What not to say:
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Sparklestar
Mommy to Keigan
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I was so scared, ive never been that frightened in my life. My Oh has been great tho. Thing is you have no choice but to brave its completely out of your control, thats what i found most difficult.
sp xxx
oh and p.s if the Dr at the hospital had called my baby 'products of conception' one more time i'd have ripped her head off!
sp xxx
oh and p.s if the Dr at the hospital had called my baby 'products of conception' one more time i'd have ripped her head off!
There are certain things that once you read them you start agreeing with them by noding your head and this was one of them..............this is some how sad to because these are really the sentence that people come up with
Mrs Doddy
1 pink 1 blue
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I know what you mean - I hate that terminology - I had seen my baby formed with a head, body arms and legs - it was a baby ffs not anything elseThese are the things that have been said to us.
"These things happen for a reason."
"It just wasn't meant to be this time."
"You can have another one."
"Is it because of your medication?" - That I stopped taking three years earlier, so no it wasn't.
"You must be one of those people who can only carry boys" - I lost a boy and a girl and it was a midwife saying this.
"You didn't try to steal him did you?" - from a friend who I bumped into unexpectedly and who left me watching her baby in a shop while she fetched something she had forgotten. He was born the day after Elisabeth and was about 6 weeks old.
"How many abortions have you had" - from a doctor. They were NOT abortions!
"You're pregnant again already? How many kids do you want"
"You're having another one? Don't you have a television?" - both of those by someone who knows we lost babies but is lucky enough to forget it.
"You'll get over it. My friend lost a real baby and she's alright now" - stillborn babies are not real apparently.
"I know how you feel. A week before Andrew was born I had a bleed and I thought he'd be born with his fingers missing." - from my MiL, about my DH.
"It's okay to put her picture up because she doesn't look...well, she is still family." - Also MiL about Elisabeth. Doesn't look what? There's no good word to end that sentance.
"Was she born with all of her face?" - MiL again about Elisabeth. She was looking at her photo at the time and could see all her beautiful face.
"If you lose this one you should stop trying."
"I hope you are going to stop now you've got one." - someone deciding if we should try again after Joseph was born safely.
"You can't let him be an only child. Now you've had one healthy one you will probably be alright with another."
"
"These things happen for a reason."
"It just wasn't meant to be this time."
"You can have another one."
"Is it because of your medication?" - That I stopped taking three years earlier, so no it wasn't.
"You must be one of those people who can only carry boys" - I lost a boy and a girl and it was a midwife saying this.
"You didn't try to steal him did you?" - from a friend who I bumped into unexpectedly and who left me watching her baby in a shop while she fetched something she had forgotten. He was born the day after Elisabeth and was about 6 weeks old.
"How many abortions have you had" - from a doctor. They were NOT abortions!
"You're pregnant again already? How many kids do you want"
"You're having another one? Don't you have a television?" - both of those by someone who knows we lost babies but is lucky enough to forget it.
"You'll get over it. My friend lost a real baby and she's alright now" - stillborn babies are not real apparently.
"I know how you feel. A week before Andrew was born I had a bleed and I thought he'd be born with his fingers missing." - from my MiL, about my DH.
"It's okay to put her picture up because she doesn't look...well, she is still family." - Also MiL about Elisabeth. Doesn't look what? There's no good word to end that sentance.
"Was she born with all of her face?" - MiL again about Elisabeth. She was looking at her photo at the time and could see all her beautiful face.
"If you lose this one you should stop trying."
"I hope you are going to stop now you've got one." - someone deciding if we should try again after Joseph was born safely.
"You can't let him be an only child. Now you've had one healthy one you will probably be alright with another."
"
scorpiodragon
Mommy to Jacob & Emily
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Can I be frank and say... WTF?! - sorry but I don't understand your MIL! I thought mine was bad...
First off... I want to say to everyone I am so very sorry for all your losses...
A few I heard which I am sure have been mentioned...
"It was God's way"
"It wasn't meant to be"
"It must have had something wrong with it..." followed up with "thank god, it would have been a lot of work down the line"
"better now than later" (as both times were in first trimesters)
"so did your Mom or her mom have this problem too?" HUH?! - is there evidence that miscarriages are hereditary?!
