VENT THREAD! Things you WISH you could say..

[Lola90]

Dear heartburn p*ss off.
Dear baby - when you were a tiny nugget , it was cute. Now you are a PAPAYA, my bladder doesn't need you to kick it, punch it, roll on it, anything. Pipe down and move up!

 

[Emerald87]

Dear heartburn p*ss off.
Dear baby - when you were a tiny nugget , it was cute. Now you are a PAPAYA, my bladder doesn't need you to kick it, punch it, roll on it, anything. Pipe down and move up!

LOL honey... good catch with the edit!

 

[Lola90]

Haha thank you, thank you very much *bow*
Quite possibly the worst typo on this forum

 

[AngelofTroy]

Dear landlord, telling us that having a tiger picture up in our bedroom is bad luck in Chinese mythology and we should take it down for our sake and our baby's sake because it is too fierce for our 'birth animals' and we're putting our family in danger, then telling us about your friend's husband who died in a car crash a year after buying a tiger painting and trying to link those events together.... is quite frankly not acceptable 'chit chat' when you come to fix the radiator!!

Dear OH, did you really have to take the picture down?? It's a beautiful picture that I treasure because you drew it for me when we first met and you were taking art classes. I know he freaked you out but it's just silly superstition!

 

[Emerald87]

Haha thank you, thank you very much *bow*
Quite possibly the worst typo on this forum

I did a double take and then just laughed my arse off. Sick to laugh but I knew it was unintentional so I couldn't help myself.

 

[Emerald87]

Dear Baby PLEASE stop kicking my cervix. You're only 22 weeks old and it scares me how much more violent you're going to get - not to mention if you kick your way out you're not quite "baked" enough. Calm down for another 8 weeks at least!

 

[Elainey]

To my interfering sister in law - please stop making stupid comments on all my wall messages on facebook, especially as you do not know my friends! When I said to a friend that I'm doing slimming world, don't say "oh you're on a diet whilst pregnant, thats not very safe". You've never been pregnant, you know this how!! And when my friend is having a joke with me regarding the sex of the baby please keep your comments to yourself about "oh well as long as its healthy thats all that matters" - well obviously!! Keep your pompous opinions to yourself you nosy old cow!

To my husbands dad - please show some interest in how our scan went after my husband calls you to let you know and you spend the whole phonecall talking about how you think you've got cancer ( he doesn't, he's just a hypochondriac!!). And thank you for offering to give us £100 to buy some baby things - but then the next day saying how you can't really afford it so it might only be £25. but then in the next breath saying how you've got loads of money and have given my husbands sister and brother loads - yeh thanks for that!!

To my elderly friend who I help with her computer - you're lovely but you're also a very opinionated old lady and it drives me mad when you keep going on about my weight and how bad it is to be overweight whilst pregnant!! I know it's not going to be plain sailing, I do not need to be reminded of this!

To my husband - please don't roll your eyes and say "oh here we go again" when I say I don't feel too well.....have some sympathy!!

To my brother in law - if we want to find out the sex of our baby this is up to us! Stop saying it ruins the surprise!!

I could go on.....!!!

 

[gamblesrh]

Dear heartburn p*ss off.
Dear baby - when you were a tiny nugget , it was cute. Now you are a PAPAYA, my bladder doesn't need you to kick it, punch it, roll on it, anything. Pipe down and move up!

I am having the same darn problem with mine jumping on my bladder

 

[gamblesrh]

To my in laws: how a out you pull the sticks out of your a$$'s and help us come up with the rest of the 16,000 we need to keep our house and not worry about going to the beach the whole time. No it's not mine or my husband's fault for not paying the mortgage each month it's called we have a mortgage, car payment, insurance, gas bill, water bill, cable bill, phone/internet bill, child support,cell phone bill, gas for the cars, and we also have 3 kids already here who we have to buy things for, household items to buy, food, and a baby on the way to buy things for since we have nothing for him your son only makes 2000.00 a week what do you think we are going to do when we have no where to go in 2 weeks when the bank sells our house, if you would stop helping your other son then maybe I would understand when you say you don't have the money to help us but you do.

I will name my child what ever I want to and if I want to get rid of some of my daughters things to help get my soon to be son's then I will, you only bought her maybe 6 things all together since she has been born, we put out all the money for her to have the clothes that she's had up to this point.

 

[Strike]

To my MIL,

I know that FIL had to take a pay cut because of lack of work coming in to the company, but why the hell would you expect DH and I to help cover the difference when you both still spend most of your free time at the casino? Have you forgotten that we have a baby on the way? It's our first, and we don't want the crappy quality hand-me-downs from your nephews boy, especially the car seat. None of you have taken care of his stuff. It's filthy, worn and smells like cigarette smoke!

 

[babyquiros812]

To my husband - I know there is a reason I married you and Im sure it had something to do with you having a big heart but lately your just a flat out asshole! Yes Im tired all the time even though Im not working, Im carrying YOUR SON! Im sorry I dont have the energy to get on my knees to scrub every spot on the floor and sorry if I dont always fold your under clothes. Oh and if I have a hard time getting up in the morning, GET OVER IT and find something already prepared in the fridge to take for lunch! Im on anxiety meds to deal with your ass which make me very groggy! Just because I am your wife doesnt mean I have to wait on you hand and foot. You have two hands and know how to make a sandwich and the coffee machine is not that complicated, quit whining about "Nobody made my lunch today". I understand you are the only one working and we really do appreciate it, but dont appreciate the way you treat us because you are the only one working. Seriously, if you dont like it or arent happy, just let us go back to Texas to be with our family. Oh and please, you think you could at least show the slightest interest in me or the baby when you get home from work? Ignoring us isnt gonna make us disappear, unless of course that is your preference, in which case we would finally agree on something! Blow it out your ass and start acting like a father!

