What would you do? (Neighbour related)

[Piggywinkle]

Moved into a new rented house a few weeks ago. Next door have a boy aged around 7-ish and we keep finding toys in our garden that have been thrown over. I usually just throw them back - it's no big deal to me.

A few days ago, I noticed another toy had made it's way over the fence. However, the weather has been pretty awful here and I haven't really been into the garden to throw it back. Popped out this morning and when I got back, I let the dog out and went to throw the toy back but it wasn't there. I'm really confused.

It was a large-ish plastic toy so my little dog hasn't run away with it. DH swears he hasn't chucked it back and no-one else has access to our garden. The only other conclusion I can come to is that someone has jumped over the fence from next door and helped themselves.

I feel really annoyed if this is the case - I'm a bit of an anxious person in general and this has now put me right on edge.

I really would rather not confront my neighbour over it because of the aforementioned anxiety and also because I would probably handle it badly and get off on the wrong foot with said neighbour. I just don't know what to do :/

 

[Susie28]

Moved into a new rented house a few weeks ago. Next door have a boy aged around 7-ish and we keep finding toys in our garden that have been thrown over I usually just throw them back - it's no big deal to me.

A few days ago, I noticed another toy had made it's way over the fence. However, the weather has been pretty awful here and I haven't really been into the garden to throw it back. Popped out this morning and when I got back, I let the dog out and went to throw the toy back but it wasn't there. I'm really confused.

It was a large-ish plastic toy so my little dog hasn't run away with it. DH swears he hasn't chucked it back and no-one else has access to our garden. The only other conclusion I can come to is that someone has jumped over the fence from next door and helped themselves.

I feel really annoyed if this is the case - I'm a bit of an anxious person in general and this has now put me right on edge.

I really would rather not confront my neighbour over it because of the aforementioned anxiety and also because I would probably handle it badly and get off on the wrong foot with said neighbour. I just don't know what to do :/

Hi!

I wouldn't particularly like the idea of anyone climbing over my garden fence either, whether to retrieve a toy or for any other reason. Not that it is any excuse but I'm wondering if they waited for you pass it back and when you hadn't for a few days, their Little Boy was getting upset and annoying them about it and they ended up resorting to jumping over, but maybe it was a one off?? I would try not to stress about it too much, unless it happens again.

At this stage I wouldn't "confront" them either. I would probably wait until I saw them, and casually just say.. "Hiya, I noticed your little boys toy in my garden the other day and by the time I got round to passing it back it was gone?? Did you jump over and get it, as I'd hate you to think I saw it and threw it away or kept it instead of passing it back to you?" And see how they react, if they admit to jumping over and getting it, say, light-heartedly, "Ohh I am sooo glad I wasn't at home when you jumped over... I'd have panicked ha! I get stressed easily about those sort of things. Aww well next time just knock and I'll pass it back straight away". Hopefully they will get the message then, but you won't start off on bad terms with your new neighbours xx

 

[kit10grl]

My sister had a problem with this. But in the opposite. Her 8 year old loves footballs but they went over the fence a LOT. They used to knock and ask for the balls back but then the neighbour got annoyed about being bothered to get balls. She also didn't want the kids in her garden either though. One day when pretty much all his balls (my sister bought him loads as it would take ages for the lady to return them) were in her garden my sister noticed they had disappeared. She went outside to find this woman had bagged them up and put them out for the binmen. My sister went mental about it. From that point on she let her son hop the fence for the balls. Providing you are reasonable and are throwing the balls back or don't mind the kids ringing the bell to ask for stuff back there isn't any reason they need to be in your garden.

At the same time though if it is the kids hopping the fence its not that big a deal if they aren't causing any dmage and go straight for the toy and back over again.

 

[Piggywinkle]

The fence is 6 feet tall, so I'd be impressed if it was the little boy jumping over!

The house was empty for two months before we moved in so I'm worried that they got used to getting their stuff back from the garden during that time and are just continuing to do it. I will just try and keep on top of throwing the stuff back and hope I manage to bump into someone at some point. Not looking forward to it though

 

[suzib76]

Can you put a lock on the gate? Maybe say to them when you get a chane you have done it because you are concerned about dog theft ( there has been a lot on fb about dog theft) and just say to them if anything gets over the fence you are happy to pass it back, when you are in

 

[Piggywinkle]

Can you put a lock on the gate? Maybe say to them when you get a chane you have done it because you are concerned about dog theft ( there has been a lot on fb about dog theft) and just say to them if anything gets over the fence you are happy to pass it back, when you are in

There is already a lock on the gate so they must have jumped over the fence

 

[Raven24]

can you maybe put up some trelis (i think thats how its spelt) so that it is impossible for him to throw anything over?
either that or send your parnter round and say that as you have a dog it might be wise fo rthem to tell the boy because if he throws anything over your cant gurantee it wont land in dog poo

