waiting for ivf and struggling!

[AlbaNY]

Thank you for understanding.

It is complicated, but for one thing I do not work. The finances are pretty much in his control, and even if I were to work it would have to be part time and earning little (health reasons. Also we thought it better with all the ivf scheduling and we agree to have one parent home.)
I wouldn't mind a loan to do ivf, but DH has anxiety about not having savings and about loans due to a bad period in his twenties after losing his job and not finding another for more than a year. Savings are very important to him. I know he will not change his mind about that. Lastly, I cannot stand living where we do. I have been in the city since 2004, but I grew up on a farm and hate it here. I have long felt like in prison just waiting for real life to begin so that the barely tolerable suffocation feelings will go away. I don't feel like myself, can't stand our crowded, dirty, rude neighbourhood and miss sunlight, being able to go outside, and things hard to describe. For me it is like an entire aspect of life has been cut off all this time and it is like missing a sense of smell, sight, or hearing... Very hard to explain, but very important to me. We wanted to move in 2-3 years, but had to save a lot first. This cycle just wiped out the savings.

Of course, I feel strongly about having a child too, but that is more recent and probably still hasn't sunk in that we can't just do that like most people. When I think of not having a family I feel just as desperate. Perhaps I should speak to a therapist to sort things, but in any case I am very afraid of the way I'll feel if this fails and we can't do it again or move either.

The only idea I had is that maybe we could do mini IVF next year if hunks doesn't work? Our insurance covers an amount yearly, but the meds and a few non-covered things added up terribly, and I'm not even certain if the amount being billed to insurance will be under the limit, because no one answered that for us at the clinic.
What I am hoping is that mini-ivf could be under the yearly amount so that we could try? I don't know much about it, but maybe? I heard it is done without many/any stims? That would make the difference even if you only get an egg at a time, because one egg to retrieve with it covered would be a chance compared to none at all.

I'm sorry to dump all this here, but I am sure you guys have also struggled with certain aspects of the journey too. My SIL is very sympathetic too, but being a very different sort of person fundamentally doesn't understand my motivations about many things, however, she had several failed ivf cycles and is a wonderful support regarding the infertility.
I do think I will be asking about the counselling or support group the clinic offers, now that I am writing all this.

 

[2have4kids]

I think what you said put things in perspective, being a sole income earner puts your family at a much higher risk to financial adversity and I agree with him that taking on debt wouldn't be a good thing. We each have to make things work as we see fit.
For example, I would like a family of 4 children and unlike many other women, I would not stay at home nor would I want to. I am in love with my career and don't think I'd thrive being at home or at home with children all day. My plan is to hire a nanny to help with childcare, cooking, and light cleaning when they're small. I have Fridays off and love my three day weekends and work from home on Wednesdays so I'd still be able to have loads of quality time with my little drips compared to the average working mom. But having been a nanny through my university summers I just know I'd lose my mind being at home around kids all day, even if they're my own.
Most other women I know would kill to be a stay at home mom. We all have to do what's right in our unique situations and there's no judgement around that from me!
I really do hope it works out for you with this round, you deserve a family!

 

[mummy.wannabe]

AlbaNY you sound very unhappy. I think you definetly need to talk to hubby and tell him how your feeling. You hear so many stories or people splitting up because of the stress of Ivf and you don't want it to come to that.
I understand you don't work but things should be decided between both of you and not him just saying no that's it.
You can still keep savings and get a loan out but make sure it's an amount that he can pay back out of his wages.
Would he be happy or complete with no children?
everyone has their own opinions so speak to your family, SIL, friends, councillor who ever to get it off your chest as just typing it does not get things off my chest, I need to say it to someone.
I really hope that this round works for you and that you don't need to worry about needing extra money.
You don't need stress whilst doing Ivf though so really do try and stay as relaxed as possible for the best possible change x

 

[AlbaNY]

Thank you Mummy and 2Have for your thoughtful replies.

I am actually much better now. I wrote a long post in my journal about it, so I won't clutter this thread. However, I talked myself into being relaxed about the outcome this cycle, and then DH told me that the company he has long been thinking about switching to covers IVF 100%, he found out. In the long term I am now convinced we will get a chance to try again one way or another. It took so much pressure off.

2Have, I do agree with him also regarding being financially safe. It is a very important thing. It sounds like you have everything figured out for you, which is great.
How wonderful that you have three day weekends and work from home one day too!

I'm not exactly content with the path my life is taking (lack of fulfilling career,) but I have been making it into a good one all the same. I do know that I'll be happy as a homemaker and hopefully stay at home mum, so that is good. It would be so hard if I had a different personality/frame of mind. Anyway…

Mummy, I have been thinking about what next if it doesn't work. At first I'll need some time to regroup, but I do plan to get a part time job nearby and will save my wages toward IVF. The only reason I hadn't already was to have the freedom for appointments and planning on being pregnant. Aside from that, things may work out for other reasons too.
We may need to talk more, but we will. He is very understanding and values communication, which is one reason I'm with him.

Thank you so much.

 

[AlbaNY]

In other news, I may trigger tonight! Yay!!

Today I saw the really nice Dr again for the sonogram. She said it'll be tonight or tomorrow, so I am pretty excited. My five follicles are all around the same size, which she said was excellent. The one on the left is 20mm. The four on the right are 16mm, 17mm, 18mm, and 19mm.


Where all the rest of you at now?
Lanet hasn't posted here in a while, but I think she is triggering soon too?
Ducktales, you are still waiting to find out when her appointment will be?
Pinkie, I hope we hear good things from you on the 9th!

