What's your motivation?

[Aliciatm]

i have no idea why some of you are really justifying why you are ttc. lol. this thread is dumb as ____. Anyways im not gonna justify why im ttc at 18. its my decision im married and we are stable probably more stable then most of you. If you dont like it keep it to yourself.

 

[Brosey]

i think the first of this thread is judgmental.. you never know the young ladies could have better relationships than yourself. Who are you to judge other people. I think God will do what he wants planned or not. I dont think you should be posting things like this. Its not only judgmental but hurtful. You have no idea what some people have been through or their thoughts on ttc. Also how can you judge someone you dont even know??? its ridiculous.

Yes I agree, when I first read this thread I felt a little upset. I thought most of the women here were understanding but it's quite hurtful to see some of them judgemental over young lives. I must say aswell, I've been through a lot in my life that no other 19 year old has been through, and I've gotten mysef secure, why shouln't I have a baby just because I'm "young" We may be young in age, it doesn't mean we are young in heart or mind.

 

[TiggerToo]

Hi ahicks,

Yes, I'm definitely going to call you old fashioned lol! I think the old way isn't necessarily the right way - and particularly not the right way for everyone. My oh and I have been together for eight years and I would certainly consider us to be in a solid relationship and don't see the need to prove that to anyone else. We celebrate ...

x

LilLeafy - forgive me for "hacking" your post, but that's a lot to quote - I just wanted to say I think your post is spot on. Well said.

And I for one LOVE friendly debates, as long as they don't degenerate!

All I think any of us really wants is for a child to be well taken care of and loved. While I don't think a sixteen year old isn't in a position to love a child, I don't think they're in the position to be able to best take care of it. (Someone who's not graduated from high school is going to have a heck of a time supporting someone else. There are many, many more opportunities for a HS grad.) And while accidents happen (and there but for the grace of God many of us could have gone!) I don't think it's the responsibility of the parents of the teen to raise an intentionally conceived (grand)child, even though that's what could happen (since I myself could never force my daughter put a grandchild of mine up for adoption, unless that's what she really wanted to do - and then I'd back her, 100%, and grieve along with her).

At the same time, the girls who have "oops" babies - many of those girls WERE being responsible (well, yes, maybe within reason - we all have our opinions and biases) with birth control, and things went wrong. Screaming abstinence sans education isn't the answer, either. I admire ANY teenage mom who tries her best to make it work.

An independent 18 year old is another ball of wax. I'd like to hope she's being responsible about it (intentionally TTC, not - uh oh, think I'm in trouble - that REALLY could've happened to me....). I'd like to see her in a relationship, just because it provides two incomes and another source of emotional support for her and the baby.

It's a complex situation, and no one's answer is completely the correct one, because everyone's situation is different. I'd certainly discourage a teen (even a 19, 20 year old who is on her own) from just going out willy-nilly and TTC. But my answer and views aren't right for everyone's situation.

To the girl who's marrying the guy in the Army? You'll have a great support system of young moms on base and you'll have access to (essentially FREE!!!) medical care. You won't be rich but you'll have a decent place to live and he'll have a steady paycheck. A baby could do a lot worse! (I'm a USAF officer and a former Navy brat myself!).

To the other young Army wife - I agree, our steady paychecks, no matter the size, are a huge saving grace and a wonderful luxury to have, especially now in these odd times we live in. You sound very level-headed and secure in yourself. While being on active duty of course involves a whole other set of circumstances, the fact that that pay never goes down and medical care never disappears lifts two huge burdens off of us. I say go for it, both of you! I'd love to be 20 and in your position TTC-wise (I'm 37).

 

[Aliciatm]

thank you... its absolutely dumb. Its racist you might as well be telling me i dont deserve anything. Its discrimination and maybe thats why some people arent getting pregnant i mean would God really want to bless someone with a child who is gonna be raised to be judgmental. No because he loves everyone and understands every situation.

