What not to say:

[Makeupdubai]

people who havent lost..just dont understand how painful it is!

 

[LeaArr]

people who havent lost..just dont understand how painful it is!

That's the truth. There is no way to explain it to anyone who hasn't been through it either.

 

[pinknpurple]

I have never had a miscarriage but I did lose my first born son, and I agree some people can be cruel even if it is accidental. One of my "friends" said to me "oh but look on the bright side, you can get your life back now" (I was a teenager at the time) as if the first thing on my mind was all the things I could do without my son, when it was ACTUALLY all the things I now COULDN'T do WITH him. I just want to send hugs to all of you, I'm so sorry for your losses and I will be thinking of you and your angels everytime I remember mine xxx

 

[Hopeful J]

I can't believe how some people's minds work??
I only told a few people and I was a bit fed up of people giving me advice on what to do. I'm sure they meant well but with my missed miscarriage I didnt want to believe it had really happened let alone make a decision about something so important.

I think people say too much and should just say sorry because you are a Mum that lost a baby. They have to acknowledge that if you were even just a little bit pregnant, as far as you were concerned you had seen your baby and it was alive to you.

 

[LauniBug]

I've heard many of those and more. I think people just have no idea what to say and since they don't understand what it's like, they say whatever pops into their head- however hurtful.

The worst one I got was a friend telling me (a few days after my m/c) that she had miscarried too, but she was relieved because she would have aborted anyway. Talk about insensitive!

 

[gemsio]

Oh i have heard all of those! i think the worst thing i have had said to me was when i told a work collegue about the M/C she said yeah i know how you feel, its coming up to the anniversary of my abortion next next week! to be honest that was the last thing i could take, and pretty told her that NO its not the same, my baby was very much loved and wanted, you made the decision to get rid of yours, so you DON'T know how i feel at all!

 

[tiggy]

My best friend ws pregnant with triplets (twins are now 4) wen she found out she lost one she came home in tears for her neighbour to tell her.

Get over it ffs U still have Jack(her eldest son now 5) and u still carrying twins.

Could have slepped the woman that day but lynn was upset enuff.

 

[hayley x]

I have never had a miscarriage but I did lose my first born son, and I agree some people can be cruel even if it is accidental. One of my "friends" said to me "oh but look on the bright side, you can get your life back now" (I was a teenager at the time) as if the first thing on my mind was all the things I could do without my son, when it was ACTUALLY all the things I now COULDN'T do WITH him. I just want to send hugs to all of you, I'm so sorry for your losses and I will be thinking of you and your angels everytime I remember mine xxx

Im so sorry to hear this... I lost my first born son too almost a month ago now. I am a teenager (20 this month) and I feel exactly the same... everywhere there are babies and its a constant reminder of everything you cant do with your precious baby The worst I think someones said to me is 'better luck next time' as if Id lost at bingo or my numbers didnt come up on the lottery

xxxx

 

[susan_1981]

Oh god, some of the comments you girls have had are awful!!! I think I've been lucky, although I have had a few of the ones mentioned, like:

It wasn't meant to be
Maybe there was something wrong with that baby so it was probably for the best
Don't worry, you'll get pregnant again
You're only young, you've got plenty of time

I've had loads and loads, but luckily no offensive ones. All of the above comments I've had have come from people who don't know what it's like to go through a miscarriage and I know they are just trying to make me feel better.

Chella, your comment from the girl who was pregnant, that's shocking!!! I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have spoken to her again either!

 

[JesseLake]

my mum used the perhaps it wasnt meant to b and the your young, itll happen again lines and used them in the same sentence, this is my own mum! I lost mine at 5 weeks and decided to name it Jordan. Doesnt matter what people say, it wont bring my angel baby back will it. This was my first pregnancy and only happened last thursday so im still hurting and mourning the loss of baby and want jordan back so badly.

 

[borntobeamum]

Iv just posted a thread about similar,

DH dad said to me yesterday, so are you enjoying your time of work,

Oh yes having a blast. DUH..... as if I choose to have some time off, no I would rather still have Gillian, still be pregs and still have her to look forward to, and still be at work........

GRRR.

