Why can't our bodies be more predictable?

[bamluby]

I wanted to write another post to address you, so that it didn't seem so gloomy after everything I just wrote.

I'm so glad your DH is supportive. I think it takes a while for men to understand everything that goes into TTC. It keeps it fun though when they can laugh at us.

Yeah, I knew by reading previous posts and watching your youtube video that you had been classified as having a weak cervix. I was going to ask; I imagine it is all very complicated. Since you know this ahead of time this time around, are there things they can do to make the pregnancy safer for you? It is unfortunate to be classified as high risk, but at least that way you are getting the medical attention you deserve. So it's not all bad! I am confident that you will have a healthy full-term pregnancy when you get your BFP.

As always, I'm praying for you! I am going to distract myself by living vicariously through you! I'm rooting for your BFP as if it was my own!

 

[PrayingMom]

I'm in tears, I wish I could come hug you soo tight. There are never words to explain the feeling of losing a child, it doesn't matter if it was 4 weeks or 8 months it stills hurt. I am truly sorry and I am praying harder than ever. I know it takes a lot out of us with wanting so bad then trying like crazy. But on the bright side we know it is very possible for you to conceive with no problem. Thats great news

Now I would def ask you doctor to write an order for progesterone so when you become pregnant again then everything is already in line. I to have to take progesterone the moment I get my BFP until I am 13 weeks. Then I have to go into surgery to get a cerlage ( which closes my cervix to prevent labor) then I start taking a shot at 16 weeks call P17 (which is another progesterone) to keep me pregnant as long as possible and I may be on bed rest. So thats all the things I will be facing, but no complaints I will do anything to keep baby in as long as possible and healthy.

So please take care of yourself and ask as many questions to your doctor as you need to and if something doesn't seem right research and research. I do that and I basically came up with my own plan for my next pregnancy and my obgyn agree to my plans and he said it was funny that I made my own plans before I even let him tell me that was his plan anyways.

Get some rest and take care of yourself and I am always here for you no matter what.

 

[bamluby]

Thank you so much for everything! I don't know what I would have done without being able to come to this thread every day in the last few weeks. I know you understand. You've been such a big support through all of this, and I can't tell you enough how much it has meant to me.

My emotions have been coming in waves. I am trying to remind myself of all the positives; namely I CAN get pregnant. This is something I have worried about constantly for so many years, so I really am at ease to know that it can and will happen someday. I'm feeling thankful that I had my laparoscopy done, and took medication to help with my endometriosis. last year. I think it really could have made the difference. I'm still heartbroken, but I am trying to focus on the positives.

I called to change my appointment type with my doctor, so I will still be seeing her on the 7th. I will definitely be talking about progesterone. I know these things happen and are common, and sometimes there is no reason for it. I just want to brainstorm with the doctor about what we can do next time around to reduce any risks of miscarriage.

I LOVE that you came up with your own plan. It's like "No doc, I've done my research...this is how it's going to go!". Haha. It just shows you are a strong, persistent, passionate woman...I would totally do the same thing!!! You're amazing. You may be facing some challenges, but you consistently rise above them. It's nothing you can't handle. Your plan sounds perfect in every way, and I know it is going to pave the path for a healthy baby in your arms in 9 months.

I will continue to relax and take care of myself, and I will be sure to ask my doctors a lot of questions when I meet with her. Ugh, it has been a whirlwind of a week. It's going to be OK though. And just as you are there for me, I will continue to be here for you! I'm looking forward to all of your updates throughout this cycle. You are in my thoughts and prayers! Now go get that BFP, so we can finally celebrate!

 

[PrayingMom]

To hear all those thing makes me feel great, I am happy that I could help in every way. I have learn to be passionate and have patience. I pray everyday and read about other people stories and I am happy I can help others. And you are very blessed that you can get pregnant yayy.

hugs and I am praying for you

 

[PrayingMom]

Good evening, Michelle I hope everything is going well with you. I just have been thinking about you and I hope you are well. I know DH is taking care of you. Just rest and take your time. I will check periodically to see when you update just let me know how you are..

