We made the trimesters pass quickly!

[Mummy to be x]

You should never cry it out and never just leave it and forget it Hun, no way! Don't you do that. Tell him to get his arse home now or else, you shouldn't put up with this.

 

[eme]

As good as it is to cry things out, that's not going to fix the situation. And if it's not addressed here, it's just going to come out in different ways down the road, in different circumstances.

I know that confrontation is exhausting and the fear of how someone may react can cause one to forgo it altogether. But it's not going to get any better....and again, it'll just rear it's ugly head somewhere else. It's about honoring and respecting you. He may not understand why it upsets you, and that's not the point, he doesn't need to understand.

What he DOES need to do is understand that as a man and a man that's pledged to someone, someone who is carrying his child....he has an obligation to ensure that you always feel safe and loved within the relationship. Right now you don't feel either.

It's not about 'freedom' or jealousy or anything like that.....it's about honor, respect, and ensuring that both of you feel cherished and safe.

 

[UniqueBeauty]

I couldn't agree more with what you've said. I've just managed to calm myself down for the babys sake, I really didn't want to get worked up. He's still over there drinking. We're meant to be going to this motocross thing this weekend and there's £10 missing from my purse which leaves us with £10 spending money! It's £30 for entry as it is. I had £80 aside for the day, what a joke.

 

[Mummy to be x]

Has he taken the ten pound out your purse?

I'm glad you've calmed down for baby's sake that's good, I'm not sure I'd be able to do that, I know how you feel though my ex was a nasty piece of work who used to flirt and try it on with every woman about, he cheated and would text other woman, he also had a secret phone and when I found that, that topped it off for me, he had to go.....he is my daughters dad so we still have to keep in touch but I hate him.

I know I've gone a bit off track there but I guess what I'm getting at is that you don't deserve any of this Hun, your pregnant....pregnant with HIS baby you don't deserve to be left at home while he goes and does what he pleases, like eme said, you should deffo get things out in the open and really explain to him how you feel maybe doing it tonight won't be a good idea if he's drunk? Maybe tomorrow? I don't know but don't keep quiet, chat with him and express how you feel x

 

[eme]

Yeah it sounds like there are a few things that need to be addressed. It's best to do it when he hasn't been drinking so tomorrow is probably best. However, if you don't say anything at all tonight about being upset, he could view a conversation another day as you "blind-siding" him or "bringing up old junk".

So when he comes home I would calmly tell him that tomorrow, when you both have a few minutes, that there are things you need to discuss. This will give you time to calm down, collect your thoughts and words, and decide what the MOST important issues are that need to be addressed.

It's not JUST this woman and how he behaves with and around her, it goes deeper than that....and also if the missing money was to pay for his drinking tonight or something, that's another issue that needs to be addressed. Basically, to me, it sounds like it's coming down to an utter lack of respect for you and the relationship you have. He's devaluing you with his behaviour and lack of consideration. The two of you should come first in both of your minds....both you and him in his mind and vice versa. And right now it seems like all he cares about is himself. Even if his words say something differently, his actions do not.

 

[Ziggie]

I'd fucking kill him if he was mine. Luckily mine knows that...

Not on.

 

[UniqueBeauty]

He would definitely of drank too much tonight, this 1 beer has lasted him an hour. He always bullshits me when he goes over there. One night it was 12 oclock then it was 1am then it was 4am what the hell will it be tonight. I got offered to go over but he knows I can't f*cking drink so he was like she's ill, I'll come over though! not oh is it okay If I pop over there? Sick of this shit
If I mention anything about him being over there he will say he has no friends, he doesn't get out and then he'll say I'm controlling him bla bla bla I just don't know what to do about it.

 

[Mummy to be x]

Definitely don't listen to that, you don't control him, no way! Could someone watch your son tomorrow? Maybe then you could let it all out to him and chat etc, don't let him bull shit you nomore or he will do it forever, I don't mean to sound harsh Hun I just don't agree with you been treat like this x

 

[eme]

He would definitely of drank too much tonight, this 1 beer has lasted him an hour. He always bullshits me when he goes over there. One night it was 12 oclock then it was 1am then it was 4am what the hell will it be tonight. I got offered to go over but he knows I can't f*cking drink so he was like she's ill, I'll come over though! not oh is it okay If I pop over there? Sick of this shit
If I mention anything about him being over there he will say he has no friends, he doesn't get out and then he'll say I'm controlling him bla bla bla I just don't know what to do about it.

It needs to be addressed because if you don't it will just burn resentment into you and will just grow into more and more resentment. Soon the socks he leaves on the floor will piss you off, the TV being too loud will piss you off, etc etc etc because it will fester.

If left unaddressed as well, it could eventually be the undoing of your relationship altogether. If you get tired before he gets home and want to go to sleep, leave a note where you know he'll see it, tell him you need to talk with him in the morning, and then hash it out like your relationship depends on it! Because it does.

You can't stay in a relationship like this, it borders on emotional abuse (neglect). So, even though it's hard, and it's likely to be ugly, you need to hash it out with him and find a way to make this work for both of you. Have his 'friends' over to your place, if people ask why you aren't drinking say you're on medication and can't,e tc.

 

[ab75]

Sorry you are going thru this ub. I had an ex like that and no way would I put up with that again. I know that its difficult when you are living it but I wouldn't be putting up with that now.
Did u say earlier on in the week that it was him that liked the motorsport event? If so I would take the money, take your son and blow the money on a fun day, just you and your boy. Just my opinion tho.
I can remember how I used to feel and its not nice xxx

 

[UniqueBeauty]

It only ever happens when he's over the road, it's like he wants to be there because she's there and we all know when we've had a few we get giddy and flirty. It's ridiculous. He hasn't even taken his phone I might just go and sit on the door step again and watch them, have a hot drink.

 

[eme]

And quite frankly, who gives a $#!! if he doesn't have friends, that's not your fault and it's not your problem. That's not your 'burden' to bear.

 

[Mummy to be x]

Why hasn't he taken his phone? Don't sit on the doorstep, walk over and kick his backside across the road back home!

 

[ab75]

And if she has left her child at home alone, phone the police xx

 

[eme]

^^^^this!

 

[Mummy to be x]

And if she has left her child at home alone, phone the police xx

Yep then she will have to leave!

 

[eme]

although, they'd all know it was more than likely you who called and that just might make things ugly.........but regardless, this absolute disrespect HAS to stop and you're the only one who's going to make that happen.

 

[UniqueBeauty]

Well she's just come knocking on my door because she was talking about me behind my back. I said to her if you have something to say then say it, then she said something and I called her a fat bitch and now she's at the door! My OH is like come on, come and have your say I'm not getting worked up over it again!

 

[ab75]

Tell her to fuck off, you have a sleeping child upstairs xx

 

[UniqueBeauty]

He woke up so I put him in my bed. I had the other girl shouting the odds at me and my OH then MY next door neighbours threatened to call the police on them.

Oh yeah. My OH is now ignoring me and he hasn't touched me even though I'm here balling my eyes out. :/