I do understand that alot of people dont know what to say, my friends (my true friends) have been great, some of them have send a text, just saying thinking of you or something like that, which means alot as I know they dont know WHAT to say or how to say it.

 

[Allure]

I had two miscarriages last year and i only told a couple of trusted friends and my boyfriend..my boyfriend has been the most supportive, and guess what? he didn't try and make me feel better by saying too much, he'd only be there for me whenever i needed him and would hold me and touch me, this has been the best support ever...the other two friends on the other hand would go like:

*it's for the best
*why are you so upset about it? you're not married!

truth is, nobody can understand how it feels to lose a baby unless it happens to them. i'm sorry for all your losses, and i hope we'll all fall pregnant again soon and have the cutest healthiest babies ever

 

[Allure]

I forgot the best one of all..my soon to be mom in law went like..
"what? why? have you had a D&C?" and that was it

 

[butterbaby76]

hi when i mc twins way back in 1996 i had to sit in the scan waiting area with all the pregnant mums and the midwife came out called my full name and said abortion !!!! i was horrified and quite loudly announced i was having a mc to which the midwife replied " its just a term we use " i appreciate they see this every week but surely they have the training to be a litle more subtle ? as it turns out i mc 1 baby but there was a heartbeat for the other unfortunatly not even a week of complete bed rest could save the remaining baby so i had to go through it all again

 

[nov_mum]

I miscarried at 6 .5 weeks and a friend told me it was just a late period. Ahhhh no, it wasn't!

 

[Mrs Doddy]

Sorry am going to rant and know that people mean well but if one more person says it wasn't meant to be then I am going to scream.

Yes it was meant to be, it was planned, our baby was supposed to have a heartbeat and grow into a healthy child and I was supposed to hold him/her in 6 months time and be happy parents.

This was not meant to happen

 

[Truman]

I am so sorry for all our losses, nothing can take away the emptiness, I know that sometimes people say things without thinking and that we wish they would keep their thoughts to themselves but, they just don't understand and sometimes I think they just have to say something rather than nothing. Yesterday my Manager said "I would give anything to have another baby".... I wanted to say "like I wouldn't" but I just think the words came out wrong, they have no idea how it feels to lose something you love so completely.

I forgive them for their stupidity and remind myself that whatever little time I had with my bean he was part of me and will always be in my thoughts.....

 

[4mummy4me]

hi when i mc twins way back in 1996 i had to sit in the scan waiting area with all the pregnant mums and the midwife came out called my full name and said abortion !!!! i was horrified and quite loudly announced i was having a mc to which the midwife replied " its just a term we use " i appreciate they see this every week but surely they have the training to be a litle more subtle ? as it turns out i mc 1 baby but there was a heartbeat for the other unfortunatly not even a week of complete bed rest could save the remaining baby so i had to go through it all again

A similar thing happened to my mum when she lost her twins at 26 weeks. One lived two days and the other was stillborn. It was awhile ago and when she conceived my brother the drs kept saying I can see you had an abortion she said no and they also stated its a tem they use if they are born early and do not live.
When I lost my little angel my mum advised my closest relatives so they did not say anything as too why I was so moody and upset. Then I had my sil say "I know how you feel a friend of mine had a mc last year and she was gutted. She didnt really want a baby and didnt know who the dad was but she told me how bad she felt when she lost it" I felt like screaming how the hell does that make you understand how im feeling.

 

[Sparklestar]

I had a silent miscarriage at 12+4 but didn't know until 14+6 when i started bleeding. People say the most hurtful things when they are trying to be nice, but the fact is, if you havent been there you don't know anything. I only found out on 9th June 2009 so im still getting those comments. sp xx

 

[My bump]

Ive never said anything like this to someone who has had a misscarriage or lost a child as I usually dont know what to say so just offer condolences. Sometimes I wonder if people feel uncomfortable and say the first stupid thing that comes into their head without thinking through. However this doesnt justify what they say, some people can just be thoughtless!!

I sometimes wish I knew what to say and want to ask questions and offer support but never feel on a personal enough level to do this.

Ignore hurtful comments, your babies will always be your babies and no matter how old they are it doesnt make the pain any less!

Lots of love to you all

xxxxxx