 

[bamluby]

Hey Brittany, I apologize I have been kind of MIA for the last few days! It was a rough weekend, but I'm feeling a little better today physically and emotionally. I ended up going to urgent care yesterday, and they suggested I go to the ER just to make sure there was no infection and everything passed right. I was feeling weak, nauseas, incredibly dizzy, and still having a lot of sharp pain in both my back and abdomen. I think partly I went to urgent care, because I felt so alone not know how my body is supposed to react to this process. I was resisting going to ER, but DH insisted that if the doctor told me to do then we needed to go. I wanted a doctor to tell me everything I was feeling was normal I guess. I was feeling depressed about waiting two weeks to go to a doctor who didn't really believe I was pregnant to begin with... Anyway, it was exhausting spending 5 hours in the ER, but I think it has helped me find some closure. They did urine tests, bloodwork, and a vaginal and regular ultrasound. They were able to confirm that I was in fact pregnant, and had miscarried all of the remaining tissue. I was feeling crazy and very lost and confused, and I think I really needed to hear a doctor confirm that I wasn't just "making it all up". They gave me some painkillers and anti-nausea medication, and explained to me a little more about how everything works....it offered some peace of mind, really.

Today has been far better than the last few days. I am still not feeling quite like myself, but I know it will get easier. DH has been amazing. He lets me cry when I need to cry, and be angry when I need to be angry. I know I will have some good days and bad days, but it WILL get better.

To hear all those thing makes me feel great, I am happy that I could help in every way. I have learn to be passionate and have patience. I pray everyday and read about other people stories and I am happy I can help others. And you are very blessed that you can get pregnant yayy.

hugs and I am praying for you

I am glad that it makes you feel good, because I truly meant it! All the people that know I am on this website ask if I have talked to people about it on here, and I always refer to you as my friend and talk about how helpful it has been to get on here. It's so amazing that even though the ladies on here really only know each other online, we still have a strong and supportive bond that is hard to come by!

How have you been doing with everything?! Did your digital OKPs confirm O yet?! I'm rooting you on and thinking about you daily!

 

[PrayingMom]

I am happy that you got your questions answered, and have relief on that. I totally understand about having different emotions. The night of my miscarriage it was like midnight we went to the er and I left there at 6am to turn around to go to my dr then go back to hospital to get a DNC done. It was awful, I was soo upset and mad at the world. It is natural to feel all those things but don't allow them to get you too down.

It really is amazing how strong of a bond we have online. I think because we all are aimming at one goal and it is a process for some women and others it is so easy. But we just understand the feeling of wanting kids. It is funny I tell my hubby my friend this and that too lol

Well for me, I am still testing for O and all have been negatives. It really has me confused, I O last month on CD15 and back in Sept CD 14 when I got pregnant then. I am lost,I have been feeling doubtful but I guess I will O late this cycle, if I even O.. I have so many questions, like what if I don't O. Ughhh its frustrating me soo much I wanna give up but I want this so bad thats why I keep testing and hope I will O soon. We still have been BD we took a day off Sunday ( was tired) but we have BD since CD5 which was January 17. Today is CD16..

Im happy to hear from you. How is classes going for you, don't give up stick with it.

 

[bamluby]

Aww I am so sorry that you had to go through that. That does sounds awful! You have been through so much; Seeing how strong and positive you are after everything really gives me hope. It is helpful to know that the roller coaster of emotions I am experiencing is natural, and I know it will pass. I know I will never fully "get over it". There is always going to be a part of me that will always wonder about what could have been. I feel empty, and I don't necessarily want to just "forget" about it. With that said, I do know that the pain will lessen with each passing day. Right now I am trying not to let it consume me. It's hard...I am still just so disappointed. There were definitely worries I had about being pregnant and being a mom, but it was genuinely one of the happiest moments of my life to see that positive pregnancy test. I am still just kind of heartbroken that all of that happiness and excitement ended so abruptly. I am sorry to be a debbie-downer. I'm just having a moment. I promise I won't let it keep me down for long. I know I am stronger than this, and I will keep moving forward.

I know- it's nice to have that friendship! It's just so hard to talk to anyone else about wanting kids as deeply as we do. People simply don't understand unless they have gone through this process. Thank goodness we can turn to each other for support when we need support and encouragement when we need it!

I am sorry to hear that you still haven't gotten a positive for O. I wonder if it would be helpful to use the strips to see if O is on its way, and then the digi to confirm it? It could offer some peace of mind, but on the other hand I guess it could make it even more confusing. I am sorry- that sounds so frustrating! I know I would be anxious too. Don't feel doubtful, you very well could just have a late O this month! I hope you don't have to wait too much longer, so you can relax a little! If you are CD16 now, I bet it will happen any day now! I know it is hard not to worry and be frustrated, but keep your hopes up. This is going to be your month!!!

