What does your mother think?

[KahluaCupcake]

I know we often go to our mothers for our first defense, and to vent.
Are you sharing your journey with your parents, or keeping it more on the "down low," keeping it between you and your partner until you conceive?

We've got both sides here. I keep my mom updated on a lot of what's going on. She's been rooting for a grandchild for years, tired of having to look at pictures of all her friends' grandkids, and being the only one of her friends without. I know I've got an awesome supporter in her, and that she'll be my go-to when I do fall pregnant.
DF's parents, on the other hand, have no idea. He chooses to not tell them, and wants to wait until there's good news to share. He also does not wish to tell them we're using a sperm donor, opting to say "we has help" when they ask how it happened (his infertility is caused by childhood cancer, so they're well aware of it). I'm a little nervous about this, and figure at some point someone is going to slip....but that's on him. In the same respect, nobody really needs to know. Those who adopt don't tell everyone they meet that their child is adopted.

How about you?

 

[MarcsMrs]

My mother is my number one supporter & I tell her everything. She keeps me going.
My family all know, my mum, my step-dad & my 2 sisters. One of my sisters has a 18month old boy so she is all for him having a cousin & has packed up all the baby stuff for me!!
On the other hand DH's mum & I dont get on! She told us on our wedding day that she doesnt want to be a Granny for a long time!!!!!! FFS its not like she can stop us having children!! So obviously we have not told her anything!!!!! She was the same when we got engaged & set a date.....said she wasnt ready to be mother of the groom!!!! WTF like? Its not up to her! And its not like we are children....we are both 27!
We wont be telling his mum until we make it to 12weeks anyway as she can never keep her mouth shut!!

Love having the support of my mum & sisters though!

 

[Freakycactus]

I haven't told my mum, OH has issues with his family and hasn't spoken to them in almost a year so they'll find out once we've had the 12 week scan.

I think my mum might know as she went into my room the other day and I had an OPK laid on top of it's wrapper (it was developing), my BBT box, the BBT next to the bed and she'd moved the bag with the rest of my OPKs in (they were still inside the bag they were posted in), I'm guessing she didn't move it without looking inside. She hasn't said anything though (probably because she shouldn't have been in my room).

Normally my mum is my number one go to person, but not on this, I don't think she'd approve and at the moment it's quite nice that it's just between me and OH (mainly, I may have told some people I work with).

 

[NDH]

We haven't told either of our parents. I love my mom, but we've never been that close and our personalities are so opposite that I don't have an easy time sharing things. I know both of our parents will be so excited to be grandparents (or again in DH's parent's case as his sister has 2 children who they have been raising), but I'm not comfortable sharing the journey with them. I mostly just don't want people to know how long it's taken really.

 

[amielh]

For years my mum has been going on and on about me and OH having children.. Now the time has come I have brought it in to conversation a couple of times and the conversation doesnt go anywhere,almost like its real now! Thats as far as I've gone with my parents. I'll tell them when we have a positive..

As for OH parents, again its been mentioned but the conversation has never gone anywhere...

I guess its just me and OH (and close friends) for now...

 

[wanting2010]

My parents and my DH's parents didn't know until my m/c last month. I had already told my best friend when we first started trying (she actually went to a lot of my doctor's appointments with me when I was first having testing done, etc, and went to the hospital with me when I was having my m/c), but nobody else besides her knew.

Now a lot of people know and it makes me feel like everyone is just watching and waiting, wondering when I'm going to get pregnant again, and I hate that!! I wish I could go back to nobody knowing we were trying!! Especially now that my best friend just had her baby, I hate those pitying looks I am getting from people!

 

[ao30]

We told my parents last week that we are having some infertility issues. They had guessed before though. We're going to be telling husband's parents sometime in the next week or two... they really want grandbabies!

My mum is amazing, but I'm a bit like my father and try not to tell her everything. For some reason we both (father and I), don't like to have to see her deal with pain. Which infuriates her in turn, lol. I try to keep our conversations light and airy.

 

[Bunnylicious]

my parents are not 'pushy', they are 'when it happens it will happen' kind of people

my in-laws on the other hand, she keeps asking and hinting, "So there's going to be an addition this x'mas, right?"

Sorry to disappoint u, mother.

 

[S_Dowd]

We decided to tell DH's family because his parents have the attitude that children are a gift. They are excited that we're TTC.