 

[mummylove]

I am sorry but if neighbors kept kicking balls over i would get sick of it. And why should i keep throwing them over. Think i would of put them out for bin men as well would teach the child not to kick balls so high

 

[Eleanor ace]

I'd be very annoyed if my neighbour just came into my garden to get something back! Anything could happen- for all they know your dog could have access to the garden and bite them thinking they were an intruder (which they are; although it's not their intention to steal from you it is private property and they have no right to access it), or they could hurt themselves or damage your fence.
If you don't want to ask them about it you could be a bit sneaky and say "a neighbour told me they'd seen someone climbing into my garden the other day! Just to warn you so you can keep an eye out for intruders too! I hate the thought of someone jumping into my garden, how scary!" And maybe they'd say oh sorry, that was me! Or just realise they shouldn't do it again!

 

[lhancock90]

I have to admit I would get pretty miffed if I was constantly having to kick balls back and on the same vein on be miffed if someone took it upon themselves to jump into my garden! So it's a bit of a catch 22. Maybe ask them? Say you'd rather they ask than jump over because of the dog.

 

[Piggywinkle]

Quick update - saw the neighbour coming out of her house this afternoon when I was just popping out with LO. I gave her a friendly smile and said, ' Hiya, have you got a minute?' And she responded with, 'not really' and jumped in her car and drove off! Rude much?!

 

[Rachel_C]

I would take the toys and put them in your house until they come and ask for them back. It wouldn't particularly bother me if it happened a few times but if the kid is throwing toys over a lot they need to do something about it. The toys could get damaged which surely should bother them or it could damage something (or someone!) on your side - are they going to pay for the damage? A ball going over the fence is more understandable but they should still make some effort. Keeping the toys inside will mean they can't get it themselves and they will have to ask - force them to be polite if they won't do it anyway! I am a bit mean like that though .

 

[Piggywinkle]

Our landlord explained to us that apparently the little boy has autism so I don't really want to take his toys away from him I imagine I could have caught his mum on a bad day but it certainly has put me off talking to her about this in the future

 

[kit10grl]

hmm if he has autism maybe she really was in a hurry for something important. Even if he didn't have autism that could be the case I wouldn't take that as an indication of her not being open to a discussion in different circumstances.

 

[Piggywinkle]

Dunno, it was accompanied by quite an impressive scowl and it's not the first time I've been on the receiving end of a dirty look from her. We've only been here a fortnight.

Not looking good really.

 

[MiniKiwi]

Aww that's no good :/

If it were me I'd probably personally deliver the next toy and say something like ''Don't hesitate to ring the doorbell and come and collect any toys your son gets over the fence, I don't always see them in the yard straight away. I'm Piggywinkle btw, nice to meet you''

The longer you leave it when making friends with new neighbours, the less likely it is that a friendly relationship is going to happen, in my experience. So I'd just go over and introduce yourself briefly and be friendly. If she's a bitch again then forget them and feed the toys to your dog

 

[Rachel_C]

Hmm autistic child or not, they should still show normal decent manners (the parents, not the child!) and his toys could get broken or weather damaged if they can't get them back straight away. I'd take them in - keep them dry - and give them back when they knock. It's not really different to what they should be doing - they should be knocking to ask if they can get them whether he's autistic or not (or at least ask one time if they're okay to go round without knocking in future).

Even in a massive hurry it doesn't take much to say, "No sorry I'm in a real rush, can I knock later?". With her response I'd guess she's just rude, in which case I'd be extra keen to make her knock on the door instead of jumping the fence . Okay so when we're stressed we can sometimes be a bit snappish but I would go round later if I'd done that to somebody!

 

[kit10grl]

The world is a different place when your child has special needs. The parents are often misunderstood. I'm sure I have been very short with people who have assumed I am rude because my mind is elsewhere or I'm running late for appointments to do with my child. Just saying its easy to say they should still do x y or z when you don't know her situation.

She could also just be rude but I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt.

 

[Varenne]

I work with kids with special needs, in some cases needing a lot of intervention, and their parents are never rude to me or their neighbours!

I'm sorry she was so short with you. I agree with trying to be nice with introductions etc, but there's only so much you can do if she really is just very antisocial! Did your landlord give you any other info about them?

 

[kit10grl]

I work with kids with special needs, in some cases needing a lot of intervention, and their parents are never rude to me or their neighbours!
I'm sorry she was so short with you. I agree with trying to be nice with introductions etc, but there's only so much you can do if she really is just very antisocial! Did your landlord give you any other info about them?

Are you with them 24/7? No? Then you cant know that they have never snapped at someone because they are tired/stressed/running late etc. Honestly I hear people say they work with kids with special needs a lot therefore they know all about whatever I mean. Its absolutely not the same as living it every day.