Classes are going well- I'm getting caught up on my reading and everything. I have to turn in a short paper a few days late, which I never do, but after this week I'm not going to beat myself up over it too much. Self-care and taking it easy was more important that a few measly points that won't matter in the long-run.

I haven't gotten on youtube in a while to see if you have posted more videos...I am going to venture on over there to see if you have posted anything! Take care of yourself this week too!! It's important!

 

[PrayingMom]

Michelle I so understand bc I do that now I say oh my son would be two this year and this past Christmas I was so depress bc I wanted to buying my son things and waking up to him opening gifts ughh it is so heart breaking. Then I say I would be 20 weeks this week and finding the gender out actually today but then I remember God has a plan for me. What he has for me, it is for me and I know I will be a Mom again someday. My DH tells me, you are still a Mom no matter what and he still gets me stuff for Mothers Day. But the feeling will never go away and the wondering will never go away but it gets easier in time to talk about and not be so emotional. But there is absolutely a empty feeling you have and it is so hard to let it go. I guess thats why I am fighting so hard for this and if I have only have one child I am would be grateful for that.

I am happy to hear you are overall doing better and catching up with your work at school. Oh yeah you are NOT a DEBBIE DOWNER!!! the feeling you are having is natural in my eyes soo ahead let it all out so you can dust your self off and get back up and start fighting again. God said "Its not over to it is all GOOD" its not all good yet so its not over!!!

I think I may call my dr about my opks, and I had started making a video last night I haven't finish it yet but I will today and upload tonight and let you know.

 

[bamluby]

I really do appreciate you letting me vent, and helping me feel normal about it. It has just been so hard, because I still have so many emotions and when they come up I really need to talk about it...but then I feel guilty for still bringing it up to family and friends. Don't get me wrong, they have been supportive...my mom has called and texted several times over the last few days to see how I am doing, but I just feel like the world is moving on around me, and I'm still trying to process everything. It hasn't even been a week, and I hate feeling like I have to bottle up my emotions. Coming on here and talking to DH have been my only real outlet for those bad days and moments. DH is so sweet. He can tell when I am sitting there lost in thought, and keeps asking me to tell him what's going on in my head. I know he hurts to see me upset, and he keeps reminding me that he understands and that I can talk to him about anything I'm feeling. Anyway, I just wanted to say again that I appreciate it. This just isn't me. I'm not this person. I don't like dwelling on things. I've always been optimistic. Even when I'm depressed, I can always smile through the tears. Letting out my feelings is the only way I can move forward, so that is what I am trying to do. I've been writing a lot lately...it's been really helpful.

I can't imagine the pain you have been through. Just knowing you would have a son, and that he should be here with you...and that you would have another little one. My heart aches just hearing you talk about both of your losses. I am so incredibly sorry. It truly is heartbreaking. There aren't enough word to express that pain. You are right though, God has a plan for both of us, and that includes having children and being wonderful mothers. I agree with your DH, you already are a mom and always will be. I can't wait for the day when you get to hold your babies tight.

I think that is a good idea to call your doctor! It could help ease your mind. I am sure you don't have anything to worry about, but I know it is so frustrating waiting. Sometimes our bodies just don't have normal cycles...my last cycle was my first "long one", and it ended up turning out to be a BFP, so even if you ovulate late, your chances are just as good! Also, I still got pregnant even though I only BDd 2-3 days before O. I really think if my progesterone levels were higher, I would have had a better outcome On the bright side, you have ALL of your bases covered, so when O comes (and it will!) you will be in a really good spot to get that positive HPT this month!

Keep me posted!!! I hope you having a great week!

 

[PrayingMom]

I understand and it is hard but I have learn to be thankful and cherish everything I have. But when the day comes again for both of us to be moms again I would be so thrilled and excited.
I did call my doctor yesterday and I am coming in Monday so they can check my progesterone levels to see if I O yet or what is going on. So if I haven't O and it looks like I am not gonna O they wanna up my femara , if I am about to O just keep BD, I was confused I didn't know that you can O on different days. So confusing to me, I guess because I have never had a "regular" cycle.
But I am happy you are able to talk to your DH and me as well, I do understand and I am also here for you open ears always. Just take your time it is all still very new and it is a process. There are never the right words to ease the pain and with time it becomes easier to live with but the pain is still there.
You have a great week as well. I am posting a video if it ever load up.