My family on the other hand don't think we've been married long enough, don't think we have enough $, etc. (This is coming from when I mentioned wanting a baby before we were even trying) It's KILLING me not to tell them. I have to make things up when I'm asked why I'm taking all the vitamins... why I dyed my hair back to my natural color, etc. I just can't handle a lecture from them, especially when I'm so excited!

I did tell my little sister, though. But she's sworn to secrecy

 

[Monkey monkey]

Really nice to hear all your comments. I really wish my mum was there for me but sadly she isn't, haven't really spoken in a while, she just throws insults at me if I do. Long story, so so nice to have your mum there tho x

 

[SpicyWolf]

We decided not to tell anyone (even family) in case it took awhile and we didn't want to have to deal with constant questions. Maybe it jinxed us (cause we're going on 18 months TTC now) but I'm glad we didn't - it would have made it so much more awful to be dealing with infertility and then have to keep telling everyone, 'no, not yet.' It's bad enough telling DH every month when AF shows up.

 

[lipsty]

DH and I aren't telling either set of parents that we're TTC. We probably won't tell them until the 12 wk scan, which I'm a bit worried might cause issues but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. It's weird not telling people that we're close to, but this TTC business is stressful enough without everyone's expectations as well. We'll get plenty of support when we do tell, though

 

[NovemberRayne]

We haven't told our parents we're trying to conceive - deciding to take the route of sharing once there is something to tell, after 2 losses in the past I feel a lot more cautious, not wanting to get too excited

I know I could tell my mum, she's already a grandmother of two but we'd rather just keep it to ourselves for now

 

[HildieVK]

we are keeping it to ourselves for now. My BFF, who is also our roommate, knows, but that's because she unfortunately gets to hear the bd more often than she'd like, i think I also told my boss, because we're close and i wanted him to be in the loop about things that might be affecting my mood or work schedule.

We don't tell his mother anything; she's expressed enough that she's ready to be a grandma again, and what a great daddy my OH will be. I don't need the added pressure.

My mom would be ECSTATIC, but she also knows I've had some problems, so I just choose not to worry her.

As soon as I am pregnant, everyone in the family (save for my mom, who doesn't care) will start asking "when are you getting married???" I'm the family scandal!

 

[Jess137]

We decided to tell DH's family because his parents have the attitude that children are a gift. They are excited that we're TTC.

My family on the other hand don't think we've been married long enough, don't think we have enough $, etc. (This is coming from when I mentioned wanting a baby before we were even trying) It's KILLING me not to tell them. I have to make things up when I'm asked why I'm taking all the vitamins... why I dyed my hair back to my natural color, etc. I just can't handle a lecture from them, especially when I'm so excited!

I did tell my little sister, though. But she's sworn to secrecy

Wow, I could have written your post myself. The only difference is that my mom doesn't know that I have stopped most of my meds. I am worried about a lecture as well, since they think we haven't been married long enough or have enough money.

 

[carine]

I keep my mom updated on my cycle, all my tests and doctor visits. She's convinced it will happen for us, and said back in January that she thought I'd find out in April, so we'll see. The women in my family are often very intuitive so it would be great if she's correct!

My husband's mother knows generally we're trying/not preventing, but no details. She hasn't said much about it, only spoken vaguely of taking an apartment nearby once we do have our first. I don't think she completely approves of our timing because I'm in grad school, but she also thinks motherhood is the only true purpose in life for all women, so she can't be that upset.

Some of my very close friends know that we're TTC, but I've gotten to where I hate talking about it to them because I think they're uninterested. I probably won't say anything more unless we get a BFP.

 

[Tina Bee]

My parents aren't really supportive. My mom wont accept that I have fertility problems and my dad thinks its a bad time to try for children.

Dh's parents are deceases, but his grandma told me that if we're ready to go ahead.

 

[elliep]

We aren't telling anyone until there is something to tell.

Both sets of parents have said they want us to have a baby!

 

[MrsHelenH]

I'm keeping it from my Mum at the moment for the reason that she is not very supportive. She made a comment a while ago that if we were not going to have kids then my DH may as well get the "op".

She is pretty insensitive and considers my time to be "running out" at 31.

It doesn't help that my sister has had two already and is only 28.

If I tell her I am trying and on cycle 4 then I feel like she will say "told you so" and that I should have started trying ages ago.

Really wish she was more supportive

 

[carine]

Oh MrsHelen, I'm sorry! No way is your time running out at 31. Maybe she just really wants you to be able to be a mother and doesn't know how to express it in a way that seems supportive. Hopefully she can just be happy for you once you get your BFP and not be snide about your timing!