 

[TiggerToo]

i have no idea why some of you are really justifying why you are ttc. lol. this thread is dumb as ____. Anyways im not gonna justify why im ttc at 18. its my decision im married and we are stable probably more stable then most of you. If you dont like it keep it to yourself.

I don't think it's the age thing as you're putting it. I believe the OP was actually thinking more along the lines of 16 year olds TTC (and there have been a few posts on this board that I've wondered about the age of the poster - you've seen them, all in textspeak and no punctuation....) or 18 year olds, single and who seem to have no real direction TTCing because they think it's the hip thing to do.

I personally don't care about age - as long as the people are secure and somewhat stable adults (or as stable/secure as we can expect to be, given the nature of the economy) and they "get" what it is they're embarking on, I say, go for it. All I want is the baby to be loved and the parent(s) able to provide for him/her.

 

[Aliciatm]

most of everyone is born with materal instincts.. who cares if you want to be a single mother go for it.. it shouldnt matter. gay people have kids. are you saying they are wrong because some states say they cant get married... you dont know nothing about those 16 year olds... they could be more grown up than a forty year old...

 

[mom22boys]

IF I was to have gotten pregnant before I got married I would have shamed my famliy (not saying that about anyone else who gets pregnant before they get married) its just the way my family is! My dad would have not allowed us to even have a wedding or such. It would have not been a good situation for me at all!!!!!! NOT to mention what my dad would have done to my OH!!! YIKES!!!

NOW for the young part........I was 21 and my OH was 19 when our first was born. HE was SOOOOOO planned! We waited 5 months after we got married to start trying and got pregnant the first month! While being young parents is not for everyone for us it worked and we wanted a child so bad! We had our second at me 24 and OH 22. Our second ended up having Down SYndrome. At the time I owned my own bussiness which allowed for the weekly Dr visits and being in the hospital several times! SO looking back I would not have changed having my babies so young! I also want to be able to enjoy my Grandchildren and not be 50 or 60 by the time I get my first!

 

[mammag]

i have no idea why some of you are really justifying why you are ttc. lol. this thread is dumb as ____. Anyways im not gonna justify why im ttc at 18. its my decision im married and we are stable probably more stable then most of you. If you dont like it keep it to yourself.

I don't think it's the age thing as you're putting it. I believe the OP was actually thinking more along the lines of 16 year olds TTC (and there have been a few posts on this board that I've wondered about the age of the poster - you've seen them, all in textspeak and no punctuation....) or 18 year olds, single and who seem to have no real direction TTCing because they think it's the hip thing to do.

I personally don't care about age - as long as the people are secure and somewhat stable adults (or as stable/secure as we can expect to be, given the nature of the economy) and they "get" what it is they're embarking on, I say, go for it. All I want is the baby to be loved and the parent(s) able to provide for him/her.

I agree with this ^ I didn't think she was being judgmental, just curious. And when I replied I was also referring to the very young people I've seen on here who are obviously children, people Like AliciaTM and other posters I've seen are different IMO, they are married settled down and seemingly ready to have children, but as we ALL know there are MANY very young girls out there trying to get pregnant for all of the wrong reasons!

Ending with: Calm Down Ladies!! It's just a friendly discussion here!!!

 

[tiger]

i have no idea why some of you are really justifying why you are ttc. lol. this thread is dumb as ____. Anyways im not gonna justify why im ttc at 18. its my decision im married and we are stable probably more stable then most of you. If you dont like it keep it to yourself.

i dont feel like i have to justify why i do i just think that maybe some people shouldnt judge young mothers until they hear that just because we are young doesnt mean we dont want to get married and just want to bludge.
i do agree with you alot, this is a forum for support, not judgement. we are all here for the same purpose. we are all trying for a baby, we should all be supporting one another no matter how many children we already have, or how young we are or if we are married or not.