 

[bamluby]

I truly can't wait for the day when we become moms again. It's going to absolutely amazing.

I've actually been doing a little better these last few days. I haven't had a breakdown in almost two days! I've definitely had moments of sadness, but I am trying to focus more on looking forward to that moment when I get to be a mom again and hold my little ones. My DH and I keep bringing up all of the lovely things about "when we have kids..." someday. It will happen, and when it does it is going to be incredible.

I am so sorry to hear about everything going on with your cycle.
It is a frustrating feeling when things are out of our control. I watched your video!! I am glad that you are going in to your doctor on Monday! I am still praying that you will O late instead of having an anovulatory cycle. My fingers are crossed that you will get good news from the doctor on tuesday when you get your results back. I don't know exactly how that all works, but I hope it provides some answers for you. That is definitely crazy about O being on different days every month. I wish our bodies were more regular! Are you tracking your BBT this month too? Keep hanging in there. I am glad your doctor is being supportive of your questions and concerns.

It was nice to see you looking relaxed in your video. I know you are a little stressed, but you are doing a great job taking care of yourself! Yoga and belly dancing sound amazing! I absolutely love yoga, and I really need to make more of an effort to do it more often. Belly dancing is also a lot of fun, and a good work out too! I was a dancer when I was younger, so I did belly dancing among other things. Good for you- I am so happy to see you keeping busy and taking care of yourself. I really do admire you

Also, regarding your vitamins, I know eggs have Omega 3...there are probably other foods that have a good source of Omega 3 too. I will look into it. Taking another vitamin is definitely another option too. It sounds like they are pretty good though.

Keep your hopes up this week, and keep me posted! You are in my thoughts!

 

[PrayingMom]

Yes I had so much fun Tuesday doing Yoga (I LOVE IT) and belly dancing was so fun. I have been more relax doing those. I have Zumba in the am ( a first for me)

I haven't did BBT bc since I took that clomid back in May 2013 I have terrible hot flashes all the time. So that would have my temps everywhere.
Aww yall are the same as us, we go in the toy department all the time looking for things, saying our baby is gonna have this and that. I already bought books so we can read to him or her. We look at clothes all the time and even have a baby shower planned (well theme and games) just waiting on the baby.

Thats so sweet that you admire me aww I wish I could hug you,thanks it is always a joy getting on here talking to you. I am SOOOO HAPPY that you are doing better, thats is great.

Now the vitamins I haven't really much thought of it as of yet on what I will do. I may switch back to my other ones whenever that BFP come I pray soon.

 

[bamluby]

Maybe that will be my goal this week: start doing yoga! Let me know how Zumba is- I have always wanted to do it! I feel like I would be so out of breath though- I don't really exercise. I think I need to start small. Haha.

That's right, I forgot that is why you don't track your BBT. I haven't really started tracking mine again. I was going to start yesterday, and I keep forgetting.

Aww I love that you already have your baby shower planned! I want to buy some parenting books. I was going to the day I found out I was pregnant, and then never got a chance to. I can't wait for the day when we can have all of of our plans and things for baby to be a reality and no longer a "plan".

It is always a joy getting on here to talk to you too. We are going through this journey together, with all the ups and downs!

So, I'm not that knowledgable about Zodiac signs and such, but it's the Chinese New Year and the year of the horse. That's my sign...probably yours too, right? I hope that means good things are in store for us!!!

 

[PrayingMom]

Zumba was great, I loved it all it was really was dancing and you said you use to dance that should be easy for you. I is a workout not to bad but lots of fun, I laughed and enjoyed every min.

I can't wait til it is no longer a plan and actually happening. Soon very soon. I'm happy we are doing this together and we have each other it makes it so much easier.

I really don't know about the Chinese zodiac signs at all but I will look into that and tell you what I think.
Hope you are doing great....

 

[PrayingMom]

Just did the research of that and you are correct it is a year of the horse and yes that is my sign as well. Well let the good things roll for us. I am sure there will be plenty of great things that will happen for us. I am always praying and u are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[bamluby]

Haha well even with years of dancing, I'm not sure I could keep up that pace these days! I might be very thin, but I am nowhere close to being in shape. I get winded walking up the stairs!!

