick of time with you today. I fed her, washed her, clothed her, played wither her, and most importantly told her i loved her! what the hell did you do for her today? oh i know, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! So stop pointing your finger at me and take a look in the goddamn mirror!

 

[kassiaethne]

to random people who keep decideing to tell me they think they are pregnant and not wanting the children...then offering to have the baby for ME to keep...

Why does everyone assume that because I want to adopt I am going to want to adopt THEIR mistakes. I want to adopt from brazil from a person who really needs to have a better chance in life...not you're stupid "I don't want a baby right now but I have a perfectly fine life" Do they think they are being helpful by offering me their mistakes? OH then they find out they are not pregnant and even offer to get knocked up FOR ME. REALLYYYYYY, You are freaking Bi Polar and your man has ADD and you think YOU are the perfect genetics I want for a baby? I don't even think you should be allowed to have childrens and should stop your shitty genetic line where it is...let alone wanna raise one of your spawn...How about you keep your legs closed and stop trying to offer to make a baby for me. It doesn't make me feel better about my own TTC issues and I DONT WANT YOUR BABIES.

It isn't like shes the only one who has offered when they thought they might be pregnant, once people found out I am thinking of adopting early because I am having TTC issues and I just would like to have my child in my home and I planned on adopting my second child anyways....come flocking to me as soon as they "feel" like they are pregnant offering me their kids. It sickens me and makes me want to punch you in the face. And then when they find out a few days later they aren't pregnant they are all oh my bad sorry, I'd give you a baby if I could. I DON'T NEED YOUR BABIES I WANT MY OWN STOP THINKING YOU ARE DOING ME A FAVOR. You really THINK I want to hear about you all thinking you are pregnant and freaking out about how it is going to ruin your life? when I've been trying for 11 months now and nada....oh yes please tell me how a child is the most inconvenient thing in the world right now and how you are thinking of an abortion if I don't take it....I wish infertility on ALL OF YOU HOEBAGS for humanities sakes...

*slinks off to a corner and fume*

 

[cntrygrl]

omg my sister is such a selfish little bitch!! once again i agreed to babysit for her FOR FREE and she turns around and is a complete ingrate towards me!! So before i get into the story let me say this, its hard for me to say no to her because im living with her right now while im waiting to be cleared to move to Germany where DH is- But its not even her house its my nieces paternal grandparents house and my sister lives with them- even though she and my nieces dad arent together but thats another story. Anyway, thats why i feel like i cant say no because i dont want to deal with the drama. heres the story:

Like i said i agreed to babysit for my sister while she goes to school. She said she got out at three so i agreed to do it because its only a few hours. but then this morning as shes getting ready to leave shes like "oh yea i have a meeting at six tonight.." and she didnt plan to come home in between which leaves me with the baby nonstop until at least eight oclock! and that pissed me off because my sister always does that, she gets me to agree to babysit and then all of a sudden she has a million things to do that day and I end up with her kid ALL DAY LONG. So she leaves and of course my niece is misbehaving, drawing in crayon all over the place driving me insane but luckily our other sister took us to the mall so i could at least get out of the house. So while im out she calls me to check on the baby and she tells me that after her meeting she has to meet up with a friend of hers to handle some business and im like WTF?? since when?? and she claims she told me about before but she didnt! so we get back from the mall and my niece refuses to eat her dinner then runs all around and wont lay down for bedtime and its already nine at night! So i finally get her to sleep so i shut the light off and closed the door. thats that.

almost two hours later my sister finally comes home just before eleven, which is SEVEN HOURS LATER than she originally agreed to, and shes like "wheres my baby?" no hey how are you or thank you just wheres my baby. so i tell her i put her to sleep in her room. And she gets this major attitude with me saying why would i leave her in the room by herself. and im like i honestly dont see a problem!! shes 21 months, the bed is huge and she knows how to crawl down by herself. so she rolls her eyes and goes to her room. then she comes storming back like "then why is she on the floor??" umm maybe because she crawled down there!! Duh! If she fell i would have heard her and she definitely would've cried which i also wouldve heard. So i tell her "well shes still sleeping and hasnt cried so she must be fine." then my sister stomps back to her room and i hear her say "why is she naked, ughh.." and talking shit under her breath. Now we all know that if you can get a baby to go to sleep you are going to leave them be. I am not going to risk waking a sleeping baby to put PJs on them!! she had on her diaper and i put two blankets on her!

Now for my vent:

What i dont understand is how are you gonna leave me with YOUR child all day long and then come home and complain about me?? You dont pay me or even say thank you but you can instantly point out everything i did "wrong?" oh really?? wow!! well how about this, if you want her to have a perfect day with perfectly balanced meals and perfect educational playtime and laying in the perfect position on the bed with the most perfect pair of pajamas on STAY HOME AND MAKE THAT SHIT HAPPEN YOURSELF!! dont put your responsibilities on me and then have the nerve to criticize the way i handled it! So what if shes naked on the floor! At least i spent TIME with her today! When you left this morning she had just woken up and when you crept in at eleven she was sleep, she didnt spend a lick of time with you today. I fed her, washed her, clothed her, played wither her, and most importantly told her i loved her! what the hell did you do for her today? oh i know, ABSOLUTELY NOTHING! So stop pointing your finger at me and take a look in the goddamn mirror!

You really need to say something to your sister. When do you leave for Germany because she will be in for a big wake up call when you are gone.

 

[tamithomas]

Ugh, just got back from the hospital for my blood test for HCG to confirm my loss. While walking out I see a woman looking ready to pop and she's got an ice cappucino espresso (I can tell by the color) and a cigarette in her hands. Both were hers. Needless to say i used up all of the cars extra kleenex we keep in there on the way home while crying.

 

[AlyCon]

cntrygrl: I leave in about three weeks and yes shes in for a very rude awakening. My nieces dad gets her on weekends but he doesnt look after her any better than i do!! he puts her in another room with the kiddie gate up so he can play video games all day. And the other weekend when he had her he called my sister to come pick her up early so he could go out with his friends. So if she thinks hes going to agree to have her on tuesdays and thursdays as well then shes crazier than i thought. Like i said in my other post i dont mind doing it but it would be nice to just get a THANK YOU and not be treated like im incompetent! because if i was incompetent then shes a bad mom for leaving her child with me! ughh i could go on all day..

 

[Bump2B]

Ugh, just got back from the hospital for my blood test for HCG to confirm my loss. While walking out I see a woman looking ready to pop and she's got an ice cappucino espresso (I can tell by the color) and a cigarette in her hands. Both were hers. Needless to say i used up all of the cars extra kleenex we keep in there on the way home while crying.

Ugh even if it was an accidental pregnancy, she's had 9 months to give up the nicotine and caffeine!

 

[Sass827]

I'm so sorry tami. It's really just not fair.