 

[Aliciatm]

i dont see it as friendly. if she is asking if we are married yet or not.. it doesnt matter. this thread shouldnt have been started because it gives the wrong message.. if a 13 year old wants to get pregnant well thats her choice.. what are we gonna do jump out of the computer screen and yell at her.. this is the internet for so long i lied about my age on here bc of this reason ppl are rude... this year i finally changed and said who cares about my age.... im not saying getting pregnant at 13 is right.. but every person is different we all have different stories, different lifestyles... and different reasons for ttc.

 

[TiggerToo]

i think the first of this thread is judgmental.. you never know the young ladies could have better relationships than yourself. Who are you to judge other people. I think God will do what he wants planned or not. I dont think you should be posting things like this. Its not only judgmental but hurtful. You have no idea what some people have been through or their thoughts on ttc. Also how can you judge someone you dont even know??? its ridiculous.

Yes I agree, when I first read this thread I felt a little upset. I thought most of the women here were understanding but it's quite hurtful to see some of them judgemental over young lives. I must say aswell, I've been through a lot in my life that no other 19 year old has been through, and I've gotten mysef secure, why shouln't I have a baby just because I'm "young" We may be young in age, it doesn't mean we are young in heart or mind.

I'll be honest - I'd never want to give up any of the experiences I've had in my life to date, and I sure as HECK wouldn't want to do this all over again , but I'd love to have your (potential) fertility.

And I really do mean that like a big sister. I'm a teensy bit envious - not jealous - of your being your age; I remember how interesting it was to be 19, 20, and how NEAT life was (life's neat now, PLEASE don't get me wrong, but stuff was COOL then in a way it won't ever be again!).

I have such a respect for age, regardless of the number; we all have something to contribute and bring to the table. And our children, future and present, planned and unplanned, will do nothing but benefit from all of it. Whether they're born to someone like me in their late 30s or you in your very early 20s, we'll impart them with the benefits of our own, individual knowledge and experiences (and they'll probably roll their eyes at us over it) and we ALL possess the talent to raise responsible, respectful, BRILLIANT children.

Age is but a number - regardless of the end of the scale it sits on. My mom had two kids by the time she was 21 (granted, they're both in their late 50s now, so you see what year it was!) and my sister had her kids at 36 and 38. Both are stellar parents. Age is just a number. You can't put a price, so to speak, on youth OR experience - and when it comes right down to it, neither better equips us. If you have your first kid nine months from now, and I do as well - guess what? I KNOW ZIP ABOUT PARENTING, so you and I are on even keel! Being 37 has taught me a bit about life, but it's taught me nothing about the mechanics being a parent - I'll be looking up that stuff just as quick as you might have to! We'll both learn as we go along.

We'll all be fine. Our kids will be fine.

 

[Brosey]

i think the first of this thread is judgmental.. you never know the young ladies could have better relationships than yourself. Who are you to judge other people. I think God will do what he wants planned or not. I dont think you should be posting things like this. Its not only judgmental but hurtful. You have no idea what some people have been through or their thoughts on ttc. Also how can you judge someone you dont even know??? its ridiculous.

Yes I agree, when I first read this thread I felt a little upset. I thought most of the women here were understanding but it's quite hurtful to see some of them judgemental over young lives. I must say aswell, I've been through a lot in my life that no other 19 year old has been through, and I've gotten mysef secure, why shouln't I have a baby just because I'm "young" We may be young in age, it doesn't mean we are young in heart or mind.

I'll be honest - I'd never want to give up any of the experiences I've had in my life to date, and I sure as HECK wouldn't want to do this all over again , but I'd love to have your (potential) fertility.

And I really do mean that like a big sister. I'm a teensy bit envious - not jealous - of your being your age; I remember how interesting it was to be 19, 20, and how NEAT life was (life's neat now, PLEASE don't get me wrong, but stuff was COOL then in a way it won't ever be again!).

I have such a respect for age, regardless of the number; we all have something to contribute and bring to the table. And our children, future and present, planned and unplanned, will do nothing but benefit from all of it. Whether they're born to someone like me in their late 30s or you in your very early 20s, we'll impart them with the benefits of our own, individual knowledge and experiences (and they'll probably roll their eyes at us over it) and we ALL possess the talent to raise responsible, respectful, BRILLIANT children.

