what would you do if...

[SpringerS]

I've always wondered about these gifting initiatives. I used to work for a major children's charity in the UK and to be completely honest the children who actually get no gifts for Christmas are very few and far between (apart from those from families who do not celebrate Christmas for religious/cultural reasons). And those children who do not get gifts for unhappy reasons are not very likely to be in a position to receive a gift through these initiatives because they tend to be subject to severe neglect and need proper social intervention. So I've always suspected that what happened to the toy the OP received is what happens to a very large proportion of the gifts.

It's a lovely idea and I'm sure the charity in question was set up with the best of intentions. But it's 2015 not 1915. It's rare that a child won't get a gift for financial reasons. It might not be an expensive gift or the it toy of the year but a child with loving guardians will get something to make them happy on Christmas morning. There are plenty of bargain shops, charity shops and ebayers/freecyclers with decent toys for very little money. Those who don't get gifts, don't not get them because their parents genuinely can't afford something. They don't get toys at Christmas because it's a symptom of greater neglect and those children have the best chance of a brighter future if people their donated cash to longer term projects that can help fix the problem rather than the symptoms, instead of buying toys that will mostly go to recipients that don't need them.

 

[catty]

I completely agree actually. We live in an oil rich city and even the people I know living solely on benefits have plenty of gifts for their children.

What actually got to me the most is that this toy requires 5 AA batteries. The person has put in 5 packets of batteries, I assume because they think whoever is getting it wouldn't be able to even replace the batteries. I'm not sure I even agree with these charities now that I have seen this. We have a combined income of £38000 and I'm only working part time. Have our own house and car and we have received this.

It's not that I'm offended that people may think we're poor it's more that these people are essentially being lied too.

 

[smileyfaces]

Oh wow how strange! I watched a programme the other night about Christmas on the 'poverty line' and even all those people had plenty of gifts for their child.

I'm probably in the minority but I would keep it. Re-donating it to a toy appeal will end up with it being passed on to another family who also already have presents. As people have said, is it really all that common for families to have absolutely ZERO presents for their children at Xmas? It must be very rare that that happens.

 

[mummyfin]

We're different as we're in Scotland, but here you can give to Toy Appeals where families can only be referred by Social Services so you know they really need them. Is there nothing like that near you?​

We are in Scotland. We have a cash for kids appeal that's with the radio, this one was a charity one x

Oh I see what you mean - I will have a look!

We just moved from your city last year judging from your comments lol, I don't know any good ones there to hand it into, the closest good one I know would be Angus Toy Appeal but that's a fair distance to hand a toy in, think the furthest north collection point is Montrose!

I'd be sooo miffed at the nursery putting your son's name and age to anything without your permission though! Even with the best of intentions they do not have the authority to do that without your consent! Surprised at Instant Neighbour too! ​

 

[lau86]

Oh wow I'm quite shocked about this! I always give to toy appeals at Christmas, I've never really thought about how the toys get distributed. I would be inclined to contact the charity and explain you received the toy even though you're not in need and can they look at how the toys are being given.

 

[mummyfin]

Also agree that there are very few families whose kids will have nothing at Christmas, even on benefits people manage.

If the families have drink or drug issues that cause them to burn through money then it's unlikely the children will still be with them, so even those kids will get great presents from their foster carer's present allowance.

Maybe hold onto it a while, there are a lot of burglaries this time of year and presents stolen unfortunately, last year there were a few families whose presents were stolen that needed replacements?​

 

[suzib76]

Also agree that there are very few families whose kids will have nothing at Christmas, even on benefits people manage.

If the families have drink or drug issues that cause them to burn through money then it's unlikely the children will still be with them, so even those kids will get great presents from their foster carer's present allowance.

Maybe hold onto it a while, there are a lot of burglaries this time of year and presents stolen unfortunately, last year there were a few families whose presents were stolen that needed replacements?​

I wish that were true, but the reality is many many children are living with parents with drink/drug problems. But with lots of these as a pp said it's not money that's the issue but rather neglect.

 

[tommyg]

I'd give it to Womans Aid, often those are ladies (and kids) who have walked out with nothing or your local food bank - if you haven't got food your chances of even buying second hand toys is remote.

I'm assuming your son doesn't know about the gift? If he does know that is a bit more problematic but that also shows that help isn't been given in the intended manor. I would have thought those sorts of gifts would be given to parents so they can appear from "Santa" on Christmas morning or it totally defeats the purpose and the kid still wakes to little / nothing on Christmas morning.

I'd also be in touch with play group and the charity to ask they target the children / families who really do need help.
I certainly agree that targeting the right children / families might not be that easy. Some people are greedy and will accept a freeby even if they don't need it other people who possibly could do with help would rather buy 2nd hand etc.
But it will make me think twice about giving to these sorts of charities.

 

[catty]

No he doesn't know what's inside, I opened it just to see how expensive it was. If it had been about a fiver would have felt better but it looks closer to £25-30 although I know there are always deals.
I will re wrap it and give him it on Xmas morning but I'm going to donate the equivalent to a food Bank. I don't really want to re gift it as I feel the same thing could just happen again and it's really close to Xmas now.

I seen that sainsburys have on their trolley thing they are desperate for toiletries so going to donate to that

 

[babydustcass]

Wow that's rediculous I thought those giving trees were made on the basis of individual cases. The concept is a beautiful one but my personal impression if donating would be that each child had been put forward/recommended to receive a gift under exceptional crcumstances not just because of a post code lottery. It's kinda disgraceful that they would run it like that :/ and disappointing. Id Take it up with them and maybe speak to the organiser too because it is not the right way to run a charity campaign at all

 

[katherinegrey]

It sounds bad but I'm very wary of charities in general.

I found out those in town who ask you to set up a monthly donation get commission. I don't see how that's acceptable. For most charities and unemployment the way it is I'm sure they have volunteers. Most people who get involved with charities do so because they feel personally connected to the cause. For example the race for life is done with the name of the person you're running for on your back. It's also shocking how little goes to the actual point of the charity and how much certain charities have in their accounts they don't know how to distribute.

I know when my brother was unemployed he volunteered in a charity shop to get experience but there were several paid employees there and somehow it feels like the reason people are donating their hard earned money is being abused. If I donate to a hospice I expect my contribution to go directly toward nursing or medication or bedding or facilities. Not shop workers if that makes sense?

I once offered to donate all my baby equipment to a local women's refuge. I had a jumperoo, Moses basket, clothes, brand new boxed bottles, toys. Most of it brand new. I rang up and said due to traffic it'd be around 5pm I arrived, and they said they didn't close until 5pm so that was fine. I drove an hour, loaded all my car up, arrived at 4.55pm and they'd all gone home and locked up, which means they obviously left a while before that.

I think your idea of giving to the food bank is lovely though.

 

[tommyg]

Katherine I can understand that charities who have shops will need to pay some staff, their is a limit to what extent charities can rely on volunteers.

But the more I think about this "giving tree" the more I think they need to better target their help. Tbh it would put me off giving to them.