 

[AlbaNY]

I really need to sleep, but I'm having a hard time. My right side hurts something awful, but that is to be expected? Right?
I'm glad that everything will be checked in just a few hours.

 

[AlbaNY]

Trigger tonight.

 

[2have4kids]

Sleep well Albany, sweet dreams!

 

[MinxyChick]

AlbaNY - your follies are nice & big, it is common to feel a little discomfort / fullness. I was actually far more uncomfortable on my cycles with the least follies, there appears to rhyme or reason to this.
Good luck for egg collection tomorrow. As the others have said try to relax this cycle. Hopefully you won't need to but if you do I'm sure you'll find a way to save some money for another cycle. If you can afford to live on DH's salary saving money from a part-time job could be an excellent idea.

Afm: I was determined not to think about mother's day yesterday but I did find it very hard in the morning (in the afternoon we took my Mum out for a drive, then I made us roast dinner at hers & we watched MidSummer Murders afterwards - so lovely to have a normal weekend with my Mum), I found it hard to know that I will never have a biological child, I will never have a child that looks like me and just thinking about those 4 IVFs and how really with my poor eggs we never stood a chance. It kinda takes its toil. I had a really good conversation with DH, we both feel if this donor cycle doesn't work that we won't do double donation but we will pursue adoption. Double donation isn't for us, we'd rather try and give a wonderful family life to a child whose had a terrible start than make a new life using DNA of two strangers anyway, who are child would not be able to trace. Adoption will be hard as if we are lucky enough to adopt our child will likely have a horrible histroy we will need to explain to them and they will no doubt need more support.

We will see....

 

[2have4kids]

Minxy, that's a brave choice and although you have wicked fears, once in loving homes, children are extremely resilient! They bounce with the situation and given love and safety, they flourish. Whatever form it comes, you will be a wonderful mother.

 

[AlbaNY]

Minxy, it is a relief to hear that maybe the pain isn't that much worse for those with more follies. I suppose it is kind of like endo, and that sometimes mild endo hurts more than extensive for no apparent reason?

I am pretty relaxed. My only concern at this point is how sick I became with the flu DH brought home last week. It isn't at all ideal, but I cannot help it, so…

I'm so sorry for all the turmoil you've been going through. Many hugs and luck to you and your husband. What 2Have says is quite true. A friend of mine ended up deciding to adopt from Kazakhstan some years ago, and it was so sad what conditions her son had been in. He has responded beautifully to their love however, and it truly is amazing.

 

[MinxyChick]

AlbaNY, 2Have - thanks for your kind words. I truly believe a child can flourish in the right environment too. I need to also look into how the fact my husband was married before, all be it 14 years ago would effect things.

2Have - sorry I meant to comment on the results of the test & the turner's syndrome. It is good news this is on the half of the egg & the sperm is still good. I'm sure I saw somewhere on the DE thread that this exact thing with the turner's syndrome happended to someone else too who used a donor in prague. I might be going crazy. I have such a good feeling about Serum for you.

AlbaNY - EC tomorrow? Good luck. Having had 4 ECs I found the pain afterwards varied each time, the best thing I did for myself was get myself to bed as soon as possible and just sleep and rest. Keep up clear fluids and eat well.

 

[Pinkie 33]

Albany, sending you lots of luck and good wishes, I really hope this is the cycle for you

2have4kids, when are you looking at getting going again?

Minxy, it sounds like you have talked things through and made some brave choices. We too are very open to adoption and if this pregnancy is another molar, we maybe considering it. There is only so much of this you can put yourself through before life has to move forward. I sometimes feel like I'm stuck in groundhog day, re-living this over and over again. I'm hopeful that things have worked out for us this time but I'm realistic that there is a chance that it hasn't. We'll find out a week tomorrow.

xxx

 

[MinxyChick]

Pinkie - I'm hopeful this will be ok for you. But I totally agree about the Groundhog Day. I never thought I'd give up on IVF but we've tried everything. I've spent 4 years having tests, researching being so focused. I'm worn out. If we do this next round then that's it. I feel I've disappeared beneath all this.

 

[AlbaNY]

Hi guys! I am PUPO with twins today!

Our four embryos looked excellent yesterday. Today one was still excellent, and one had arrested yesterday becoming more fragmented since. Two were growing but more slowly. We froze the lonely one today after transferring two.

 

[YearningHeart]

AlbaNY - Congratulations! Im really happy for you. Hopefully everything goes smooth and well. x

 

[2have4kids]

Albany congrats!! Fx for sticky beans!!!
Pinkie we're trying to get to the Athens clinic before June 1, this is when the price of flights & accommodations all go up (high season). Consultation is Monday.

 

[MinxyChick]

Hi AlbaNY - congrats & fx'd for the 2 week wait. How did EC go etc?


Hope everyone has a lovely weekend.

In gross news I have to send a sample of AF blood to the clinic for testing. AF started yesterday.

 

[YearningHeart]

Minxy - How comes you had to give a sample of AF?

 

[AlbaNY]

Thanks guys

2Have, good luck with the consult.

Minxy, egg collection was interesting. I wrote in my blog here about it, but the short version is that they gave me an epidural instead of twilight sedation. I dreaded the idea of an epidural, but they decided to do it rather than risk a med contraindicated with a mitochondrial muscle disease I have. Instead of leaving shortly after the procedure I had to lay around half the day until I could walk and pee.