"your fine! it was so early, don't worry you'll have many more!"
"my pyschic told me that I would have 5 grandchildren, it is fine, do you want to go see her?" my MIL!
"are you still upset about that? wasn't it a couple of months ago?"
Anyways... it makes me sick to my stomach, people should just keep their mouths shut!!!
Today I've had...
"Well atleast it happened just now and it wasn't a living thing yet"
"You'll be fine you only knew for a few weeks it wasn't really a part of your life yet if you get me"
"You were too young anyway, you can get on with your life now"
Seriously, WTF are people all about?? Who would think any of those comments could help.
"Well atleast it happened just now and it wasn't a living thing yet"
"You'll be fine you only knew for a few weeks it wasn't really a part of your life yet if you get me"
"You were too young anyway, you can get on with your life now"
Seriously, WTF are people all about?? Who would think any of those comments could help.
CurlySue
P.I's Mummy
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From office manager when I phoned to say I would not be in next week since I was awaiting a miscarriage (bear in mind it took me 40 plus months off the pill to get here)"
"You have to look at this positively." (How?) "You can try again" (no, I can't, because I couldn't do this by myself and needed IVF
My mum, handing me a bottle of red wine, "You can have this now, even if it doesn't make up for anything."
My OH's family member - "It was God's will" (There is no fucking God.)
"There must've been something wrong with them, for your body to just get rid of them like that!" (Nice...)
"You have to look at this positively." (How?) "You can try again" (no, I can't, because I couldn't do this by myself and needed IVF
My mum, handing me a bottle of red wine, "You can have this now, even if it doesn't make up for anything."
My OH's family member - "It was God's will" (There is no fucking God.)
"There must've been something wrong with them, for your body to just get rid of them like that!" (Nice...)
hedgewitch
Loving every day!!!
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when i lost my babies i was told by the midwives
"it's natures practice run"
made me ill!!!
"it's natures practice run"
made me ill!!!
Ive had all of these, and if any one uses them on me again im gonna wack em one. Pregnant mums everywhere do my head in and a mate got rid of hers and said she knows how i feel, no she flaming doesnt and anova is preg and near her due date and says its not all fun and ball games anyway, yes i know but i dont care if it means i can have my angel back.
I don't see how she can compare losing a baby that was wanted, to an abortion. She seems to think because I'm only 17 that I'll be glad it happened in the long run because it would have wrecked my life. She was pregnant at 19 and had her abortion because she didn't want to be stuck with a baby at her age.
I know I'm young, and I wouldn't have tried for a baby until I was older. But it doesn't make the loss any easier to cope with, from the minute I found out I was preg I wanted and loved my baby.
Some people don't seem to have a clue
xxxxx
I've never miscarried a baby but two very close relatives of mine have within the last few years. One of them coped suprisingly well...still heartbroken but she is ok now. But the other lost hers a few years ago and yeah she was to young etc. but it crushed her. Shes had a baby very recently but that doesn't change how she felt after loosing him/her. I never thought she would be the same again, she still isn't really. And no matter what anyone said to try and make her feel better, especially the gooden 'it wasn't the right time for you' just didn't help. Maybe it wasn't the right time, but that didn't mean she didn't want that little baby with all her heart.
I do understand what your all going through and reading some of your stories has had me here in tears, i genuinly just want to hug you all. I couldn't imagine anything worse...truely. And there were a few especially who said their babies were a few days old before they passed on...your heroes. To be able to share your stories to help others after that, your great people. I can't imagine what its like to hold him/her, see them as a real person (please don't get me wrong, not that a foetus isn't!!) and to have to say goodbye. i genuinly am so proud of you all, and can only hope that some day you all manage to get closure...if it's possible. I'm not even going to pretend to know how to do that.
I do understand what your all going through and reading some of your stories has had me here in tears, i genuinly just want to hug you all. I couldn't imagine anything worse...truely. And there were a few especially who said their babies were a few days old before they passed on...your heroes. To be able to share your stories to help others after that, your great people. I can't imagine what its like to hold him/her, see them as a real person (please don't get me wrong, not that a foetus isn't!!) and to have to say goodbye. i genuinly am so proud of you all, and can only hope that some day you all manage to get closure...if it's possible. I'm not even going to pretend to know how to do that.