Age is but a number - regardless of the end of the scale it sits on. My mom had two kids by the time she was 21 (granted, they're both in their late 50s now, so you see what year it was!) and my sister had her kids at 36 and 38. Both are stellar parents. Age is just a number. You can't put a price, so to speak, on youth OR experience - and when it comes right down to it, neither better equips us. If you have your first kid nine months from now, and I do as well - guess what? I KNOW ZIP ABOUT PARENTING, so you and I are on even keel! Being 37 has taught me a bit about life, but it's taught me nothing about the mechanics being a parent - I'll be looking up that stuff just as quick as you might have to! We'll both learn as we go along.

We'll all be fine. Our kids will be fine.

That was lovely, thank you!
I appreciate the support and I agree that age is just a number, no matter what age we still feel the same!

 

[Aliciatm]

i hope your not talking about my fertility.. i have aggressive stage 3 endo. 1 tube blocked. and a huge cyst on the my left ovary.. my dr said i have a 5% chance of ever having a baby on my own....

 

[TiggerToo]

most of everyone is born with materal instincts.. who cares if you want to be a single mother go for it.. it shouldnt matter. gay people have kids. are you saying they are wrong because some states say they cant get married... you dont know nothing about those 16 year olds... they could be more grown up than a forty year old...

Whoa there. Personally I don't give a poo one way or the other as to who's married or unmarried. Two incomes with less than a high school education makes things easier. Two incomes with a high school education makes it even easier. Grandparents raising a grandchild with a fifteen year old mother benefits no one - not the parent, the grandparent, or the child.

What I said (or at least what I tried to say) was I would discourage someone WITHOUT DIRECTION who's aimlessly TTC at 18, 19; I'd encourage them to think carefully about their decisions. I'm bright enough (and I'll pull out that experience card now) and I've been around enough to know when people have an idea of what they're doing and when they're just following the herd. I deal with people for a living. You learn to spot the fine purveyors of bovine scatology pretty quick.

And sexual orientation? I don't know who brought that up, but I don't care about that either. I'd rather two gay men bring up a child than a married couple who actually hate one another but stay together for "the sake of the kids" - because that benefits no one, either. Some of the best parents - the most involved, the most concerned, and at least by appearances the most effective - I've met have been gay and lesbian couples. They don't seem to get caught up on the hype like some of us straight folks do!

I wouldn't make the sweeping statement about maternal instincts, either. Many, many women are SHOCKED after their children are born because they've been fed that from day one - they'll fall in love immediately and oh, they'll know exactly what to do and when and how - and they keep waiting for that moment and think they're hideous people because it takes weeks (and sometimes longer!) for it to happen. Meanwhile, they're desperate for help because they have no idea which way is up - and sometimes people around them make them feel even worse for it. They're not bad parents - it's just not always something that comes as easily as breathing, and it doesn't make them lesser people.

I'm an RN. I've seen a lot in that regard.

But, back to the original idea: marriage in and of itself is irrelevant to me.

 

[Brosey]

i hope your not talking about my fertility.. i have aggressive stage 3 endo. 1 tube blocked. and a huge cyst on the my left ovary.. my dr said i have a 5% chance of ever having a baby on my own....

No sweetie I think she meant mine (although she was saying at our age as a whole our fertility is at it's highest) but obviously it's not the case for you.
Im really sorry you are suffering with that It must get hard, here for a chat hun! I've only been trying one month but I think I may have PCOS, my periods are nasty pieces of work

 

[TiggerToo]

i hope your not talking about my fertility.. i have aggressive stage 3 endo. 1 tube blocked. and a huge cyst on the my left ovary.. my dr said i have a 5% chance of ever having a baby on my own....

I think you're being a bit too literal. Biologically, the average, healthy 18 year old will have an easier time conceiving than I, an average, healthy, seven-days-shy-of-38 year old will. That's just a fact.