I am glad you were able to laugh and enjoy yourself! That is always important!!

Yeah, I don't actually know what it means to be the horse this year, but I want to pretend that it is a good sign! lol

I hope your appointment goes well tomorrow! I will be thinking about you!!! You are always in my thoughts and prayers too lady We're going to do this.

 

[PrayingMom]

I understand I am soo out of shape, this is the biggest I have ever been in my life. But I try not to be soo hard on myself after all I did have a baby and got preggers again. I want to get in better shape that all. I get winded a lot too thats why I started workng out.

My appt went okay I suppose, they just took my blood and will call me tomorrow for my results. hopefully good news, if not I know they will up my femara and I wanna ask about the trigger shot . Its suppose to help make your eggs mature fast which is good. So once I know all that info I will let you know.

I agree, I don't know what the horse mean either but I am saying all good things. LOL

How have you been?? Have you'll have thought about trying again?? Isn't you appt this week right??

 

[bamluby]

Oh my goodness, I just spent forever writing a long post, and then I got logged out!!! UGH!!! I will try to summarize what I said:

I can totally relate to wanting to be healthy and "feel" healthy!

Conversations about health and weight always get me thinking about society's unrealistic expectations of women, and what defines beauty and perfection. It's crazy. Our culture should be emphasizing health, not the "perfect" body type and weight. I will try to refrain from going on a "feminist" tangent about this. I know I still feel feel insecure about my body sometimes, and secretly I hope my post-pregnancy body will widen my hips as to no longer resemble a 12-year-old boy But when it really comes down to it, I am learning to be comfortable in my own skin and I aspire to be in good health...whatever that will look like for me. I am glad you do not give yourself a hard time, because I think you are absolutely beautiful! I think it is great that you are trying to get healthy for you and baby! Go you; I hope to join you!

(Sorry for going off topic there)

I am glad your appointment went well! I am waiting here with you and praying for good news! I have heard about the trigger shot, but don't actually know what it is. Is it progesterone? I am still hopeful that you won't need another cycle of femara or the trigger shot, but either way I am feeling confident for you! I am around all day, so let me know what you find out!

Things are going fine here! Yes, my appt. is on Friday! DH and I have talked a little bit about TTC, but we were kind of NTNP to begin with. I mean, I have been ready for months, but he is still torn between waiting and trying (so sometimes he pulls out, and sometimes he doesn't). It was kind of like "Whatever happens, happens". I think that is another reason why the MC upset me so much, because the opportunity doesn't always come around. It felt like getting pregnant right now was "supposed to happen". He did too. I know he has been upset by everything, and has indicated that he is closer than ever to wanting to full out TTC. Even though he wasn't planning on us getting pregnant so soon, he is still really sad about the fact that we won't have our baby in 9 months. I think one reason we were NTNP is because he is scared of "planning" something this big, as weird as that sounds. He is always worried about what people think and would want him to do. It it almost as if saying it was an "oopsie" is easier than being lectured about how we should wait. He doesn't like confrontation and situations where he has to defend and rationalize his decisions. I know that probably doesn't make much sense; he's a funny man sometimes! He knows how badly I want to start a family right now, and after the MC he realized even more how soon he wants that for us too. We have been talking more and more about this everyday. I am hoping that I have an answer to that question soon. I guess we will see what happens!!

I have my fingers crossed and I am sending you tons of prayers today!!

 

[PrayingMom]

I understand perfectly what your DH is saying about defending his choices to other that why we didn't tell anyone so they will not have anything to say. Its crazy how people always want to put their inputs in..

Well I got my call so my levels were at 1.62 meaning I am not O and not gonna O. They say anything over 10 is O. So I have an appt tomorrow to talk about what is next for me. I don't know my body is doing it is own thing. I am starting to feel like you guys NTNP. I have been really down this morning thinking will it ever happen for me? Parts of me wanna give up but it is not in me to give up..

As far as working out, it is a stress reviler for me. Before I was pregnant with my son I absolutely loved my shape and in high school. But now it is not the same. I have stretch marks on my stomach from being in the hospital not putting on my coco butter to prevent them when I was having my son. I was so mad because I dint have any. But I embrace them, their my battle wounds as I call them. But I will love to get back down to my pre-pregnancy size. I was healthy weight and I was more confident then. And thank you so much always good to have you.