 

[gretavon]

To the very unprofessional hair salon i called to get my hair done. 1) do not answer the phone at a place of business "hello?" 2) when you ask someone to "hang on" atleast put the phone down away from your mouth so I cant hear you mock my german accent to a coworker!!!!!! You stupid monkey!!!!!!! Yes i "vont to make a hair appointment" i am so sorry i dont have the same classy twang ya'll west texans have. You are so full of class you hillbiilly hairdressers assistant!!!!! Bah! Good luck with your business ho I will be sure to tell everyone in this tiny town about my experiance with your very profesional very high end salon with the reseptionist from heehaw manning the front desk! Hooker.

 

[gretavon]

BTW I have a ton of thick hair that goes down to my lower back that i wanted to get colored and cut soooo you just waved Auf Wiedersehen to a bunch of cash...and im an awesome tipper!

 

[Elainey]

To my husband - I know there is a reason I married you and Im sure it had something to do with you having a big heart but lately your just a flat out asshole! Yes Im tired all the time even though Im not working, Im carrying YOUR SON! Im sorry I dont have the energy to get on my knees to scrub every spot on the floor and sorry if I dont always fold your under clothes. Oh and if I have a hard time getting up in the morning, GET OVER IT and find something already prepared in the fridge to take for lunch! Im on anxiety meds to deal with your ass which make me very groggy! Just because I am your wife doesnt mean I have to wait on you hand and foot. You have two hands and know how to make a sandwich and the coffee machine is not that complicated, quit whining about "Nobody made my lunch today". I understand you are the only one working and we really do appreciate it, but dont appreciate the way you treat us because you are the only one working. Seriously, if you dont like it or arent happy, just let us go back to Texas to be with our family. Oh and please, you think you could at least show the slightest interest in me or the baby when you get home from work? Ignoring us isnt gonna make us disappear, unless of course that is your preference, in which case we would finally agree on something! Blow it out your ass and start acting like a father!

*hugs*

 

[gretavon]

 

[Gabber]

To the very unprofessional hair salon i called to get my hair done. 1) do not answer the phone at a place of business "hello?" 2) when you ask someone to "hang on" atleast put the phone down away from your mouth so I cant hear you mock my german accent to a coworker!!!!!! You stupid monkey!!!!!!! Yes i "vont to make a hair appointment" i am so sorry i dont have the same classy twang ya'll west texans have. You are so full of class you hillbiilly hairdressers assistant!!!!! Bah! Good luck with your business ho I will be sure to tell everyone in this tiny town about my experiance with your very profesional very high end salon with the reseptionist from heehaw manning the front desk! Hooker.

Idiots!

 

[Lola90]

To the very unprofessional hair salon i called to get my hair done. 1) do not answer the phone at a place of business "hello?" 2) when you ask someone to "hang on" atleast put the phone down away from your mouth so I cant hear you mock my german accent to a coworker!!!!!! You stupid monkey!!!!!!! Yes i "vont to make a hair appointment" i am so sorry i dont have the same classy twang ya'll west texans have. You are so full of class you hillbiilly hairdressers assistant!!!!! Bah! Good luck with your business ho I will be sure to tell everyone in this tiny town about my experiance with your very profesional very high end salon with the reseptionist from heehaw manning the front desk! Hooker.

How rude!

 

[Emerald87]

To the very unprofessional hair salon i called to get my hair done. 1) do not answer the phone at a place of business "hello?" 2) when you ask someone to "hang on" atleast put the phone down away from your mouth so I cant hear you mock my german accent to a coworker!!!!!! You stupid monkey!!!!!!! Yes i "vont to make a hair appointment" i am so sorry i dont have the same classy twang ya'll west texans have. You are so full of class you hillbiilly hairdressers assistant!!!!! Bah! Good luck with your business ho I will be sure to tell everyone in this tiny town about my experiance with your very profesional very high end salon with the reseptionist from heehaw manning the front desk! Hooker.

Greta, this made me lol (sorry) I love the German accent and I can't help but picture the whole scenario in my head, mainly the hill billy idiot yelling out. Great for business eh? Morons.

 

[LillyLee]

Dear Intern at my office,

No one likes you and here is why. You don't know how to eavesdrop effectively. Staring blatantly at someone as they walk out of their bosses office after having a conversation is obvious to everyone that you were listening. Walking into a conversation about a job opening and saying, "I couldn't help but overhearing..." Yeah, you could help but overhearing so butt out.

Lastly, you don't have access to print anything which means, DO NOT PICK UP OTHER PEOPLE'S PRINT JOBS, READ THEM, THEN PUT THEM BACK!!!!! This is so ridiculously nosy I want to slap you across the face. You didn't print anything. You KNOW you didn't print anything. Why the F*CK are you even standing at the printer?!?! If you were trying to be helpful you would say, "Oh did you forget your print job?" And give it to the correct person, but since you just put it back it obviously means that you just wanted to read it for your own nosy ass benefit. I HATE YOU!

 

[x-ginge-x]

Sorry if the fact I disciplined the dog for running after stealing. She's spent 4 years running, and has cost me over £1000 in damages both to property and my stuff. My brother grabbed her as she was running AGAIN for the 4th time this week because I yelled at her.

So just letting her get away with stealing and running from the garden would be a good thing? That must be where I'm going wrong!I guess I'll leave the gate open next time so the next HGV that goes down the road hits her when it drives past instead. =/