And I purposely (and purposefully) worded my post, directed at someone else, with that in mind.

 

[Aliciatm]

tiger, and tigger im not being rude to you... i see your point. im just saying this post shouldnt have been posted.. we have a whole lota different kind of women on here... and something like this could really hurt people.... maybe i am young... but it shouldnt matter.... it shouldnt matter what my motivation is. im on this site for support and if i dont have support i give up on this site. ive been a member and watched this site grown and its just taken a turn for the worse. Its easier for some and hard for others... i think the main point of everything im trying to say is WE ALL WANT TO BE MOTHERS... am i right? We all want support.. so lets do that support for everyone on this site to get their BFP's... my opinion anyone who is ttc deserves their bfp...

 

[TiggerToo]

i hope your not talking about my fertility.. i have aggressive stage 3 endo. 1 tube blocked. and a huge cyst on the my left ovary.. my dr said i have a 5% chance of ever having a baby on my own....

No sweetie I think she meant mine (although she was saying at our age as a whole our fertility is at it's highest) but obviously it's not the case for you.
Im really sorry you are suffering with that It must get hard, here for a chat hun! I've only been trying one month but I think I may have PCOS, my periods are nasty pieces of work

Ick. Other things, though, can give you nasty periods; I had them for YEARS until (sorry to say!) I hit about twenty-six. At my house it was pretty much "normal" - my mom, my sister, and I all had horrid ones until we hit about the same age (obviously not at the same time!).

 

[Brosey]

i hope your not talking about my fertility.. i have aggressive stage 3 endo. 1 tube blocked. and a huge cyst on the my left ovary.. my dr said i have a 5% chance of ever having a baby on my own....

No sweetie I think she meant mine (although she was saying at our age as a whole our fertility is at it's highest) but obviously it's not the case for you.
Im really sorry you are suffering with that It must get hard, here for a chat hun! I've only been trying one month but I think I may have PCOS, my periods are nasty pieces of work

Ick. Other things, though, can give you nasty periods; I had them for YEARS until (sorry to say!) I hit about twenty-six. At my house it was pretty much "normal" - my mom, my sister, and I all had horrid ones until we hit about the same age (obviously not at the same time!).

Well it's just they are stupidly irregular and when they come it's a complete horror film! (haha sorry tmi there!)
It's always extremely painful aswell, mind you this happened before I went on the pill years ago, I've only been off it for a week and it's all good so far. And yes I know most people ttc after their first normal bleed but sorry I couldn't help myself

 

[TiggerToo]

tiger im not being rude to you... i see your point. im just saying this post shouldnt have been posted.. we have a whole lota different kind of women on here... and something like this could really hurt people.... maybe i am young... but it shouldnt matter.... it shouldnt matter what my motivation is. im on this site for support and if i dont have support i give up on this site. ive been a member and watched this site grown and its just taken a turn for the worse.

You're pretty much right on all counts, actually.

I truly feel horrible for you. I really do think a lot about women in your situation (at all ages) and I cannot imagine what you must go through. If I were told something like that at my age, that's one thing; but to find that out and to only be 18 - I wonder how you cope. Don't misread me - YOU WILL ALWAYS HAVE MY SUPPORT.

No, it shouldn't matter - but I think someone who's under the age of majority may want to rethink her strategy. The media has turned teenage pregnancy into some sort of fantasy and it's made national celebrities out of fifteen year olds who were unlucky enough to have the condom break (you know what I mean). It's creating a generation of kids (some of them) who think pregnancy is fabulous and hip and cool - and it's NOT when you're still in high school. It's just not a decision someone should be making at that age in those circumstances, regardless of their reasoning.

I've said age is but a number. I honestly believe that. But when someone's decision affects more lives than they can handle (and these 16 year olds with baby fever don't get that it's not just their lives - it's those of their parents because it WILL snowball), then it's a whole other ball game.